You Have Two Cows Jokes
129 you have two cows jokes and hilarious you have two cows puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about you have two cows that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest You Have Two Cows Short Jokes
Short you have two cows jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The you have two cows humour may include short two cows jokes also.
- What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma. - What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep? You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*
- Two cows on a hill. One cow ask the other, have you herd of the mad cow disease? The other cow says, yeah, but why do I care? I'm a helicopter!
- Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter. - Two cows were talking in a field.. One said to the other, "Have you heard about that mad cow disease?" The other says, "Yeah, good thing we're penguins".
- Two cows got in a fight.. One started to march towards the other, while the other got scared.
One was cowrageous.
The other was a coward. - What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom. - Two cows are grazing in a field... One turns to the other and asks "Have you heard all this talk of mad cow disease?"
The other replies "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter" - Two cows are eating grass in a field The first turns to the second and says "Moooooo"
The second turns to the first and says "I was just about to say that" - Two cows Two cows were chatting in a field. One says to the other, Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?
Yeah, the other cow says. Makes me happy I'm a penguin.
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You Have Two Cows One Liners
Which you have two cows one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with you have two cows? I can suggest the ones about cows and dairy cow.
- Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."
- what do you call a cow with two legs? lean beef.
- What does a woman have two of that a cow has four of? Legs.
- A cow recently submitted a two word theater review... "Udderly Mooving."
- What do you call a cow with two legs? Yo Mamma
- What does a girl have two of but a cow has more? Legs, you pervert
- What do two cows say in a meat shop? I really enjoyed hanging with you.
- Why weren't the two cows friends They had some beef
^^sorry - What do you call a cow with only its front two legs? Well that would be an utter drag...
- What are the two sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken brown cow.
- Two Scottish cows in a field, what one is on holiday? The one with the wee calf.
- Did you hear about the two cows who got in fight? They had beef.
- Q. Two cows standing in a field. Which one is on holiday? A. The one with the wee calf.
- Ever seen two female cows fighting? It is utter chaos._.
]=(:) - What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Uproarious You Have Two Cows Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about you have two cows you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean milking cow jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make you have two cows pranks.
There are two cows in a field.
One says to the other:
"So what do you think of mad cow disease?"
The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
Berry good
Two guys were arguing over the best way to grow strawberries. One asserted that Miracle-Gro was the best method, the other insisted that cow manure would yield the largest and sweetest berries. They finally decided to ask Mrs. Thompson, who was known far and wide for her succulent, large strawberries. So one farmer says Mrs. Thompson, do you put cow manure on your strawberries. She replied, No, I either eat them plain or add sugar and cream.
Mad cow disease
Two cows were talking over the fence bordering their farms.
The first cow said "Have you heard about this mad cow disease, it's spreading really fast."
The second cow responded "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."
An addendum to the Interrupting Cow knock-knock joke. I believe this is the appropriate way to tell it.
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"Impatient Cow."
"Impatient Cow W--"
"MOO!"
___
part two:
"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"*Patient Cow...*"
"Patient Cow *who?*"
"....."
".................."
.
.
.
.
.
"..."
This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12
Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.
The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.
They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.
The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".
The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.
"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.
"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"
Mad Cow Disease
There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."
Two cows are on a field
one turns to the other and asks " are you worried about mad cow disease" the other says nope. The first cow, was astonished at the ignorance the other cow was showing and barked "WHY?" the second cow slowly turns and shouts "because I am a helicopter"
Two cows are standing...
in the pasture. One turns to the other and says, "Although pi is usually abbreviated to five numbers, it actually goes on to infinity."
The second cow turns to the first and says: "Moo."
(stolen from Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...)
Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.
One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."
Tapeworms in a cow
Time for another terrible joke.
So, there are these two tapeworms in a cow. They are talking and just generally gossiping a bunch. One of them tells the other something shocking. The other tapeworm says. "Where did you ever hear that" The first tapeworm replies.
"I heard it through the bovine."
I'll show myself out now.
Two cows are standing on a hill....
