Zookeeper Jokes
54 zookeeper jokes and hilarious zookeeper puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about zookeeper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Zookeeper Short Jokes
Short zookeeper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The zookeeper humour may include short zoo keeper jokes also.
- I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
- When I was a kid a zookeeper caught me smoking a camel. I told him I'd kill a giraffe too if he didn't keep his mouth shut.
- I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
- I was fired from my job as a zookeeper, which I really didn't think was fair... There were signs everywhere that said: Do Not Feed the Animals.
So I didn't. - I lost my job as a Zookeeper I don't think that was fair ... There were signs all over saying "Do not feed the animals"
So I didn't... - A gorilla ask the zookeeper if he has heard about the escaped gorilla The zookeeper says no. The gorilla replies, that's because I'm a quiet gorilla
*muffled gorilla violence* - A zookeeper called a coworker at home and said they were out of camel food. The zookeeer at home said, alpaca lunch .
- The zookeeper said he'd tell me where the bathroom is located if I can say the alphabet. "A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z"
He asks: "where's the D?"
"It's out for Harambe" - Last month, I applied for a zookeeper position in Australia. Today, I found out that the application was unsucessful. Perhaps I don't have the right koalafications.
- The zookeeper asked her plastic surgeon to make her a marsupial by giving her a pouch. She wanted to be more koalafied for her job.
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Zookeeper One Liners
Which zookeeper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with zookeeper? I can suggest the ones about animal zoo and zoo exhibit.
- What did the koalas say to the zookeeper after he cut their claws? "Eucalyptus!"
- I started dating a zookeeper but it turned out he was a cheetah
- A zookeeper couldn't get his snakes to breed The vet said he had a reptile dysfunction
- A panda once hid his food in order to get more. The zookeepers were bamboozeled.
- I saw some pride on my street. The zookeeper told me to stay away from the animals.
- What did the Bostonian zookeeper say when the monkey hit him in the junk? Macaque!
- Why did the zookeeper and the elephant cross the road?
- What did the zookeeper say to the lion that never told the truth?
- What is it called when you lower a zookeeper into a lion's den? Catfishing
- What's a zookeeper's favorite style of food? Cage-in
- What do a cop and a zookeeper have in common? They both shoot gorillas
- Why did the bear escape from the zoo? Because the zookeepers left the cage door open.
- Where does a zookeeper take her pet monkey? To go and get food stamps.
- Why was the zookeeper fired? He was charged with s**... giraffment!
Laughable Zookeeper Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about zookeeper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beekeeper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make zookeeper pranks.
Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it
Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again
A man out of work...
...sees an opening at the zoo. The head zookeeper says to him "Our ape just died and it's too expensive to replace him. Can you dress up in an ape suit and run around the ape pen? The man, desperate for a job, agrees. The next day, he does his thing as the ape, but while hopping from tree to tree, falls in the lion pen. The lion chases him around for a while, to thunderous applause from the crowd. The lion finally tackles the man and says "Do you want to get us both fired?"
A zookeeper walks into a pub with an elephant
and orders two beers. After a few hours and a few more drinks, the elephant collapses drunk on the floor. As the zookeeper stumbles for the door, the bartender calls after him, "Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' here!" The zookeeper slurs, "That's not a lion; it's an elephant."
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
Monkey Business
A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the r**... janitor of the zoo if he'll have s**... with the gorilla for $500.
The r**... says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The r**... says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."
Widowmaker and Reaper are the worst heroes in Overwatch.
All they had to do was kill ONE monkey, a Zookeeper is a better shooter than these doofs!
I went to the Zoo the other day
and there was a loaf of Hovis in the Lion enclosure - so I went up to the zookeeper and said "What's that doing in there?"
and he said "That? That's bread in captivity"
A man walks into a zoo
But he finds no animals, except a dog. He finds a zookeeper and asks him, "what's so special about this dog that you guys got rid of the other animals?"
The zookeeper replies, "Nothing, it's just a shitzu."
I took my niece to the zoo the other day...
The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.
I called the zookeeper over.
"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"
"It's a Shih-Tzu"
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…
Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'
Three boys are fighting at the zoo
The zookeeper separates them and says: "Alright, I want each of you to tell me his name and what he's doing here."
The first boy says: "My name is Mitch and I was trying to feed peanuts to the gorillas."
The second boy says: "My name is Ali and I was trying to feed peanuts to the gorillas."
The third boy says: "My name is Peanuts."
Boss "ok tell me about Lu-Lu"
Me : slowly taking a long drag of my cigarette;:
"Ah yes Lulu the one that got away."
Boss "your zookeeper Bob, none of them are supposed to get away!"
A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.
She writes:
Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.
We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."
Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.
P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.
One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...
One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"
"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's brother."
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit...
"Why are you doing that?" asked the keeper.
"The sign says it's okay," replied the visitor.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'"
I was at the zoo the other day when I noticed a baguette in one of the enclosures...
I went up to the zookeeper and asked why there was a baguette in a zoo. He replied "oh that?! It's bread in captivity"
A zookeeper lost a pair of mongoose to a storm and needed to replace them. He began writing an email to his supplier...
Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.
That didn't sound right, so he tried again.
Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.
That still didn't sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:
Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you're at it- send me another mongoose.
(In memory of my dad who told that joke at every family gathering for 30 years.)
A zoo's only gorilla dies...
so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!
Gorilla: Did you hear about the gorilla who escaped from the zoo?
Zookeeper: No, I did not.
Gorilla: That is because I am a quiet gorilla.
\[Muffled sounds of gorilla violence\]
Best gorilla joke of 1897
Gorilla: Did you hear about the gorilla who escaped from the zoo?
Zookeeper: No I did not.
Gorilla: That's because I'm a quiet gorilla
[Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
One day, a zookeeper is walking around the zoo when he sees a man throwing $20 bills into all the exhibits he passes.
"Why are you throwing money into those cages?" asks the zookeeper.
"Because that sign says it's okay," says the man, pointing to a sign.
The zookeeper looks up at the sign. It says, "Do not feed animals. $20 fine."
A zookeeper loses his Bible while at work...
... A week later when he's feeding the penguins one of them waddles up to him holding his Bible in its beak.
"Praise God, it's a miracle!" says the delighted zookeeper.
"Not really," says the penguin, "Your name is written on the inside cover."
A zookeeper calls an ambulance and says: "Help, a crocodile took my leg off!"
The EMT asks: "Oh my god, which one?"
"I don't know", the zookeeper says, " those b**... all look the same!"
A zookeeper walks into a restaurant with a bunch of animals...
The waiter exclaims, "This is totally unacceptable!"
The zookeeper responds, "But why?"
The waiter breathes a deep sigh and says, "Well, first of all, we need to address the elephant in the room..."
A zookeeper is giving a chemist a tour of the zoo.
The zookeeper gestures at a fancy new building proudly and says to the scientist "This is our replacement 'Pachyderm Palace'. It's newly built, and is not fully accessible, so it's only in use on Tuesdays."
The chemist says "Ah, so it's a periodic stable for the elephants."
I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.
I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."
I asked what happens when they do.
"We get another sheep."