Your Papa Jokes

What does the Pope use to cut potatoes? El pela papas.

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those n**... girls in papa's computer."

Boy’s father come back from uk & was calling his wife.
Boy:- papa mom has died.
father slaped boy & said why u dont inform me when i was in America
Boy :- i thought i will give u a surprise.

At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.
The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?"
The baby bear replied, "No he beats me."
The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear!
The baby bear said, "No she beats me too."
The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?"
The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"

Daughter: Mom,does God go to bathroom?
Mom: Why? my child..
Daughter: Today in the morning I heard papa said, "Please God let me go to the bathroom..."

Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."

Chuck Norris was the image used for Papa Smurf.

Mama and Papa Bear are getting divorced...

and the Judge is asking Baby bear who he wishes to live with. "So, is it Mama or Papa?" the Judge asks.
"Mama and Papa beat me," says Baby Bear.
"Well do you have any other relatives?" asked the Judge.
"I have an uncle in Chicago," replies Baby Bear.
"Does he beat you too?" asks the Judge.
"Naww," says Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

We usually yell "Oh God". Do you know what many Afghani boys scream out loud, when they have s**...?

"Aahista, Plaar... Aahista"
(Pashto) roughly translates as: "Slowly, Papa... slowly"

moles

Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.
"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."
Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."
Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"

Tomato Family

A Papa Tomato, a Mama Tomato, and a Baby Tomato are all walking down the street. The Baby Tomato starts to trail behind. The Papa Tomato turns around and walks over to the Baby Tomato, SMASHES him, and says "Ketchup!"

Tomatoes

Momma tomato papa tomato and baby tomato are all taking a walk. Baby tomato is lagging behind so papa tomato walks over to her and says " ketchup".

It's the kid's Joke time..

Here's a lovely joke for all:
Papa : Why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : Nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick(glue).
Papa: (With tears in eyes) God bless you son.

A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...

Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."

C-3PO

Papa, when C-3PO is n**..., he is see-through PO (My 5 1/2 y/o just came up with this. I think it's funny, for a 5 y/o :-))

One day Papa bear came downstairs to eat his dinner...

**"WHO HAS ATE MY SOUP"** ,he bellowed as he had seen that his plate before him empty. Little bear came downstairs as well and to his shock, his bowl was empty too. "WHO ATE FROM *MY* BOWL?", he pondered aloud. At this point mama bear came out of the kitchen and replied," What do you guys mean 'who has ate from my soup?' I haven't even gotten serve it yet!"

Three moles smell something.

Papa mole first pokes his head out of the hole and sniffs. He then says "I smell some good pancakes and syrup." Next mama mole pokes her head out of the hole and says "all I smell is fruits and honey." Then baby mole tries to poke his head out of the hole and says " I can't smell anything except molasses."

A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says "Papa, I need fifty dollars."

The father says "forty dollars?! I don't have thirty dollars! What do you need twenty dollars for? Here's ten dollars." He hands the boy a five and says "split it with your brothers...and bring back the change."

There was a papa mole, a momma mole,

The Bigger family...

So, you have the Bigger family which is made up of Papa Bigger, Mama Bigger and Baby Bigger.
Which one of them is the biggest?
Baby Bigger because he's a little Bigger.

A Family of Moles

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

An old man is dying..

His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.

Papa tomato, Mama tomato and little tomato, are walking down the street. little tomato is walking a little slow so pap walks up and says...

ketchup.

What do you call the Indian Godfather?

Papa Dom

A very curious kid

Kid: Papa, are you growing taller all the time?
Father: No, my child. Why do you ask?
Kid: Because the top of your head is poking up through your hair.

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse in the country.One day, the papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell sausage!" The momma mole poked her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes!" The baby mole tried to poke his head out of the hole but couldn't get passed the two bigger moles.Finally giving up, he said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

My dad Rotsy takes pictures of famous people.

I guess you could say he's my Papa Rotsy.

Papa johns missed a great opportunity with the phrase "pizzagate"

It could've been like "ARE they better ingredients??"

Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...

Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."

What's the least productive country in the world?

The Vatican. They've only ever produced 27 papas.

If a father asked their child if they would like a tropical fruit, would the child respond,

Papa, ya

Little Johnny goes to his grandfather and asks him to croak like a frog.

"Why, sure Johnny. *Croak*", says grandfather.
"Yaaaaay", exclaimed Johnny. Confused, grandfather asks what's so exciting.
"Papa says we're going to be rich when you croak!", replies johnny.

