The Best 35 You Know You Black When Jokes

Following is our collection of funny You Know You Black When jokes. There are some you know you black when jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these you know you black when puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest You Know You Black When Jokes and Puns

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday.

All Fridays matter.

One day, Usain Bolt goes into a country club.

When he enters, the woman at the front desk stops him, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow blacks in here. But there's another club 10 minutes down the road that does."

Visibly furious, Bolt exclaims, "Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!"

"Oh! I'm sorry", says the woman. "Then it's only 5 minutes down the road."

An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, everyone in the bar tearing up, including the barkeep.

"You sing like Russian", he said under tears, "but you are American spy"

He starts dancing the Kozachok, worthy of the Bolshoy dancers.

"You dance like Russian, but you are American spy"

"Ok, you got me. But how do you know?"

"There are no black Russians"

A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar

Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."

The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."

As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people...

But I guess I'll take a shot at it.


The little black jewish boy...

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black? The dad replies, Why do you want to know, son? Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!

A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100m finals

I laughed, "Over in 9.5 seconds?"

"No," she said,

"Eight black men and a gun."

I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.

I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

Did you know it's now politically incorrect to say 'black paint'?

Now you have to say "Jerome can you please paint the fence".

How do you know that Darth Vader isn't a black man underneath the mask?

He claims to be your father.

One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker?

Stranded

You can explore you know you black when reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean you know you black when dad jokes. There are also you know you black when puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


You know, Mexican and Blacks jokes are really starting to bore me.

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

I don't see why Obama gave all his speeches behind bulletproof glass..

I know he's black and all but I doubt he'd actually shoot anyone.

So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

Little Johnny at it again...

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.

"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"

Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."

What's black and white, black and white, and black and white?

"A penguin rolling down a hill"

My 6 y.o just told me this one and I don't know why I laughed so hard. I felt it should be shared. Lol

how do you know that adam and eve were white

have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man

You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly...

Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.

My teacher called me racist today....

So I told him " I am not racist because as we all know racism is a crime and crime is only done by black people."


Why are rubber tires black?

So the police know what to shoot at during a chase

How do you find Will Smith in the Snow?

I don't know. Just look for the Fresh prints! Ha ha.

He's also black.

You know they say orange is the new black

I guess that's why Trump is president

Blonde genies

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.

Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.

It's the two blonde genies!

One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"

Why did the black person go into confession?

Because he wanted to know what it is like to speak to a father

Old Man Keeps the Engine Running

A rich 65 year old white man get's himself a gorgeous 23 year old woman. The couple was happy and were planning to start a family.

After a few months as a married couple, the old man gets his wife pregnant. While at the hospital getting ready to deliver the baby:

* **Nurse**: Wow sir, its amazing how you still managed to get you wife pregnant at your age, whats your seceret?
* **Old Man**: Oh you know, you have to keep the engine running.
* **Nurse**: Wow, that is amazing.

After the delivering their baby, 5 years later the Old man gets his wife pregnant again. While at the hospital delivering the baby the same nurse asks:

* **Nurse**: Sir, you did it again, this is amazing, what is your secret?
* **Old Man**: Same as last time, you just have to keep the engine running.
* **Nurse**: Wow, sir. You are a trooper.

The couple had 2 beautiful children and were happy, but 5 years later the man got his wife pregnant yet again. While at the hospital delivering the baby the same nurse asks:

* **Nurse**: "Sir this is truly incredible, you are 75 years old and you got your wife pregnant again, what is your secret?"
* **Old Man**: "Like I told you before! you have to keep the engine running!"
* **Nurse**: "Well sir, it may be time for you to change the oil because this one came out black."

5 year old cousin with this one: Who lives in the green house?

Me: I don't know

Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house?

Me: The red guy

Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house?

Me: The blue guy

Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house?

Me: The yellow guy

Her: Who lives in the white house?

[Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out:]

The black guy!!

A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.

"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"

"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."

The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.

"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."

The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.

"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."

The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.

"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

Why do so many black people believe in God?

Its the only father they will ever know.

An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,

"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler

"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A black man walks into a bar...

And sits down with a parrot on his shoulder. When the bartender asks what he would like to drink, the parrot answers instead.
"Vodka!" it squawks.
Amazed by the trick, the bartender got him his drink and stood back in awe. A few minutes later, the curiosity became to strong for the bartender and he had to know.
" hey, where did u get that? It's so well trained!"
"Africa" answers the parrot.

BUD LIGHT AND SWEET TEA

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me up." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husbandcomes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea andstart swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishingand swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor." Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking freshand reborn. Woman: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husbandcame home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn'ttouch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Two zebras are standing in a field.

Zebra 1 asks "Hey, do you think I'm white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

Zebra 2 responds "I don't know, why don't you go ask god?"

So, zebra 1 goes to god and asks him if he's white with black stripes or black with white stripes, to which god responds,

"You are what you are."

Later, zebra 1 returns to the field and zebra 2 asks, "So, what are you?"

Zebra 1 says, "I'm white with black stripes."

Zebra 2, looking confused, asks, "How do you know?"

Finally, zebra 1 says, "Because if I was black with white stripes, god would have said, "You is what you is.""

A blind man walks into a bar

After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says,

Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6β€² tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he's a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?

The blind guy says, Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

How do we know for sure that Darth Vader isn't black?

Because he keeps on saying "I am your father"

Blondes and Blind Cowboy

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

* The bouncer is a blonde girl.

* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.

* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the you know you black when jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working you know you black when piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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