One turns to the other and says "Hey, aren't you worried about mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"
Two cows are standing in a field
...and one says to the other, "Say, are you worried about this mad cow disease going around?" And the other one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter! PFFFFFT!"
Mad Cows
Their are two cows grazing in a meadow. One turns to the other and says "Aren't you worried about mad cow disease?". The other thinks very carefully for a few minutes and says "Of course not I'm a duck!"
Two woman in an argument at a clothes store.
**1st Woman:** You should return that leather jacket you just bought.
**2nd Woman:** Why would I do that?
**1st Woman:** because it looked better on the first cow.
On another peaceful hill, stand two cows, the first cows turns chewing her cud to the second cow and says, " I say, does this mad cow malarkey worry you at all". The second cow turns to the first, swallows his cud and says...
"Nah, it don't worry us tractors"
Two bagels are out flying.
All of the sudden one of them plummets to the ground. Why?
Because bagels can't fly!
The same day two cows are also out flying and chatting and out of nowhere one of them also plunge down towards the ground. Why?
A bagel hit him in the eye!
Mad Cow Disease
Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow says to the other, "Have you heard about that Mad Cow Disease that's going around, that makes cows go crazy?"
The other cow replies, "What do I care? I'm a helicopter!"
two cows in a barn
One turns to the other and says, "Man this mad cow disease really has me on edge." then other cow says "*Pshh* I don't care, I'm a helicopter!"
Two guys are driving down a country road. The first one looks out the window and says:
"hey look, a bunch of cows!"
The second guy looks at him and says: "no, you mean a herd of cows!"
His friend looks back at him and says: "of course I've heard of cows!"
The second guy then says: "no no no! I mean a cow herd!"
The first guy, looking confused, says: "what do I care what a cow heard!!?? I have no secrets from a cow!"
Two cows are talking to each other while grazing....
The first cow says
"Hey I heard there's a case of mad cow disease going around, are you worried?"
The second cow looks at the first and says
"Why should I be worried? I'm a squirrel."
I tried to tell my daughter some jokes….
Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Her: Ground beef.
Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?
Her: Steak.
Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?
Her: Mommy.
Jokes told by my tour guide while rafting.
* Why doesn't anyone tell knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings.
* What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
* What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
* What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
A steak.
Two cows are standing around talking...
"Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"
"Yeah! Thank god we're elephants."
My son and I were driving along the countryside.
He looked out the window and said, "Daddy, what are those two cows doing?"
"They are creating children," I replied, stopping the car.
"Is that how you and mummy made me?" he asked.
I said, "Yes, in the middle of a field while people watched."
Mad Cow Disease
So two cows are talking in a field, The first cow says "hey man, you worried about this mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow says "Naw bro, I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are standing in a barn.
Cow 1: Hey, did you hear about the big outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.
One of Colin Mochrie's many gut busters.
Famous Irish hit-man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClardy was arrested today, and confessed to the crime of beating a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcilean dolls. The police admit, this may be the first recorded instance of a knick knack p**... whack...
A s**... joke that my mum tells me a lot
So there are two cows eating grass in a paddock. One cow looks up and says "moo". The other cow says "hey, I was gonna say that!"
Two cows in a field. One asks should I be worried about mad cow's disease ?
Well I'm not , the other replies, ...because I'm a squirrel!
Girl comes home with two pair of new shoes
And her boyfriend asked her: Why did you bought two pair of shoes you s**... cow???
She said: Because cow have four legs!
Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says, "hey, I'm really worried about this mad cow disease going around".
The second cow says, "I don't care, I'm a submarine!".
One Dark Halloween Night........
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap- tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
There are two cows standing in a field....
The first cow says to the other, I was artificially inseminated this morning. The second cow replies, No way, I don't believe you. The first says, It's true, no bull.
Two cow talking in a field
The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "
The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"
Since we are doing time period jokes: A Joke from the Great Depression.
Government: you have two cows
Socialism: You keep one cow's milk and the government takes the other and gives out its milk.
