Zombie Jokes
172 zombie jokes and hilarious zombie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about zombie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny zombie jokes? Then look no further, because we've got plenty of hilarious zombie jokes for you!
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Funniest Zombie Short Jokes
Short zombie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The zombie humour may include short vampire jokes also.
- Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombies and I have one question: Why were they all holding bags of candy?
- What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea Plaguegiarism
Jesus Christ dafuq is wrong with me - It was only after I'd shot the fifth zombie... ...that I started to wonder why they were all carrying little bags of candy with them.
- Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover? southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
- Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse? Toothless zombies can't bite.
- What do accordions and zombies have in common? They both love to play in BELLOWeen parties.
- Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns.
Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins.
Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns. - Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion? Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains
- Beware of BMW owners during the zombie apocalypse. They'll never tell you when they're turning.
- A zombie walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve zombies here." The zombie says, "That's fine. Is the human fresh?"
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Zombie One Liners
Which zombie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with zombie? I can suggest the ones about walking dead and skeleton.
- From my 7-year-old: What room are zombies not allowed in? The living room.
- So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey Jesus"
- What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Graaaaains
- Rob Zombie is opening an authentic Chinese restaurant It's called 'More Hunan Than Hunan'
- I dated a zombie once When we broke up, she fell apart
- When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat? Coma patients.
- What's that one room zombies can never enter? the LIVING room
- What does a buff zombie want? Gaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss.
- Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie? He only eats Brians
- What do zombie bodybuilders want more than anything? GaaAAAiiNnns!!
- Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
- What do you call a zombie making stir-fry? Dead man woking
- What do you call a zombie with a hickey? A necromancer.
RIP GEORGE A ROMERO - Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
- What do 1000 animated zombies eat? Fraaaaaaames....
Zombie Apocalypse Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie apocalypse jokes and even better zombie apocalypse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
- Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
- What is considered an apocalypse by a zombie? A Necrophiliac outbreak
- what kind of apocalypse would be best for the economy? A zombie apocalypse, because zombies are great consumers!
- I survived a zombie apocalypse by wearing a maga hat The zombies thought I had no brain to eat
- It's really easy to survive a zombie apocalypse It's a no-brainer
- What do you call a zombie apocalypse in Wisconsin? Parmageddon
- Why aren't Hungarians worried about the prospect of starving in a Zombie apocalypse? Well there will always be Ghoul hash.
- Where should you go in the event of a zombie apocalypse? Old folks home. Nobody has teeth to bite you!
- Why hasn't the zombie apocalypse happened already? Someone's really been dragging their feet on that.
Zombie Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie food jokes and even better zombie food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What kind of food do zombies hate? Fast food
- If you call humans food what would you classify zombies as? Expired
- What's a dyslexic zombie's favorite food? Brians.
[This is probably a repost, but I thought of it myself so I'm posting it anyway] - What's a zombie's favorite treat? You're probably thinking brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
- Whats a zombies favourite food? Zombread.
- "I would like my pizza to be 1/3 Hawaiian, 1/3 meat-lovers, and 1/3 vegeterian," ...said the zombie.
- What's a zombie's favorite food? Manwich
- Whoever says that zombies are dumb are completely wrong. 'Cause they eat plenty of brain food.
- What's an idiot in the Apocalypse? Diet zombie food
Zombie Halloween Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie halloween jokes and even better zombie halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It was a tough Halloween this year.. I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.
Then the wife came out screaming something about
"No, no you give them candy!!!" - My friend Brian is having a rough time of it this Halloween. He was attacked by dyslexic zombies.
Happy spooky day! - What did Matthew McConaughey say when he was turned into a zombie? Yes, of course:
"I'll rot, I'll rot, I'll rot!"
Happy Halloween! - Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party? He didn't have the guts
- My friend bought a choir girl zombie costume for Halloween. She put it on and said, "Am I menacing?"
I said, "Of course, you're a choir girl." - This entire year I was looking forward to being Tom Petty for Halloween But now going as a zombie is just to basic
- What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope its Halloween.
- I saw the best Halloween costume. The guy had dirty clothes, dried blood- the works. Zombie? I guessed.
No. Art major. - How do zombies dress up for Halloween? Costhumously
- (Happy Halloween) What's Black & White, and DEAD All Over? A zombie in a tuxedo!
