Your Father Jokes
139 your father jokes and hilarious your father puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about your father that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Your Father Short Jokes
Short your father jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your father humour may include short your daddy jokes also.
- A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- A father in iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied, "Thanks for the Baghdad"
- What does gay mean? asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife." - Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister.
daughter: "I don't have a si-" - Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes. - My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils... But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
- My mother and father found each other in a gay bar of all places.... 24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
- A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean? Father: It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife. - My father is cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am...... .....
an Ice Cube
Cred: Russell Peters - Whoever coined the phrase dad bod missed a golden opportunity... Should've called it "the Father-figure"
Share These Your Father Jokes With Friends
Your Father One Liners
Which your father one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your father? I can suggest the ones about your papa and daughter father.
- What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
- Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
- Why are catholic priests called father? Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
- Why do some people think Jesus was black? Cause he is our father, and he never came back.
- The sonicare toothbrush is named after the words I never heard my father say.
- I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
- What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day? Extra Karma... I hope.
- Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
- Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
- What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum? Dyson.
- Father: Hey son what are you drinking? Son: Soy-milk
Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre - American conservatives are pretty homophobic for people so proud of their four fathers
- Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest. For I have synonymed.
- Why is Darth Vader so famous? He was the first black man to admit he is the father.
- A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a handbag She said thanks for the baghdad
Hilarious Your Father Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about your father you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean yo daddy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make your father pranks.
"Mom, I'm dating a man."
"Whom, sweetheart?"
"Mike the mailman."
"Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood."
​
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
My wife was dying.
I was by her bedside.
She said in a tired voice, "There's something I must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "There's nothing to confess.
Everything's alright."
"No, I must die in peace. I had s**... with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father."
"I know," I whispered, " That's why I poisoned you."
Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor joe. Mom: But he could be your father!
Daughter: Age is not that important to me.
Mom: That's not what I was talking about.
A woman wakes up to her husband crying in bed today
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having s**... in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
50s Soviet joke
Who is your mother?
Our great Soviet country.
Who is your father?
Our dear comrade Stalin.
What's your greatest desire?
Becoming an orphan.
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, "Mommy, why am I named Clover?"
"Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family."
Then, her other daughter walks up. "Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?"
"Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened."
Finally, her son walks up to her. "Those names make sense, but why am I named *Cakeday?"*
His mother sighs. "Your father believes it is the best way to earn karma."
My friend once asked, if killing your father is patricide and killing your mother is matricide what is it called when you kill your spouse?
I responded, pesticide
A teacher was giving a math lesson...
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
Teacher : Why didn't you write your homework? Pupil : My dad is in a hospital
*7 days later* T : why didn't you write your homework this time?
P : my dad is still in the hospital.
T : wow, this must be serious.
*1 month later*
T : Let me guess, you didn't do your homework because your father is still in the hospital.
P : Indeed.
T: well, how come?
P : he's a doctor.
A daughter and mother are talking.
"You're dating John, the neighbor?!", asks the mother. "He is 30 years older than you, it's-"
"But I love him!", she interrupts.
"What do you mean you love him, he could be your father!"
"I don't care about his age, he loves me too!"
"I think you misunderstood me."
Boy: Grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog!
Grandpa: Why would I do that?
Boy: I heard mum telling dad, "We'll move to a bigger house once your father croaks."
Mommy, could you please make me a sandwich?
Don't call me mommy just because I slept with your father!
So what am I supposed to call you?
Just call me Steve, like everybody else.
The kid runs up to a policeman
"Officer!" yells the kid, "My father is in a fight with another man!"
The officer says "Calm down kid, where is he?"
"He's right around the corner!" exclaims the kid.
The cop follows him around the corner, and sure enough, there's two men going at it as hard as they can.
"Which one is your father?" asks the cop
"I don't know!" cries the kid. "That's what they're fighting about!"
TIL that black eyes are hereditary
You get them from your father if you drink his last beer.
How do you know that Darth Vader isn't a black man underneath the mask?
He claims to be your father.
An elementary school teacher was meeting her new class
She pointed to one student and asked "What does your father do for a living?"
The boy said "My father's a magician! He has a new act that ends with sawing people in half."
"That's wonderful!" said the teacher. "And do you have any siblings?"
"Yes," said the boy- "I have a half brother and a half sister."
Parents have "the talk" with their 7 year old son.
Mom: 'Finn, your father and I have decided to have a talk about s**....'
Finn: 'Okay, what do you want to know?'
-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-Yes, I am, mum!
-But he could be your father!
-Age does not matter, mum!
-That's not what I meant.
A boy calls 9-11.
"9-11 what is your emergency?"
The boy replied, "My parents are fighting and I'm scared.."
"Well who's your father?"
"Well that's what they're fighting about."