Communism: The government takes both cows and gives its milk away as it sees fit.
New Dealism: You get rid of both your cows and milk the government.
Two cows are standing in a field.
One cow turns to the other and says, "Did you hear about that outbreak of mad cow disease?"
The other one looks at him and says, "Good thing I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are standing in a field...
One turns to the other and says, "have you heard about mad cow disease? Apparently, it makes cows completely lose their minds."
The second says, "oh. Weird."
The first says, "well aren't you worried?"
The other says, "why would I be worried? I'm a helicopter."
Colin Mochrie's best joke.
Our top story today: Convicted hitman Jimmy 'TwoShoes' McClardy confessed today that he was once paid to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures.
Police admit this might be the only case of a knickknack paddywhack.
Two cows are grazing in a field.
One cow says "Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."
The other cow says "Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."
Two cows are standing in a field.
*The first cow says*: did you hear about that "mad cow disease" that's going around? That sounds pretty terrible.
*The second cow says*: yeah, it does. Good thing us chickens don't have to worry about that!
Two cows are standing in a field in Canada in the year 2003.
One cow turns to the other and says, "we gotta watch out. I hear mad cow disease has been spreading through the herd." The other cow looks towards him and says, "what are telling me for? I'm not a cow, I'm a duck!"
What's the difference between a cow and the crucifixion?
You can't milk a cow for two thousand years...
Two s**... cows
What do you call two s**... cows in Las Vegas?
High steaks.
Two cows in a field, one turns to the other and says "MOO"
The other cow replied "I was gonna say that!"
Heard this on the 80s movie "Night Patrol" : What do you call two cows m**...?
Beef Strokinoff.
Two cows are talking...
"Have you heard of the 'mad cow' disease?"
"I don't worry about that, I'm a penguin!"
As an Indian man
It greatly offends me when people say we don't value women in our culture. The fact is, we put great value on our women.
Some are worth one cow, some are worth two...
Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?"
The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"
Two cows are standing in a pasture. The first cow says "Hey have you heard about the mad cow disease going around?" and the second cow says...
"No, luckily I'm a helicopter."
Two cows
Two cows were talking in a field.
"Aren't you worried about this Mad Cow Disease that's going round?"
"No", said the other. "I'm a goat".
Two cows standing on a slope
There's two cows standing on a slope. Which cows reaches the bottom first?
The one with the smaller mu.
Two cows are grazing in a field
One turns to the other and says, "Hey, what do you think about this mad cow disease?"
The other says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter!"
A man was recently convicted of beating another man's cow to death using only two small porcelain figures...
Police report that it was the first case of a knickknack paddywhack
A hitman beats a cow to death in a ricefield using two small porcelain figures.
Police admit this is the first known case of a knick-knack p**... whack.
Two cows...
... standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy said to Dolly
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
Two cows were talking in the field
One cow says, " Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease ?"
The other: "Why should I care, I'm a squirrel"
Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.
After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."
Jokes from my Nana: what do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak.
What do you call a cow with four legs? A cow.
Thanks Nana.
Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClarty.
Confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using on two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first know case of a knick knack p**... whack.
Cr
Two of the cows on our farm will not produce milk
We called the one Milk Dud and the other an Udder Failure
How many hits of acid do I need before I can change a light bulb?
Two. One to help me get the ladder and the other to distract all the spiders. Oh god - - there are SPIDERS everywhere!! And now they're purple cows. With fangs. Only 8 more hours of blblblblblblblblbl.
Cow land
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Good pickup line.
Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"
Amish Farmer
An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and drinking from his farm pond.
The Amish farmer shouts:
'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.' (Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows have sh-t in it.')
The kneeling man shouts back:
'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak in English.'
The Amish farmer says: 'Use two hands, you'll get more
There once were two cow farmers that absolutely hated each other.
I guess you could say they had major beef.
Two cows are standing in a field.
The first cow says to the second, have you heard about this mad cow disease? It makes cows go crazy and then they die .
The second cow replies, good thing I'm a helicopter.
