Your Mom Jokes

177 your mom jokes and hilarious your mom puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about your mom that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Your Mom Short Jokes

Short your mom jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your mom humour may include short my mum jokes also.

  1. Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
    Dad: *Clenches fist*
    Mom: "Don't!"
    Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
    Mom: "..."
    Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
  2. Having homosexual parents must be terrible Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
  3. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
    Happy Mothers' Day!
  4. Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
  5. Daughter: mom I'm going to a sleepover at jack's Mom: use protection
    daughter: mom I'm 15
    Mom: and I'm 30
  6. I feel sad for people with gay parents They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
  7. My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
  8. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife Thanks, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day!
  9. "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..." "Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
  10. My favourite childhood memory with my grandad is when i was building a sand castle with him... ...until my mom took the urn back.

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Your Mom One Liners

Which your mom one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your mom? I can suggest the ones about your grandma and mean your mom.

  1. Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...
  2. I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
  3. Your mom is so ugly... That the world faked a pandemic just so she has to wear a mask
  4. Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
  5. Mom, why am I getting christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
  6. My mom used to tuck me in at night... I think she really wanted a girl.
  7. You're mom's so slow... ...that it took her 9 months to make a joke.
  8. MOM! I'm being called gay in school. Who is calling you that son?
    A bunch of cute boys.
  9. Mom, am I ugly? "I told you not to call me mom in front of people"
  10. A pregnant teen and her baby is thinking the same thing... "My mom is gonna kill me."
  11. What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates? Mom & Dad
  12. They used to be called "Jumpolines" ...until your mom jumped on one back in 1972.
  13. Your mom is so slow It took her nine months to make a joke
  14. As a young boy my mom would always tuck me in at night She always wanted a girl.
  15. Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

Your Mom Is Like Jokes

Here is a list of funny your mom is like jokes and even better your mom is like puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When my mom told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
  • What do you call a cloud shaped like a dinosaur? A Brontocirrus.
    (I'm actually a mom and just made up my first ever joke today and this was it. What have I become? 😂)
  • My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer" I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"
  • Mom, someone called me gangster at school today. Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
    Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.
  • A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
  • I like to tell girls I have my own private jet But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi
  • My mom didn't like my report card. I told her okay. She said she wanted more A's.
    So I told her "okaaaaay".
  • My mom dresses like my dad and my dad dresses like my mom They're transparent
  • Guys, just remember that every yo mama joke that exists has been done hundreds of times by hundreds of different people. Like your mom.
  • My mom says I look just like my father. It's weird that she thinks that, because everyone else says I look like Steve the mailman.

Your Mom Called Jokes

Here is a list of funny your mom called jokes and even better your mom called puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I call my girlfriend Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute. I just really hope her mom gets shot.
  • If I had a dollar every time a woman called me handsome... I would have one dollar... thanks mom...
  • Did you know that trampolines were originally called jumpolines? Until your mom got on one.
  • Friend asked to use my phone to call his mom.. Told him to just hit redial.
  • what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck? Jose and Jos-B
    this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom
  • My son called me saying he's in the hospital "Mom, please don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
    "Son, you're a doctor and you've been doing this joke for the past 5 years."
  • What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with one leg?
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Your mom.
  • Dad, why did you and mom choose this name? "You see Blue, its the anagram of something your mom loves as much as you"
    And why is my sister called Lana ?
    "For the same reason."
  • Daughter calls her Mom: My boyfriend has dandruff what can i do? Mom: give him head & shoulders.
    2 days later the daughter calls back.
    Daughter: How do i give him shoulders?
  • What do you call Joe Biden's mom Joe mama
Your Mom joke, What do you call Joe Biden's mom

Your Mom Is So Old Jokes

Here is a list of funny your mom is so old jokes and even better your mom is so old puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?" My mom answered "Who?"
    "Your daughter"
    courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
  • "How old is your girlfriend?" "She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"
    "Yeah, actually it's yours"
  • Never bang someone old enough to be your mom especially if you were adopted
  • A recent survey asked 12 year olds what they had done over the past week. 83 percent answered... "your mom".
  • What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush
    I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day.
  • A 13 month old baby breaks a mirror, giving it 7 years of bad luck. The good news, his mom is an anti-vaxxer.
  • My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not. Q: What type of bees make milk?
    A: BOO-Bees!
    And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.
  • Son of a god 8yr old Jesus at dinner party: Can I have wine?
    Mom: No you only get water.
    Jesus: (Giggling) OK.
  • What do your mom and yo mama jokes have in common? They're both getting old but are still enjoyed by many.
  • A recent survey asked 12 year old's what was their best accomplishment in 2015. 87 percent of them answered "your mom"

