Your Name Jokes
130 your name jokes and hilarious your name puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about your name that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Your Name Short Jokes
Short your name jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your name humour may include short first name jokes also.
- Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGates.
- Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name? Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3
Anna 4 - I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
- Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic. AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake. - The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup line... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
- Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
- Putin visits Estonia Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting". - If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
- Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
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Your Name One Liners
Which your name one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your name? I can suggest the ones about last name and names.
- Did you know that Stephen King has a son named joe? I'm not joking, but he is
- "What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!" "Our children have names, Harold!"
- I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
- Did you hear about the Irishman who was impervious to bullets? His name was Rick O'Shea
- I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
- I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex He's a small arms dealer.
- I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny Because he's my newt
- My parents named me after my older brother. And before my younger brother.
- I named my eraser confidence... Because it gets smaller with every mistake I make
- What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
- Name one superhero that can beat Captain America... Captain vietnam
- My grandma is 80% Irish. Her name is Iris.
- How Long is a chinese name. It's not a question.
- What is the scientific name for anti-vaxxers during a pandemic? The control group.
- Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers. Step 3: Prophet.

Humorous Your Name Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about your name you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean author name jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make your name pranks.
A Muslim, a Buddhist and a Christian are forced to jump off a building
So the Buddhist man jumps first. He prays: Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, Buddha... When he reaches the ground, he lands safely.
The next one is the Muslim. He jumps, and prays: Inshallah, Inshallah, Inshallah... Upon reaching the ground, he smashes so hard and dies instantly.
The last one is the Christian man. He jumps and starts praying: O u r F a t h e r i n H e a v e n, hallowed be your name. YOUR KINGDOM COME! YOUR WILL... BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA, BUDDHA!
2 Russians are robbing a bank...
2 Russians are robbing a bank... Everything went successful, quickly and silently. However, before existing the bank, one Russian stops another one: "Hey, what kind of a robbery is it if no one got injured or killed?"
Russian 2: "You're right, kill that woman that's sitting over there!"
Russian 1 (to the woman): "What's your name?"
Woman: "Sofia"
Russian 1 (to Russian 2): "I can't kill her... My wife has the same name..."
Russian 2: "Then kill that kid that's sitting beside her."
Russian 1 (to the kid): "What's your name?"
Kid: "Billy, but everybody calls me Sofia"
A man walks into a job interview...
He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".
Genie: Wait, what? Why?
Man: It's for a joke, trust me.
Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?
Man: Yes.
Burger King: Have it your way.
I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson.
She said, "Your name is Brian."
I said, "Right. But I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson."
The first time I introduced a girlfriend to my grandpa.
"What's your name again?"
"Claudia."
"Oh *Claudia*. I'm sorry my dear, I won't forget it again. Claudia may I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Do you know the difference between s**... and breakfast?"
"...Um, no.?"
"Would you like to have breakfast sometime?"
Man tries to open a bank account
Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete m**...."
One day death came to a Guy and said, Hey, today is your last day.
Guy: But I'm not ready!
Death said, "Well today your name is the first on my list."
Guy: Okay then why don't you take a seat and we will drink a COFFEE before we go?
Death: All right.
The Guy gave Death some COFFEE with sleeping pills in it. Death finished COFFEE and fell into a deep sleep!!! The Guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list and put at the bottom of the list!!
When Death woke up he said to the Guy, "Because you have been so nice to me now I will start my job from the BOTTOM of the list."
Hey girl is your name Karl Marx?
Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes
Just had the following conversation in court
Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You're Not Guilty?
Me: Thanks, I'm outta here
My coworker Jim sits next to another coworker, Collin. One day, Jim replaced the nametag on his cubicle to also say Collin
I asked him, "Jim, your name isn't Collin. What's going on?"
He replied, "We're trying to Collin-ize the area."
(True story)
Me: *Playing Ouija board*
Me: What's your name?
Ouija Board: I H A V E A B O Y F R I E N D
"Tony, can you spell your name backwards?"
Tony: sure... y not
Teacher: What do you do after school?
1st Student: I go and buy w**... from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy c**... from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo
A drunk guy walks out of a bar
There's a cop outside who asks him, "What's your name, son?"
The drunk guys answers, "I'm Jesus Christ!"
Cop says, "You are not Jesus Christ. What's your name?"
Drunk guy replies, "I'll prove it. Follow me." The cop follows him back into the bar.
As they enter, the bartender yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you back again?!"
Drunk guys turns to cop and says, "See?"
I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa?
