Zombi Jokes
100 zombi jokes and hilarious zombi puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about zombi that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Zombi Short Jokes
Short zombi jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The zombi humour may include short corpse jokes also.
- I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself... my wife rushes through the room and shouts, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK"
- Man it's nuts today, I've killed over a dozen zombie and I have one question: Why were they all holding bags of candy?
- What do you call it when a zombie steals an idea Plaguegiarism
Jesus Christ dafuq is wrong with me - It was only after I'd shot the fifth zombie... ...that I started to wonder why they were all carrying little bags of candy with them.
- Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover? southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
- Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse? Toothless zombies can't bite.
- What do accordions and zombies have in common? They both love to play in BELLOWeen parties.
- Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns.
Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins.
Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns. - What do you call a zombie making stir-fry? Dead man woking
- We switched from corona virus to the Third World War.. ..which idiot changed from zombie mode to multiplayer?
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Zombi One Liners
Which zombi one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with zombi? I can suggest the ones about stiff and shot.
- From my 7-year-old: What room are zombies not allowed in? The living room.
- So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hey Jesus"
- RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :(
- What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Graaaaains
- Rob Zombie is opening an authentic Chinese restaurant It's called 'More Hunan Than Hunan'
- I dated a zombie once When we broke up, she fell apart
- When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat? Coma patients.
- What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaains
- Q: What do vegan zombies eat? A: "GRAAAAAIIIIIIIINS!"
- What's that one room zombies can never enter? the LIVING room
- What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAAIIINNNNSS!!!
:D - What does a buff zombie want? Gaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss.
- Did you hear about the dyslexic zombie? He only eats Brians
- What do zombie bodybuilders want more than anything? GaaAAAiiNnns!!
- Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
Hilarious Fun Zombi Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about zombi you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ghost jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make zombi pranks.
What's a zombies favorite drink
A stiff one
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..
Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."
Two zombies were playing a game of poker
The first one threw his hand in the pile and the other laughed his head off.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
My Zombie Friend
was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer.
Why did the zombie move into a studio apartment?
Because he didn't need a living room anymore!
What does a zombie conductor say?
Traaaains.
Zombie Apocalypse has begun...
Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?
What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?
I have made a grave mistake.
Who's Zombies greatest enemy?
Necrophiliacs
What is something zombies hate?
Fast food
What did the zombie body builder say?
GAINSSS!!!
Why did the zombie not eat your brain?
Because he doesn't eat junk food.
Why can't zombies play the blues?
Just feels like they don't put their soul in to it.
Old zombies never die...
they just rot away.
what did the zombie say when he prank-called someone?
"deez gutz"
If there's ever a zombie outbreak, it should happen in Las Vegas
Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Zombies are categorically asexual
as they are more interested in taking head than giving head.
A zombie and a ghost go for marriage counselling
And are asked to share their honest feelings
The Zombie "Sometimes I feel like you're not even here!"
The Ghost "Whatever, you're dead to me"
What's a zombies favorite exercise?
Deadlifts
Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music?
Because he was de-composing.
Why did the zombie only eat blonde brains?
She was on a diet.
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas
Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
What did the old zombie dog say when she got a birthday bone?
*My hip!*
If everybody became a zombie, which zombie would be the most life-threatening one?
None of them, since everybody is already dead.
Why did the zombie turtle have so much trouble dancing?
Rigor tortoise.
What do zombies speak?
Latin...Its a dead language
A zombie is at the butcher shop.
A zombie is at a butcher shop for the undead. He tells the butcher, "Give me 40 pounds of human brain and 60 human legs. And keep them in the boxes, they're going straight in my truck."
The butcher says, "Do you need a hand with that?"
A zombie walks into a bar and the bartender says...
"Get a life."
What do zombie college students eat?
Raw-men
What did the zombie farmer say he wanted?
Grrraaaaiiinnns...
What do zombies with dyslexia eat?
Brians.
When you think about it , zombies are fixed humans .
You just turn them off and on .
Where do Zombies have their meatings?
At headquarters!
How do Zombies get rid of Bad Breath?
They Munch on some Flesh Mint!
How do zombies kiss?
With apoca-lips!
Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?
He had deadlines to meet
What's a zombie child's favorite game?
The o**... Trail.
What happens to a zombie when it's been sitting down for too long?
It gets a dead leg
Why do zombies love necks?
They were made by a neck romancer
Why did the zombie herd ignore the feminist?
Because they were hungry for brains
What does a zombie eat for breakfast?
All-brain.
Why did the zombie hunter shoot the revolving door?
To stop it from turning.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits
I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
A zombie walks into a brain store
On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"
A zombie walks into a bar
The bartender tells the zombie "sorry we don't serve zombie here" the zombie replies "oh, is the human still fresh?"
How does a zombie see his future?
He uses his horrorscope!
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope its Halloween.
What is a Zombies favorite painting?
Moana Lisa
Where do zombies go to party?
The rave yard.
What did the zombie say to the p**...?
"Keep the tip"
What does it take to become a zombie?
Deadication
What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's p**... o' Gold?
Crypt o' Currency.
I saw a Zombie coming to me, I thought he was going to e**... brain..
But he just kept walking...
When the zombies come for our brains...
...the blondes are gonna have to repopulate the world.
How does a zombie freshen their breath?
They eat a liga**mint**.
what does a zombie call a person in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels
Why did the Zombie miss her wedding?
Cold feet
A zombie walks into a bar.
Bartender: We don't serve zombies around here!
Zombie: That's fine. Is the human fresh?
What do you name a zombie that knows how to serenade?
Dead Sheeran
Zombie Husband: "Why did you make quinoa for dinner?"
Zombie Wife: "You said you wanted to eat GRAINS"
Two zombies are eating Donald Trump
The first one cracks open the skull, turns to the other and says:
"Well ain't this some b**..."
Where does a zombie leprechaun keep his gold?
At the end of the brainbow!
A zombie is checking for an overseas flight...
At the security check the TSA is scanning his luggage, running him through metal detectors, etc. Finally, an attendant stops him at the gate.
"Sir, you're absolutely crawling with bugs. You're going to have to store those un your suitcase or ship them separately."
"Oh, no, it's okay." He says. "These are my carrion beetles."
Why hasn't the zombie apocalypse happened already?
Someone's really been dragging their feet on that.
Why did the zombie get a job in the ICU?
Because he was a vegetarian....ok I'll see my way out
What was the name of the zombie a cappella group?
Resonant Evil
During a zombie apocalypse
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Gamer Zombies: GAMMMMESSS!!
Depressed Zombies: PAINNNNSSS!!
Batman Zombie: BANNNNEEE!!
Why was the zombie embarrassed in bed?
He had resurrectile disfunction
Why do zombies like opinions?
Because they just want a piece of mind
Why did zombies attack the hospital?
To eat their vegetables.
What do Zombies think when they see someone with a red hat and no mask?
That's a no brainer
Can zombies do yoga?
Of corpse knot!
A zombie walks into a bar, the bartender says
"We don't serve zombies here." The zombie says, "That's fine. Is the human fresh?"
what do zombie vegetarians eat?
Grains. Graaaaaaaains! 🧟♂️🌾
What does a zombie call a brain freeze?
A frozen dinner
What do zombie pirates eat?
Arrrrms!
What did the zombies eat at the picnic?
Barbara Q.
what do zombie cereal mascots say?
graaaiiiins
