you will hate fridays Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious you will hate fridays puns

Fridays!!

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowingin despair, he has his first meeting with The Devil.
The Devil: Why so sad?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
The Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here... Do you drink?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
The Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, brandy, rum, tequila, beer...we drink until we throw up and then we drink some more! It doesn't matter because you're already dead!
Guy: That sounds great.
The Devil: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes.
The Devil: You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer - who cares! You're already dead!
Guy: Wow!
The Devil: Do you gamble?.
Guy: I do.
The Devil: Wednesdays you can gamble all youwant...blackjack, roulette, poker, whatever... If you lose yourshirt...who cares!
Guy: Amazing!
The Devil: You into drugs?
Guy: You don't mean...
The Devil: Yes, Thursdays are drug days. Help yourself toa great all the drugs that your want! Who cares... you're dead!
Guy: I never realized Hell was such a swinging place!!!
The Devil: Are you gay?
Guy: No.
The Devil: Ooooh - you're gonna hate Fridays..

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Good times in hell

So a guy dies and goes to hell. The man is frightened as he is greeted by a demon.

"What's wrong?" the demon says.

"I'm in hell. Terrible things are going to happen to me in here." the man replies.

"Oh, it's not all bad. Do you like beer?"

"Yeah."

"Well every Monday we take a break from the hell stuff and just hang out and drink beer all day. Do you like pizza?"

"Yeah" the man says looking a little less sad.

"Well on Wednesdays we order a bunch of pizzas and watch TV all day. Do you like receiving anal sex?"

"No"

"Ohhhhhh. Well then you are going to hate Fridays then."

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One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell.

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with The Devil...

The Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

The Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...
You a drinking' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

The Devil: Well you're gonna love Mondays. On Mondays that's all we do
is drink. Whiskey, tequila, beer ...we drink until we throw up and then
we drink some more! It doesn't matter because you're already dead!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.

The Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: Yes
The Devil: You're going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from
all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer - who
cares - you're already dead?
Guy: Wow!

The Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.
The Devil: Wednesdays you can gamble all you want...blackjack, roulette,
poker, whatever... If you lose your shirt...who cares!
Guy: Amazing!

The Devil: You into drugs?
Guy: You don't mean...
The Devil: Thursdays are drug days. Help yourself to a great big bowl of
crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. Who cares... you're dead!
Guy: I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

The Devil: You gay?
Guy: No.
The Devil: Ooooh - you're gonna hate Fridays....

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Guy keeps calling off work on Mondays....

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f-----g her."

The boss says, "You f--k your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

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I can't come in today. I'm sick.

A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm fucking her."

The boss says, "You fuck your sister? That's SICK!!!!"

The guy says, "Been tellin' ya'"

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A man dies and goes to hell

Satan says to him "Hell's not really what the people on Earth say it is, mostly God just wants quiet peaceful types in Heaven and everyone else gets to come to Hell to enjoy themself. Do you like drinking?"

The man says "Yeah, I love to drink."

Satan says "Then you'll love Mondays, we just all sit around and get piss drunk. Are you a bigot?"

The man says "Yeah, I hate niggers"

Satan says "Then you'll love Tuesdays, we just sit around and make racist jokes all the fucking time. Do you gamble?"

The man says "I love to gamble."

Satan says "Then you'll love Wednesdays, we just gamble and game all day long. Do you like to fight?"

The man says "I like fighting, I can hold my own in a brawl."

Satan says "Then you'll love Thursdays, we just beat the shit out of each other all day long. Are you a glutton?"

The man says "Yeah, I'll eat anything you serve me."

Satan says "Then you'll love Fridays, we just pig out on anything and everything in sight. Do you smoke?"

The man says "I love smoking."

Satan says "Then you'll love Saturdays. We smoke Tobacco, cigarettes, cigars, hookah, pot, crack, you name it. Are you gay?"

The man says "Um, no, not at all really."

Satan says "Then you're going to hate Sundays."

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Which day do chickens hate the most? Friday.

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A guy starts a new job...

A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in
and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in
and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." The boss asks the foreman
about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two
men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have
a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd
hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with?
Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law
drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday
morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on
my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing
you know, I'm screwing her."
The boss says, "You screw your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

👍🏼

Joe dies and goes to hell, when he is greeted by a demon at the gate..

The demon says "Sup Joe, Welcome to hell my bro! You're gonna love it here!"

Joe responds "But this is Hell, why would I love it here?

The demon replies "well do you like drinking? Yes he loves it he says. Well on mondays we drink the whole day.

Do You like getting high? Love it, Joe replies. Well on Tuesdays we get high all day.

Do you like gambling? I used to do it all the time says John. Well On wednesdays we gamble thw whole day.

You like drugs? Joe says ofcourse he does. Well on thursday all the drugs you want says the demon.

Are you gay? Joe says Fuck no dude I'm not into that..

Oh shit, Well then You're gonna Hate fridays man!

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Which day do chickens hate the most?

Friday.

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What day do fries hate the most?

Friday

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