Your Grandma Jokes
55 your grandma jokes and hilarious your grandma puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about your grandma that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Your Grandma Short Jokes
Short your grandma jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your grandma humour may include short grandma jokes also.
- Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather's Viagra addiction. Grandma is taking it particularly hard.
- Since it started snowing, all my grandma has done is stare through the window. If it gets any worse ill need to let her back in.
- My Grandma is 96 years old and still doesn't need glasses She drinks straight from the bottle.
- What did grandma and grandpa do before there was Internet? I mean, didn't they get bored?
I asked my 32 uncles and aunts, but they didn't know either. - I asked my grandpa.. I asked my grandpa: After 65 years you still call grandma darling, beautiful and honey. What's the secret?
Grandpa: I forgot her name 5 years ago and I'm scared to ask her. - A boy is loudly praying, "God please give me a bicycle." His mom asks, "why are you praying so loudly? God isn't hard of hearing."
The boy replies, "yes but grandma is." - My fondest Childhood memory was making Sand castle with Grandma. Until my mother hid the Urn.
- I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
- Grandma found a lump under her left breast but the Dr said it's ok. It was just her kneecap.
- What does my Grandma and a Modern website have in common? Making me Accept the Cookies on every visit.
Share These Your Grandma Jokes With Friends
Your Grandma One Liners
Which your grandma one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your grandma? I can suggest the ones about old grandma and your nana.
- My grandma is 80% Irish. Her name is Iris.
- "Dad, I don't want to go visit Grandma" "Shut up, and keep digging"
- What is the worst response to "I love you"? "I'm still pulling the plug Grandma"
- Where do Bees use the bathroom? At the BP station. (thanks grandma)
- My grandma likes to prank us by pretending to choke on her food It's an old gag
- I like Ouija boards It's the only game I can still play with grandma.
- Why didn't Mr. Clean's wife ever get pregnant? He comes in a bottle.
- My grandma. - But daaaad, I don't wanna go see grandma... "Son, shut up and keep digging,!"
- My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government. Visitors only see the nice china.
- Mommy mommy I dont wanna see grandma! Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
- Shout-out to my grandma Because that's the only way she can hear me.
- I put my Grandma on speed dial.. I call that Instagram
- Her: I hope we die on the same day Him: Why do you hate me, grandma?
- My grandma started running 5K / day at age 60 She's 93 now, we have no idea where she is
- How do you get nine grandmas to swear? Make the tenth one shout "bingo!"
Hilarious Your Grandma Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about your grandma you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean granny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make your grandma pranks.
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
Grandma's Apple Pie
An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."
Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he comes back empty handed and says "Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says its for after the f**...."
A Child walks in on his parents...
He says "Mom, Dad what are you doing?"
The Dad replies "I'm playing poker and your mom is the wild card"
1 week later He walks in on his grandparents
He says "Grandpa, Grandma what are you doing?"
The Grandpa says "I'm playing poker and your grandma is the wild card"
Another week passes and the dad walks in on his son m**...
The Dad says "Son don't you need a wild card for that?
The Son says "Not as long as you have a good hand
An old man is lying on his death bed...
... when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."
The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the f**...."
Grandpa's Rocking Chair
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'
Stiff....
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"
Granny's boyfriend
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man.
The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom b**... her boyfriend."
I was lost walking through a cemetery when I came upon a grave that looked familiar. I put my flowers on it and went to walk away.
A nearby man called out Hey! That's my grandmothers grave! Your Grandma's is a few over!
Startled and embarrassed I answered back Sorry! I've made a grave mistake!
What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?
You get Insta-Gram
A h**... is like cooking
It's good but even better when your Grandma does it
A little boy is crying, because his pet bunny died...
his mother asks: How does it come you are crying much more now than when your grandma died?
little boy:I didnt have to pay for her with my allowance.
A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"
Cakeday Joke, a day late...
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
My daughter walked up to her mother and asked
"Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, my other daughter walked up and asked, "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana."
"Because your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, my son walked up to her, "Those names make sense, but why am I named Cakeday?"
