Your Breath Jokes
44 your breath jokes and hilarious your breath puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about your breath that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Your Breath Short Jokes
Short your breath jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your breath humour may include short your teeth jokes also.
- SCUBA is an acronym for "Self contained underwater breathing apparatus". Tuba is also an acronym. It stands for "terrible underwater breathing apparatus"
- A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid. Papa Roach said, Suffocation, no breathing.
- A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!" - "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died." - A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
- The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was originally intended to be for Wii U But mid-way through development they made the switch.
- My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last He said, "Staring contest... GO."
- I've got a pretty long Police record.... It's a full 44 minutes long and contains "Every Breath You Take"
- When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation... Almost died in Finding Nemo
- When I asked my friend how he's doing, he said "man, I'm just happy to be breathing". I told him he should have bigger aspirations.
Share These Your Breath Jokes With Friends
Your Breath One Liners
Which your breath one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your breath? I can suggest the ones about breath and bad breath.
- Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
- Why do people in Beijing smoke so many cigarettes? To get a breath of filtered air.
- I got Inside a vacuum chamber once. It was breath taking.
- If you miss your ex Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again
- What do cannibals use to freshen their breath? Men toes
- How do cannibals freshen their breath? Men toes.
- What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe!
- What's fast and can breathe underwater? Not a toddler, I can tell you that
- How do scientists keep their breath fresh? Experamints
- Are you a cop from New York? Because you take my breath away.
- What did the mesothelioma patient say to his doctor? I'm breathing asbestos I can!
- A cat eats a slice of swiss cheese... and sits by the mousetrap with baited breath.
- My vampire girlfriend doesn't give me any space She's always breathing down my neck.
- This chick was beautiful so I asked her if she was a cop Because she took my breath away
- It is a myth that you cannot breathe underwater You can breathe out, just not in.
Quirky and Hilarious Your Breath Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about your breath you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breathing mouth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make your breath pranks.
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
A priest and a police officer walk into a bar.
A priest and a police officer walk into a bar. They each spend some time drinking, before both leaving.
The priest goes to his car, and the officer sees he is having difficulty to walk.
As he goes to enter, the officer stops him. He says "are you in a fit state to drive, reverend?"
He replied "yes, I have only had water."
The officer says "that's a lie, I can smell wine on your breath"
The priest looks to the sky and says "You did it again, lord!"
Husband's night out
An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.
"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."
"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."
So my son came home drunk at 2am.
I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."
EDIT : Apostrophe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me to My Neighbour
we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
CPR
I popped my head over my s**... neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman are standing in an elevator
Man: Excuse me, Miss, can I smell your b**...?
Woman: (Disgusted) What!? Of course not!
Man: Oh, I see... well then I guess that must be your breath.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey Tommy why're you so out of breath?
Well I was just having the best s**... of my life!
Wow it was so good it took your breath away?
Oh nah, I had to run - I heard a door open on the other side of the morgue
how to get rid of hiccups
Hold your breath for 15 minutes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your breath is so n**.......
That people look forward to your farts
A Lady was conducting her Anti-Drinking campaign outside a bar......
A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes.
The Lady asked him :"Tell me. If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor, do you think the Lord will let you in?"
"My good woman" passionately holding her hand, said the man, "When I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind."
What does Coronavirus and Cops have in common?
They both take your breath away.
A police officer pulled me over.
"Hello, there!" I said.
He said, "Sir, I'm almost certain I can smell alcohol on your breath. About 95%"
I said, "Correction, whiskey is about 40%"
What's the best thing to say when someone farts?
Your voice has changed, but your breath hasn't.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my coach if he thought I'd win today's swim meet.
He told me, don't hold your breath, kid.
So I drowned.
Give me a chance and i will take your breath away
Covid - 19
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Jay Sherman say about your breath?
It stinks!
Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.
Do you take karate?
Because your breath is kickin'
"Come to me!" the man crooned like Sinatra to his wife. "Your breath smells like..."
"... come to me!"
An electrician walks into intensive care
and yells: 'Hold your breaths, I am about to start replacing circuit breakers'
I won the drowning competition. Wanna know my secret?
Well, don't hold your breath!
I've just broken the British record for holding your breath underwater - 8 minutes 42 seconds.
It all started when a little girl in the swimming pool shouted "That's him, Daddy, over there!"
What's the same about a girls legs and the Eiffel Tower?
The more you go up the more they take your breath away
How do you defend your breath mints?
Tic-Tactically.
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does your breath smell like after a f**...?
Mourning breath!
I feel like a psycho killer
'cause all I wanna do is take your breath away.
Your breathing rhythm is no longer automated
And so is the blinking of your eye
