Zombie Jokes
180 zombie jokes and hilarious zombie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about zombie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some funny zombie jokes? Then look no further, because we've got plenty of hilarious zombie jokes for you!
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Funniest Zombie Short Jokes
Short zombie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The zombie humour may include short vampire jokes also.
- I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
- Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombies and I have one question: Why were they all holding bags of candy?
- What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea Plaguegiarism
Jesus Christ dafuq is wrong with me - It was only after I'd shot the fifth zombie... ...that I started to wonder why they were all carrying little bags of candy with them.
- Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover? southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
- Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse? Toothless zombies can't bite.
- What do accordions and zombies have in common? They both love to play in BELLOWeen parties.
- Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns.
Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins.
Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns. - What do you call a zombie making stir-fry? Dead man woking
- We switched from corona virus to the Third World War.. ..which idiot changed from zombie mode to multiplayer?
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Zombie One Liners
Which zombie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with zombie? I can suggest the ones about corpse and dead body.
- From my 7-year-old: What room are zombies not allowed in? The living room.
- So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey Jesus"
- RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :(
- What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Graaaaains
- Rob Zombie is opening an authentic Chinese restaurant It's called 'More Hunan Than Hunan'
- I dated a zombie once When we broke up, she fell apart
- When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat? Coma patients.
- What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaains
- Q: What do vegan zombies eat? A: "GRAAAAAIIIIIIIINS!"
- What's that one room zombies can never enter? the LIVING room
- What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAAIIINNNNSS!!!
:D - What does a buff zombie want? Gaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss.
- Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie? He only eats Brians
- What do zombie bodybuilders want more than anything? GaaAAAiiNnns!!
- Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
Zombie Brain Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie brain jokes and even better zombie brain puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do single male zombies look for in a woman? Brains.
- What happened to the brain eating zombie that went to Washington? He starved to death.
- What does a zombie call a brain freeze? A frozen dinner
- How did the punk zombie get sick? He had some Bad Brains
- I survived a zombie apocalypse by wearing a maga hat The zombies thought I had no brain to eat
- Why did the zombie herd ignore the feminist? Because they were hungry for brains
- Why did the zombie not eat your brain? Because he doesn't eat junk food.
- What do you call a man who loves a woman for her brains? A zombie.
- I wanted to be with someone who would like me for my brains. So I started dating a zombie.
- When the zombies come for our brains... ...the blondes are gonna have to repopulate the world.
Zombie Apocalypse Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie apocalypse jokes and even better zombie apocalypse puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Beware of BMW owners during the zombie apocalypse. They'll never tell you when they're turning.
- As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
- If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
- What do you call a cripple in a zombie apocalypse? Meals On Wheels!
- Zombie Apocalypse has begun... Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?
- Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
- What is considered an apocalypse by a zombie? A Necrophiliac outbreak
- what kind of apocalypse would be best for the economy? A zombie apocalypse, because zombies are great consumers!
- It's really easy to survive a zombie apocalypse It's a no-brainer
- What do you call a zombie apocalypse in Wisconsin? Parmageddon
Zombie Food Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie food jokes and even better zombie food puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What kind of food do zombies hate? Fast food
- I'm starting a food delivery service for zombies Hello Flesh!
- What's a vegan zombie's favourite food? GRrrrAaaiiiiiNnnnzzZz
- If you call humans food what would you classify zombies as? Expired
- What is something zombies hate? Fast food
- What's a dyslexic zombie's favorite food? Brians.
[This is probably a repost, but I thought of it myself so I'm posting it anyway] - Whats a dyslexic zombie's favourite food? Brians
- What's a zombie's favorite treat? You're probably thinking brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
- Whats a zombies favourite food? Zombread.
- "I would like my pizza to be 1/3 Hawaiian, 1/3 meat-lovers, and 1/3 vegeterian," ...said the zombie.
Zombie Halloween Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie halloween jokes and even better zombie halloween puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It was a tough Halloween this year.. I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.
Then the wife came out screaming something about
"No, no you give them candy!!!" - My friend Brian is having a rough time of it this Halloween. He was attacked by dyslexic zombies.
Happy spooky day! - What did Matthew McConaughey say when he was turned into a zombie? Yes, of course:
"I'll rot, I'll rot, I'll rot!"
