The Best 35 Your Beard Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Your Beard jokes. There are some your beard jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these your beard puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Your Beard Jokes and Puns

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

Whats a fedora clad, neck bearded gentlemen's favorite color?

M'genta

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

Who shaves every hour everyday and still has a beard?

The barber

A bearded guy

A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."


An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.

Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."

Boss: " So what are you saying....?"

Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."

I used to know a guy who shaved around six or seven times a day and still had a beard at the end of the day

He was a Barber.

I was invited to a party and was told "dress to kill"

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind

My wife told me I should shave my beard.

A few months ago, I would have maybe agreed with her, but now it has really grown on me.

You can explore your beard reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean your beard dad jokes. There are also your beard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I never liked the idea of having a beard

Then it grew on me

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".

The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.

The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."

The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"

The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."

Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy are playing golf...

Moses steps up first and lands his ball in a water hazard. He then proceeds to part the water where the ball is and lands it in the hole.

Jesus hits his ball and also lands it in the water hazard. So he walk on the water, picks it up, places it on a nearby lily pad and also lands it in the hole.

Now the old bearded guy steps up and just hits the ball with all his strength. The ball goes flying! It then proceeds to hit a nearby rooftop, bounce along the grass and land on a lily pad. A frog appears and eats the golf ball. Then out of nowhere a bird picks up the frog in its talons and flies off. As the bird flies over the green, the frog spits out the ball and it manages to land the ball in the hole...

After witnessing this Moses turns towards Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."

My friends Grandpa told us this when we were about 14, What did the one leg say to the other leg?

Check out Shorty he's growing a beard!

George Bush swears he sees Moses in the crowd at a rally....

.....and he doesn't want to miss the opportunity to meet such a well-known biblical celebrity.

He yells at him, "Sir, you look a lot like a man from the old testament. Are you Moses?" Looking around, the man slowly shakes his head side to side denying the gesture. Bush is not convinced.. one more time he asks, "Sir, I don't see the need to lie to me; are you Moses?" Once again, a back and forth shaking of his head. Bush tells his security detail to interrogate him.

His lead security agent asks the man in complete confidence, "The beard, the cloak, the staff, the wrinkled skin... you look exactly like Moses." Moses replies, "Because I am."

Confused, the security agent asks, "Why didn't you just tell the president that then? What harm could it have caused?" As a matter of factly, Moses replies, "The last time I talked to a Bush, I was stranded in a desert for 40 years."

A cruise ship is sailing in the Caribbean..

The cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly.

Captain, one passenger asks, who is that man over there?

I have no idea, the captain says, but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.

(A joke from ancient Rome) A young idiot is told that it looks like his beard is coming in, so he goes down to the gate to wait for it to arrive.

While he's waiting a friend sees him and asks what he's doing. "I'm waiting for my beard, I was told it was coming in." Says the idiot. "No wonder people call you an idiot" says the friend... "How do you know it's not coming in from the other gate?"

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard...

He's a seasoned veteran.


Daddy, there's a man at the door with a beard!

Tell him I already have one.

I was on vacation in Tahiti and decide to go for a one day boat trip

The skipper was sailing along islands when I saw on a really tiny one a man with a long beard, torn-down clothes and no shoes waving at us, screaming. He was very, very far and I didn't understand a word he was saying. I asked the skipper:
- Who is this guy?
- Dunno, he have been there for six months, waves at me every day.

My grandpa just walked into the room with a young man wearing skinny jeans and a beard.

I said, Who is this, grandpa?

Grandpa: He's my hip replacement.

There's a new razor designed for dyslexics.

It's the best thing since sliced beard.

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s....

My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

I'm unsure whether I like my beard.

But it's growing on me.

What happened when Red-Beard's ship and Blue-Beard's ship crashed into each other?

They were MAROONED!

The beard or me. You must choose.

A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.

He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"

A cruise ship passed a tiny, isolated island.

Everyone on board could see a bearded man on the island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?"

"I have no idea," said the Captain, "but every year when we pass by here, he goes nuts."

My friend visited me months after I moved and said sweet beard . I said...

Thanks, it's growing on me .

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans" ;)

Hey... Nice beard

Thanks, it's growing on me

Sorry.

Wondering why "cuck" has become the new insult of choice among basement dwellers and neck beards?

They finally found an insult that can never be used against them.

My friend and I are in a beard growing contest

Right now it's neck and neck.

If a bearded man makes vases...

Is he a hairy potter?

You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls

All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key vibe, a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the your beard jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working your beard piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes