Your Breath Jokes

69 your breath jokes and hilarious your breath puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about your breath that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Your Breath Short Jokes

Short your breath jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The your breath humour may include short your teeth jokes also.

  1. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
  2. SCUBA is an acronym for "Self contained underwater breathing apparatus". Tuba is also an acronym. It stands for "terrible underwater breathing apparatus"
  3. A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid. Papa Roach said, Suffocation, no breathing.
  4. A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
    Me: "I dunno, what?"
    Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
  5. "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
    "Not this time. Our dog died."
  6. A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
  7. I like my women how I like my Corona viruses Easy to get, quick to spread and leaving me out of breath
  8. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was originally intended to be for Wii U But mid-way through development they made the switch.
  9. My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last He said, "Staring contest... GO."
  10. I've got a pretty long Police record.... It's a full 44 minutes long and contains "Every Breath You Take"

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Your Breath One Liners

Which your breath one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with your breath? I can suggest the ones about breath and bad breath.

  1. Fun fact: You can't breathe correctly while smiling Just kidding, I made you smile :)
  2. Why do people in Beijing smoke so many cigarettes? To get a breath of filtered air.
  3. I got Inside a vacuum chamber once. It was breath taking.
  4. What did the Green grape say to the Purple grape? Breathe idiot! Breathe!
  5. If you miss your ex Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again
  6. Did you know you can't breathe while smiling? Just kidding, wanted to make you smile.
  7. What do cannibals use to freshen their breath? Men toes
  8. How do cannibals freshen their breath? Men toes.
  9. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe!
  10. Cutest joke ever What does a red grape tell a purple grape? Breathe, you idiot! Breathe!!
  11. Why did the Albino pig have bad breath? He has no Pig mints.
  12. What's fast and can breathe underwater? Not a toddler, I can tell you that
  13. How do scientists keep their breath fresh? Experamints
  14. Are you a cop from New York? Because you take my breath away.
  15. My girlfriend takes my breath away. She's inflatable.

Your Breath Is So Bad Jokes

Here is a list of funny your breath is so bad jokes and even better your breath is so bad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath. That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
  • What do you call an incredibly insensitive shaman who's also weak and suffers from chronic bad breath? A super callous fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.
  • I met a frail old wizard. He had bad breath and loads of blisters. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • What do you call a monk who walks everywhere in bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath? A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

    A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • I asked my doctor how bad my breath is. "You see that broccoli over there?" he pointed.
    "Yes..." I replied.
    "That was a cauliflower before you started talking."
  • What do you give an apprehensive person with bad breath? An encourage mint.
  • What do you call a really cranky shaman with bad breath and osteoporosis? A Super-calloused-fragile-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
  • Did you hear about the sickly magician with blisters and bad breath? He's a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ? "Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"

Your Breath Stinks Jokes

Here is a list of funny your breath stinks jokes and even better your breath stinks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do houses eat when their breath stinks? Apart Mints
  • What did Jay Sherman say about your breath? It stinks!
  • A guy came to me at the bar the other day and said "Hey bartender, I don't have much money so give me a cheap shot!" . . I told him "your mom is ugly and your breathe stinks"
  • My mask stinks My wife: That's your breath.
  • What's a polite way to tell someone that their breath stinks? I'm bored, how about we do shots... Of mouthwash.

Quirky and Hilarious Your Breath Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about your breath you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean breathing mouth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make your breath pranks.

A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...

after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"

A priest and a police officer walk into a bar.

A priest and a police officer walk into a bar. They each spend some time drinking, before both leaving.
The priest goes to his car, and the officer sees he is having difficulty to walk.
As he goes to enter, the officer stops him. He says "are you in a fit state to drive, reverend?"
He replied "yes, I have only had water."
The officer says "that's a lie, I can smell wine on your breath"
The priest looks to the sky and says "You did it again, lord!"

Husband's night out

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.
"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."
"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."

A priest is pulled over for speeding...

