Your Face Jokes
145 your face jokes and hilarious your face puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about your face that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Your Face Short Jokes
Short your face jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your face humour may include short your beard jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- What do you call a mac 'n' cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!
- I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party. Everyone came, you should have seen her face.
- My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
- A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine. He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"
- What did the Tibetan monk say when he saw the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine? "I can't believe it's not Buddha."
- When I asked my daughter what she wanted for dinner, she said with a straight face, "uncooked boys." Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.
- I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- (from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber? "I find your lack of face disturbing."
- I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
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Your Face One Liners
Which your face one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your face? I can suggest the ones about pretty face and your teeth.
- Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
- Break ups are the worst in China... You see her face everywhere.
- What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
- Why are gay people bad liars? They can't keep a straight face
- Face is a four letter word. But preface is a foreword letter.
- I first noticed I was going bald When it took longer and longer to wash my face.
- Why is your nose in middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.
- "Siri, why am I single?" Siri: opens front face camera
- Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
- Why do gay people smile so much? It's hard for them to keep a straight face.
- Had to quit my job at the watch factory. The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces.
- Why do gay people laugh a lot? Because they can never keep a straight face.
- I finally figured out why I look so bad in photos. It's my face.
- Yo Mama has so many warts... Her face spells "ugly" in Braille
- Why can't gay people play poker? Because they can't keep a straight face.
Quirky and Hilarious Your Face Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about your face you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baby face jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make your face pranks.
Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.
Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
My mom dropped this one on me
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...
* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.
A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she's pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver's license.
Driver's license? the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.
You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse, the blonde cop explains patiently.
Oh, that! the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.
The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, you're free to go…I didn't realize you were a cop!
Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you?
Drown them.
What do gun owners and vegans have in common?
They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.
If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body. If he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face...
If he says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother
Some people are like slinkies
Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde
The police officer asks the blonde, "Can I see you license and registration, please?". The blonde then asked, "What is that?", the police officer says, "That thing with your face on it", the blonde then pulls a mirror out of her purse, and hands it to the police officer. The police officer then says, "Oh, my bad, if I knew you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."
What's the difference between a priest and acne?
Acne usually waits until you're 13 before coming on your face.
Some people are like slinkies
They don't really have a purpose but it still brings a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs
A blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man like a woman
The blind man, to impress her, says: "If I could see anything, I wish I could see your face."
The deaf man says: "If I could hear anything, I wish I could hear your voice."
The mute man says:
What is the difference between a priest and a pimple
A pimple will wait till you are 12 to come on your face
What the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple?
Pimples wait until puberty to come on your face.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
You wouldn't pay to have a lentil on your face.
A man walks into a church confessional
He says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night."
The priest is silent for a moment and then says, "Go home, cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it all down in one gulp."
"And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No" replies the priest, "but it will wipe that smirk off your face."
a blonde police officer stops a blonde driver
A blonde police officer stops a blonde driver:
"You have driven too fast: let me see your driver's licence."
The blonde driver is puzzled: "What's a driver licence?"
The blonde police officer explains: "Um... you have your face on it."
The blonde driver hands the blonde police officer a mirror.
The blonde police officer looks at the mirror and salutes the blonde driver:
"Sorry, I didn't recognize you were a police officer."
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a Zit?
A zit will wait till your twelve years old to come on your face.
Roses are red, Violets are blue...
Pornhub is down, your facebook will do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Some people are like Slinkies...
Some people are like Slinkies.
Not really good for anything, but they can still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?
A pimple waits until you're a teenager before it comes on your face.
The anti pick-up line.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? [pause while smiling] Because it looks like you landed on your face"
I'd love to hear some of yours.
"Mother Superior," said the novice nun . . .
"I have to confess that last night I committed the sin of fornication. Six times."
The Mother Superior thought a minute, then sliced up a lemon and handed it to the novice.
"Here, my child," she said. "Take and eat all of this."
"Will this absolve me of my sin?" asked the novice.
"No," said the Mother Superior. "But it will get that smile off your face!"
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...
Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."
Blonde vs Traffic cop who will win?
Traffic cop stops a blonde that sped by him. He asked her for her license, and she replied by asking: "What is a license?" He explained that a license is a square thing with your face of it. The blone ruffles around in her purse for a while, pulls out a small mirror and gives it to the traffic cop. He looked at it and said: "Oh! I see you're a traffic cop too, you're free to go."
What are the two main problems about being an egg?
