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Your Honour Jokes

105 your honour jokes and hilarious your honour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about your honour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Popular Your Honour Short Jokes

Short your honour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your honour humour may include short your honor jokes also.

  1. My local dental hygienist passed away last week. A plaque was put up in her honour, but it kept getting removed.
  2. Judge to carpenter: "You were arrested during a drugs bust in a gambling den. What were you doing there?" "Making a bolt for the door, your honour."
  3. According to Scientists atom's are as old the universe So therefore your honour she was legal
  4. I just patented my new combination aphrodisiac and stool softener! SexLax: "Easy come, easy go!"
    Wow! A sort-by-new gold! I'm honoured!
  5. I got an honours degree in calligraphy. To be honest I don't think it's going to help me get a job,
    But it looks good on paper...
  6. Judge: "Lady, you shoplifted a can of tomatoes, so I sentence you to four weeks in prison, one for each tomato." Lady's husband: "Your honour, don't forget she also stole a can of peas."
  7. My dad hanged himself recently. We decided to set up a committee in his honour. However, we thought it would be inappropriate to have a chair.
  8. My wife said, Let's honour his memory by watching a two hour documentary on Meatloaf.' I said, I'll do anything for love, but I can't do that.
  9. What's the difference between the Mafia and Price Waterhouse Cooper? The Mafia have a code of honour.
  10. According to the Time Honoured British Tradition... They are now outsourcing their problems to some Indian guy when they invest neither the resources or time or skill to resolve it themselves.

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Your Honour One Liners

Which your honour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your honour? I can suggest the ones about honour and pardon me sir.

  1. Why did the bride's best friend become a Samurai... because she was made of honour.
  2. Your honour, i'm not a robot How could i possibly be charged with battery?
  3. Some people say I roll the best joints in the world It's a doobious honour.
  4. Was given a VIP tour of a prison today Maximum security? What an honour!
  5. What is the highest honour for a geologist To become a knight of the tectonic order.
  6. A woman who sits on a judges lap gets. . . An honourable discharge.
  7. Paris Jackson just got a tattoo in honour of her father... It's bad.
  8. Lochte turns up late for his Brazil hearing... "Very sorry Your Honour, I got held up"
  9. What do you call the system of honour of French horses? Chevalry
  10. In honour of Back To The Future, I just went back in time one hour. That's the joke.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about your honour can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of your honour puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Your Honour Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about your honour you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean sir madam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make your honour prank.

"Yes brother," says p**....
"Well I'm going on a business trip soon and if she gives birth while I'm away, I want you dear brother, to name the kids," says m**....
"It'll be an honour to do that for you m**...," says p**....
A month later p**... calls m**....
"Hello m**..., your wife's given birth to a boy and a girl, their beautiful," says p**....
"That's wonderful p**..., what did you call them?" says m**....
"I called the girl Deniece," says p**....
"And what did you call the boy?"
"I called the boy De nephew."

One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond.


On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen!
"Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?"
"Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog."
"Tell me more" said the priest.
"One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a n**... cheeky boy and turned me into a frog."
"But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest.
"Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again."
"Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest.
So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead!
"And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"

"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness.


"Is anything the matter?"
"Well, your Honour," said the witness,
"I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."

A guy is sitting in a bar; absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress.
Using the time-honoured icebreaker, he sends her a drink.
"How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him.
They strike up a wonderful conversation.
Finally, the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you will ply out of me with liquor."
He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place."
"Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked.
"Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied.

It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honour.

"
Testified the man charged with indecent exposure.
"Explain that statement!" demanded the Judge.
"Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman... So I showed her."

Being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to the queen.

On the one hand it is a great honour, but you dread the moment when you have to rise to perform.

The importance of never being late

A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America. The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand. So the priest started with his speech.
'I know how disturbed I was 25years ago when I came to this village. The first man to confess, I will not name him, told me that he cheated on his wife and had 5 children with his affaire...'
As the priest came to an end the mayor arrived and started his speech: 'I still know I had the honour to be the first one to confess to Father Anderson...'