Smelling alcohol on the priest breath and noticing a wine bottle in the passenger seat of the car, the highway patrolman asks, "father, have you been drinking?"
"just water," the priest replies.
"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?" quipped​ the patrolman.
The priest looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "good Lord he's done it again".
Edited for u/littlekiing

So my son came home drunk at 2am.

I said, "excuse me, but you are out past curfew and I distinctly smell beer on your breath." "No dad, I'm sorry I'm home late but I wasn't drinking. My buddies and I were eating froglegs." So I looked at him and said, "I have been around for a while I know what beer smells like." He started to panic and said,"dad you're just smelling the hops."
EDIT : Apostrophe

Me to My Neighbour

we get it. you can hold your breath (*looks at watch*) for 19 days. Quit showing off and come out of that pool.

Preacher gets pulled over.

The officer asks for ID, when he says
"what have you had to drink tonight?"
The preacher replies
"Only water, sir."
The officer insists "I distinctly smell wine on your breath!"
The preacher, with a confident retort, says
"d**..., he's done it again."


I popped my head over my s**... neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini.
"Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR."
"Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?"
"No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

A man and a woman are standing in an elevator

Man: Excuse me, Miss, can I smell your b**...?
Woman: (Disgusted) What!? Of course not!
Man: Oh, I see... well then I guess that must be your breath.

Hey Tommy why're you so out of breath?

Well I was just having the best s**... of my life!
Wow it was so good it took your breath away?
Oh nah, I had to run - I heard a door open on the other side of the morgue

how to get rid of hiccups

Hold your breath for 15 minutes

Your breath is so n**.......

That people look forward to your farts

A Lady was conducting her Anti-Drinking campaign outside a bar......

A man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes.
The Lady asked him :"Tell me. If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor, do you think the Lord will let you in?"
"My good woman" passionately holding her hand, said the man, "When I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind."

A Lady was conducting her anti drinking campaign outside a bar.....

A heavily drunk man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes. The Lady stopped him and said - "Tell me!!! If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor... Do you think the Lord will let you in ???"
"My good woman" passionately holding her hand, said the man, "When I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind."

What does Coronavirus and Cops have in common?

They both take your breath away.

A police officer pulled me over.

"Hello, there!" I said.
He said, "Sir, I'm almost certain I can smell alcohol on your breath. About 95%"
I said, "Correction, whiskey is about 40%"

It's a Miracle, I tell yeah!

A police officer notices a car swerving on the freeway, so he pulls it over. As he walks up to the car he notices the driver is a priest.
"Anything to drink today, father?", the officer asks.
"No, just water", replies the priest.
"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?, rebutted the officer.
The father looks at the officer with wide open eyes and replies in astonishment," SWEET JESUS! I can't believe it! He's done it again!! IT'S A MIRACLE! "

What's the best thing to say when someone farts?

Your voice has changed, but your breath hasn't.

I asked my coach if he thought I'd win today's swim meet.

He told me, don't hold your breath, kid.
So I drowned.

As a purple faced man I long to meet a purple faced woman someday...

Don't hold your breath

Give me a chance and i will take your breath away

Covid - 19

Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

What does your mom and a trash can have in common?

Even if it's full, you just gotta hold your breath and stick it in.

Do you take karate?

Because your breath is kickin'

"Come to me!" the man crooned like Sinatra to his wife. "Your breath smells like..."

"... come to me!"

An electrician walks into intensive care

and yells: 'Hold your breaths, I am about to start replacing circuit breakers'

I won the drowning competition. Wanna know my secret?

Well, don't hold your breath!

I've just broken the British record for holding your breath underwater - 8 minutes 42 seconds.

It all started when a little girl in the swimming pool shouted "That's him, Daddy, over there!"

What's the same about a girls legs and the Eiffel Tower?

The more you go up the more they take your breath away

Your breath smells so bad...

You couldn't pass a breathalyzer sober!

How do you defend your breath mints?


Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.

What does your breath smell like after a f**...?

Mourning breath!

I feel like a psycho killer

'cause all I wanna do is take your breath away.

Your breathing rhythm is no longer automated

And so is the blinking of your eye

Your breath smells so bad

I don't know whether to give you a tic tac or toilet paper.

jokes about your breath