The Best 35 Your Ugly Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Your Ugly jokes. There are some your ugly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these your ugly puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Your Ugly Jokes and Puns

I wish I could be ugly for one day.

Being ugly every day sucks.

Cashier: Scans Condoms

Do you need a bag sir?

Me: Jesus, she's not that ugly

Yo mama so fat...

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity

But she so ugly people are still repelled by her

Your mom is so ugly...

That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"

Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."


A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

I was having dinner at my boss's house.

His wife said "How many potatoes would you like?"

I said "Just one please."

She said "Oh come on, don't be so polite!"

I said "Ok. Just one, you ugly cow."

Mom, am I ugly?

"I told you not to call me mom in front of people"

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Girls used to call me ugly until they found out how much money I make.

Now they also call me poor.

You can explore your ugly reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean your ugly dad jokes. There are also your ugly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I went to the store to buy condoms last night.

The cashier asked, "Do you want a bag?"

I replied, "No, she's not that ugly."

My girlfriend was standing nude...

in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

Give me a compliment.

A woman looks into the mirror and says to her husband: "I feel fat, old and ugly, give me a compliment". The man replies: "Your eyes are still working great".

a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"

The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."

The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"

"I'm his mom..."

My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...

'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'

'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'

A man went to the register with only a box of condoms.

The cashier asked 'Sir, do you want a bag?'

He replied 'No thanks, she's not that ugly'

How I lost my Teeth

I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this butt ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said how about giving me your number handsome

I looked at her and asked Do you have a pen sure! She said.

So I said, Well you better get back in it before the farmer notices you're missing!

My dental surgery is this Friday!.

A man walks in to a bar

And sees an ugly old humpback of a guy, who is constantly surrounded by women.

How to spot a millionaire, am I right? he winks and smiles at the bartender

No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire

Okay - so he must be extremely charming?

Larry is actually a man of very few words

Then what on earth makes him so incredibly popular with women??

I actually have no idea - every day he comes here, he just sits there quietly, drinking his beer, licking his eyebrows..


I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke

A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.

At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woman goes in the shop and complains to the salesman.

The salesman apologizes and tells the parrot to not say this ever again.
The next day the woman again walks past the pet shop and is happy to see the parrot turned completely silent. Provokingly she slows down. Suddenly the parrot starts screeching:
"I'm not saying anything but you know it!"

Doctor: You're obese. Patient:

***Doctor: You're obese. Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.***

Calculators May Be Ugly On The Outside

But Its What's On The Inside That Counts.

Wife: "I'm fat, old and ugly, what am I?"

Husband: "Right"

My wife is so ugly...

she walked past the walrus enclosure at Sea World, and her iPhone X unlocked itself.

Naked sunbathing....

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly, it would lift itself."

An ugly, broke, single man stood in my way

So I moved the mirror

A man lies naked on the beach...

But because his private parts aren't as tanned as the rest of his body, he place a hat on it. A few minutes later a lady walks by, fully nude. The lady jokinly said to the man "Well, if you were a gentleman, you would raise your hat for me..." The man answered in return "Well, m'lady, the hat would raise itself, if you weren't that ugly."

While buying condoms the cashier asked, "Do you need a bag?"

I said, "Nah, he isn't *that* ugly."

A married couple has two beautiful children.

They are getting a third one but this time the child is super ugly.
So the man asks his wife: "Honey, did you cheat on me?"
The woman replies: "Not this time."

What sex position makes an ugly baby?

Go ask your mom

I was on the beach with my daughter.

After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."

"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"

She said, "No. Just very ugly."

Today my wife asked, "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?"

Turns out "Yes I do" was not the right answer.

I went to see my doctor, and he told me I was overweight.

I said, "I want a second opinion."

He said, "Alright. You're ugly."

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old
lady, entered the doctorΒ΄s office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "itΒ΄s my old aunt here."

"Very well,"said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

A man goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms.

The pharmacist asks: Do you need a bag?

He answers: She isn't that ugly!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the your ugly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working your ugly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes