Zipper Jokes

What are some Zipper jokes?

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What has 100 teeth and keeps Godzilla at bay?

My zipper

What has 125 teeth and prevents a savage beast from escaping?

My zipper.

What has over a hundred teeth and keeps back Godzilla?

my zipper!

Zipper joke.

(Heard this today from a nice women, so not mine obviously. Thought itd be good here. )

In New york the new buses have a pretty steep first ledge to get on them. A woman wearing a tight skirt tries to get on. She reaches her leg up but it is no good. So she reaches behind her to unzip her skirt down just a little. She tries again and still can't. So she unzips it even more down, but still isn't enough and unzips it down more again.

Finally the man behind her picks her up by her waist and puts her on the bus.

The woman gasps "thats rude how dare you touch me."

The man responds, "well after you unzipped my pants three times i figured we were friends."

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

...because sheep run at the sound of a zipper

Scots vs English

Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards.

Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf.

[NSFW] A man has a pet duck...

The man tries to take his duck to go watch a movie

However, the theatre attendants forbid the man from taking his pet duck inside the cinema.

The man does not get discoraged and decides to sneak in his duck by placing it in his pants.

He successfully makes it inside the cinema with his duck and sits besides two women.

The man then remembers that the duck has to breathe and so he pulls down his pant's zipper so the duck may breathe .

Once the movie starts one of the women besides the man tells the other woman, "That man's *thing* is showing..."

To this the other woman replies , "What's the matter? Have you not seen one before?"

The other woman answered, "Yes, but this one is eating my popcorn!"

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle...

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over.

His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised.

They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police.

They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

The farmer and the goose go to the movies.

So this farmer goes to the movies with his favorite goose. But they wont let the goose in. So the farmer hides the goose in his pants, buys a ticket and finds his seat.

After about a half an hour the goose is getting restless so the farmer unzips his pants so the goose can get some air.

The goose sticks his head out of the farmers zipper and is thrilled he can watch the movie. But he can't see so he stretches his neck out to see the screen.

After about 10 minutes the old woman sitting next to the farmer says to him "I have to say you are quite talented, In my experience If you've seen one you've seen them all, but this one is eating my popcorn. What are you doing after the movie"

What has 72 teeth and can hold back the Incredible Hulk?

My zipper.

A pirate walks into a bar...

... with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper. The bartender notices, and says to the pirate, "Hey, buddy. You know you got a steering wheel coming out of your pants?" The pirate looks at the bartender with an annoyed stare and says, "Arrrrr! I know. It's driving me nuts."

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper...

He sets up at the bar and orders a drink. The bar tender says, "whooaa whoaaa, before I serve you a drink, whats up with the steering wheel coming out of your zipper?" The pirate just says, "yaarrg its drivin' me nuts"

What has 200 teeth and holds back Godzilla?

My zipper

How do boys figure out how to use a zipper?

They learn on the fly.

A pirate walks into a bar

And the bartender says, "hey, you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your zipper?". The pirate replies,"arrr, I know, it's driving me nuts".

A manager hired a new secretary and she was young, sweet and polite…

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open.

While leaving the room, she courteously said, Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

He decided to have some fun with his new employee.

Calling her in, he asked, By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?

The secretary replied, Why, no sir. All I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!

A Mothers Secret

A mom was teaching her 4 year old son to zip up his jacket.

The secret, she explained, is getting the little straight piece all the way into the little slot before you pull up the zipper.

Her son looked up at her and said, Mom, why does that have to be a secret?

Why do the Scottish wear kilts?

So they don't scare the sheep with the sound of a zipper.

What has 140 metal teeth and holds back the world's biggest monster?

My zipper.

Why should you do up your zipper when you go to Ukraine?

Chernobyl fall out

What has 341 teeth and holds back The Hulk?

My zipper.

Why do Arabs wear thawbs?

Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Two men wisely spend one dollar..

Two men only have a dollar to spend. They both decide to spend this dollar on a beer. One of them leaves and comes back with a hot dog.

"Why did you buy a hotdog? You were supposed to get a beer!"

"Listen, I'm going to put this hot dog in my zipper. We will go to all the gay bars around here and I'll get down on you. The bartenders and people will love us so much that we will get free beer all night!"

The two men ended up going to 9 bars, getting free beer the whole way. When they get to the tenth bar one guy looks to the other and says..

"Hey, my knees are starting to hurt from getting down on you so much."

The other guy replies, "You think you've got it bad? You lost that hot dog 4 bars ago."

Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

To tell me my zipper was open, a girl tells me, "your garage is open"

I said, "did you see my ford mustang gt super sport?"

She said "No, but i did see your mini cooper with two flat tires"

Why do you always close your zipper when visiting Ukraine?

Cause Chernobyl fallout.

Why does isis wear robes?

Goats can hear a zipper a mile away

A pirate walks into a bar

The bartender says to him:

"Hey pirate, are you aware there's a steering wheel coming from your zipper?"

The pirate replies:

"AARRGHH matey, it's drivin' me nuts!"

An old man is walking around with his zipper opened.

His wife notices and turns to him and tells him to zip up his zipper

Which he relpies, "Why? What cant get up can't get out."

An American missionary gets lost in India...…..

.…...and wanders onto a farm. A farmer is looking for his dog whose name is Naheer. The missionary has to pee, so he pulls down his zipper next to a tree, then suddenly the farmer yells "Naheer!"

The missionary pulls his zipper back up and wanders toward a rice field. But then, the farmer yells "Naheer!!!"

The missionary walks away, finds an outhouse and opens the door when suddenly the farmer yells "NAHEEEEEEER!!!!"

Frustrated, the missionary throws his hands up and says "Darn! Where else can I go? I gotta pee real badly!!!"

A pirate walks in with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper...

His matey asks, "Aarrr, why is there a steering wheel coming out of your pants?"

The pirate respond, "Aarrr, it's me wife, she drives me nuts."

Zippity do dah

My grandfather was having a nice suit made at a tailor shop. The tailor asked him "Would you prefer a button fly or zipper?" He thought about it for a while and said" Buttons please, they are quieter in the movies."

A pirate walks into a bar...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his zipper and the bartender takes one look at him and says "hey you have a steering wheel hanging out of your zipper. " and the pirates says. "arrgh it's drivin me nuts!"

How do you make an elephant fly?

First, you get a great big zipper...

What has a hundred teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

What has 65 teeth and holds back the beast?

My pants zipper.

So there is a rookie cop out on his first day on patrol...

He is partnered with a veteran cop to show him the ropes. They pull over a blond for speeding. The veteran cop says
"I want you to go up to the window and undo your fly."
"Why would I do that?!" exclaims the rookie.
"Just trust me, do it." assures the veteran.
So the rookie cop walks up to the blonds car window, and as she rolls it down he undoes his zipper. She looks up at him with a shocked face and says
"OH NO! Not another breathalyzer test..."

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper

The bar tender comments on it, and the pirate responds "Arrgh it's driving me nuts!".

Why should you alway keep your zipper up while in Russia?

Because otherwise Chernobyl fallout.

What has 32 teeth and hides a monster?

My zipper

What has 52 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper. I overheard my grandpa tell that joke as a kid and it always made me laugh.

How to make Zipper jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Zipper to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Zipper? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Zipper pick up lines to share with friends.

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