So Thor hears about the other gods coming down to Earth for a good time ...

and decides to try it out for himself.
Meets a girl in bar and they get hot and heavy all night. At the end, he decides to tell her how he's honoured her: "I am Thor!"
And the girl says: "You're thor? I'm tho thor I can't pith."

He raised a pretty good question, actually.

A man and his soon-to-be ex wife were fighting in court over the custody of their young girl. Asked by the judge to present an argument in his favor, the man says: "Well, your Honour, if you slide a coin into a vending machine and a snack comes out, is the snack yours, or the machine's?"

An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his g**... St. Patrick's Day.

He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'

The man that desired to understand women

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man thought for a while, and said, "I want a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges and environmental consequences that kind of undertaking would create. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four?"

It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'
The p**... replied, 'These are Carols.'

My tendency to be too honourable… I’d taken Beatrice to a Pizza Express in Woking… I don't sweat.

Rock'n'Roll Heaven

Stevie Ray Vaughan dies in his helicopter c**... and goes to heaven. He is escorted by Saint Peter to a special area reserved for famous dead rock musicians. He is very honoured as he sees that he is in the company of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, Buddy Holly and dozens of other famous faces from the history of rock.
Then he spies Bono preening in front of a mirror.
"Hey wait a second," he says, "Bono's not dead!"
Saint Peter replies, "Actually, that's God. He just thinks he's Bono"

When you become a dad

A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father "Well son, now that you've got kids of your own, I think it's time I give you this"
"Dad you don't mean..."
"Yes son, I do" Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 dad jokes, 5th edition "Dad I'm honoured...", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. "Hi honoured", replies his father, "I'm dad".

A rite of passage

Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the c**... breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'

Why did u shoot ur wife ?

Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?
Methew:Your honour,
it's easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.

In honour of today: Christa McAuliffe's last words.

"Hey Captain, what does this button do?"

In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?

Pat MiGroin.
Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.

What did the Palestinians do to honour Yasser Arafat when he died?

They gave him a 21 stone salute!

A woman was before a Judge for steeling a can of peaches.

**Judge:** "How many peaches were in the tin?"
**Woman:** "4 your honour."
**Judge:** "Very well you will serve a month in prison for each peach inside that tin."
From the back of the courtroom the woman's husband chimes up
**Husband:** "She stole a can of peas too."

A man is sitting in the dock at court.

The judge asks the man for his occupation.
"I'm a locksmith, your honour", the defendant replies.
"And what were you doing at the jewellers at three in the morning when police arrived at the scene", the judge inquires.
"I was making a bolt for the door".

Lawyers are safe company to have for girls.

They will be concerned about Your Honour more than their own.

In honour of canadian thanksgiving...

I will be tickling the turkey instead of choking the chicken all day today

A woman stood in court accused of attacking her musician husband with his own guitars.

The judge looked down from his elevated position and asked "First Offender?"
The accused replied "No your honour, first a Gibson then a Fender".

Did you hear about the man who did 4 bicycle laps round Buckingham Palace?

He was awarded the pedal of honour

*A man is trying to prove his innocence in court*

Defendant: "Please your honour, I don't have a single bad bone in my body"
Prosecutor: "Well according to your medical exam it appears you have osteoporosis"
Judge: "Guilty"

In honour of International Women's Day,

I'd like to point out to everyone that p**... jokes are not funny. PERIOD!!!!

Did you know that the French love the Internet so much, that they've named an airport in honour of a meme.

Orly?

Before a trial in a Death penalty case the judge asks the jury 1 question:

Judge: If the evidence warrants it, would any of you take issue with giving the death penalty to the defendant?
(Juror stands)
Juror: The prison is in Huntsville your honour?
Judge: Yes.
Juror: Well that's a pretty far drive for me & I work all week so I can only do it on a Saturday if that's alright with you.

