You Are So White Jokes
133 you are so white jokes and hilarious you are so white puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about you are so white that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest You Are So White Short Jokes
Short you are so white jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The you are so white humour may include short dark skinned jokes also.
- White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do. We do it in schools, because we have class.
- Betty White just turned 99 and she still doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle.
- What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common? White people looking both ways before they start
- Why are white gangs the scariest in prisons? Because they had a fair trial and still ended up there.
- Trumpty Dumpty Trumpty Dumpty promised a wall
Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the golf courses and all the white men
Couldn't Make America Great Again - My asian waiter just handed my food to the wrong customer because he's racist and thinks all white people look the same. Wait, nevermind. That wasn't my waiter.
- Minorities play the race card. Women play the gender card. Homosexuals play the gay card. What's left for straight white men? The Trump card.
- Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have? The Trump card.
- I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.
Then I painted my computer white so it would work.
Now the whole system is corrupt. - If the next president is white.... That means the entire country went black and successfully went back.
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You Are So White One Liners
Which you are so white one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with you are so white? I can suggest the ones about blonde hair and whites.
- Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? Cause you know he is actually guilty.
- What did Trump say to Biden in the hallway of the white house? Pardon me, please.
- I don't understand why white people can't say the N word We invented it after all
- Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
- Why do Indians hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.
- What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison? You know he actually did it.
- how do you starve a black person? the same way you would a white person.... you racist.
- my 12 year old just got me: what is a kidnappers favorite shoe? White vans.
- Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two Wongs don't make a white
- What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes? White Vans.
- Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies? Swallows.
- Life is like chess... We can't all be white.
- If two white supremacists get a divorce... Do they still consider each other "cousins"?
- Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.
- What's big and white and will kill you if it falls out a tree? A freezer.
Uplifting You Re So White Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about you are so white you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mixed race jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make you are so white pranks.
Republicans are the true snowflakes...
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A s**....
A little girl is attending her first wedding...
And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
So I tried Colgate for the first time.. was not impressed-
The tube said 'Guaranteed whiteness in 3 brushes". 3 brushes later, I'm still Asian.
(Speaking of still Asians, my grandma's a quadriplegic. She's a pretty still Asian)
A bearded guy
A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."
A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex.
The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."
Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but....
At least we can say, "hey dad", "thanks for the warning officer", and "that's my kid".
My c**... Is So White
Police Let It Go With A Warning
Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?
Because he wouldn't separate the w**... from the b**....
Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son
Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.
Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?
Walter: It's on the house.
Don't buy Colgate whitening toothpaste!
It says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days.
It's been 2 weeks and I'm still Asian.
Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields?
I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun.
Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first.
What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?
White vans
why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?
because you know he's guilty.
"I'm proud to be a black man"
"I'm proud to be a black man!" said the black man.
"I'm proud to be an Asian man!" said the Asian man.
"I'm proud to be a white man!" said the racist.
In America Martin Luther King only gets one day....
And sharks get a whole week.
It's probably because they are great w**....
A black man asks a white man where the colored printer is.
The white man smiles and says, "My friend, in this day and age, you can use any printer."
A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"
One day, the President finds a n**... message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.
He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.
"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"The u**... belongs to the Vice President."
"What could possibly be worse than that?"
"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."
I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me
who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"
Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house.
After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"
Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".
A little black kid is helping his mum cook and he puts flour on his face and says "look ma, I'm a white man"
She slaps him and tells him to go say that to his grandma.
He goes to his grandma and says "look, I'm a white man". She slaps him too and tells him to go tell his father.
He goes to his father and says "look dad, I'm a white man" He slaps him too and asks "what have you learned?"
The boy says, "I've only been white two minutes and I already hate you black b**...."
When the US went to the moon....
...they planted the American Flag. After all these years the radiation from the Sun will have bleached it completely white, so now if Aliens find it they are going to think the French were there first.
So I was at my bank today.
There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"
A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first?
The bystander with the camera.
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**... from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
Two kids were wondering if God is black or white..
So they prayed and asked him. A booming voice from the heavens answered "I am what I am." One kid said, "Well, I guess he's white." The other said, "How can you tell?" "Well, if he was black, he would've answered, 'I is what I is.'"
A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."
I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?
In an e**....
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
A panda walks into a bar...
And eats some beer nuts, he then pulls out a gun fires it in the air heads for the door. "Hey!" shouts the bartender and the panda yells back "I'm a panda google me" and sure enough 'panda: a tree climbing mammal with distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.'
A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...
...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.
Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7?
Because they literally can't even.
The Imperial Wizard of the k**... was just found dead near a river in Missouri...
Man, the moment the EPA gets threatened people start dropping w**... in our water.
The power of Pepsi
So a couple of friends of mine, one black, one white were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
What do the NBA and a box of crayons have in common?
The w**... are useless.
Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior?
Or am I just breadjudiced?
Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!
Why can't Asian couples have Caucasian babies?
Because two Wongs don't make a white.
If a white lie is a harmless lie that doesn't really matter
Then does that mean that black lies matter?
Why is the white guy the scariest person in jail?
You know he's guilty.
TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation
Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
America is so racist and homophobic
That people even want their teeth to be straight and white.
m**... in the jungle
A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.
I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom
turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought
Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school?
They don't want to see integration in their schools
You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country
The White House seems to always be hiring.
A little girl walks into a pet shop
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
TIL the American flag on the moon has turned into the French flag.
Due to solar radiation, the red and blue pigment has disappeared, leaving the flag to be completely white.
Why do native Americans hate April?
Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't.
But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."
Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?
They just, like, literally can't even
I'm voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with r**... allegations this year for president.
But I'm still not sure which one to pick.
The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault,
Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?
Because they literally can't even.
Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...
A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."
"Good morning." She replies.
"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.
"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."
A black man walks into a restaurant..
There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
