Zoo Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage

Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

My buddy took a job circumcising elephants at the zoo

The money's not great but the tips are huge

What do you get if you insert human DNA into a goat?

Banned from the zoo.

I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

What do you get when you cross human DNA and goat DNA?

Thrown out of the petting zoo

Letter Z getting removed Joke

After carefully considering and debating the matter for over two years, the Engwish Wanguage Centwaw Commission (EWCC) came to the concwusion that the letter Z should be remowed from the Engwish alphabet.

zero becomes xero
zoo is now xoo

visualize becomes visualise
analyze becomes analyse

zodiac is now xodiac

My new girlfriend works at the Zoo.

I think she is a keeper.

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep?

...banned from the petting zoo...

Carl opened a zoo.

Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.

Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.

So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.

Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.

What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?

The man replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.

You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.

I did, the man replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach.

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat?

...banned from the zoo. (Learned that the hard way)

Did you know penguins scream during sex?

Maybe not all of them?
But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.

My father has the heart of a lion...

And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage.

Apparently it was bread in captivity.

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

I guess you could say it was bread in captivity

Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures.

It was bread in captivity.

A Poem

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Stop memes about Harambe

-Cincinnati Zoo

I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

Did you know that penguins scream during sex?

Well, I don't think all of them do, but the ones I cornered at the zoo sure did...

A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer

He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"

She: "I will do that right away, officer."

The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.

He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"

She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."

A man finds a penguin on the road...

A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.

One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.

What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.

I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage.

The sign said "Bread in captivity".

So a man is walking a penguin down the street...

So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.

The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"

A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"

The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"

What do you get when you inject a goat with human DNA?

A ban from the petting zoo.

I went to a zoo one time and all they had was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.

FRESH HARAMBE OF BELL AIR....

In west Cincinnati I was born and raised on the zoo grounds is where I spent most of my days,Chillin out hangin out acting all cool, eating bananas out by the pool When a mom and her kid, they were up to no good, crawled over the fence into my neighborhood,I got in one little fight and my zoo keeper got scared, heard a gunshot just before I stopped breathing air.......

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a donkey?

Kicked out of the petting zoo :(

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up...

Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?
A. Banned from the Zoo.

I have the heart of a lion...

and a lifelong ban from the zoo.

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage...

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

What do you get when you mix human DNA and Gorilla DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue......

who killed harambe?

Cincinnati zoo

Monkey Business

A zookeeper notices the lonely female gorilla is feeling depressed and needs to cheer her up again. He asks the redneck janitor of the zoo if he'll have sex with the gorilla for $500.
The redneck says that he'll do it under 2 conditions.
Ok, says the zookeeper, what are they?
I don't want anyone to ever find out.
Ok, done! What's your second condition?
The redneck says; "I'll need an extra week to come up with the five hundred dollars."

I took a job at a zoo performing elephant circumcisions

The benefits aren't great, but the tips are huge.

I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog

It was a shitzu.

What do you get when you insert human DNA into a monkey?

Banned from the zoo.

A man goes to a zoo and is disappointed to find it has only one animal, a dog

It's a Shih Tzu.

I lost my kid at the zoo the other day....

I couldn't find him, so they just shot all the animals.

On the anniversary of Harambe's death...

the Cincinnati Zoo should have special deals all day. Discounts for Harambe.

What do you get...

What do you get when you try to inject Human DNA into a goat?

Banned from the petting zoo, apparently.

A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.

She writes:

Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.

We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."

Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.

P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.

I have the eyes of a hawk, the ears of a fox…

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why was the snake pressed againt the glass at the zoo?

He wanted to be a windshield viper.

For my summer job, I worked at the zoo, circumsizing elephants

The pay wasn't great, but the tips were enormous!

Cop sees a blonde with a bunch of penguins in the back of her car

So he stops her and asks her what she is doing with a bunch of penguins. She says she just saw them on the road and opened the door and they got in.

"You've got to take those penguins to the zoo," he says. Next day he sees her again with the penguins still in the back of her car.

Cop: Lady I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.

Blonde: I did and we had such a good time, today we're going to the park.

What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA?

Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters.

What happens if you get human DNA in a goat?

You get banned from the petting zoo.

I got a job at the zoo circumcising Elephants.

The pay sucks but the tips are huge.

My Grandfather has the heart of a lion!

And a ban from the cincinnati zoo

Horror at the zoo

A man is at the zoo with his family. Suddenly a flustered employee comes up and says

*Sir, sir! There's been a terrible accident!*

The man responds, *What happened?*

*Your mother-in-law fell into the alligator pool!*

The man, supremely calm, says to the worker, *Not my problem! You try to save those alligators.*

A man walks into a zoo

But he finds no animals, except a dog. He finds a zookeeper and asks him, "what's so special about this dog that you guys got rid of the other animals?"

The zookeeper replies, "Nothing, it's just a shitzu."

A man was pulled over...

A man was pulled over, and the officer noticed a group of penguins in the backseat.

Officer: You need to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: Ok, I will.


The next day the man was pulled over by the officer and he notices the same group of penguins in the backseat but they all had sunglasses on.

Officer: I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: I did. Today we're going to the beach.

Zoo...

I went to the zoo and saw a loaf in a cage.

A sign read: "Bread in captivity."

I went to the Zoo yesterday and there was a baguette in one of the cages.

The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.

Zoo

Two policeman on patrol see a man walking with a Gorilla. Of course, they stop to inquire. They ask, "So Buddy, what's up with the Gorilla?" The man replies, "I'm taking to the Zoo." Cops say "OK" be on your way. A day later the cops see the same man and gorilla....They stop. "Sir" the officer directs. "We saw you yesterday and thought you were taking him to the Zoo?" "I did", the man replies, "But today, I'm taking him to the movies."

A police officer was directing traffic.

A police officer was directing traffic. He saw a man walking along the sidewalk with a penguin following him. He says, "Sir, you have a penguin following you."
"I know, he won't quit following me." replies the man.
"You should take him to the zoo." The man nods and walks towards the zoo. A bit later the police officer sees the man with the penguin still behind him. "Excuse me sir, I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo."
"I did" said the man, "Now we are going to the movies."

What do you get if you put human DNA in a donkey?

Banned from the zoo.

How did the prostitute get a job at the zoo?

They heard she could handle a cockatoo.

So I met this really nice girl at the zoo!

She was a keeper.

What are the funniest zoo jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Zoo? Well, here are the best Zoo puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Zoo pick up lines to share with friends.

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