A divorced couple standing in court over a child custody, the mother makes her claim and says: "I had him in my w**... for 9 months, so he is mine"

The judge turns to the father and asks: "and what is your claim?"
The man, smiling, says calmly: "Your honour, when I put a coin in the vending machine, the coke that comes out is mine or the machine's?"

News: Trump would be honoured to meet North Korean dictator.

He's my kind of guy — crazy, overweight and has a ridiculous haircut. Said North Korea's dictator.

Bought a litre of tip-ex today.

Huge mistake.
(in honour of all the dads out there, happy fathers day - UK)

So I was teaching my brother English...

I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.

A UFO landed in the Vatican and the friendly Aliens where greeted by the pope

Pope: What a great honour having the first sign of foreign life in the Univers visiting my humble home. Now, let me tell you about our saviour and king in heaven, Jesus Christ, who saved us all and currently we await his return to us.
Alien Leader: Jesus Christ you say? Long hair, beard, always in white clothes and is in his mid-thirties? Sure we know this guy.. great guy! Whenever he visits us he cure our sick, turn some water into wine (great laugh!), show us his walking-on-water-trick and then we throw a great party and serve him pancakes. He pops up every 2 years or so. Anyway, what did you guys do?

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty, your honour."
"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.
"Do you accept payment in gold?"

A man was in a court after being caught shoplifting a can of peaches.

The judge asked him, "How many peaches were in the can you stole?"
The man replied, "Five".
The judge gave him his sentence, "You will have five weeks in prison, one for each peach in the can".
The wife of the man, who was present in the court room, raised her hand and said, " Your Honour, he also stole a can of peas!"

She Offered Her Honour

He honoured her offer.
And all night long he was on her and off her!

Ig the Knight

Once upon a time, there was a soldier named Ig. In a recent battle, Ig showed courage and bravery, saving 20 men by himself!
To honour Ig's heroic act, the Queen of the kingdom was to knight him. Ig knelt before Her Majesty, as she tapped each shoulder of his with a sword. As she finished, Ig the Knight burst into flames! The Queen, astonished by what happened, asked her squire why he lit on fire.
Stunned, the squire spoke, "Ig...Knighted..."

The local magistrate just got arrested for soliciting the services of a p**....

He got off with an honourable discharge.

Judge: Well, we have 10 witnesses who saw you steal.

Prisoner: Maybe, your Honour, but I can give u 20 witnesses who did not see me steal.

Me: Hey, how do you spell color?

British Friend: C-O-L-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell honor?
British Friend: H-O-N-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell neighbor?
British Friend: N-E-I-G-H-B-O-U-R
Me: Why do you keep adding an extra 'u' in these words?
British Friend: dQw4w9WgXcQ

A seventh grader asked his English teacher a question in class

"Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H .......in Hour, Honour. .....etc. She replied, "We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent."
During lunch break that day, the teacher gave the student her packed lunch and asked him to heat it in the Cafeteria. He ate all the food and returned her the empty container.
Shocked, she asked: "What happened? The boy replied: "Madam, I thought 'H' was silent.

A man and his ex-wife are negotiating child custody

The judge first asks the ex-wife to give him a reason why she should get the child.
**"Your honour, naturally, since I had to go through excruciating pain to bring this child into the world, I should get to keep the child."**
The judge is almost convinced but has to see the man's side first. The judge asks the man why he should receive custody of the child. The man thinks long and hard. Finally, he speaks up:
**"Your honour, if you went to a vending machine and put in a dollar and got a Coke, whose drink is it?"**

p**... are an important part of human culture and anatomy and must be honoured

I suggest we e**... a statue

Ghosts in the Whitehouse

One night, Donald J Trump was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the Whitehouse. Trump asks "George, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honourable example, just as I did" Washington said.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved though the dark bedroom. "Tom," Trump asks, "What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises
Trump didn't sleep well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe. what is the best thing I can do the help the country?" Trump asks.
Abe answered, "Go see a play"

An American is moving to Britain...