Because you made me rock hard
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
A couple wakes up in the middle of the night to find a thief in their bedroom
The thief points a gun at the couple.
"Now that you've seen me, I have to kill you both. Tell me your names and you won't suffer. I remember all my victims by their names."
The woman says "Stephanie."
"Wow. I can't kill you after all.. Stephanie was my Mother's name."
He points the gun at the man and asks his name.
"Phil. But all my friends call me Stephanie."
A man approaches an ancient temple seeking enlightenment
He hails the monk guarding the gate, "I have come to seek enlightenment for I know nothing"
The monk perks up, "Greetings, what is your name traveler?"
The man smiles, "I am Steve"
The monk laughs, "Lying so soon?"
3 frogs get arrested
The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go.
The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, sir." With that, the judge lets him go.
The third frog comes in. The judge says, "Let me guess, your name is Frog Frog Frog."
The frog says, "No, my name's Bubbles."
A happily married couple
There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?"My name is Elizabeth, but my friends call me Liz," the woman replied.The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you."The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?""My name's Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth."
The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls.
All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name.
100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city
Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.
Stranger: What is your name, sad lady
Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat
Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilty for keeping something earned so dishonestly. Looks like you could have better use for it.
Judge going through the file of an accused
Judge: So what's your Name?
Accused: Mr. Fallchurges, your Honor. First name is Freo.
Judge: So you're Freo Fallchurges.
Accused: *standing up* Thank you, Your Honor.
Attorney: Heck, we almost got him this time
Reading it one time might be not enough.
-"Hello, are you there?"
-"Yes, who are you please?"
-"I'm Watt"
-"What's your name?"
-"Watt's my name."
-"Yes, what's your name?"
-"My name is John Watt"
-"John what?"
-"Yes. Are you Jones?"
-"No, I'm Knott"
-"Will you tell me your name then?"
-"Will Knot"
-"Why not?"
-"My name is Knott"
-"Knot what?"
-"Not Watt, Knott."
-"What?"
Importance of Planning
Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right
A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...
As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.
"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"
"Linda," the wife replies meekly.
"Well, that's my mother's name. I can't kill you." Then he turns to the husband and says, "And what's your name?"
"Frank, but everybody in town calls me Linda."
A woman scanned the guests at a party...
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him. 'My name is Carmen,' she told him.
'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'
'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most - cars and men. What's your name?', she asked.
The man replied, 'B. J. Titsengolf''
A teacher was called in by the police for accusations of child m**...
"What is your name sir?"
"Mark Stephens"
"How old are you?"
"37 years old"
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Come again?"
"I teach school chilren"
"Do you mean children?"
"What?"
"You said chilren, you forgot the D"
"Oh no, I put the D in children later"
Two atheists were lost in a desert.
Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.
One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"
The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."
The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."
The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"
The Lost Bible
One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Write a wise saying and your name will live on.
----Anonymous
One day while a cowboy was building a barn.....
he lost his favorite book. A week later, one of his horses came up to him holding the book in its mouth. The cowboy was stunned. He took the book from the horse and said, It's a miracle!
Not exactly, said the horse. Your name is written inside.
A man asked a priest for a name change..
"Hello Father, i would like to change my name please." the man said.
"Alright, what is your current name sir?" the priest asked.
"Bob h**...", the man said.
"Oh lord, i understand. What would you like to change your name to?" the priest asked.
"John h**...".
On the plane
A businessman travels on the plane, first class. He tries to start a conversation with beautiful stewardess:
-What's your name?
-Angela Benz, sir.
-That is a beautiful name! Is there any connection with Mercedes Benz?
-Yes, sir. A very close one.
-How close?
-Same price.
How did a Chinese guy have a Tamil name:
I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was "Kannaswami .
I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?"
He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.
He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"
"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.
"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"
"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"
"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"
"My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!"
Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?"
"To become an orphan."
A burglar
While robbing a home a burglar hears someone say "Jesus is watching you."
To his relief he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something he heard. The burglar asks the parrot "What is your name?"
The parrot says "Moses"
The burglar goes on to ask "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies "The same kind of man that names his rottweiler Jesus."
A Pakistani boy took...
.... admission in an American school ...
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Nadir
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.
Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Nadir?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny.
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up.
Next day he was back to school all bruised ...
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends...
Bob and Steve, two non-Muslim friends who happen to be lost in a desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque. Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is
Mohamed, and you say that
your name is Ahmed, this way
we'll get some food! Deal?"
