You Mam Jokes
44 you mam jokes and hilarious you mam puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about you mam that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest You Mam Short Jokes
Short you mam jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The you mam humour may include short madam jokes also.
- Your mum is so fat that when she entered an ugly contest they said, "sorry mam, but no professionals."
- My Mam was an interior decorator and me Dad was a gynecologist So I can paint your hallway through your letterbox
- A woman calls the police claiming a one armed man is trying to kill her... They say to her "don't worry about him mam, he's hＡＲＭＬＥＳＳ."
- My Dad always worked really hard to be able to put dinner on the table for his family. And still my Mam moaned because he couldn't afford to buy plates.
That table was ruined.
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You Mam One Liners
Which you mam one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with you mam? I can suggest the ones about mama and mamma.
- What's an Imam? An I-mam is the oldest Apple product!
- What does Steven Avery get from KFC?(MAM PART 2 SPOILER) A boneless bullet
- What prehistoric animal loves lamps? Mam-moths
- It's hard for me to say it to you, mam, But your son has fallen down the Eyjafjallajökull
- What did the doctor say when George Michael died? Wham bam thank you mam....
- what did internet man say to other internet mam "dank meme"
- What do you call a man with no tongue? a mam
- I used to tell lots of mean anti-jokes... But they drove my mam's sister to s**....
Delightful Fun You Mam Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about you mam you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean your ma jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make you mam pranks.
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing!
I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right.
Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left.
Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?"
Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree.
They asked me to bring it."
Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants."
Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"
A blond girl is on a plane to Dallas...
... she is sitting in first class when she has a ticket for coach. While she is reading a magazine, the flight attendant confronts her and says "Excuse me, mam, you have a coach ticket, and you are sitting in first class, could you please move to coach?"
She puts down her magazine, looks at her in the eyes, and says "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm sitting in first class and I'm going to Dallas." She continues reading her magazine.
The flight attendent calls the co-pilot to talk to her. The co-pilot confronts her and says "I'm the co-pilot of this plane, and I'm happy to hear you're excited to be going to Dallas, but could you please move to coach? You don't have a first class seat."
She puts down her magazine, looks at him in the eyes, and says "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm sitting in first class and I'm going to Dallas." She continues reading her magazine.
The co-pilot, furious and not knowing what to do, goes to the Captain and asks if he can talk to her. The Captain gets up and talks to the woman. The woman grabs her bags and moves to coach. He returns to the co-pilot. The co-pilot asks "How did you get her to move? We've tried talking to her but nothing happened. What did you say?" and the captain responded saying "I told her first class isn't going to Dallas."
3 old lady's
3 old lady's are driving in the car. Two in the back and one driving. The lady driving notices that there is a cop with sirens on trying to pull them over. So they pull to the side of the road. As the officer approaches them he doesn't look surprised. The officer says to the women driving. Mam do you know how fast you were going there? She says yes I was going 15 mile per hour. The officer shakes his head and told the lady no mam I think you are looking at the freeway sign that says "highway 15". The women said oh no! the officer looked back at the two women in the back and saw that the to women are shaking and scared. The officer asks what's wrong with them? And the women says oh, we just got off the 125.
Self Protection with heavy Flirt :-
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Teacher :- Why are u sleeping in the class ?
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Student :- Your voice is so sweet thats why i am getting sleep .
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Teacher : - Then why other students are not sleeping ?
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Student :- They aren't listening to u mam ...........
"That's no excuse not to write to your mother."
p**... and Maggy Dunn send their son, Neely, from Ireland to the United States to find a job and build a dream career. Off Neely sails on a freighter, earning his way across the Atlantic as a deckhand.
Upon arriving in the U.S., Neely sends his mam and pap a letter, explaining the glorious sights and sounds he beheld. As Neely searches for a job, his letters dwindle in frequency and, before long, cease altogether.
p**... 'n Maggie are concerned, naturally, and send their second son, Liam, to the States to find Neely and see if he was okay. Off Liam sails.
Liam is so overwhelmed by the vastness of the U.S. that he has no idea how to find his brother. So he walks up to the nearest structure, knocks on the door, and asks, "Are ye Neely Dunn?"
"Yes," comes the reply from the porta-p**..., "but I've run out of paper."
"*That's no excuse not to write to yer mother!*"
A woman looks to move to a new neighborhood in a diffrent city
As the woman drives around the neighborhood she thinks it is perfect for her. she starts to notice there are no churches around the area she wants to move to. Being a woman of the church she continues to drive around the neighborhood to try and ask someone where she can find the closest church.
She drives by a black woman walking her dog and asks the woman.
"Excuse me mam but i would really love to move here. But there are no churches!"
The lady responds
"Church's? I dont know mam i goes to popeyes."
The excited blonde .
A blonde went to Brisbane for first time.. She was very excited and as soon as the plane landed in brisbane, she began shouting ''Brisbane Brisbane''
The air hostess being annoyed said '' Please mam , Be silent''
The blonde then shouted ''Risane Risane''
"I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
During boarding, a first class passenger finds a blond sitting in his seat. After trying to explain she's in the wrong seat the blond just replies, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
A flight attendant is called over and asks to see the blondes ticket. "Mam I'm sorry but your seat is in coach. You'll have to move."
The blond folds her arms and responds the same. "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
After the head flight attendant gets the same result they decide to call the caption. He explains that her seat is in coach and she must move. She replies the same. "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The caption then whispers something in her ear. She looks puzzled and gets up and moves to coach.