So Cool Papa walks into a pie shop...

He asks, "how's the pecan pie?"
The Beatnik behind the counter sez "I'm sorry, but, the pecan pie's gone."
Cool Papa sez "Solid. I'll take two slices."

I couldn't help singing My Girl and Papa Was A Rollin' Stone

It was just too much of a temptation!

What did the papa pear tree say to his child pear tree who was too afraid to grow his first fruits?

Son? Grow a pear.

Anecdote

- Daughter, why my bottle of whiskey half empty?
- Because you're a pessimist, Papa.

So there's 3 tomato's ..

... Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato and Baby Tomato walking along the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato starts getting really angry. So, he turns around and squishes Baby Tomato and says, 'Ketchup.'

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street

Papa tomato, Mama tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby tomato starts lagging behind and Papa tomato gets really angry. He goes back and squishes him and says,
Ketchup

I don't get all the fuss about Nintendo Labo.

Papa John's has been selling cardboard for over 30 years.

If you can read this...

India Mike November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Golf India Victor Echo Yankee Oscar Uniform Uniform Papa November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Lima Echo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform Delta Oscar Whiskey November November Echo Victor Echo Romeo Golf Oscar November November Alpha Romeo Uniform November Alpha Romeo Oscar Uniform November Delta Alpha November Delta Delta Echo Sierra Echo Romeo Tango Yankee Oscar Uniform.

Many people don't know this but Papa Johns wasn't the first pizza place with a racist CEO.

It was actually Hunt Brothers.

I heard Papa John is getting into another business....

Paper Johns
The hard -er seems right up his alley.

Papa John dated a lesbian midget once

It didn't work out; she was into little scissors.

Dominos is Fixing p**... holes on your trip to get pizza!

Meanwhile, at Papa John's...

It's been a big year for my eight-year-old

A little less than a month ago, he made his first confession. Took the cops four and a half hours to break him. He's got some willpower, papas proud.

How did Papa John's rebrand themselves following the racial scandal?

Uncle Tom's

What was h**...'s nickname after he was caught taking pictures of himself?

Papa-n**....

I called and ordered a large pepperoni pizza from Papa Johns. They asked if I wanted to Papa Size it. I said no...

Just a large.

The best name for a child

I want to name my child squat so when he's a grandpa his grandchildren will call him papa squat.

Before he passed, my grandfather was a professional photographer.

Oh how I miss good ol papa razzi

Yo momma so fat...

Forget it, let's make a papa joke.
Yo papa so fat that when he went to school he sat with everybody!
.
And still, he wasn't as fat as yo momma

A very little girl enters a room where her father and elder brother were talking.

"Hi Papa!" the girl says.
"Good morning, Promises." The father replies.
"Papa, why is brother sad?" Promises asks.
"Condoms just found out that I named you two after things that I have broken."

My grandmother and grandfather's names were Pearl and Dean...

But I always called them Grandma and Grand PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPAPA, PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPAAAAAA, PA!

Don and his son

Big time gangster Don Vito Corleone picked up his son Santino after his annual exams. 'How was it?' he asked.
'They questioned me for three hours, papa. But I told them nothing.'

A Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato, and baby tomato are taking a walk...

The baby starts falling behind so out of frustration the Papa Tomato turns around, steps on him, and yells, Ketchup!

Dad and his son Billy, age 5, had a conversation. Dad: Billy listen. Your mother and I have decided that we can't live together anymore.

Billy: But papa, where will mommy live??
Dad: She'll still live here.
Billy: Oh papa I will miss you.
Dad: I will miss you too Billy. Now pack up your stuff you got 15minutes to get the f\*\*k out.

Motu: Dude got cheated.

Patlu: Why what happened? Motu: I asked Papa for the books, Papa only sent the books.

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"
The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I smell is MOLASSES!"

Teacher to a grade 2 student : Who is the youngest member in your family ? STUDENT : Papa

Teacher : How ?
Student : Because he still sleeps with mummy.

A dog is running awa

A dog is running away from a farm.
The pig asks him why?
The dog replies, "this family doesn't want me man, I'm out"
The pig says what do you mean, the humans always pet you, they take you in walks, you have free reign over the farm. To which the dog replies, "not even pig, all I get for food are left overs, you get corn, and fruits, look how fat you are. I even overheard Papa say he was going to make you Ham for Christmas!!"