You Are So Hot Jokes
148 you are so hot jokes and hilarious you are so hot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about you are so hot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest You Are So Hot Short Jokes
Short you are so hot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The you are so hot humour may include short you are so beautiful jokes also.
- My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary...
Well the jokes on them – they're imaginary too... - I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1 - Guys, don't install adblock I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.
- I like my women like I like my microwave Hot, clean, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.
- 2 monkeys sat on a branch, one says "ooh ooohh aha ha aha!" The other says "careful, that's hot."
- What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a hot dog? The hot dog might actually have some brains in it.
- After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way. So I turned the airconditioning on.
- How do you check the weight of a Red Hot Chilli Pepper You give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
- Every family has that weird, slightly perverted uncle. Not me, though! I just have some really hot nieces who won't let me buy them beer.
- I'm 27, my BF is 37. Is 10 years too much of an age gap? 'cause his son is 17 and really hot.
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You Are So Hot One Liners
Which you are so hot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with you are so hot? I can suggest the ones about you are so sweet and you are so cold.
- Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
- What's Icarus' least favorite food? hot wings
- 90 degree is pretty hot for most people, But for mathematicians, it's just right.
- Since I installed adblock, my popularity with hot girls in my area has plummeted
- There are hot dads in your area... And they want to know who touched the thermostat.
- My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly I'm not a fan.
- What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
- When do Jews go swimming? When it Israeli hot
- I finally understand why everyone loves Gal Gadot She Israeli hot.
- Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot, Everyone can catch a cold.
- A hot girl texted me "Come over, no one's home" So i went over...
And no one's home - It was so hot today... That I actually saw two fire hydrants fighting over a dog.
- Medusa is so hot Every time I look at her I'm rock hard
- How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- Life is like a soup Life is like a soup, you only get blown if you're hot.
Cheerful Fun You Re So Hot Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about you are so hot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean you so fine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make you are so hot pranks.
I was b**... this h**... on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open
She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the b**...!"
Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.
A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...
During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?
It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!
I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?
Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.
A Vampire walks into a bar...
A vampire walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. When the bartender asks what he'll have to drink the vampire replies, "a glass of hot water." The bartender a bit confused asks, "I thought you vampires drank blood?" The vampire proceeds to pull out a used t**... and replies, "I'm having tea."
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
A penguin is having car trouble...
A penguin is having car trouble, so he stops by a mechanic's shop for some repairs. He tells him he will need about an hour to find out what's wrong. The penguin walks downtown and it's a hot day, so he stops to get some ice cream. He doesn't have any arms to eat the ice cream with, so he just sticks his beak right into it. The penguin returns to the shop and the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies "Nah man, it's just ice cream."
Dry cleaners.
A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."
Two boys were walking in the forest...
... and they came across the most beautiful women taking a bath in a hot spring. Upon seeing this, one boy took of running, and the other went after him. When he caught up to the other he asked "Why did you run off?". To this the other replied "Well, my mom told me that if I ever saw a n**... women I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard!"
Two Dragons walk into a bar
One dragon says, "It's hot in here".
"Shut your mouth", says the other dragon.
An Elderly Man Goes to the Doctor's.
Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman.
She is hot and all she wants to do is have s**... all day long.
So what's the problem?
Breaking down in tears....
I can't remember where I live.
I like my (wo)men like I like my coffee...
...hot, black, and strong
^(possibly the original)
...thin, pale, and extra-sweet.
...50% alcohol.
...all over my g**... while I'm trying to drive.
...I don't like coffee.
...imported from micronesia.
...free, fresh and in the breakroom.
...huge and cheap with room for cream.
...cold, bitter, expensive and Italian.
...in a plastic cup.
^(eddie izzard)
...ground up, roasted, and quickly disposed of.
Taste the soup
A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.
The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...
-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.
-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!
The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!
Over smart.
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
What do you call a h**... in Boston?
A tourist
A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down...
No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
A man ordered the soup at a restaurant and asked the waiter to try it...
Man: Waiter, will you try the soup?
Waiter: What's wrong Sir, is it too cold?
Man: Will you just try the soup.
Waiter: Is it too hot?
Man: Will you just try the soup
Waiter: Is it too spicy, Sir?
Man: Will you just try the d**... soup son
Waiter: If there is something wrong with the soup...
Man: WILL YOU JUST TRY THE SOUP!
Waiter: FINE! I'll try the soup. Where's the spoon.
Man: Exactly.
How do you hit on a Jewish girl?
Tell her that she israeli hot!
This hot weather...
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the crop tops and short skirts...
Although it does make me look a bit gay.
A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow
She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of s**...?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."
Hey, are you the bottom of my laptop?
Because you're really hot and it's making me nervous.
Did I ever tell you guys about the time I made it with my really hot math teacher?
couldn't really brag about it at the time 'cause I was home schooled...
Right now, my wife has a smoking hot bod...
The ash scattering ceremony starts at 2:00 PM.
Today I was offered s**... by an 18 year old female...