Teacher to student If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Student: One dollar.
Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.
Student: You don't know my father.
Mom, how did I come to this world?
A kid asked his mother:
\- Mom, how did I come to this world?
\- Me and your father planted a seed together - began telling the story the mother.
\- From that seed - she continued - we grew m**... plant, then smoked some w**... and had s**... on the washing machine...
A woman was trying on her new fur coat.
Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.
"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"
The woman looked strictly at her daughter.
"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."
The Hero: I'm on a quest to avenge the death of my Father!
The Paladin: You have my sword!
The Elf: And my bow!
The Dwarf: And my axe!
The Necromancer: And your father!
Johnny Joke
Tell me, Johnny said his teacher, if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?
One hundred dollars, said Johnny.
I'm afraid you don't know your math very well, said the teacher.
I may not know my math, said Johnny, but I know my father.
Teacher: If I gave you a dollar and your father gave you a dollar how much money would you have?
Me: 1 dollar
Teacher: You clearly don't know your arithmetic
Me: You clearly don't know my father
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
"Mom, I'm dating a man"
"Who, sweetheart?"
"The mailman"
"The mailman? But he could be your father!"
"Mom, age is just a number"
"Sweetheart, I don't think you understood"
I'm dating the neighbor.
A young female tells her mother.
- "Mom I'm dating the neighbor"
- "But he could be your father"
- "Mom! Age is nothing but a number"
- "That's not what I meant"
John's wife comes home to a dark house and her husband sitting there crying.
"honey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
John turns to his wife and says, "do you remember 20 years ago when your father caught us having s**... in the car?"
John's wife smiles at the memory and replies, "of course, that was my first time."
John looks at his wife and says, "well 20 years ago your father gave me a choice. Either I marry you or spend 20 years in prison."
"That was a long time ago honey, and your not in prison."
John again starts sobbing and says, "I would have gotten out of prison today."
A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.
"I want to be a detective and follow in my father's footsteps," says Johnny.
"That's very admirable of you," says the teacher. "I didn't even know your father was a detective."
"He's not," says Johnny. "He's a jewel thief."
a teacher asks students
Teacher asks students to tell about their dreams, one of them raises his hands and says: 'my dream is to get 100 thousands dollars monthly like my father'.
teacher got shocked, 'does your father get 100 thousands dollars monthly?' teacher says.
student replies: 'no, my father dreams too'.
(sorry for my English)
What Does Your Father Do?
It is the first day of kindegarten and the teacher is going around the room asking everyone what their father does for work.
1st Child: My dad is a policeman, he sends bad guys to jail!
2nd Child: My dad is a fireman, he puts out fires!
3rd Child: My dad is dead.
The teacher asks:
Well, what did your father do before he died?
3rd Child: Well, he went "AAAAKKKKKKKKK"
Don't joke about the war...
I told my friend that my grandfather died in the war.
He said "I am sorry to hear. How did he die?"
I said "One night there was a drunken party, and he fell off a guard tower!"
An old man sitting behind us interrupted. "You shouldn't joke about these things. It's offensive. My father actually died in the war."
I felt really bad, and apologized. "You're right it was insensitive of me. I'm sorry about your father, how did he die?"
He replied "One night there was a drunken party, and he was walking past a guard tower..."
My dad died, and I wanted to talk to him in the afterlife.
So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said "I'm communing with your father."
Then she smiled, so I punched her.
"What did you do that for?!" she demanded, shocked.
"It's what my dad would have wanted," I told her. "He always said it's important to strike a happy medium."
A man and a woman are making love...
...when the man notices a picture of another man on the lady's bedside.
The man panics and asks, "Who is this? Is this your husband?"
The woman smiles and says, "No... You're so hot when you're jealous!"
The man is still panicked and asks, "Boyfriend?"
The woman shakes her head.
The man is slightly relieved and asks, "Then who is it? Your father? Brother?"
The woman replies, "No..." She leans into his ear and whispers, "That was me before the surgery."
Little Johnny, the magician's son
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.
"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.
"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.
"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.
"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
And Little Johnny said, "One half brother and two half sisters."
Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.
He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"
"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.
"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"
"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"
"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"
"My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!"
Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?"
"To become an orphan."
Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!
Son:"Daddy, I fell in love & want to date this awesome girl!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter"
father: "Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that.
I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.
Sandra is actually your sister.
"The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later ...
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again n she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Angela, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh I wish you hadn't said that.Angela is also your sister."
This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,
he went straight to his mother crying.
Son:"Mum I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says: "My love, you can date whoever you want. Dont listen to him He isn't your father."
Mom, I'm dating a man.
Who is it, honey?"
"James the postman."
"James the postman? But he could be your father!"
"But mom, age is just a number."
"Honey, I don't think you understood.