Steve said: "No, I'm sticking
with my name."
They walked into the Mosque
and the Sheikh saw them.
The Sheikh asked: "What are
your names?"
Bob said: "My name is
Mohamed."
Steve said: "My name is Steve."
Sheikh said: "Guys, please bring
some food and water for Steve.
And you Mohamed, Ramadan
Mubarak!!
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school .
Teacher : Whats your name ?
Boy : Zain.
Teacher : No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today. Boy went home and his mother asked: How was the day Zain?
Boy : I am an American now, so call me Johnny. Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised .
Teacher : What happened Johnny ?
Boy: Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists.
A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris
And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research s**..."
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about s**... in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest p**... and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"
A burglar breaks into a house...
He starts searching the house for valuables and comes across some jewelery, which he begins to stuff into his bag. Just then a menacing voice echoes through the house moaning "Jesus is watching you". The burglar looks around, sees no one and decides his imagination is just playing tricks on him. As the burglar continues his search he finds some electronics, but before he can stuff them in his bag he hears the voice again moaning "Jesus is watching you". This time the burglar takes a good look around the room he's in and realizes that there is a bird cage with a parrot in it. He walks up to the parrot and asks, "Did you say that?". The parrot stares at him for a second and replies "yes". The burglar realizes that the parrot is somewhat intelligent so he asks "What's your name?". The parrot squawks "Moses".
"What kinda guy names his parrot Moses?"
"The same kinda guy who names his vicious rottweiler Jesus"
If your name is Mike please let me know below
*edit, this concludes the Mike check.
Where ya from Sam?
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.
"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.
And with pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."
Obedient husband
Little boy was curious why did his father do everything his mother asked, so one day he asked his dad: "Dad, why are you so obedient. None of other dads listen to their wife's like you."
Dad said: "Well, you see son, when you were born, your mother and I made a deal. If she would allow me to give you your name I would do anything she asks for the rest of our lives"
"Was it worth it, dad."
"It sure was, Goku."
Two high dudes meet...
"What's your name?"
"Jack without a V."
"There's no V in Jack."
"That's what I just said."
a chicken is sitting at the bar
A man sits next to him
The chicken asks him whats your name..
The man looks at him and says..
Bond, james bond..
The man reciprocates the question.
The chicken says
Ken, chicken
Yale educated
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
One day Achilles and Testiclles are talking
Testiclles said "Why is your name Achilles?" and Achilles said "When my mother dipped me in the river, she held me by my heel. My tendon is my only weak spot" and then he said "And why is your name Testiclles?"
My Wife won't like it
One day I accidentally overturned my golf buggy.
Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay, what's your name?"
"Its Jack , and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.
"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty, very s**... and persuasive... I was weak.
"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons, I thanked my host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly! Elizabeth said with a smile, She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"
So three ducks go to court...
The first duck goes up to the platform and the judge says, "Okay why are you here and tell me your name." The duck says, "My name is Quack and I was found blowing bubbles in the pond." The judge says, "Okay you're sentenced to six months."
A second duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Tell me your name and why you are here." The duck says, "My name is Quack Quack and I was caught blowing bubbles in the pond too." The judge says, "Alright you're sentenced to six months too just like the other guy."
The third duck walks up to the stand and the judge says, "Don't tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack." The duck goes, "No your honor, I'm Bubbles."
A zookeeper loses his Bible while at work...
... A week later when he's feeding the penguins one of them waddles up to him holding his Bible in its beak.
"Praise God, it's a miracle!" says the delighted zookeeper.
"Not really," says the penguin, "Your name is written on the inside cover."
Once there was a mathematician
Once there was a mathematician. She wasn't very good at her job, but she really enjoyed it. She knew she couldn't make enough money to feed her family, so she decided to make money at night as a p**.... She was surprised at how popular she became, quickly finding herself several regular customers. After one particularly good night, the man held her hand and asked, "That was amazing, you are an exquisite woman. I'm sorry for asking only now, but what is your name?"
The woman replied, "It's okay - it's The Thot That Counts."
At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.
The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and
the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician,
charged with
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put
this man in a dry
cell!"
Preacher goes to a party
A member of the church decided to call on his preacher to his house one Friday night. The preacher arrives to find a party in full swing.
On entering the house, he sees a circle of n**... men with blindfolded women moving from man to man, fondling their g**... in an attempt to guess their identity.
The embarrassed preacher turns to the host and says, "I'm sorry, I don't think I fit in here."
"Nonsense," says the host. "Your name's been called three times already!"