Now I'm not gonna lie this chick was smoking hot. In exchange for the s**... I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner for her. Of course I, being the great person that I am, declined because I have high moral standards and my willpower is very strong.....but not as nearly as strong as Ajax, the safe and affordable bathroom cleaner, now available in lemon and vanilla scents
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai g**... the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an e**..., don't get an e**..."...
But she did
There's this hot girl in my college writing class.
Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.
Two pilots are landing a plane.
Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!
Guy gets on a city bus...
and sits down next to a really hot girl. The bus bumps and her glass eyes falls out of its socket and the guy catches it. To repay him for catching her eye and due to the awkwardness she invites him to dinner and a movie and after that they went back to the guys house and had great s**...! In the morning the guy looks at the girl and asks: "Do you usually hang out and have s**... with random strangers"? She replies: "No, You just happened to catch my eye"!
A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"
A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a h**... from across a bar.
She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
3 vampires walk into a bar...
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of hot blood.
15 minutes later, a second vampire walks in and does the same.
Not soon after, a third vampire walks in and orders a hot cup of water.
"Why the cup of water?" the other two asked.
He then pulled out a used t**... and said, "I'm making tea."
If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body. If he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face...
If he says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
I was talking to a hot North African girl for hours.
We just clicked
Today is my first day at the gym.
I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out. I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, " Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?" He smiles at me and says, " Try the ATM Machine in the lobby."
Many burn victims are not very attractive,
But all of them used to be extremely hot at some point in the past.
A really hot girl was checking me out today.
Then I paid her for the groceries and left the store.
Cremation
My last chance at a smoking hot body
Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation
Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
Ladies: A guide to understanding what guys say...
* If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body.
* If a guy says you're pretty, he's looking at your face.
* If a guy says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother.
I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds s**... her kid after he threw his fries on the ground
...so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Old School Friend
I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing now. He replied that he was currently working on:
*Aqua-thermal treatment on ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment*
I was impressed......
On further enquiry, I learnt that he was washing dishes, with hot water under his wife's supervision.
My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby.
I said, "It's likely w**...-temperature."
I was walking down the road and I saw this really hot homeless girl...
So I asked her if I could take her home with me. She said yes and so I took her box to my house.
I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look...
... I knew I was in hot water.
A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.
The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* h**... $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the h**...?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."
A hot girl asked me if i wanted to watch a movie
Yesterday, a hot girl asked me if I wanted to see a movie
She asked, "What would you like to see?"
I said, "You pick".
She said, "You pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Sir, there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets."
Good, Bad, Worse, Worst.
Good: A hot girl hugs you.
Bad: You get an e**....
Worse: You realize it's not yours.
Worst: Now even you get an e**....
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says: 'Make me one with everything'....
After a brief chuckle at the monks joke the vendor hands him his hot dog with everything and says 'That'll be $4 please'.
The monk hands over a $10 bill and waits whilst the vendor just stares back at him....
Awkwardly the monk ask's 'What about my change'?.
'Ah' replies the hot dog vendor, 'Change must come from within'.
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"
My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her.
I said, Nah, it's probably w**... temperature.
Why are women like a Hurricane?
They come at you all hot and wet and leave you without a house or car...
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband Says..
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
A hot girl asked me whether I wanted to see a movie.
She said, "Which movie would you like to see?".
I said, "You pick".
She said, "No you pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Please decide fast sir, there are other people waiting to buy tickets".
[A forward that I received from my SO today]
AdBlock ruined my s**... life
There are no more hot singles near me
Hot Thai girl
I was sitting opposite a really hot Thai g**... the train this morning.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an e**..., Please don't get an e**...."
But she did.
My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size
... So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink.
My smoking hot, lesbian best friends got me a Rolex for my birthday.
I guess they misheard me when I said I wanna watch.
Why are hot dogs the weirdest dogs?
Because most of them are i**....
My 6 year old son told me this one. "What do you call a snowman that's having a t**... with two hot princesses?"
I slapped my son and abruptly deleted his youtube kids app.
Man walks into a library and orders an incredibly hot curry.
"This is a library", says the librarian
"Oh, sorry", replies the man
"*I'd like to order an incredibly hot curry please*", he whispers
I was sitting on a train next to a hot Thai girl.
I thought to myself "Please don't get an e**..., please don't get an e**...."
But.....she did.
Two monkeys entered a bath.
Monkey 1: Oooh oooh oooh aaah aaah aaah
Monkey 2: Calm down, it isn't that hot
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.
His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"
I was seeing this h**... about twice a week.
But last week she saw me and closes her blinds now.
Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....
Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!
Then silence.
A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!
A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says Make me one with everything .
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks Where's my change? and the vendor replies change must come from within .
A gun then extends from the Buddhist's chest and he asks again.
The vendor says Whoa, man, where did that come from?
The Buddhist replies This is my inner piece .
The Trophy Wife
This guy is so sick of his hot trophy wife always asking for money.
So the next time she comes and asks him for some money he says "I'm not giving you any more money until you make some money for yourself."
So the next day he comes home from work and his wife says "I did it. I made money. I made $230.50!"
He says "Wow. How did you do that?"
She says "Easy: Prostitution."
So now he looks kind of perplexed he says "Who paid 50 cents?"
She says "Everybody!"
