zoo Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious zoo puns

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage

Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

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A boy sees an elephants penis at the zoo

He asks mommy! whats that?"

Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.

Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"

Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"

kid says "oh, mommy says that's nothing"

The dad replies "Yeah, i spoil that woman"

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At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

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My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo

The money's not great but the tips are huge

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What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Banned from the zoo.

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Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat?

Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe.

He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday

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I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

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What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo

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My new girlfriend works at the Zoo.

I think she is a keeper.

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What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep?

...banned from the petting zoo...

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Carl opened a zoo.

Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.

Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.

So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.

Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.

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What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

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What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat?

...banned from the zoo. (Learned that the hard way)

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Did you know penguins scream during sex?

Maybe not all of them?
But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.

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My father has the heart of a lion...

And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage.

Apparently it was bread in captivity.

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Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures.

It was bread in captivity.

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A Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Stop memes about Harambe

-Cincinnati Zoo

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I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

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Did you know that penguins scream during sex?

Well, I don't think all of them do, but the ones I cornered at the zoo sure did...

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A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer

He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"

She: "I will do that right away, officer."

The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.

He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"

She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."

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A man finds a penguin on the road...

A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.

One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.

What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.

I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

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I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage.

The sign said "Bread in captivity".

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NSFW Mommy takes little johnny to the zoo..

As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.
"What's that, Mommy?" asks the child.
"Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.
A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?"
"That, son, is the elephant's penis."
"Mommy said it was nothing."
"Son, I've spoiled that woman."

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An old man was sitting on a bench...

When a teenage skater punk sat down next to him. The kid has tattoos and piercings and a Mohawk dyed a half a dozen different colors. He notices the old man won't stop staring at him so says to him "What, you've never done anything fun in your life old man?" To which he calmly replies "Got drunk once, broke into the zoo and fucked a peacock, was just wondering if you were my son."

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So a man is walking a penguin down the street...

So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.

The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"

A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"

The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"

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I went to a zoo one time and all they had was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.

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A cop pulls over a man with 16 penguins in his car.

The cop says, "what the hell are you doing!? Are these your penguins?"

The man nods and the cop says, "Well take them to the zoo right this instant!" And the man drives off.

The next day the same cop sees the same man driving the same car with the same 16 penguins and again the cop pulls the man over.

"I told you yesterday to take these penguins to the zoo!"

"I did," says the man. "And today we're going to the beach!"

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FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......

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What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

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What do you get when you inject human DNA into a donkey?

Kicked out of the petting zoo :(

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I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

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Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up...

Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?
A. Banned from the Zoo.

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I have the heart of a lion...

and a lifelong ban from the zoo.

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I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage...

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

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What are the most funny Zoo jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Zoo? Well, here are the best Zoo dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Zoo pick up lines to share with friends.

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