His mother sighed, "your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
What's worse than eating 11 oysters off your grandma's private parts
Realising you only put 10
Smoking a cigarette
Have you ever smoked a cigarette in your car and tried to throw it out the window and a minute later you smell something and turn around to find your grandma f**... herself in the back seat?
Whats the difference between your tweaker neighbor and your grandma's favorite singer?
One's a bony tenant and one's a Tony Bennett.
"do you believe in ghosts?"
**Me:** lol no— even my grandma says that's dumb
"dude your grandma died 10 years ago"
**Me:** what?!
How do you make your grandma lose 2 kg ?
You empty the urn
EDIT : yeeeeess
What's the difference between a grandfather clock and your grandma's favourite breakfast?
The letter L
Floaters
What do you call that which barks during the day and floats during the night ?
- Your grandma's jaws
What's pink, wrinkled and hangs out your trousers?
Your grandma
Dad how it feels to have a awesome son?
Dad: Ask your grandma.
What do you call your grandma on speed dial?
Instragram!
SURGEON: I'm afraid that your Grandma is very critical
ME: Oh no
SURGEON: She *starts to tear up* she said I have a s**... haircut
Hey Jim, I ran into your grandma while out shopping.
My condolences.
What's your grandma's favourite social media?
Instagran
What does your grandma and a washing machine have in common?
When I drop my load in them they both do my laundry after.
Yo mamma so ugly when she was born your grandmamma said, "What a treasure," and your granddaddy said, "Yeah, let's go bury it."
Little Timmy went into his grandparent's bedroom.
He found his grandpa and grandma half-n**..., fooling around in bed.
He asked his grandpa what they are doing.
Grandpa said: "Your grandma is my wild card"
Little Timmy left the room confused, so he entered his parent's bedroom and found mommy and daddy half-n**..., fooling around in bed.
He asked his father what they are doing.
Dad said: "Your mom is my wild card"
Little Timmy became even more confused, so he entered his older brother's bedroom and found him playing cards.
Little Timmy asked his older brother: "Who is your wild card?"
The brother replied: "You don't need a wild card, if you have a good hand!"
Grandpa was sitting on the porch...
...when he saw little Timmy jamming the earthworm back to its hole.
Grandpa: Silly Timmy, you cant put that worm back inside son.
Timmy: Bet you $50 i can grandpa.
Grandpa: Sure, its a deal!
So little Timmy gets hairspray from the house and sprayed it all over the worm, the worm stiffened like a stick and Timmy was able to put it back inside its hole. Grandpa, looking amazed, gives Timmy the $50, grabs the hairspray and went inside the house.
15 minutes later Grandpa came back with another $50 and gave it to Timmy
Timmy: Grandpa, you already gave me $50.
Grandpa: Oh, this one is from your grandma.
Pink and wrinkly
What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts?
Your grandma.
Who is your Grandma's favorite politician?
Bernie Sandmaster Flash
"Grandpa what are you doing?"
A boy was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."
Do you remember when your grandma was younger?
Neither does she.
One day, a 7 year old boy went to visit his grandmother.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said: "Grandma, why don't you have a boyfriend now that grandpa went to heaven?"
Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV-set is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs makes me feel good and the comedies makes me laugh. I'm happy with my it as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV-set, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting knobs, trying to get it focus.
Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood his grandpa's old friend, now the grandma's minister.
The minister said: "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied: "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend!"
Don't you hate it when you kiss your Grandma goodbye,
And the coffin lid falls on your head?
Worms in the hole
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
Earthworm
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
A Mexican mom and her Mexican child.......
Were in their kitchen making tortillas . Then the the child put flour on his face and said to his mom "look mommy I'm a white boy". She slaps him hard in the face and says "go show your father. He goes and shows him. Then his father slapped him even harder "go show your grandma" said the father. He went and showed his grandma. She slapped him even harder than his father. "Go show your mom she said". So the Mexican child went in the kitchen where his mom was and she said "so want did you learn?" She asked her kid. "Well, I have been white for 5 minutes and I already hate Mexicans."