The Best 12 Zwei Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Zwei jokes. There are some zwei und jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these zwei sie puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Zwei Jokes and Puns

2 Germans in a bar in London

\- 2 Martinis, please.

\- Dry?

\- NEIN! ZWEI!

Two German spies came to English pub during WW II.

One German said to another: "Be careful. Let's pretend that we are British. We should order martini this time, not schnaps". So they requested barman for two martinies.

- Dry martini? - asked barman.
- Warum drei? Zwei!

German spies

During the war, two German spies were sent to London to gather valuable intel. To immerse themselves in the local culture they walk into a local pub and walk up to the bar. The first German says to the barman in an impeccable English accent
"May I have two Martinis please?"
"Dry?" asked the barman.
The German replied, holding up two fingers.
"Nein! Zwei!"

Zwei joke, German spies

How did the german spy get caught?

He went into a pub in London and ordered two whiskeys.

The bartender asked him: "Dry?"

To which he replied: "Nein, zwei"

Two germans visit France in the early 50s

Two germans are visiting Paris in the early 50s. They want to order drinks, but they don't want to be thought of as germans, since it's post-WW2. So they practice their english accent for their order. Once it's ready, they go at the bar.

"Hello barman, may we have two martinis ?" asked one of the german.

"Dry ?" asked the barman.

"NEIN, ZWEI !"


"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Oh," radioed the American sub. "I guess we won"

Two Germans walk into a bar

and they both order a sherry.
"Dry?"
"Nein, zwei."

Zwei joke, Two Germans walk into a bar

Three cats are competing in a race.

There's an American cat named "One Two Three," a German cat named "Ein Zwei Drei," and a French cat named "Un Deux Trois." The cats all swim across a lake. The American cat finishes first, the German cat finishes second, but the French cat is nowhere to be found.

Why?

Because the un deux trois quatre cinq.

Three cats are crossing a river.

One of them is called "One Two Three"
The second is called " Un deux trois"
The third is called "Ein zwei"
What is the order of them crossing?

So One Two Three gets to the other side first because the Un Deux Trois cat sank.

But the Ein Zwei cat is still drei because it has a vier of the water.

Not my own joke, just added the extra cat.

Zwei Gin Bitte!

During World War 2, two German spies recieved an intensive training in English so they could do their job in London without causing suspicion.

To test their knowledge they enter a pub.

Spies: "Two gins, please!"

Bartender: "Dry?"

Spies (confused): "Nein, zwei!!

Why is every 3rd pool in Germany empty?

Eins
Zwei
Drei

You can explore zwei ein reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean zwei est dad jokes. There are also zwei puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Two german tourists walk into an american bar

One of them says:
"-We would like a martini please!"
The bartender responds:
"-Dry?"
"-Nein, zwei"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the zwei hier jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working zwei flipperwaldt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes