You Know You Re An Alcoholic When Jokes
15 you know you re an alcoholic when jokes and hilarious you know you re an alcoholic when puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about you know you re an alcoholic when that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest You Know You Re An Alcoholic When Short Jokes
Short you know you re an alcoholic when jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The you know you re an alcoholic when humour may include short you know you are in trouble when jokes also.
- You know you're an alcoholic when... ...your local liquor store is moving and they come to your house for boxes.
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You Know You Re An Alcoholic When One Liners
Which you know you re an alcoholic when one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with you know you re an alcoholic when? I can suggest the ones about drinking alcohol and alcoholic.
- alcoholic alzheimer's anonymous. No one knows who they are, or what they're drinking.
- How do you know if you're an ugly girl? If you know what the drinks cost at a bar.
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What funny jokes about you know you re an alcoholic when you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean you know you are a blonde if jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make you know you re an alcoholic when pranks.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.
See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse walks into a bar...
... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A horse goes into a bar and orders a pint.
The bartender says, "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse says, "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy, "I think, therefore I am."
But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
What's it like to be drunk?
A boy was riding home from school with his dad. He had just started learning about alcohol and drinking in his health class.
"Dad, when you're drinking how do you know you're drunk?"
"Well son, when you're drunk your speech is slurred and your vision gets worse and worse. A drunk person would see 4 cars in front of us and not 2."
"But Dad, there's only 1 car in front of us!"
Conversation between friends at a bar
Guy: Hey have a shot of this
Girl: no man I dont drink but anyway is that tequila or v**...
Guy: why do you know soo much about alcohol when you don't want to have any
Girl: Do you know what d**... is ?
Guy: ( with a big smile) yea
Girl: 69 ?
Guy: obviously yea
Girl: why do you know soo much about s**... when you know you're not going to have any
You get what you deserve
Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the town's morals, stuck her nose into everyone's business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon.
George, everyone who sees it there will know what you're doing, she told him in front of their church group.
George ignored her and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it there all night.
A horse in Russia walks into a bar, with a thick Russian accent the horse asks the bartender to pour him a glass of v**....
Before I go on with the rest of the joke, you should know this joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think therefore, I am." I'm explaining that part now, because in soviet Russia you put Descartes before the horse.
The bartender says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
Guy keeps calling off work on Mondays....
A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm f-----g her."
The boss says, "You f--k your sister?"
The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
Banana juice
My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:
A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's forbidden to ride a horse and cart while you're drunk."
"It's just Banana juice", replies the farmer innocently.
"I don't believe you", says the policeman, and grabs the flask from the farmer. He takes a huge swig, and grimaces at what he's just swallowed. "Urgh! That's disgusting!"
"It's just Banana juice", repeats the farmer.
"Doesn't taste like bananas to me", says the policeman, "but it doesn't taste of alcohol either. So I'll have to let you go."
"Thank you very much", says the farmer with a smile, as his flask is returned to him. Then he gathers up the reins, gives them a flick, and says to his horse, "Giddy up, Banana!"
An Englishman in France
This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally blasted. A French policeman stops his car and asks if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malts scotches thereafter.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcohol-test (breath test) the Englishman and - ping, pow, boom - verifies that he is indeed sloshed. He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French Law, he is going to be arrested. The Englishman answers with a bit of humor, "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and that my wife is the one driving . . . . . on the other side?"