You only get laid once and the only woman to sit on your face is your mother.
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits til you hit puberty to come all over your face.
A blonde is speeding down the highway...
When a female officer, another blonde, spots her and pulls her over. She asks the driver for her license...
Blonde driver says, "What's that?"
Blonde Officer : "Its a square with your face on it."
The blonde driver ruffles through her bag and after a few seconds produces a square make-up mirror and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer looks into the mirror and says to the driver, "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop? I woulda let you go!"
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver...
"Are you aware of what you were doing?" The officer asks.
"Speeding?" "Yes, now show me your license and registration please." The driver with a puzzled look asked "What is that?" "The thing with your face on it." So the blonde driver looks through her purse and finds an eyeshadow palette with a mirror attached and shows it to the officer. "Oh, it's okay, you're a police officer."
I once got into a fight with a really big bloke.
Him: "I'm going to mop the floor with your face!"
Me: "You'll be sorry mate!"
Him: "Oh yeah? Why?"
Me: "Well you won't be able to get into the corners very well!"
(Credit to Bob Mortimer)
Two altar boys are hoping to work in a church.
They are walking down the aisle in the church when the priest sees them. He walks up to them and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
Whats the difference between a zit and a priest? (My 17 year old camper just said this, made me cringe)
A zit waits till you're a teenager to come on your face.
What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne doesn't come on your face until you're a teenager.
Hey girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
A blonde driver and a blonde cop....
A blonde woman is speeding down the highway and gets pulled over by a blonde cop, the cop goes up to the blonde's window and says "I need to see your license ma'am." The driver says she doesn't know what that is and the lady officer says "It's that little thing in your purse with your face in it." The driver pulls out her compact mirror and holds it up to the cop, "You mean this?" The blonde cop looks at the mirror and says, "I'm so sorry ma'am, I didn't know you were a cop, have a nice day."
Mix Tabasco sauce with your hand sanitiser
It won't make it any more effective, but it will remind you not to touch your face and eyes.
A little bloke gets into a fight with a big bloke...
The big bloke says "Mate, if you don't back off I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
The little bloke looks up at him with a raised fist and yells, "You'll be sorry!!"
"Oh, yeah? Why?"
"Well, you won't be able to do the corners very well"
Your face makes onions cry.
What did the blind man say to the 15 year old?
Why would you write that on your face?
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and spots?
Spots don't usually come on your face until you're around 13
What's the difference between a preacher and pimples?
Pimples come on your face AFTER puberty!
Man with half an orange for a head
A guy walks into a bar. Half of his head is a giant orange. The bartender goes, "OH MY GOD, YOUR HEAD IS A GIANT ORANGE!"
Out of his half-mouth, the guy says, "Yeah, yeah, I know. Pour me a shot and I'll explain."
Confused, the bartender pours the guy a shot. The guy downs it and asks for another, then begins his story:
"When I was a young man I travelled the world: Egypt, China, Arabia, everywhere. One day I found a magic lamp and a genie granted me 3 wishes.
'Really?' I said. 'Anything?'
'Anything,' said the genie.
'Okay,' I said. 'First wish... I wish I had a wallet that always had a thousand dollars in it.'
'Granted,' said the genie."
"Wait, wait," interrupts the bartender. "You don't expect me to believe that?"
"Are you kidding? My head's a fucking orange!" snaps the man with the orange head. But just to prove it, he pulls out a worn wallet and slaps ten $100 notes on the bar. The bartender shuts up and the guy with the orange head continues.
"For my second wish, I asked to be irresistible to women."
"Bullshit," says the bartender.
The guy looks across the bar at a beautiful woman he's never met and says, "Hey, baby, want to go home with me tonight?"
The woman squeals with delight, nods, rushes over, buys him a drink, and hangs off him lovingly. She doesn't even seem to notice that half of his head is a piece of fruit. Awed, the bartender pours another round, and asks in a hushed voice, "So... your face... your head... the third wish?"
The man nods and downs another shot of whiskey.
"What happened?" whispered the bartender, leaning forward.
"For my third wish..." whispers the man. "...I wished... that half of my head... were a giant orange."
If laughter was the best medicine...
Your face would cure the world!
Whats the difference between a Priest and Acne?
*Acne waits until you're a teen to come on your face*
^^^^^^^^^^edit^^^^^^^^^^, ^^^^^^^^^^grammar
Your face is just fine but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
A blonde gets pulled over by a blonde cop
Blonde cop: May I see your driving license?