"What did you say to her?!"
"We'll my wife is blond and I know how to deal with them. I told her first class isn't going to New York."
A man with three daughters
Was sitting on his couch one day when his oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, dad why did you rose? He replies, well when you were born me and your mother took you to the park and a rose petal fell on you forehead, so we decided to name you rose. She accepts this and goes on her way. A little while latter another daughter comes to him and asks " dad why did you name me daisy"? The man replies " well when you were born we took you to the park and a daisy petal fell on your forehead so we named you daisy" she accepts his answer and leaves. Time goes by and his last daughter come to him and asks " Daud wha oo mam meeee cebernok"? Confused the man asked "what did you say cinder block"
Blonde flying to Houston, TX
A blonde hops on a flight to Houston, TX. She sees first class sits down and thinks, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." So the flight is about to take off and the flight attendant comes by and asks for the ladies ticket. "Mam, your ticket is for coach. You need to go back to your seat because this is first class seating." The blonde replies. "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying right where I am." Puzzled the flight attendant goes to the pilot and says "We have a problem, this blonde lady in first class wont go back to coach where her ticket is." The pilot then says, "My wife is blonde, let me take care of this." Pilot walks up to the blonde and says "Mam, May I see your ticket?" Blonde hands him the ticket.
Quickly the pilot says to the blonde, "You might want to go back to coach, first class isn't flying to Houston." She quickly gets up and goes to coach.
A woman is lying in bed with her lover
"You should leave, my husband can come back home any minute now."
"Don't worry, whenever we hear the doorbell ring I will jump out of the window."
"Are you crazy? It's 11th floor."
"Everything is arranged. I asked my friends to stretch out and hold a big canvas for me to jump on."
Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Without a second thought, the lover quickly jumps out of the bed and leaps through the window. The woman stands up and opens the door where she sees an impatient man standing.
"I'm sorry, mam. Could you tell Bill that we c**... find the canvas?"
Teacher, Why are you sleeping in the class
Teacher: Why are you sleeping in the class ??
Student: Your Voice is so sweet Mam that's why
I am getting sleep.
Teacher: Then why other people are not sleeping?
Student: They are not Listening to you Mam.
A cop pulls over a woman
The officer comes to the window of the car and asks the woman "Mam, do you have any weapons in the car?"
The woman replies "Well, I have a 12 gauge in the trunk, a smith and wesen in the glove compartment, a colt on my side, and a derenger strapped to my boot."
The officer says "My god woman, what are you afraid of?"
She says "Absolutely nothing."
Fake taxi
Taxi driver: where to go?
Lady :Airport
Taxi driver: Mam,you are the 5th pregnant lady whom i'm dropping to airport today
Lady: But I'm not pregnant
Taxi driver: But we haven't reached the airport yet
WiFi on the plane
Hello miss flight attendant, the elderly man said
I am sorry to bother you, but the internet is dead
Sir, don't you worry, the internet's not slain
You have to understand, there's no WiFi on a plane
'Yes 'mam, I know my stuff, he angrily yelled aloud
Being high up here, I've got to work in the cloud
A blondie was late for class
Teacher: why you are late for class today?
Blondie: Mam, A boy was following me while I was coming.
Teacher: Then you should be early for class.
Blondie: Mam that guy was following very slowly.
An old lady phoned the police about her neighbour stripping off in his bedroom with light on and curtains open, the police came round and checked, they said but mam there is a tree blocking the view you cannot see his bedroom window, she replied.
You can if you stand on top of the wardrobe.
After an astronaut fell into a black hole, an official from NASA was explaining the situation to his, now widowed, ex-wife.
"What do you mean he was spaghettified?" The widow interjects.
The official replies, "I'm sorry, Mam. Your husband has... Pasta way..."
A woman boards a plane and is seated next to a man.
The man has the worst sitting posture she's ever seen, and as the plane took off, she couldn't help but stare at him.
Around an hour later, the man notices the woman staring and asks if anything is wrong.
"Did anything happen, Mam?"
"Oh no, it's got nothing to do with you, something just isn't sitting right with me."
Joke translated to English from German
A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.
"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"
"What's a driving license? "
"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."
She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic mirror, and hands it over to the policeman.
The policeman takes a look at the mirror and responds-
"Should have told me right away your a police officer too "
A man and a blonde woman are talking about their children while waiting for them at nursery.
Man: How many kids do you have here mam?
Blonde: Oh I have two toddlers. What about you?
Man: I have one that's just under two.
Blonde: Look I know I'm a blonde, but I know how much one is.
A guy was buying mangoes at a junction from a street vendor and while waiting for his change he saw an old woman and a little girl.
The little girl was walking a bit faster than the old woman which made the old woman shouting; " Degree wait for me". The guy was astonished after hearing such an unusual name. So to satisfy his curiosity he walked closer to the old woman and asked; "Mam, why do you call your granddaughter Degree?"
The old woman laughed and said; " I sent her mother to university for education and this is what she brought home."
Drunk driver
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn't her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "mam, he could do that in his own backyard.
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for identification.
The blond asks, What's that?
The blond cop replies, It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it.
The blond reaches into her purse, pulls out her compact mirror, and hands it over.
The blond cop opens it, takes a look, and says, I'm sorry mam. If I knew you were an officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over.