Teacher: did your father help you with your homework?
Student: no he did it all by himself
A mother finds out she has cancer
A mother and daughter visit the doctor to get the results of the mom's pap-smear.
"It's stage-4 cervical cancer. You have 1 month left", the doctor says.
The mother is devastated. She gathers all her girlfriends for one last brunch.
At the brunch she announces, "Bad news, the doctor said I have 1 month to live. I have AIDS."
Her friends are shocked. They offer their condolences and hurriedly depart.
"But mom", the daughter protests "You have cancer. Why did you tell them you have AIDS?"
Mom replies, "Because I don't want any of them sleeping with your father."
Password security questions for the depressed
What is the name of your least favorite child?
In what year did you abandon your dreams?
What is the maiden name of your father's mistress?
At what age did your childhood pet run away?
What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship?
In what city did you first experience ennui?
What is your ex-wife's newest last name?
What sports team do you fetishize to avoid meaningful discussion with others?
What is the name of your favorite canceled TV show?
What was the middle name of your first rebound?
On what street did you lose your childlike sense of wonder?
When did you stop trying?
If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
One quarter." answered little Johnny.
You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"
A young black boy walks int to kitchen ...
There he dumps a pound of flour on himself, he goes to his mother and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His mother slaps him in the mouth and says, "go tell your Father what you jst said!" The boy goes to his fAther and says, " look! I'm a white boy!" His father takes him over his leg and spanks him hard. Then the father asked," okay son , now what have you learned?" The looks at him and says," I've only been a white boy for 8 minutes now an I already hate you black people!"
Two men are arguing
Two men are arguing and shouting while a crowd gathered to watch. A by-stander asked a small boy, "What's going on here?"
The boy replied, "My father and our neighbor are arguing."
The by-stander asked, "Which one is your father?"
The boy answered, "That's what they're arguing about. "
A mexican boy with the desire to be white
A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
He says, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father."
He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother."
The boy goes into his grandmother's room and say, "Mira la Abuela, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!"
A happy family.
Son: Dad, I like this awesome girl and want to date her.
Dad: Who is she?
Son: Our next door neighbor's daughter, Sandra.
Dad: Ohhh I wish you hadn't said that son. I have to tell you something but promise me that you will not tell your mom. Sandra is actually your sister.
The boy is obviously bummed out. He finds another girl, but dad tells him that is his sister too. This happens a few more time and he gets frustrated. So he decides to tell his mom.
Son: Mom, I am so mad at dad. I fell in love with 4 girls but can't date any of them because dad is their father.
His mom hugs him affectionately and says,
Mom: Son, you can date anybody you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father.
A man's father has just passed...
The son is arranging the f**... and talks to the mortician about his father's remains. He says "I know we don't have much money, but I want the best for my father. Please do what you can".
A week after the f**..., the mortician presents the son with a bill for $50. Thinking it to be very reasonable, the son pays the bill. The next week, the son gets another $50 bill from the mortician. He pays that as well.
A week later low and behold a third bills comes to the son for $50. The son calls the mortician and says "The f**... was 3 weeks ago, why am I still getting this $50 bill?" "You wanted the best for your father", the mortician says, "so I rented him a tux".
I was misbehaving in class...
I was misbehaving in class one day, and was sent out of the classroom to the head's office.
He said to me This is the 4th time this week! We're going to have to take this further. I'm going to call your father and ask him to come down so we can discuss your punishment.
I can't wait to meet him!
How do we know for sure that Darth Vader isn't black?
Because he keeps on saying "I am your father"
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
A little boy's parents were getting divorced and he was in front of the judge....
Well, little boy, I've decided you're going to live with your mother.
NOOOOOOOOO! Not my mom! She beats me!!!!! Screamed the kid.
Oh. That's terrible. Ok. Well, your father, then.
NOOOOOOO! Not my father! He beats me, too!
The judge was totally perplexed. He has never had this problem.
Well, son, who would you like to live with?
The NY JETS. They don't beat nobody.
My dad's a magician
Bob: What does your father do for a living?
Joe: He's a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Bob: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Joe: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
A girl walks up to her mom
Mom, I'm in love with our neighbor
Her mom looked back at her in shock But he could be your father!
Age doesn't matter, love is love
I don't think you understand
If patricide is killing your father, matricide is killing your mother, and fratricide is killing your brother...
Is pesticide killing your sister?
A boy is looking over a tall cliff...
A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".
Son: Mommy, will you give me a dollar if if behave?
Mother: Why can't you be good for nothing like your father?
Do you know what the hardest part of rollerblading is?
Telling your father you are gay.
A salesman knocks on the door and a small child answers
The salses man asks, "Is your father home"?
"No, he was ran over by a tractor".
"I'm sorry to hear that, is your mother home"?
"No, she was ran over by a tractor".
"Do you have any big brother or sister at home"?
"No, they were ran over by a tractor"
"So what are you doing here all alone"?
"I'm driving a tractor"
A boy comes home from a s**... club to find his mother waiting for him
Already aware of what her son had been doing, she asks, And what did you see, young man?
Something I wasn't supposed to.
Oh? Your father?
No, your mother.
Late for school
Johnny was late for school one day and when he arrived in his classroom the teacher asked why he was late.
Well replied Johnny, I had to take our cow to the neighbor's farm to mate with his bull . Couldn't your father take care of that? asked the teacher. To which Johnny replied, the cow prefers the bull.
A cowboy walks into a bar
A cowboy walks into a bar a wips out his gun and said: "who stole my horse!?"
*silence*
"If the thief does not admit i will do what my father did when his horse got stolen"
o**... stands up and said: "what did your father did when his horse got stolen?"
The cowboy said: "he walked home"
Photo Album
A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?
Mother says "Yes, it is"
Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the
muscles and curly hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who's that old bald-headed
fat man who lives with us now?"
bleakest Russian joke i know
"children! Your father hanged himself for some peace and quiet, not so you could have a swing-set!"
A teenager confesses to her mother
T: "I have decided to run away and elope with Marty the mail man"
M: "Oh, but honey he could be your father"
T: "I don't care, he loves me, age is just a number"
M: "Oh no, deary, I didn't mean it that way..."
A teacher asks her primary school students what their father do for a living
"So, Timothy, what does your father do ?"
"My dad is a firefighter !"
"Fantastic ! And you Samantha, what does your father do ?"
" He's an accountant !"
"Wonderful ! And yours, Jimmy ?"
Poor little Jimmy then breaks into tears and wails "my father is dead !"
"Oh, I'm so sorry Jimmy, I didn't know... But did he do before dying ?"
"Well, he was all like : ARGLALRGHALRLALGALHA !"
Mummy, what's an o**...' ?
I don't know. Ask your father.
What did the guitar say to the ukulele?
Uke, I am your father.
At my cousin's birthday party, I held up a photo of my uncle and said "It's amazing how you look just like your father did at 40!"
That's the last quinceañera I get invited to.
A teacher in the Soviet union yells at her student - who's your father?
**Stalin** says the child.
Who's your mother?
**Mother Russia**
What do you want to be when you grow up?
**An orphan!**
What do you call your mother's mother's mother's sister?
Your great antique.
Follow up Joke: what do call your father's father's father? Old as h**....
Both jokes courtesy of the 10 year old comedian in my house.
Kid failing English
A kid is failing English, and the teacher sends multiple notes home requesting to speak with his parents but doesn't get a response. One Saturday, the teacher decides to stop by the kid's house. When she knocks on the door, the kid answers.
Teacher: "Hi, Johnny, can I speak to your mother?"
Kid: "She ain't home."
Teacher (frustrated): "Well can I speak to your father?"
Kid: "He ain't home."
Teacher (more frustrated): "Young man, where's your grammar?"
Kid: "She's in the kitchen bakin' cookies"
Your mother's so fat...
Your father couldn't pull out in time.
So, a guy and his mother went to visit his father's grave...
Mother: Son, before your father passed away, he apologized for not being able to be around watching you grow. He said he will always love you even when he's no more. He really meant it.
Son: I guess he was dead serious about it.
\*giggling sound from the grave
A man and a boy go into a barbershop.
After getting his haircut, the man says, Now cut the boy's hair too. I'll be back soon.
When he's finished cutting the boy's hair, the barber says, When is your father coming back to pay?
The boy says, He's not my father. He met me in the street and asked if I wanted a free haircut.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo
He pestered his parents for days.
Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when
one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"
A dad and his son walk into a bar.
"Sorry, we don't serve minors." Said the bartender, who was often misunderstood.
The son said "But I turned 21 a year ago!".
The bartender clarified, "I know. I'm talking about your father."
The Father, having heard this, throws his pickaxe and headlamp to the ground in anger.
My daughter was playing hopscotch by herself...
So my daughter was playing hopscotch, and recited the words "*Step on a crack, and break your mother's back"
And then my wife's back bent over, I then shouted at her to stop playing, but she continued and then recited "*Step on a line and break your father's spine*"
And then the neighbor next door shouted in agony with his back bent.
I always wanted to won the lottery, like my father.
-Your father won the lottery?
-No, but he wanted too.
A daughter goes to talk to her mother...
Daughter: Mom, I think I'm in love with our neighbour.
Mother: What are you talking about? He could be your father!!
Daughter: Mom you don't understand, in love age doesn't matter!
Mother: I think it's you who doesn't understand...