Happy Halloween! - Why didn't the skeleton ask out the Zombie to go to the Halloween party? He didn't have the guts
- My friend bought a choir girl zombie costume for Halloween. She put it on and said, "Am I menacing?"
I said, "Of course, you're a choir girl." - This entire year I was looking forward to being Tom Petty for Halloween But now going as a zombie is just to basic
- What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope its Halloween.
- Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?
- I saw the best Halloween costume. The guy had dirty clothes, dried blood- the works. Zombie? I guessed.
No. Art major. - This year for Halloween, I'm going to use my arthritis to really help bring my zombie costume to life Paaaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnsss
Zombie Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny zombie kid jokes and even better zombie kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie. I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.
- What does a zombie get at McDonald's? A kids meal!
Hilarious Fun Zombie Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about zombie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean walking dead jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make zombie pranks.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?
Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bawking Dead
Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..
Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."
Dyslexic Zombie
What does a dyslexic zombie eat?
Brians
Two zombies were playing a game of poker
The first one threw his hand in the pile and the other laughed his head off.
A man came up to me and told me he was a zombie.
I didn't believe him, but he was dead serious.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
My Zombie Friend
was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer.
Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?
Because he didn't need a living room anymore!
Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country?
He joined the Marine Corpse.
What does a zombie conductor say?
Traaaains.
I was engaged to a zombie
but it fell apart.
What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?
I have made a grave mistake.
Two guys are chatting
When the topic of jobs comes up.
Man 1: "What do you do for a living?"
Man 2: "I hunt down and kill zombies."
Man 1: "That's crazy! Zombies don't exist!"
Man 2: "Have you ever seen a zombie?"
Man 2: "No..."
Man 1: "You're welcome."
I bought zombie insurance recently
it was a no brainer
What do you get from a frozen zombie?
frost bite. ;D
What does a vegan zombie eat?
Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!
...
I'll show myself out...
what did the zombie say when he prank-called someone?
"deez gutz"
Zombies are categorically asexual
as they are more interested in taking head than giving head.
Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?
Because it only ate vegetables.
Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?
Because he was de-composing.
What do you call a fast zombie?
A zoombie
Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing?
Rigor tortoise.
What do zombies speak?
Latin...Its a dead language
What do you call a zombie Storm Trooper?
An Imperial Walker
A zombie is at the butcher shop.
A zombie is at a butcher shop for the undead. He tells the butcher, "Give me 40 pounds of human brain and 60 human legs. And keep them in the boxes, they're going straight in my truck."
The butcher says, "Do you need a hand with that?"
A zombie walks into a bar and the bartender says...
"Get a life."
What do zombie college students eat?
Raw-men
What do zombies with dyslexia eat?
Brians.
When you think about it , zombies are fixed humans .
You just turn them off and on .
What does a dyslexic zombie say?
Brian's ... Briiiiiiiiian's!!!
What do you call a lawsuit against a zombie?
Deceased and desist
What did the prospector say the the zombie rappers?
"There's mold in them there grills"
A zombie walks into a brain store
On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"
What do you call a zombie with a hickey?
A necromancer.
RIP GEORGE A ROMERO
What do you call a crucified zombie?
Jesus Christ.
What did the zombie say to the p**...?
"Keep the tip"
What does it take to become a zombie?
Deadication
What does a Vegan zombie eat?
Graaaaaaaaaaaaiiiins!
And they love to tell you about it.
What does a vegan zombie eat?
Ggrrraaaaiiinnnnssssss
"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"
"What? Zombies don't exist."
"You're welcome."
what does a zombie call a person in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels
I'm reading a book about a zombie dog.
Can't put it down.
Walking Dead joke
If a man in a wheelchair gets bit by a zombie, would he still be called a walker?
So I booted up Fortnite twice simultaneously, and it turned into a zombie survival game
It was 28 Days Later
Why did the Zombie miss her wedding?
Cold feet
A zombie walks into a bar.
Bartender: We don't serve zombies around here!
Zombie: That's fine. Is the human fresh?
What does a vegan zombie moan?
graaaiins...
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What did the dyslexic Zombie crave?
Brians
News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea
Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead
What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
GRRRAAAIIINNNS!!
What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
Graiinnnsss!!
What does a vegetarian zombie say?
Grains! Grains!
What does a dyslexic zombie eat?
Brians..
