Zip Jokes
56 zip jokes and hilarious zip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about zip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy a laugh with these quirky and funny zip jokes. Whether you're talking about zip line adventures, zip ties, zip codes, zipping up clothes, ziploc bags, or going to the bathroom, these jokes all feature a pun with "zip"! Get ready to put a zip in your step and add a bit of zip to your day.
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Funniest Zip Short Jokes
Short zip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The zip humour may include short bathroom jokes also.
- We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills, it's 90210. But do you remember the one for Dawson's Creek? It's 90108 (for our lives to be over)
- I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile. I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.
- Growing old First you forget names;
Then you forget faces;
Then you forget to zip up your fly;
And then you forget to unzip your fly. - I got sent a 50gb .zip file from my friend. I don't know what's it's for but sigh *unzips*
- Venting is like a zip file Everything is small but once you extract it, it's a big problem.
- An old man is walking around with his zipper opened. His wife notices and turns to him and tells him to zip up his zipper
Which he relpies, "Why? What cant get up can't get out." - You're losing your mind if you forget to zip your fly after using the bathroom. You've lost your mind if you forget to unzip your fly *before* using the bathroom
- What's worse than forgetting to zip your fly after you pee? Forgetting to open it beforehand
- I worked as a zip line tour guide. It had its ups and downs, but it was a great way to get my career off the ground.
- So I was using my phone at this party... My friend said to put that thing away and at first I resisted but eventually zipped up my pants
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Zip One Liners
Which zip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with zip? I can suggest the ones about zipper and zip code.
- Bros don't let other bros walk around with an open fly. It's called the zip code.
- Where do Klingons store their leftovers? Zip'loc!
- What happens when you zip up a lion? It rars
- What's the worse thing to hear during a prostate exam? A zip.
- My friend wouldn't stop talking about file compression So I told him to *zip it*
- What happens when you put guacamole in a zip-loc bag? It suffocados.
- What is Bielefeld's Zip Code? 404
- Why do Taliban wear loose fitting trousers? Because sheep startle easily...
Zip! - [OC] Did you hear about the zipped up transition? It was seamless.
- I went on a zip line for the first time today... What a letdown.
- It hurts when I pee. I zip up too soon.
- What do you call it when someone accidentally leaves their fly open? A freudian zip.
- What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip. - Italian job placement site... Zip Recruiter..
- Just Cuz It Zips Just Cuz It Zips
Dont Mean it Fits
Zip Code Jokes
Here is a list of funny zip code jokes and even better zip code puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You know you have gotten way too fat.., When you are required to have your own zip code.
Zip File Jokes
Here is a list of funny zip file jokes and even better zip file puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I suggested to my tech-illiterate friend she upload her photos on Instagram, but she just sent them to me in one big zip file. Sigh... *unzips*
Amusing Zip Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about zip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean folder jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make zip pranks.
A drunk is walking around downtown...
When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."
So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...
And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this drunk guy stumbles up to a police officer
He said, "Officer, someone stole my car!"
The officer in disbelief asked him "Oh yeah where was it last?" The drunk replied "right on the end of this key."
The officer, clearly unimpressed and wanting to move on with his day said to him "Okay buddy, why don't you just take yourself down to the station. They'll have the proper paperwork for you to fill out there. But before you go, zip up your fly." The drunk looked down at his fly, and then back up at the police officer.
"s**..., they got my girl too."
Was driving through downtown Pigeon Forge and dropped this one…
So Pigeon Forge, Tennessee (US), is a HUGE tourist trap. We're talking zip lines, roller coasters, Ripley's Believe it or Not museum, Ferris wheels, life sized King Kong, etc.
Anywhoo, I was driving the family through this insanity when my wife pointed out a building to the kids and said look at that one with all the giraffes on top! I wonder what that is! Without missing a beat I said, Welcome, to Giraffic Park! And hummed the theme song while navigating through a left hand turn. I was proud and laughed out loud at my own joke. My 7 year old loved it.
A Joke from the Late Great Townes Van Zandt
A drunk is walking down the street and bumps into a cop.
The drunk says, Man, they stole my car.
The cop says, Well where was it?
The drunk says, Right on the end of this key.
The cop says, You better to go down to the precinct and they'll fill out all the proper paperwork, but before you do that you better zip up your pants.
The drunk looks down and says, Ah man, they got my girl too.
Drunk walks up to a beat cop
Says, "Ociffer, somebody stole my car!"