...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:
"Good mourning sir....

The Creation Of Sodium

Sodium, atomic number 11, was first isolated by Humphry Davy in 1807. A chemical component of salt, he named it Na in honour of the saltiest region on earth, North America.

A man is at court

A man is at court when he asks the judge,' Your honour, what would you do if I called you a s**..., degenerate old fool?'
The judge replies,'I'll fine you and prevent you from ever taking a trial in front of me ever again.'
The man then asks,' What if I only thought it?'
The judge says,'Then that's fine, people have the right to think whatever they want'
So the man says,' Then, I think you are a s**..., degenerate old fool'

There's a new exhibit planned in the next few days at the museum of revolutionary leaders said a press release

There are many leaders being honoured, from Pancho Villa to Simon Bolivar. To get the exhibit ready in record time, dedicated crews have been assigned to each figure, and they're all going to work double shifts, day and night.Well... almost all, there is one exception, you can only make Che when the sun shines.

A man got parking ticket

A man was charged in court for parking his car on the wrong side of the road. 
Judge: Why did you park your car in a no parking area? 
Man: Your honour, the sign read, Fine for Parking. So I thought it was fine to park my car there!

In honour of the new Michael Jackson documentary, McDonalds is issuing a new McJacko burger...

A fifty year old piece of meat between two ten year old buns.

Three boys are bragging about their dads

The first kid says: "My father is a cop. When people talk to him, they have to call him 'officer'."
The second kid: "I can do better. My father is a judge, and when people see him, they have to say 'Your honour'."
The third kid: "That's nothing! My father is immensely fat, and when people see him, they say 'Oh my God...'"

Asked my mum what she'd like for her birthday.

I wanna Dyson. She said excitedly.
So that's why is smothered her with a pillow, your honour

In 2015, while addressing graduates of SMU, George W. Bush said;

"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."

Then Donald Trump came and said Bush has denied us, Americans our right to be POTUS!

A woman in court for stealing a tin of peaches....

The judge asked her "how many peaches were there in the tin that you stole"?
She replied "four, your honour".
The judge said I am going to send you to prison for four month's for every peach, take her down.
Then her husband in the public gallery shouted "she stole a tin of peas too".....

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has came up with a new machine to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others , they have named it in honour of Putin who funded the project

It is called RARA's Grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine

I watched my friend die today

Before she died she gave me her epi-pen. I think it's an honour she wanted me to have it

Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day

The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...
PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!
Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...
Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.

It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.

One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...??????

My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... (I was even more confused .....?????)
During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. ....!!!!!!!
My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.
I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent.

In honour of my first cake day, here's a few of my favourite riddles. Feel free to try them on your friends.

Q: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?
A: A hole
Q: What two words have thousands of letters in them?
A: Post office
Q: The maker doesn't want it, the buyer doesn't use it and the user doesn't see it. What is it?
A: A coffin
Q: What travels all over the world, but stays in the corner?
A: A stamp
Q: What runs all around a field, but doesn't move?
A: A fence
Q: What starts with E, ends with e and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope

[In a courtroom] Judge: Did you feel guilty at the time?

Accused: No I didn't, your honour.
Guilty: Yes he did, your honour. That's why I pressed charges against him.

Lawyer: Your honour, what if my client is guilty?

Cruella: w**...? You are supposed to defend me!
Lawyer: Relax. I'm playing de Vil's advocate.

Sir Bobby Charlton was having an interview.

"I won many awards and honours playing football for my club!" He boasted.
"United?" Asked the interviewer.
"Indeed I am!" Sir Bobby proudly replied.

Interesting Parliaments.

Member of Parliament: Mr speaker, half of the members in this house are s**....
Speaker: Honourable member please withdraw that statement.
Member of parliament: My apologies Mr speaker, half of members in this house are not s**....
Speaker: Thank you, lets move on.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these your honour jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.