Yup Jokes
70 yup jokes and hilarious yup puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about yup that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Yup Short Jokes
Short yup jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The yup humour may include short hmm jokes also.
- "Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me. "Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour." - What's the difference between pie and cake? πr^2, but cake are round.
yup, waited about 4 months to post this. - A conversation between God and and Angel GOD: They scared enough?
ANGEL: Not yet
GOD: You got Trump running?
ANGEL: Yup
GOD: Hurricane?
ANGEL: Yup
GOD: Ok, send in the clowns. - A girl goes to the doctor... Putting his stethoscope to the young woman's chest, the doctor said, "Big breaths, dear."
She smiled. "Yup. And I'm not even thixteen yet!" - Have you ever heard of a Fire Distinguisher? You point the nozzle at the fire and it says
"Yup, That's Fire." - What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep? Resisting A rest.
(yup! Lamest. Joke. EVER!) - At the Doctor's for a check-up Doctor: Please, can you open your mouth and say "Ah"?
Me: Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah!
Doctor: Yup, I was right. It appears you are "down with the sickness". - What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common? For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler.
-&y (yup, mine) - A saber-tooth tiger arrives at a cave party Where it's friends had been partying with a bunch of cave-people.
"I see I'm too late," says the tiger.
"Yup," says another. "Everyone's eaten" - Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.
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Yup One Liners
Which yup one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with yup? I can suggest the ones about yea and oops.
- I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies Yup, he's my screen-savior
- Two gay cowboys: "Y'up?"
"Yup." - Just googled the symptoms and yup... I am a hypochondriac
- American Politics Yup
- Did you know that my typewriter is pregnant? No, it is? Yup, it skipped a period.
- I got 99 problems but waffles ain't won (cop) sir?
(Me) yup - Ohhhh boy, I am such a CARD sometimes; Yup, with a capitol ``T``....
- Tifu Yup, her name was really Up!
- Check engine light turns on. Yup, it's still there
- I own a Driver-less car. Yup, it's sitting parked on my driveway right now.
- I just joined the 5 mile high club A mile high one hand. Yup im good
- I just got my a**... eaten yesterday! Yup just found the mosquito bite this morning
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Yup Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about yup you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aye jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make yup pranks.
A man hires a blonde to paint his porch.
He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage.
About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she's finished.
"Wow" he says, "that was quick. Did you have enough paint?"
"Yup, enough for 2 coats!" she replies.
The man thanks and pays her. As she's leaving she turns around and says "By the way, it's not a porch. It's a Ferrari."
Disclaimer: I did not make up this joke although I wish I had.
2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
Boat for sale
Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde called her car customer service saying she could only drive her car during the day. During the night, it didn't move at all.
A mechanic comes and after an inspection couldnt find anything wrong.
"You sure you put the right fuel?"
"Yup. Petrol"
Eventually, he asks her if shes using the right gears.
She says, "Of course, I'm not s**.... I'm using D during the day and N during the night"
The pharmacist
Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After 30 years of marriage, I'm tells my envious friends that I still get s**... almost every day..
Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!
Two old guys in a supermarket wandering about, looking lost...
One says to the other "Lost the other half?"
"Yup" he replies.
"Me too. Let's join forces to find them. What does yours look like?"
"She's 25, six foot blonde, 36 double-D, long boots and a short skirt".
"Good. We'll look for yours first".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Getty Yup!
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packet of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.... She ain't that ugly."
A woman from the ghetto is in the grocery store with a whole crew of kids...
She yells out, "Billy!" and nine boys come running and line up by the door.
A passer-by laughs to himself and asks, "Did you name all your sons Billy?"
"Yup. Makes calling them for dinner a lot easier."
"What happens when you only need to talk to one of them?"
"Then I just call them by their last name."
Sven and Oli went to the lumber store
Sven went in and Oli stayed in the truck. Sven said to the lumberman, I need a four-by-two . The lumberman said, Do you mean a two-by-four? . Sven said, let me ask my brudder . Sven came back and said, yup we need a two-by-four . The lumberman said, How long? . Sven said, huh? . The lumberman said, How long do you need it? Sven just stood there, not understanding. The lumberman said, Go ask your brother. Sven went out to the truck, and came back and said, We need it quite a while, we're building a garage
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where he first had s**...
A Welsh farmer is out in a field with his son preparing the soil for planting. The farmer points to a corner of the field and tells his son
"Boy, that's where I had my first woman"
"Really?" replied the son
"Yup" said the farmer "and her mother was watching"
"What did she say" the boy asked
and the farmer told him "baaaaaaa"
Vermont farmer
A texas cattle rancher came to visit a Vermont dairy farm. He gets a tour of the 10 acre farm, and says to the Vermont farmer "This farm aint nothin, my ranch back in texas is so big, it would take us 3 days just to drive my truck around the whole property". The Vermont farmer responds "yup I had a truck like that once"
An ugly son asks his Dad Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Because when she was coming out of the hospital, a rose fell from the sky and landed on her forehead.
US: Same for Penny?
Dad: Yup. A penny just fell onto her little head.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
A vulture arrives at the airport check-in. He's carrying a dead rabbit under one wing.
"Return ticket to Death Valley please."
"Pleasure trip?"
"Yup, sort of a u-pick kind of thing."
"LOL, very good! Ok, here you go. Are you checking the rabbit?"
"No, this is carrion."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A brunette, A redhead, and A blonde....
Enter an elevator and spot something on the floor.
The brunette immediately says "Eww, that's s**...".
The redhead, touches it with her index finger and rubs it with her thumb together and says "Yup, definitely s**...".
The blonde, touches it, rubs it between her fingers and tastes it and says: "Yup, definitely s**..., and it's not from anyone in this building."
Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it
Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After sitting through the movie 'A Wrinkle in Time'
Guy 1 - This movie s**....
Guy 2 - Yup, the book is better than the movie.
Guy 1 - Which book?
Guy 2 - Any book.
So two good ol' boys are talking on the porch…
…and one says to the other, "Heard you an' yer wife're havin' a yung'un."
The other says, "Yup."
First one says, "Gonna be boy or girl?"
Other says, "Don' know. Still tryna figger out if I'm a dad or an uncle."
As an American who only speaks English I can make this joke (it works better irl but whatever):
A: What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages?
B: Trilingual?
A: Yup! What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?
B: Bilingual.
A: Yes! What do you call someone who speaks one language?
B: Umm, unilingual?
A: No! American!
Two Traitors Heading for the Capitol Building
Passenger asks "That bomb in the trunk was made by amateurs right?"
The driver responds "yup."
Passenger asks, a bit nervously, "Well what happens if that bomb just goes off?"
The driver responds with great confidence, "No problem at all".
"We have another one under the back seat."
A boy has an amazing night with a girl from her school.
When he gets to school the next morning, he decides to tell his friends about his night.
"Guys, I had an amazing night with Linda!"
Linda overhears the conversation and responds.
"In your dreams!"
"Yup."
1 A doctor gets a call at 5 AM. "Me and my friend, we went hunting. He fell off from a tree. I think he's dead. Help..." The Doctor says, "Calm down. Do exactly as I say and everything will be OK." "Ok, Doctor." The doctor says "First, I want you to check and make sure your friend is dead."
The Doctor hears a loud BANG.
"Yup, I've made sure. What next?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So my dad asked me about my job the other day
Dad: So son, have you got yourself a job yet?
Me: Yup
Dad: Oh really? When?
Me: Just yesterday
Dad: What job?
Me: A b**...
When I was 18 I got Coal from Santa
Yup, raising Cole as a single mom was a punishment for being bad, I guess.
My car had trouble starting
So I asked a mechanic friend to take a look at my car.
He replied, "Yup. That's a car"
Did you know that all of the trigonometric functions are female?
Yup, They all have periods!
Did you guys know that my son is a really big star?
Yup, he's 1.989 x 10^30 kilos and has a diameter of 1.4 million kilometers.
Me: I'm an expert at identifying birds
Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?
Me: Yup, they're all birds
I HIT THE LOTTERY TONIGHT!
Just kidding I will see you all at work tomorrow, yup, 8 sharp.
What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Yup... nothing like the romantic smell of buttfritters. Bought my wife a dozen for our anniversary.
Dad: You should take part in the Voice
Me (touched): Thanks dad! You are such a great parent!
Dad: Yup and I can finally switch to another channel and get much needed peace from you!
For the 2028 US presidential elections, an honest candidate with sensible policy and a clean track record is nominated as a party candidate.
... yup, that's the joke. That's all.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys outside in a cold night.
There's two guys outside on a cold night peeing near each other. o**... says, "yup, pretty chilly". The other guy says, "thanks".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy walks into a bar…
Guy walks into a bar…
Orders 5 shots of tequila shoots them one after the other.
Bartender says Are you celebrating?
Guy says Yup! Had my first b**...!
Bartender says Congrats! Here is one on the house.
Guy shoots it, says Six shots of tequila and i still can't get the taste out of my mouth
Next day guy comes back to the bar and orders a tall glass of water.
Bartender says What happened, you were in here last night celebrating and having a great time
Guy yeah, I went home last night and blew chunks
Bartender Well, as much as you drank, not surprised
Guy you don't understand, Chunks is my dog…"
Yup
Sometimes I pretend the extra pillow is a person. A cold distant person who won't cuddle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar
The bartender looks at him and says "Jim! You have two black eyes!"
"Yup," says Jim.
"What happened?" asked the bartender.
"Well, you see I was at the church picnic. I was in line behind Mrs. Dunmore, and I happened to see that her skirt was wedged up into her buttcrack. Being a gentleman I pulled it out for her. She turned and punched me in the face!" says Jim.
"Ah, unfortunate," says the bartender. "But how'd the other one get blackened?"
"Well," said Jim. "I figured she liked her dress up in her buttcrack, so I tucked it back for her."
It's days like these....
When a man wakes up, looks around and thinks "Yup, times are a changin!"