Cop says, "well where was it when you last saw it?"
Drunk holds up his keychain says, "it was right here on the end of this key!"
Cop looks the drunk up and down, points over the drunks shoulder says, " you'll need to go down to the precinct to fill out the paperwork, it's 4 blocks down that way."
Drunk says, "thanks ociffer." Starts to turn around to walk down there.
Cop says, "you'd better zip up your pants before you go in there."
Drunk looks down at his pants, says "oh man, they got my girl too!"
A drunk was walking down the street and bumped into a cop.
The drunk says to the cop, "Man, somebody stole my car."
Cop says, "Well, where was it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here on the end of this key."
Cop replies, "I dunno man, you better go down to the precinct and report it down there and they'll fill out all the proper paperwork."
The drunk turns around to leave but the cop stops him and says, "Whoa there, before you head downtown you better zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."
A Mothers Secret
A mom was teaching her 4 year old son to zip up his jacket.
The secret, she explained, is getting the little straight piece all the way into the little slot before you pull up the zipper.
Her son looked up at her and said, Mom, why does that have to be a secret?
Two nuns were riding though the streets
and realised they were late for church, one said to the other "I know a short cut" they zip through back streets and down a cobble stone path, the other Nun says "I've never come this way before!" The fist Nun replies "yeah, it's the cobble stones"
A man forgot to zip his trousers...
so a lady told him politely...
Sir your garage is open.
The man gave her a naughty smile and zipped his trousers and asked..
Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?
The lady smiled back and said..
No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There were three unruly kids in detention
Their names were Zip, w**... and Pee. The teacher briefly left the room and the three kids saw this as an opportunity to have some fun. Zip jumped up onto a table and started dancing. w**... went into the teachers cupboard and Pee started running around.
The teacher shortly came back, saw the chaos and said:
'Zip down, w**... out, Pee in the corner!'
How to tell if you have Alzheimer's disease
If you forget to zip up your pants after going to the bathroom - that's just being forgetful. If you forget to unzip before going to the bathroom - that's Alzheimer's.
I really feel torn about making jokes about this terrible disease, but that's one way of dealing with it.
Man goes into a hardware store...
Says to the shopkeeper, "Can I have a roll of masking tape and some zip ties"
Shopkeeper smiles knowingly, "I'm sorry, thanks to the 50 Shades of Gray film we're out of stock"
The man winces and replies, "OK, just give me a chainsaw and some bin bags"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Little Johnny grew out of diapers, his dad had to teach him how to pee like a man...
"Listen here, son, this is how you do it," says Daddy.
1. Unzip your pants
2. Pull out your equipment
3. Pull back your f**...
4. Relax the muscle that's holding in the pee
5. Push back your f**...
6. Put your equipment back,
7. Zip back up.
Later that day Johnny's sister, Little Jane, runs up to her dad exasperated. "Daddy, Daddy! Johnny's hogging the bathroom!" "That's fine," responds Daddy, "he's learning how to pee like a man." "No he's not!" yells Jane. "He's just in there shouting, 'Three, five, three, five, three, five..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does Bruce Willis say when he finds the zip ties?
Zippy tie-yay motherf***er.
[Dark joke] The little girl next to a canyon...
A little girl stands next to a canyon crying. An old man stops at her and asks her "whats up? what happened?".
The girl said "My parents fell down and died! Now I am out all alone!". The old man opens his trousers zip. "Doesn't seem to be your day".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady was waiting at home.
A lady was waiting at home, and thought it would be funny to s**... off her husband as soon as he got home. Sure enough, a couple of hours later, he opens the door and says "Honey! I'm h**...-" She begins to zip down his pants and says "Ssshhh, don't talk." She goes in to s**... when the husband says, "Honey! Stop! I was about to say, these are my parents, they're staying over for thanksgiving."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Elon Musk tries a zip line for the first time...
*Two days after the zip line
Interviewer: So how did you like the zip line experience?
Elon Musk: It was good, but w**...'s still better. You stay high longer.
A man walks up to a cop...
A man walks up to a cop and he says, Officer, somebody stole my car.
The cop said Where did you see it last?
The man said, It was right here on the end of this key.
Cop says Alright well why don't we walk down to the station and we'll get all the proper forms filled out and try and find it
Well alright, says the man
Cop says Before we go, you might want to zip up your pants, sir.
Man looks down and says Aw they got my girl too..
-Townes Van Zandt