Your Mom So Old Jokes

Here is a list of funny your mom so old jokes and even better your mom so old puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What device is best to measure a mother's temperature? A ther-mom-meter
    From my 10 year old who had the flu the past couple of days.
  • Chuck Norris was 6 years old, when his friends went to his house to get him to play around, his mom told: Chuck Norris cant come right now he is busy shaving.
  • Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In a mirror!
    Reply from my 9 year old brother, after my mom asked me this while talking about future career prospects.
  • Your Mom is sooooo old... Guys used to run a wagon on her.
  • A young boy asked his mother, "Mom, when was the last time you and dad make a love?"
    Mom answered,
    "I don't know honey, how old is your older brother?"
  • Mom: did you see how your grandfather get interviewed by CNN? me: Yea mom that's old news
  • So my Mom was turning 40... ..And Dad started making jokes about taking her down to the used wife lot and trading her in for two Twenty year olds.
    Mom's reaction? "You're not wired for 220."
  • What do fortnite and your mom have in common? Every twelve year old is into them.
  • Son: Dad, how old do I have to be, before I can go out without having to ask mom? Dad: Son, I'll tell you when I get there.
  • Old enough -Mom I'm finally 15, can I have a boyfriend?
    -Can I use high Heels?
    -Can I use a mini skirt?
    -But why?
    -Because you're a man, Bob.
Your Mom joke, Old enough

Heartwarming Your Mom Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about your mom you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mommy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make your mom pranks.

My favourite s**... position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

My favourite s**... position is called "WOW"...

Its when I flip your MOM.

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business.

His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!"
"I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"
A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"
The kid ignores him.
"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"
The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."
"Call of Duty, right? I told you I'd bang your mom."

Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Your mom doesn't stop s**... when I s**... her

I saw a 4 year old girl crying, all alone

"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"
"No" she sobbed
I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage

having gay parents must be awful

Either 2 times the normal amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in a loop of go ask your mom.

Your momma so ugly…

She went into a haunted house and came out with a job application

My new favorite s**... position is called "wow".

It's where I turn your mom upside down.

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having s**... with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''
He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

The best in town!

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.

My favorite s**... position is the WOW

That's when I flip your MOM over.

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**........

his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"

What s**... position makes the ugliest babies?

Ask your mom.

What's the difference between COVID-19 and your mom?

COVID-19 doesn't spread *nearly* as fast.

Your mom joke, but clever

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a v**...."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a v**... until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Modern day bullies be like:

"Nice gender, did your mommy pick it out for you???"

One boy tell the other: "There is an easy way to get what you want"

The other boy said, "How?"
"Tell people you know their secret"
The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!"
The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10"
The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!"
The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15"
The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!"
The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

An engaged man asked his father for advice for a long and happy marriage...

Dad, you and Mom have been happily married for 28 years now. How do you do it?
"That's easy son, when your Mom and I first got married, we made a deal. She would make all the little decisions, and I would make all the big decisions. "
Hey, that sounds like a good arrangement. But how do you decide what's a big decision, and what's a little decision?
"Oh, there hasn't been any big decisions yet."

In Japan, what do you say to your mom when she cooks for you?

I love umami !!

Having gay parents must be horrible

Either you get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask your mom'

Why is that when a guy sleeps with a bunch of girls he's a player

But when a girl sleeps with a bunch of guys it's your mom?

I told two twins their matching outfits are cute...

"Did your mom buy you matching clothes?" I asked politely.
To which they answered, "We're not twins and could we see your license and registration please."

Your momma so s**......

...her spirit animal is the s**....

I'm tired of seeing "Hey OP, I banged your mom" comments every time I post a submission....

I never should have given dad my username.

Your mom is so fat

Her memory foam mattress drinks to forget.

My girlfriend threatened to break up with me

She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."
I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."

Can't escape Dad jokes when you're a Dad...

Son (in crowded store): "Hey Dad, do you know where Mom went?"
Me: (knowing Mom can hear around the corner) "Just ask some people where the most beautiful woman in the store is..."
Mom: (snort-laughs from around the corner)
Me: "...and see if she has seen your Mom."
Mom: (silence)
Mom: "Can't lie...that was a good one."

Two boys argue over whose parents are better.

The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."
The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."
The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."

What s**... position makes an ugly baby?

Go ask your mom

Your momma's so fat, she's like the negative cosine of X...

They both go down after pi

Your mom is so slow,

She took 9 months to make a joke.

Dentist: This is gonna hurt a little. Me: Ok.

Dentist: I've been sleeping with your mom.

Titanic sank 103 years ago...

...making it the only thing your mom didn't go down on! Hi-YO!

This no kidding came from my 10 y/o today from his class. 5th Grade

Student #1: was acting rude and obnoxious toward other students in class
My kiddo: "Stop acting rude"
Student #1: "Make me"
Student #2 (a friend of my kiddo): "Your Mom and Dad already made that mistake."

Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked

Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked "how many of you guys are trump fans?" since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well except little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "why are you being different again Johnny....." so little Johnny says "well because im a democrat. My mom is a democrat and my dad is a democrat, so im a democrat!" so then the teacher responds with "well what if your mom was a m**... and your dad was an idiot what would that make you?" well little Johnny says, "a trump fan!"

A little boy went up to his father and asked, Dad, where did my intelligence come from?

His father replied, well, son, you probably got it from your mom, because I still have mine.

Your momma so ugly

Governments across the world conspired to spread a pandemic to get her to wear a mask.

Me: Why is my sister's name Teresa?

Dad: because your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram for Easter.
Me: Thanks, dad.
Dad: no problem, Alan.

Fun history fact: The Trampoline was originally sold under the name "Jumpoline"

. . .until June 15th, 1982, when your mom got on one.

Your momma is so ugly....

Bill Cosby gave her coffee.

Your momma is so fat....

Your momma is so fat that when she accepts website cookies they run out.

How do you cover 18 holes with one hole?

Have your mom sit down on a golf course.

Kids walks in on parents having s**...

A kid walks by his parents room and sees his parents having s**.... The dad notices his son standing there so he just winks and keeps on going. The next day the dad walks by his sons room and sees his son plowing into grandma. The kids turns to his dad and says " not so funny when it's your mom is it?"

Your mommas so poor

I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"

What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?

I don't know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.

I asked my Dad, "Dad, what did you want to do when you were my age?"

"Your mom's sister."

Whales have pretty s**... names, s**... whale, humpback whale...

Your mom

A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

I just read that article about Robot s**... Workers, and all I could think was, "Man, automation really is taking over all the jobs...

Even your mom's.

Your momma so old…

You should call her and check in. Just say hello. Tell her you love her.

Once in a bar, o**... says to another... "I slept with your mom last night."

The whole bar falls dead silent waiting for the second man's come back. After a while, he laughs and says... "let's go home, dad. You're drunk."

What's the difference between a joke and a bag of d**...?

Your mom can't take a joke!!!

What do you call a cow with three legs?

What do you call a cow with **three** legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with **no** legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with **two** legs? Your mom.

A Child walks in on his parents...

He says "Mom, Dad what are you doing?"
The Dad replies "I'm playing poker and your mom is the wild card"
1 week later He walks in on his grandparents
He says "Grandpa, Grandma what are you doing?"
The Grandpa says "I'm playing poker and your grandma is the wild card"
Another week passes and the dad walks in on his son m**...
The Dad says "Son don't you need a wild card for that?
The Son says "Not as long as you have a good hand

Using what s**... position often causes a couple to have an ugly baby?

I don't know, ask your mom.

Step on a crack, break your momma's back!

So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said "Why didn't your back break, mom?"
"You're adopted."

Your momma's so fat...

she doesn't go back for seconds, she goes back for hours.

Your momma's so fat

Thanos had to clap

Your mom and a Volkswagon have something in common

They're both 40 times dirtier than advertised.

A 'your mom' joke, from around year zero, ancient Rome:

"The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.
"Intrigued he asked: 'Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?'
"'No your Highness,' he replied, 'but my father was.'"
(I recently found my purpose in life and now I need to learn all about comedy, I thought I should start with history, this joke was unearthed by a group of historians from the UK, thought I'd share it here).

Your momma so fat

It's been four weeks since Thanos snapped his fingers and she's still disintegrating.

Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.

The phone is answered by a giggling child.
"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.
"May I speak to him?"
"Well can I speak to your mom?"
"No, she's with the policeman."
Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"
"No. He's busy talking to the man in the helicopter that's bringing in the search team."
"My Lord!" says the boss, now really worried. "What are they searching for?"
"Me." the kid chortles.

A young tree, curious about his lineage, asked an older tree, "Am I the son of a beech, or the son of a birch?"

The older tree replied, "I don't know, but your mom was the finest piece of ash in the forest!"

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

If your mom is 17 and your dad is 18, what does that make you?

An accident.

I think same gender couples should not be able to get kids.

No matter how good they are, having 2 dads forces the poor kids to deal with TWICE the dad jokes. Having 2 mom's isn't much better, they're all gonna end up in an "Ask your mom" loop

what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef. how about a cow with three legs? lean beef. but what do you call a cow with 2 legs?

your mom.

So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

They haven't taken off yet and are still on the runway. The daughter, who is pretty young, say four or five, looks out the window and gets to thinking....
"Mommy. If big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens, then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the mom, she's hungover and jet lagged.
"aw, baby, just go ask the stewardess"
So the daughter gets up to ask the flight attendant.
"Hey stewardess lady, if big dogs have puppies and big cats have kittens then shouldn't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
And the stewardss says "did your mother tell you to come ask me this?" The girl nods.
"well, you see, sweetheart, this is JetBlue. And we always pull out on time. That's why there's no baby airplanes. Go ask your mom about that."

Your Mom joke, So there is a mother and her daughter sitting on the plane.

jokes about your mom