The Best 35 You Know You Re Ugly When Jokes

Following is our collection of funny You Know You Re Ugly When jokes. There are some you know you re ugly when jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these you know you re ugly when puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest You Know You Re Ugly When Jokes and Puns

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke

A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.

At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woman goes in the shop and complains to the salesman.

The salesman apologizes and tells the parrot to not say this ever again.
The next day the woman again walks past the pet shop and is happy to see the parrot turned completely silent. Provokingly she slows down. Suddenly the parrot starts screeching:
"I'm not saying anything but you know it!"

My neighbor just walked by with two dogs.

I said to him, "I didn't know you had any dogs."

He replied, "They're not my dogs. They're my sister's."

I said, "Wow, your sisters are ugly!"

You know you're ugly when....

it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.

He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."

He says, "I am. How did you know?"

She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."


A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.

The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

A woman walks onto a bus

A woman walks onto a bus holding her baby. As she scans her card, the bus driver looks up to her and says, "Have a sea... Whoa, that is an ugly baby!!".
The lady is shocked and shields the baby with her hand and takes a seat. She just sits there getting more and more angry. The man sitting next to her asks what's wrong.

She says, "That bus driver insulted me the moment I stepped onto this bus. He's a government employee!"

"You don't have to put up with that," the man said.

"You know what, you're right! I'm going to go up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"Good for you! I'll hold your monkey."

So a woman is at a supermarket...

She is loading all her items on the conveyer belt for the chasier to scan.

Her items are; A litre of milk, a carton of eggs, and a head of lettuce.

The cashier looks at her and says, "Are you single?"

The customer, shocked at her assumption says, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."

A Girl walks into a Supermarket...

...she picks up a banana, a can of soup, and a loaf of bread. She then walks up to the cash register to pay.


The cashier looks at her, and the items she has and says,


"I can tell you're single."



She smiles and responds,



"How do you know that?"



He says,



"Because you're ugly."

A woman goes to a supermarket

A woman goes to a supermarket. After gathering her items, she goes to the checkout counter.
The cashier looks at the items she bought: a jug of milk, a carton of eggs, & a head of lettuce
The cashier says "You must be single"
The woman says "Oh my god, how did you know?"
The cashier responds:
"Because you're ugly."

You must be single.

A young woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She puts her items on the conveyer: A toothbrush, toothpaste, a half-gallon of 2% milk and a frozen pizza. The cashier calmly states, "You must be single." The woman looks at her items and back to the cashier, "Wow! How did you know that?" The cashier responds, "Because you you're ugly AF."

You can explore you know you re ugly when reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean you know you re ugly when dad jokes. There are also you know you re ugly when puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A guy is buying some game DVDs, some magazines and a six pack.

Cashier : "You must be single."

Guy: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

This guy goes through the checkout line of the grocery store…

and he's got, like, a stack of frozen dinners, a six-pack of beer, a big 'ol bag of chips, and a single roll of toilet paper.
The cute checkout girl says, "Well, I know *you're* single!"
The guy says, "Well, yeahβ€”how'd you guess?"
She says, "You're ugly."

A guy was checking out at a supermarket with an attractive young clerk.

She scanned the frozen dinners, the beer, the ramen noodles and kept giving him eyes in between each scan.

As she scanned the condoms she looks and him and says, "Single huh?"

He replies, "yea, how'd you know?"

She says, "Because you're ugly."

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day

A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.

The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"

"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"

"Nah, you're ugly"

A man is buying a banana, some skittles, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man responds: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

A man goes to the grocery store and buys a banana, three peaches, and two pears.

As the cashier scans his food, she looks at it all and says "You must be single."

The man smiles and says "Yeah, how did you know?"

"Oh," she says, "Because you're ugly."

You know you're ugly...

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.

At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me

"Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"
"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...
"I'm not . . . I'm her mother."


Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream.

Cashier: You must be single, right?

Me: Yes! How did you know?

Cashier: Because you're ugly.

A chicken joke

Son: Dad, why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: I don't know. Why?

Son: To get to the ugly man's house.

Me: Hmm...

Son: Knock! Knock!

Me: Who's there?

Son: The Chicken!

Me: You're no son of mine.

You know you're ugly when...

You get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.

a child is walking with a stick

when another kid walks up to him and start picking on him. "your stick is stupid and you're ugly!". the child shrugs his shoulders and asks "you know how they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?". "yeah, so what?" responds the kid. the child flashes a grin, looks the kid straight in the eyes and whispers "my sticks name is beauty"

I took a bird back to my house the other night

I took a bird back to my house the other night. Why are all of these photos turned the other way? she asked, confused.

They're pictures of my wife, I replied. They're just too painful to look at.

Oh, I'm sorry, she stammered, I didn't know. How did it happen, if you don't mind me asking?

Both of her parents were ugly, I replied.

Drunk a grocery store

Drunk guy standing in line at a grocery store looks at the woman in front of him then down at her items at the register.

He says "You must be single"

The woman kinda annoyed but amazed says " OK I'll bite, how did you know that?"

Drunk man looks at her and slurs " Cause you're ugly"

You must be single.

A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman was surprised & replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The clerk answers, "Because you're ugly."

A woman is doing some grocery shopping...

She's going to the checkout line and the cashier says:

"Coke... mayo... some corn flakes... a bottle of wine... some chips. Let me guess, you're single right?"

The lady goes "Well... yeah, how do you know?"

The cashier answers, "Because you're ugly"

A guy approaches the cute cashier at the grocery store...

His basket contains a bag of Doritos, a quart of milk, and one TV dinner.

The cashier looks up and says, "You're single, aren't you?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"Cuz your ugly."

A woman is in line at the grocery store when a very drunk man behind her looks the items in her cart and slurs "you mus' be single...!"

She was set to ignore him when she notices her shopping. There's nothing in her cart that would indicate her relationship status...

Curiosity gets the better of her and she answers him
"I am actually, but, how did you know?"

The drunk straightens up slightly and says "cos you're fuckin' ugly...!"

A woman is putting her grocery items on the conveyor belt...

A woman is putting her items on the conveyor belt and the clerk sees, a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. The clerk looks at all of the items and says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman, shocked, says "Yes! How do you know this?" The clerk replies with
"It's because you're ugly"

A woman goes to the store

She buys a cucumber, Greek yogurt, a gallon of milk, 2L Fanta, a loaf of bread, 6 pack of miller lites, can of olives and raisins. She then walks up to the counter places the items in front of the cash register. The cashier looks at the items, looks at her and then back at the items and says "I know you're single". The woman is surprised and laughs "That's crazy! How can you tell just based on my items?!". The cashier replies, "its cause you're ugly"

You know you're ugly when...

someone hands you the camera for a group picture and you still break the lens.

A lady goes to the supermarket

She brings all her items to the cashier who looks at everything closely as he scans them: 6 eggs, two tomatoes, two cucumbers, one onion, and one carton of milk. After the last item he looks to her and says "you're single aren't you?"
She looks from her items back at him incredulously "Yes! How did you know?"
"Because you're ugly"

How do you know when you're really ugly?

Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

A women goes to a supermarket and buys a banana and a soup. The cashier asks her if she is single. Yes how do you know that? the lady wonders.

Because you're ugly

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the you know you re ugly when jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working you know you re ugly when piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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