The Best 35 You Re Older Than Jokes

Following is our collection of funny You Re Older Than jokes. There are some you re older than jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these you re older than puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest You Re Older Than Jokes and Puns

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?

The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."

Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"

The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."

Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"

The student replies "An orphan."

Two young boys walked into a drug store, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight" the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him... He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either"

Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, Are these for you?

The older brother says, They aren't for me, they're for my brother.

Very confused the pharmacist asks, But, why does your brother need them? , and the older brother says, Well, the lady on the TV said if you use these you can swim and ride a bicycle and he can't do either of those things.

Strength vs. Intelligence

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...

You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.


Two older Jewish men walked by a Catholic Church with a sign in front that said Convert today and get $100

The first man turned to the second and said $100?!? I'm going in! and walked into the church, leaving his friend to wait for him outside. When the first man came back out, the second asked, OK, so now you're Catholic but did you at least get the $100? . The first man gave him a look and said It's always about the money with you people.

Urgent message to all older men...

There has been a terrible spate of robberies by a gang of young women. Their MO is to pull you over on the road and hitch a ride. They always wear skimpy bikinis, then start to rub themselves on you while you're driving in order to distract you. One of them then sneakily steals your wallet. I have already lost four wallets this week. But you can buy cheap wallets at the dollar store.

A 70 year old shows up at the country club with his new wife, a gorgeous 25 year old vixen

His buddies are in awe and terribly jealous. "But you're so much older! How did you ever persuade her to marry you?"

"It was easy... I told her I was 90."

A fortune teller walks up to a boy on the street.

Hey, I have a joke for you, she says.

The boy shrugs. Ok.

The fortune teller smiles.

Cancer, she says.

Cancer? the boy asks. He frowns. If that's your joke, I don't get it.

Don't worry, the fortune teller says, and starts to walk away, You will when you're older.

I hated weddings as a kid

When I was younger,I had to attend many a wedding with my parents. Every single time, my aunts and other older relatives used to poke me with a smirk and tell me "You're next.".
They only stopped after I started doing the same thing with them at funerals.

A little girl and an older man walk into the woods together, when the girl starts to cry.

The man says to her, 'I don't know why you're the one crying, I'm the one that has to walk out of these woods all alone!'

You can explore you re older than reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean you re older than dad jokes. There are also you re older than puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The old man and the elevator.

An old man from the country takes his family to town for the first time. They're at the mall and the mall has an elevator. Him and his son are watching this thing in amazement as they never saw one before and was not sure what it was. An older lady at least 80 with Gray hair in rollers and a walking cane walks into the elevator. A few minutes later a beautiful 25 year old blonde with huge tits walks out. The old man says to his son "Quick go get your mama".

My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful

My 11-year-old grandson spent 
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, Someday, you're going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom's basement playing video games all day!

His reply: I can only dream.

So

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, How old was your husband? Ninety-eight, she replied. Two years older than I am.

So you're ninety-six, the undertaker said.

She responded, Hardly worth going home, is it?

I was arguing with friends over what school weighed the most.

One friend said high schools because the kids are older and weigh more.

Another said definitely colleges, not only do the students weigh more than high school students, there's so many more people.

I said you're both wrong, it's definitely Catholic schools, they have more mass.

Having a Daughter

Daughter: "Dad, when will I be old enough to go to the movies with a boy?"

Dad: "When you're a year older than your brother."

The daughter thought for a moment and replied: "But I'll never be older than my brother, he was born first."

Dad: "I guess there's your answer. But don't blame me, go talk to your brother."

"You're going to leave me for someone younger," my wife explained.

"That's not right," I assured her. "They could be older too."

Why are newer lightbulbs smarter than older lightbulbs?

Because they're brighter.

Darling, what does pedophile mean?

I'll tell you when you're older.


A kid asked his mother why his sister was named rose.

His mother replied to him, explaining that roses were her favorite color.

He then asked her the same question in regards to his own name.

"You'll get it when you're older, Richard," she responded.

E: I know I said color instead of flower, but I am leaving it.

Two Carpenters

Two carpenters were working on a house. One older one and one newer to the job. They were both working on one side of the house. After a few hours of working the older guy noticed the young guy looking at every nail, then dropping about half. The older one exclaimed about this and asked. Why are you wasting those perfectly good nails? the second guy answered
They're facing the wrong direction!
You idiot! The older man exclaimed. They're for the other side of the house!

Prostitutes are like cigarettes.

As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it.
When you start getting older, you think, "why not just once?".
Soon enough, you're addicted. And broke.

Three Signs You're Getting Older

I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older.

The first is senility

And I forget the other two.

Son:Mom! What's a GF?

Mom:if you are a good boy,you will get one when you're older.

Son:What if i'm not a good boy?

Mom:You'll get many.

What did the baby milk say to his older sister?

You're spoiled!

Half the time, I just want to respond to an ELI5 thread with

"I'll tell you when you're older."

A friend of mine said he was really surprised at how much we've discovered about trigonometric functions.

Well we've had a lot of time to study them, I responded, Cos' they're older tan sin.

Im still trying to convince him I'm telling the truth, cos e can't believe how long they've been around.

It doesn't make sense that you're statistically more likely to die when you're old

The older you are, the more experience you have not dying

Why is life like the matrix?

When you're young, you take the red pill, because you're depressed. When you're older, you take the blue pill because your wife doesn't do it for you anymore.

You know those Chairlifts on stairs for older people?

Apparently they're made with nana-technology. (Thank my father for that one)

Being a parent of young kids when you're older is hard. I get so frustrated. I'll be yelling at the kids, "WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

Not because they did something but because I really can't remember.

You guys ever hear the joke about the cross-eyed seamstress?..

She couldn't mend straight.

Disclaimer: My 80+ year old grandfather told me this joke over the weekend so it is older than sin, figured you guys may enjoy it. Sorry if re-post.

I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments.

Which means they're ready for me.

It's ok if you dislike your hair when you're younger.

So you don't miss it when you're older.

Don't waste time brushing your teeth when you are young.

Simply put your dentures in the dishwasher when you're older.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the you re older than jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working you re older than piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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