Zombie Jesus Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie jesus jokes and even better zombie jesus puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a crucified zombie? Jesus Christ.
- Dear Diary, I've got the best April fool's day prank planned for my friends. I'm going to fake my death and return as a zombie! The looks on their faces will be priceless lolololol.
-Jesus - I look up to Jesus as a prank legend. When it comes to faking your own death and pretending to be a zombie, that guy nailed it.
Zombie Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie kid jokes and even better zombie kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie. I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.
- What does a zombie get at McDonald's? A kids meal!
Hilarious Fun Zombie Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about zombie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean monster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make zombie pranks.
What's a zombies favorite drink
A stiff one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mamma is so s**......
If a zombie walked up to eat her brain, it'd just keep on walking.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bawking Dead
What happened to the brain eating zombie that went to Washington?
He starved to death.
Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..
Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."
Two zombies were playing a game of poker
The first one threw his hand in the pile and the other laughed his head off.
What happens when you cross a robot and a zombie?
Megabyte.
A man came up to me and told me he was a zombie.
I didn't believe him, but he was dead serious.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
My Zombie Friend
was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer.
Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?
Because he didn't need a living room anymore!
Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country?
He joined the Marine Corpse.
What does a zombie conductor say?
Traaaains.
I was engaged to a zombie
but it fell apart.
What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?
I have made a grave mistake.
Two guys are chatting
When the topic of jobs comes up.
Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"
Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."
Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"
Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"
Man 2: "No..."
Man 1: "You're welcome."
I bought zombie insurance recently
it was a no brainer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the zombie not eat your brain?
Because he doesn't eat junk food.
Why can't zombies play the blues?
Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.
Did you hear the one about the zombie telemarketer?
They say he was a dead ringer.
What do you get from a frozen zombie?
frost bite. ;D
what did the zombie say when he prank-called someone?
"deez gutz"
What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie?
GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why couldn't the undead midget finish the zombie race?
He was a little stiff
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a m**... zombie?
A Deadbeat.
Zombies are categorically asexual
as they are more interested in taking head than giving head.
Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?
Because it only ate vegetables.
Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?
Because he was de-composing.
I now win almost every argument with my zombie girlfriend
I just give her a little piece of my mind!
Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing?
Rigor tortoise.
What do zombies speak?
Latin...Its a dead language
What do you call a zombie Storm Trooper?
An Imperial Walker
A zombie walks into a bar and the bartender says...
"Get a life."
What do you call a man who loves a woman for her brains?
A zombie.
What do zombie college students eat?
Raw-men
What did the zombie farmer say he wanted?
Grrraaaaiiinnns...
I'm pretty sure this zombie fad is dead
... But for how long?
When you think about it , zombies are fixed humans .
You just turn them off and on .
What did the broke zombie amusement park say to the wealthy vampire golf course?
I just need to get fundead.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a zombie t**...?
Undude.
What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?
Deceased and desist
What did the prospector say the the zombie rappers?
"There's mold in them there grills"
Why did the zombie herd ignore the feminist?
Because they were hungry for brains
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits
I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A zombie walks into a brain store
On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"
How does a zombie see his future?
He uses his horrorscope!
I asked the hotel checkout girl, "Do you provide turndown service?"
She said, "Sure. I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on earth after the zombie apocalypse and your saliva contained the antidote."
Where do zombies go to party?
The rave yard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the zombie say to the p**...?
"Keep the tip"
What does it take to become a zombie?
Deadication
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's p**... o' Gold?
Crypt o' Currency.
I wanted to be with someone who would like me for my brains.
So I started dating a zombie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When the zombies come for our brains...
...the blondes are gonna have to repopulate the world.
"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"
"What? Zombies don't exist."
"You're welcome."
In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.
They were named the marine corpse
what does a zombie call a person in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels
I'm reading a book about a zombie dog.
Can't put it down.
Walking Dead joke
If a man in a wheelchair gets bit by a zombie, would he still be called a walker?
So I booted up Fortnite twice simultaneously, and it turned into a zombie survival game
It was 28 Days Later
Why did the Zombie miss her wedding?
Cold feet
What do you name a zombie that knows how to serenade?
Dead Sheeran
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