The guy who wanted to change his name
A guy goes to a registry office to change his name. This is how the conversation goes with the officer:
\- You need to have a convincing reason to change your name, sir.
\- But my name is terrible!
\- Well, what's your name?
\- Johnny s**...
\- Oh, well, yes that's pretty convincing. What do you want to change it to?
\- Jimmy s**....
One day in artillery instruction, a colonel came to inspect our class.
First up was Private O'Hara. The colonel got in his face and asked him what reading he had on his 105-mm howitzer. "Two-nine-oh-seven, sir," was the reply.
"Soldier," said the colonel, "don't you know you never say 'oh' in the artillery? You say 'zero.' What's your name, soldier?"
"Zero Hara, sir," answered the private.
Interviewing Arab for US visa
Interviewing an arab for a visa
Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz
Consul: s**...?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both male and female and sometimes even camels.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!
Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile?
Arab : Horse style, d**..., any style
Consul: Oh..........dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast
At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics.
At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"
"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."
"Please show me."
"Four, five, six, one two, three."
It's a miracle
A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.
Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards?
Simon replies: No Mis
What's your name?
A cop pulls a guy over and asks for his license and registration.
The driver responds, "I don't have a license or registration, Officer."
"Tell me your name then," the cop demands.
"Mr. Kret," the driver says.
"TELL ME YOUR FULL NAME," the officer barks, sufficiently irritated.
The driver smiles..."Itza C. Kret."
Yesterday I met a Chinese guy named Giuseppe Giardisi...
When asked if he was adopted, the man replied,
"No. I was queued up at Ellis Island when they called the man ahead of me. 'What's your name,' the man asked him. 'Giuseppe Giardisi,' he replied. I was next and when they asked my name, I told them, 'Sam Ting'. 'Welcome to America, Giuseppe,' the immigration officer replied as he stamped my papers."
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself?
You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"
Two boys walk late into class
Their pants were wet up to their knees.
The teacher asks, "Where have you been."
One of the boys says to the teacher, "We were throwing pebbles in the lake."
The teacher, feeling generous told the boys to sit down at their desks and tells the class there will be a new student joining them today, and starts the lesson
Ten minutes later a girl walks into class, soaking wet from head to toe.
The teacher asks, "You must be the new student, what's your name dear?"
The girl responds, "I'm Pebbles."
I wanted to move to Australia for a new job
The immigration officer started asking a few questions.
Officer : What is your name?
Me : Joke Teller.
Officer : How old are you?
Me : 22
Officer : Any criminal convictions?
Me : I didn't know that was still a requirement.
I met a girl with one leg shorter than the other.
I asked her name.
She said Ailene .
I replied I can see that, but I asked for your name.
Is your name jingle bells?
Because you look like you go all the way
A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..
He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"
"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."
An Arab national is interviewed at the Embassy for a visa:
Consul: Your name please?
Arab: Abu Zina.
Consul: s**...?
Arab: Every day.
Consul: Er, I mean, male or female?
Arab: Don't matter, sometimes even Camel.
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab: Yes, cows and donkey too.
Consul: Isn't that hostile?
Arab: Hosstyle, Dogstyle, any style!.
Consul: Oh dear!
Arab: No deer! run too fast.
A Pharoah makes a reservation at a ski resort...
Pharaoh: I'd like to make a reservation for two please.
Attendant: Absolutely. Can I get your name please.
Pharoah: "Neferneferuaten"
Attendant: ...can you spell that out for me?
Pharaoh: Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames..."
Waiter: "Okay then! My name is Sam if you need anything."
Me: "And what's your name if I *don't* need anything?"
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You'd run away too if your name was nyuhddiaiahf.
A Sentimental Robber
A robber goes into a house to, well, rob the place. There he finds a man and his wife. He goes to the woman and says, "I will have to kill you. What's your name?" She replies, "E...E...Elizabeth." "I can't kill you, that's my grandmothers name!" said the robber. He looks at the man and asks for his name. The man replies, "Jim, but uhhh most people call me **Elizabeth**."
Two dogs meet on the street and sniff each other...
Finally one says, "I don't recall your name but your f**... familiar."
Trying to talk to a gorgeous girl
ME: \*tries to talk to a g**... train\*
GIRL: \*points to her headphones\*
ME: oh yeah, those are nice! so what's your name?
Best pick up line.
Hey is your name Sandy Hook?
Cuz I wanna shoot a bunch of kids inside you.
Her: I like your name
Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday

