You So Bald Jokes

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are s**....

I can't tell if I'm going bald...

or if it's all in my head.

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

A hundred dollar bill.

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers w**..., talking about what they want to do when they grow up.
The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."
The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."
The third triplet says, "When I grow up I want to be a boxer, so that I can beat up that bald guy who comes in here and spits on us all the time!"

Being bald

It means you went back to your roots.

Comb On!

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Gee, I'll never part with it!

My father in law just told me this joke

"Well, you know what they say about balding. If you go bald in the front, you're a good thinker. If you go bald in the back, you're a good lover. If you go bald everywhere, you think you're a good lover."

A bald man was once presented with a comb as a gift...

He said, "I'll never part with it."

So, I went to go get my haircut..

And I told the barber to make the left side a little shorter than my right. Then I told him to make a couple of little holes and bald patches. And for the back of my head, don't make my hairline equal. Make it a zigzag.
He looks at me and says, "Come on, you know I can't do that, it wouldn't be right!"
And I'm like, "I don't see the problem, you did it last time..."

What's worse than finding hair in your food?

Finding out the chef is bald.

During dinner, Juan asked his mother....

Mamma, why is dad bald?
Well Juan, your father has a lot to think about and is very intelligent, that's why.
But mamma, why do you have such a long hair?
Shut UP Juan and eat your soup!

Will You Still Love Me???

Ah, marriage. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: Will you still love me when I'm old, fat, and balding?
She answered, I do.

A man travels to an island...

A person travelling remarks on how healthy the locals look, and an attractive man says, "Yes, it's the island. When I first arrived I was bald, didn't have teeth, and couldn't walk -- but now look at me."
The traveler: "Wow... That's amazing. So where are you from?"
"I was born here"
Credit to /u/TheNightWind.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

At the post office....

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Bald people struggle with improv,

They can't seem to come up with anything off the top of their head.

Did you hear about the bald man's will after he died?

Turns out he didn't have any heirs.

What do you call a balding aeroplane?

A receding airline.

Two Bald Eagles

A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.
He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.
"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.
"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."

A fat friend said baldness runs in his family

I replied with nothing runs in your family

I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy's hair...

But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pants pocket??

So he could run a hand through his hair!!!

I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas.

She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.

A man is arrested for killing a condor

A man is arrested for killing an endangered condor. Before the judge, the man says, "Your honor, I only killed the condor to feed my hungry family."
The judge says, "Well, I can't charge a man for feeding his family. And I'm curious so I'll let you off with a warning if you answer one question. What did it taste like?"
The man says, Somewhere between a bald eagle and a baby seal."

A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"

The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch...

Is that people think you're just tall.

My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had.

For some reason, she woke up bald and in a bad attitude

What do you call it when a person shaves their head bald to blend in with cancer patients?...

Chemoflage

I had a great father figure growing up

I was Overweight and balding, school was tough :(

Why should you never lend your comb to a bald person?

Because they will never part with it.

3 wives want to decide what to wear

The first one says, "My husband has black hair so I will wear a black dress"
The second one says, "My husband has grey hair so I will wear a grey dress"
The third wife, on hear this starts panicking.
When asked she tell the other two, "My husband is bald"

My girlfriend introduced our new baby to my friends.

"Look at those chubby cheeks and bald head," they said.
I said, "Thanks, but we're here to talk about the baby."

A comb is the best present a bald man can receive

He'll never part with it.

My friend went bald five years ago, but he still carries a comb.

He just can't part with it.

Why can't bald people eat rabbits?

They don't have hare.

Why do bald people like holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

A man walks up to a bald guy in a bar, rubs his head and says "Smooth. Just like my wife's behind."

The bald guy reaches up and rubs his head. "Wow. You're right." he replies.

My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can't seem to part with it.

Nobody wants to be alone. A recently divorced friend of mine is hopeful of once again finding romance. Beer belly, completely bald.....

I don't like her chances.

I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine.

I think I'll grow my bald spot out!

Her: I didn't find any hair on the bed

Him: And?
Her: Where's that bald b**...?

Yesterday I beat cancer

Poor bald kid didn't even see me coming!

Doctor, my hearing is getting worse...

- Can you explain the symtoms?
- Well, Homer is fat, bald and ugly; Bart is...

What do we call a lice above a bald person?

Homeless.

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head?

Cause it looked like hare from a distance.

What do you call lice that lives in a bald man's head?

Homeless

My girl is so insecure...

Even though she doesn't find any hair on my clothes she still be like "Who's the bald chick?!".

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...
Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.
In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, Hey compadre, we don't have to just *accept* this as our new normal, ya know? What with modern fashion and technology these days… we can *do* something about this!
So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.

There was a lot of controversy with the bald man's will

Turns out he didn't have any heirs

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?

Thanks ill never part with it

What do you call a bald man on a windy day?

Fortunate.

What does a balding magician have in his hat?

Hare.

What not to say in an argument against a bald person?

Hair me out.

Two cannibals meet one day.

The first cannibal says, You know, I just can't seem to get a tender m**.... I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender.
The second cannibal asks, What kind of m**... do you use?
The first replies, You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around their waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.
Ah, ha! the second cannibal replies, No wonder… those are friars!

m**... Jagger and Keith Richards were cruising down the coast.

Coming around a bend they saw a magnificent bald eagle in the middle of the road. When m**... swerved to miss it he lost control of the car and they plummeted off a cliff to their death.
A tragic case of killing two Stones with one bird.

You know the scene, balding dude in a convertible with a h**....

She peels off her top and says "Faster you go, the more i take off!"
She's down to her socks and he's doing 120 mph when they c**.... Dazed and confused she finds the driver pinned in the car and goes for help, but all she can find to cover her bits is his shoe.
Stumbling out into the highway she manages to pull someone over "Help, my friend is stuck!" She screams. The guy looks down at the shoe and says "Ma'am, he's too far in for me to help"

My ex has a new guy

He's horrible. Doesn't do jack s**... around the house, lies around all the time, hitting the bottle pretty hard or yelling at her whenever it's empty. He also ain't really a looker, he's bald and kinda short and ... I really don't understand what people see in babies.

My hair is receding at my temples, making my hairline look like the flap of an envelope.

g**... mail pattern baldness...