Blonde driver: Driving license? What's that?
Blonde cop: The thing with your face on it
Blonde driver: Alright
Blonde driver: Reaches in her handbag and hands over her makeup mirror to the cop
Blonde Cop: Sorry, we didn't know you were a police woman as well. Carry on!
You can't face the problem
If your face is the problem
water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,
drown them
What is the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits till you're 13 to come on your face.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy...
He said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Judging by your face, you hit pretty hard.
Why is it no fun being an egg?
You only get laid once, you only get smashed once and the only bird who sits on your face is your mother.
A man robs a bank wearing a balaclava.
'Did you see my face?' he asks the teller.
'Just a little bit.'
Bang. He shoots her.
'Did you see my face' he asks another teller.
'Only briefly' he says.
Bang. He shoots him.
He turns to a man standing beside him.
'Did you see my face?' he says 'No. I didn't,' says the man 'But my wife, she saw your face.'
How do you know you have a really bad case of acne?
When the blind try to read your face.
What do you call a single tear on your face the day of your wedding?
Eye dew.
What's the difference between acne and a Child m**...?
Acne waits till you are 13 to come all over your face.
Your face is so ugly
when your momma dropped you off to school she got a littering fine
Some people are like slinkies.
They're totally useless, but they can still put a smile on your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Whats the difference between Jack and Jill?
I cant Jill off onto your face.
If you do these things every day for 30 days straight you will be unrecognizable
1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.
2. Drink four 8oz glasses of water minimum daily.
3. Get outside in the sun everyday.
4. No sugar.
5. Read for 30 mins each day.
6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week
7. Capture someone, cut their face off then sew it onto your face.
8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because your face is fcuked up
Why would it s**... to be an egg?
Because you only get laid once, only get smashed once, and the only chick that sits on your face is your mother
A man goes to church to confess his sins.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he tells him
"What is it that you've done, my child?"
"Father, I've had premarital s**... with 6 different beautiful women. One for each day since Monday."
The priest takes a good look at him before replying, "Well, son, say 10 hail Mary's and drink a pint of lime juice."
"Will that absolve my sins, Father?"
"No, but it sure as h**... will wipe that s**... smirk on your face!"
A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.
They're trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pears.
I don't get toilet roll there anymore.
If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.
And presto-chango, f**... hare!
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket.
Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
How do you know if you have bad acne?
When blind people can read your face.
I got you a refrigerator for your birthday!
I can't wait to see your face light up when you open it
How can you tell when you have really bad acne?
When blind people start trying to read your face.
Rodeo Position
Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old m**... the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off d**..., behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.
Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!
Why can't you have a 12 inch nose?
Cause then you have a foot on your face, which is an improved look for you actually.
John came to school with a scar on his forehead
Tom asked him what do you have on your face?
John answered that it was a scar and it was his fathers fault. John explained that he hit a nail with his fist, and his father told him that he really should use his head sometimes.
"Dude how did you hurt your face so bad?"
"See that tree over there?"
"Yeah"
"Well, I didn't"
Would a hurricane close it's doors in your face?
No, but a Lakewood.
Saw a guy in a bar with a rabbit on his face
So I saw a guy in a bar with a rabbit on his face,
obviously i asked him, hey whats the deal with the rabbit on your face?
He replied "hey it's not a rabbit, its a f**... hair".
Why is it bad to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes you 4 minutes to get hard and only 2 minutes to get soft.
You have to share your box with 11 other guys.
The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
A blond cop pulls over a blond woman...
The cop asks for license and registration. The driver says she may not have her license, she doesn't know what it looks like. The cop says,"It's small, rectangular, and has a picture of your face on it."
The driver digs around for a minute and finally comes up with a handheld mirror. She hands it to the cop.
The cop says,"Oh, why didn't you tell me you were a police officer?! You're free to go!"
My daughter asked me, "Dad, why is your nose in the middle of your face?"
I smirked and replied, "Because it's the scenter."
A pastor cuts his chin while shaving one Sunday morning.
He hurriedly puts a band-aid on and rushes to his church for the 10:00 am service.
Afterwards, a member of the congregation, an older woman, comes up to the pastor and asks, "Excuse me, but what happened to your face?" The pastor replies "I was thinking about my sermon and I cut my chin." The old lady rolls her eyes and says "Maybe you should think about your chin, and cut your sermons."
