Zombies Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

RIP to my good friend Brian...

...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :(

Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombies and I have one question:

Why were they all holding bags of candy?

What do you call a bunch of zombies dressed as Superheroes?

The Necro Comic-Con

Q: What do vegan zombies eat?

A: "GRAAAAAIIIIIIIINS!"

What's that one room zombies can never enter?

the LIVING room

Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?

Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.

What do vegan zombies eat?

GRAAAAAIIINNNNSS!!!

:D

what do vegan zombies eat?

Graaaaaaaaaaaaaains...

Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..

Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."

What do 1000 animated zombies eat?

Fraaaaaaames....

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

what room zombies and vampires can't enter?

the living room.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately.

What do vegan zombies eat?

~Graaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnsssssss

Dyslexic Zombies

Really like guys named Brian.

What do zombies speak?

Latin...Its a dead language

Why shouldn't you hang out with zombies?

They make rotten friends

What do elderly zombies crave?

BRAAAAAAAAAAAAANS

A zombie walks into a bar.

Bartender: We don't serve zombies around here!

Zombie: That's fine. Is the human fresh?

This is terrible, and I'd like to apologize in advance, but could anyone tell me why hipsters prefer corpses over zombies?

Corpses are still underground.

Why are dyslexic zombies such good plumbers?

Because they're always looking for drains.

What do zombies with dyslexia eat?

Brians.

Everyone should stop giving zombies a hard time...

...they just want piece of mind.

What do vegan zombies crave?

Graaaaaains!

What do you call zombies in Antarctica

Icy dead people.

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

What do you call a hotel for zombies

A dead and breakfast

A hen is having a talk with its chick

Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.

Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.

Chick: What are we called when we die then?

Hen: Names such as, curry chicken, roast chicken, fried chicken..

Zombie Apocalypse has begun...

Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?

What do vegetarian zombies say?

GRAINS!

Two guys are chatting

When the topic of jobs comes up.

Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"

Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."

Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"

Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"

Man 2: "No..."

Man 1: "You're welcome."

"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"

"What? Zombies don't exist."

"You're welcome."

Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse

On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

A wizard who likes to give zombies hickies is..

a neckromancer.

What kind of bees eat people?

Zombies!

Why did the geek want to go to a party full of vampires, zombies, and ghosts.

He wanted to finally be the life of a party.

Two zombies were playing a game of poker

The first one threw his hand in the pile and the other laughed his head off.

A necrophilic man is trapped in a room with zombies.

The genie pats himself on the back.

When you think about it , zombies are fixed humans .

You just turn them off and on .

What do vegan zombies eat?

GRAAAAAAAINS!

What do health conscious zombies eat?

GRAAAINS!!!

What do you call a group of zombies in a funeral parlour?

Repeat customers.

Zombies are categorically asexual

as they are more interested in taking head than giving head.

What do you call a rerun of cartoon about zombies?

Re-animated

What do vegan zombies say?

GRAAAAAAINS!

What do you call a person who thinks zombies are superior to people?

A wight supremacist

What happened to the two zombies who went on a date?

They had a *Necro*mantic** time.

When the zombies come for our brains...

...the blondes are gonna have to repopulate the world.

Where do zombies go to party?

The rave yard.

What's a zombies favorite drink

A stiff one

On my TV I can see plenty of zombies, cartoon characters, and religious hucksters.

I guess the elections are coming up soon!

Do you know why women love zombies?

Because zombies love what's on the inside, not the outside!

Why do female zombies have such a terrible sex life?

Because whenever they shout, "I want you inside me." all of the guys run away.

I thought my Haitian friend was finally going to show me zombies...

but it was actually just 'some bees'

What Do Vegan Zombies Eat?

GRAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNS!

The only men who like brains over beauty...

...Are zombies.

Old zombies never die...

they just rot away.

Who's Zombies greatest enemy?

Necrophiliacs

What do vegan zombies say when they're hungry?

Graaaaaaaaains!

What is something zombies hate?

Fast food

What religion are zombies?

Born again

How do you defeat Super Zombies?

Cryptonite.

Why do women hate male zombies?

Because they only ever want one thing.

...their minds.

Wow! last night was crazy. I killed 15 zombies just in the first hour alone.

Anyone know why they were all carrying sweets?

What do you call an outbreak of zombies that also have speech impediments?

The Zombie Apocalisp!

Why do zombies love necks?

They were made by a neck romancer

What do dyslexic Zombies eat?

BBBBRRRIIIAAANNNSSSS

Why can't zombies play the blues?

Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope its Halloween.

Turns out everyone in my family turned into zombies.

Nobody had the heart to tell me I guess.

I told my friend that he would probably survive a zombie apocalypse.

Only the dumbest zombies go for Brians.

How do Zombies get rid of Bad Breath?

They Munch on some Flesh Mint!

Where do zombies go to relax?

The unliving room.

What are the funniest zombies jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Zombies? Well, here are the best Zombies puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Zombies pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes