Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Yup Jokes with Friends.
"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.
"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."
A man hires a blonde to paint his porch.
He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage.
About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she's finished.
"Wow" he says, "that was quick. Did you have enough paint?"
"Yup, enough for 2 coats!" she replies.
The man thanks and pays her. As she's leaving she turns around and says "By the way, it's not a porch. It's a Ferrari."
Disclaimer: I did not make up this joke although I wish I had.
A man notices a TV for sale.
"Hey, how much is this TV?"
The salesman replies "1 dollar."
"Only a dollar? Why so cheap?"
The salesman tells him "the sound is stuck on the highest volume."
"So it's always on the highest volume? And it's only one dollar?"
"Yup."
"Wow, can't turn that down."
A father says to his son, "Son, you're adopted."
Son: "What? That's not funny, dad."
Dad: "Yup, pack your stuff, they'll be here in an hour."
Told my wife I got a vasectomy and she said "Are you serious?"
Yup - I'm not kidding you
2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
Boat for sale
Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."
A blonde called her car customer service saying she could only drive her car during the day. During the night, it didn't move at all.
A mechanic comes and after an inspection couldnt find anything wrong.
"You sure you put the right fuel?"
"Yup. Petrol"
Eventually, he asks her if shes using the right gears.
She says, "Of course, I'm not s**.... I'm using D during the day and N during the night"
I put Jesus on my background pic and now my phone never dies
Yup, he's my screen-savior
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband...
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?", she asked.
"Hunting Flies" he responded.
"Oh, Killing any?" she asked.
"Yup. 3 males. 2 females" He responded.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on the beer can, and 2 were on the phone"
*Incredible*
The pharmacist
Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.
You can explore yup ooh reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean yup hah dad jokes. There are also yup puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A husband and wife went on a road trip.
They were driving by some plains when they sighted some wild pigs. The wife jokingly asked her husband," Are those relatives of yours?" Too which the husband replies," Yup! Those are my in-laws!"
What's the difference between pie and cake?
Οr^2, but cake are round.
yup, waited about 4 months to post this.
After 30 years of marriage, I'm tells my envious friends that I still get s**... almost every day..
Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!
A conversation between God and and Angel
GOD: They scared enough?
ANGEL: Not yet
GOD: You got Trump running?
ANGEL: Yup
GOD: Hurricane?
ANGEL: Yup
GOD: Ok, send in the clowns.
A girl goes to the doctor...
Putting his stethoscope to the young woman's chest, the doctor said, "Big breaths, dear."
She smiled. "Yup. And I'm not even thixteen yet!"
Two gay cowboys:
"Y'up?"
"Yup."
Two old guys in a supermarket wandering about, looking lost...
One says to the other "Lost the other half?"
"Yup" he replies.
"Me too. Let's join forces to find them. What does yours look like?"
"She's 25, six foot blonde, 36 double-D, long boots and a short skirt".
"Good. We'll look for yours first".
Getty Yup!
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah.... She ain't that ugly."
My mother is 102 years old and still doesn't need glasses
Yup you heard it. Drinks straight from the bottle.
A woman from the ghetto is in the grocery store with a whole crew of kids...
She yells out, "Billy!" and nine boys come running and line up by the door.
A passer-by laughs to himself and asks, "Did you name all your sons Billy?"
"Yup. Makes calling them for dinner a lot easier."
"What happens when you only need to talk to one of them?"
"Then I just call them by their last name."
Sven and Oli went to the lumber store
Sven went in and Oli stayed in the truck. Sven said to the lumberman, I need a four-by-two . The lumberman said, Do you mean a two-by-four? . Sven said, let me ask my brudder . Sven came back and said, yup we need a two-by-four . The lumberman said, How long? . Sven said, huh? . The lumberman said, How long do you need it? Sven just stood there, not understanding. The lumberman said, Go ask your brother. Sven went out to the truck, and came back and said, We need it quite a while, we're building a garage
Have you ever heard of a Fire Distinguisher?
You point the nozzle at the fire and it says
"Yup, That's Fire."
Where he first had s**...
A Welsh farmer is out in a field with his son preparing the soil for planting. The farmer points to a corner of the field and tells his son
"Boy, that's where I had my first woman"
"Really?" replied the son
"Yup" said the farmer "and her mother was watching"
"What did she say" the boy asked
and the farmer told him "baaaaaaa"
What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?
Resisting A rest.
(yup! Lamest. Joke. EVER!)
Before my tenth birthday, my dad told me I was adpoted
I said, "wow really?"
He responded, "Yup pack your stuff they will be here in about twenty minutes"
Vermont farmer
A texas cattle rancher came to visit a Vermont dairy farm. He gets a tour of the 10 acre farm, and says to the Vermont farmer "This farm aint nothin, my ranch back in texas is so big, it would take us 3 days just to drive my truck around the whole property". The Vermont farmer responds "yup I had a truck like that once"
Family Matters
A husband and wife are on a long car trip and get into a big argument that eventually ends in an angry silence.
Some time later they pass a pig farm. The husband looks at the pigs and says, "Family of yours?"
The wife replies, "Yup, in-laws."
An ugly son asks his Dad Why is my sister named Rose?
Dad: Because when she was coming out of the hospital, a rose fell from the sky and landed on her forehead.
US: Same for Penny?
Dad: Yup. A penny just fell onto her little head.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: No problem, Brick.
A vulture arrives at the airport check-in. He's carrying a dead rabbit under one wing.
"Return ticket to Death Valley please."
"Pleasure trip?"
"Yup, sort of a u-pick kind of thing."
"LOL, very good! Ok, here you go. Are you checking the rabbit?"
"No, this is carrion."
At the Doctor's for a check-up
Doctor: Please, can you open your mouth and say "Ah"?
Me: Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah!
Doctor: Yup, I was right. It appears you are "down with the sickness".
What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?
For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler.
-&y (yup, mine)
Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it
Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again
A brunette, A redhead, and A blonde....
Enter an elevator and spot something on the floor.
The brunette immediately says "Eww, that's s**...".
The redhead, touches it with her index finger and rubs it with her thumb together and says "Yup, definitely s**...".
The blonde, touches it, rubs it between her fingers and tastes it and says: "Yup, definitely s**..., and it's not from anyone in this building."
So two good ol' boys are talking on the porchβ¦
β¦and one says to the other, "Heard you an' yer wife're havin' a yung'un."
The other says, "Yup."
First one says, "Gonna be boy or girl?"
Other says, "Don' know. Still tryna figger out if I'm a dad or an uncle."
As an American who only speaks English I can make this joke (it works better irl but whatever):
A: What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages?
B: Trilingual?
A: Yup! What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages?
B: Bilingual.
A: Yes! What do you call someone who speaks one language?
B: Umm, unilingual?
A: No! American!
After sitting through the movie 'A Wrinkle in Time'
Guy 1 - This movie s**....
Guy 2 - Yup, the book is better than the movie.
Guy 1 - Which book?
Guy 2 - Any book.
Two Traitors Heading for the Capitol Building
Passenger asks "That bomb in the trunk was made by amateurs right?"
The driver responds "yup."
Passenger asks, a bit nervously, "Well what happens if that bomb just goes off?"
The driver responds with great confidence, "No problem at all".
"We have another one under the back seat."
A boy has an amazing night with a girl from her school.
When he gets to school the next morning, he decides to tell his friends about his night.
"Guys, I had an amazing night with Linda!"
Linda overhears the conversation and responds.
"In your dreams!"
"Yup."
1 A doctor gets a call at 5 AM. "Me and my friend, we went hunting. He fell off from a tree. I think he's dead. Help..." The Doctor says, "Calm down. Do exactly as I say and everything will be OK." "Ok, Doctor." The doctor says "First, I want you to check and make sure your friend is dead."
The Doctor hears a loud BANG.
"Yup, I've made sure. What next?"
A saber-tooth tiger arrives at a cave party
Where it's friends had been partying with a bunch of cave-people.
"I see I'm too late," says the tiger.
"Yup," says another. "Everyone's eaten"
Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person
Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.
Just googled the symptoms and yup...
I am a hypochondriac
American Politics
Yup
So my dad asked me about my job the other day
Dad: So son, have you got yourself a job yet?
Me: Yup
Dad: Oh really? When?
Me: Just yesterday
Dad: What job?
Me: A b**...
I just got my a**... eaten yesterday!
Yup just found the mosquito bite this morning
Yup, really wonderful.
One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.
Two gay cowboys..
One says, "yup" and the other says, "yep"
What do you call two people singing in Hebrew?
Jew-et
Yup, I know where the door is.
