Zombies Jokes

Following is our collection of braindead humor and monsters one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Zombies puns for adults, dirty carnivore jokes or clean dracula gags for kids.

There is an abundance of necrophiles jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 74 funniest jokes on zombies. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any romero witze you can hear about zombies.

The Best jokes about Zombies

RIP to my good friend Brian...

...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :(

Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombies and I have one question:

Why were they all holding bags of candy?

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?

The Necro Comic-Con

Q: What do vegan zombies eat?


What's that one room zombies can never enter?

the LIVING room

Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?

Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.

What do vegan zombies eat?



Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..

Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."

What do 1000 animated zombies eat?


what room zombies and vampires can't enter?

the living room.

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately.

Dyslexic Zombies

Really like guys named Brian.

What do zombies speak?

Latin...Its a dead language

Why shouldn't you hang out with zombies?

They make rotten friends

What do elderly zombies crave?


A zombie walks into a bar.

Bartender: We don't serve zombies around here!

Zombie: That's fine. Is the human fresh?

Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers?

Because they're always looking for drains.

This is terrible, and I'd like to apologize in advance, but could anyone tell me why hipsters prefer corpses over zombies?

Corpses are still underground.

What do zombies with dyslexia eat?


Everyone should stop giving zombies a hard time...

...they just want piece of mind.

What do vegan zombies crave?


What do you call zombies in Antarctica

Icy dead people.

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

A hen is having a talk with its chick

Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.

Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.

Chick: What are we called when we die then?

Hen: Names such as, curry chicken, roast chicken, fried chicken..

Zombie Apocalypse has begun...

Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?

What do you call a hotel for zombies

A dead and breakfast

Two guys are chatting

When the topic of jobs comes up.

Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"

Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."

Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"

Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"

Man 2: "No..."

Man 1: "You're welcome."

What do vegetarian zombies say?


"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"

"What? Zombies don't exist."

"You're welcome."

Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse

On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies

A wizard who likes to give zombies hickies is..

a neckromancer.

Why did the geek want to go to a party full of vampires, zombies, and ghosts.

He wanted to finally be the life of a party.

What kind of bees eat people?


Two zombies were playing a game of poker

The first one threw his hand in the pile and the other laughed his head off.

A necrophilic man is trapped in a room with zombies.

The genie pats himself on the back.

When you think about it , zombies are fixed humans .

You just turn them off and on .

What do you call a group of zombies in a funeral parlour?

Repeat customers.

Zombies are categorically asexual

as they are more interested in taking head than giving head.

What do health conscious zombies eat?


What do you call a rerun of cartoon about zombies?


What do vegan zombies say?


When the zombies come for our brains...

...the blondes are gonna have to repopulate the world.

What do you call a person who thinks zombies are superior to people?

A wight supremacist

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a *Necro*mantic** time.

What's a zombies favorite drink

A stiff one

Why do female zombies have such a terrible sex life?

Because whenever they shout, "I want you inside me." all of the guys run away.

On my TV I can see plenty of zombies, cartoon characters, and religious hucksters.

I guess the elections are coming up soon!

What do vegan zombies eat?


Do you know why women love zombies?

Because zombies love what's on the inside, not the outside!

Where do zombies go to party?

The rave yard.

The only men who like brains over beauty...

...Are zombies.

Who's Zombies greatest enemy?


Old zombies never die...

they just rot away.

What do vegan zombies say when they're hungry?


I thought my Haitian friend was finally going to show me zombies...

but it was actually just 'some bees'

Why do women hate male zombies?

Because they only ever want one thing.

...their minds.

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

Wow! last night was crazy. I killed 15 zombies just in the first hour alone.

Anyone know why they were all carrying sweets?

What do you call an outbreak of zombies that also have speech impediments?

The Zombie Apocalisp!

What is something zombies hate?

Fast food

How do you defeat Super Zombies?


What do dyslexic Zombies eat?


What religion are zombies?

Born again

Why do zombies love necks?

They were made by a neck romancer

How do zombies kiss?

With apoca-lips!

Where do Zombies have their meatings?

At headquarters!

Why do humans have such a hard time dating rich zombies?

Because they have better standards of living.

What kind of alcohol do zombies like to drink?


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope its Halloween.

If you call humans food what would you classify zombies as?


What do Mexican Zombies eat?

Re-fried brains.

Where do zombies go to relax?

The unliving room.

(Physics joke) Hammer grabbed by zombies

He is MC scared.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes