Yorker Jokes
65 yorker jokes and hilarious yorker puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about yorker that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh off with the funniest jokes from New York! From jokes about the shortage of electricity to funny lines about foreigners, our compilation of New Yorker jokes will have you in stitches. Even cricketers won't be spared as these jokes strike a balance between humour and wit.
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Funniest Yorker Short Jokes
Short yorker jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The yorker humour may include short shortage jokes also.
- Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. - Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab... One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.
- How Many New Yorkers Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb? Three. One to change it, and two to talk about how much better the bulbs in New York are.
- Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers,some of them go through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
- Why are New Yorkers so skeptical about everything? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
- If you're from Virginia, you're a Virginian. If you're from New York, you're a New Yorker. If you're from Texas, you're a Texan. And if you're from Massachusetts, you're a Democrat.
- New Yorkers confuse me... Half of them keep saying "fuhgeddaboudit" but the rest of them keep saying "Never forget".
- What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian? A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh.
- If Londoners are what you call people from London and New Yorkers are what you call people from New York, what are Hamburgers?? Delicious!!
- Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny.
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Yorker One Liners
Which yorker one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with yorker? I can suggest the ones about accent and new yorker.
- What do you call a New Yorker who's always complaining? A New Yorker.
- Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? Because that's where the mini apple is!
- What kind of tooth brush does a Mexican New Yorker use? Orale-B
- New Yorker confuses me Some say forget about it and the others say never forget
- Why can't New Yorkers play chess? They're short 2 towers.
- What does a New Yorker have when Bill de Blasio works late? A night mayor
- What did the New Yorker say to the dog that couldn't get a ride to get food? Eukanuba!!
- Why did the New Yorker go to sleep under his car? He wanted to wake up oily.
- What do you call a gay New Yorker who is diabetic and really into baseball? A metformin.
- In New York, yelling at someone is demeaning it's de meaning of being a New Yorker!
- What did the New Yorker order from the Liberian waitress? Ebola soup!
- HEY! I'm walking here! Said the infant New Yorker that just learned how to walk...
- A New Yorker visits his friend in Alabama and they go to a bar.
- Why are New Yorkers so good at reading? Because they can read 50 stories in 10 seconds.
- What is a New Yorkers favourite video game? Disgaea!
New Yorker Jokes
Here is a list of funny new yorker jokes and even better new yorker puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? To wake up oily
- An old Vermonter is sitting on his porch. A New Yorker is passing by and stops to chat. He asks the old timer, "Have you lived here all your life."
"Not yet." - New Yoker #1: "Why is Mayor de Blasio appointing former old commissioners to lead city agencies?"
New Yorker #2: "Because in NYC we recycle!" - why new yorkers love italian food raviyoli
- Anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Proof that New Yorkers can come to together in a crunch.
- Remembering 9/11 New Yorkers are very fast readers. They can go through 110 stories in seconds!
- I came, I pee'd, I conquered said every new yorker on new year's eve
Gather Around for Fun Yorker Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about yorker you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tourist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make yorker pranks.
A Texan and a New Yorker are sitting in a bar.
The Texan, feeling boastful, says, "Back home in Texas, I can get in my truck at sunup and drive a straight shot until sundown without reaching the edge of my property."
The New Yorker nods sympathetically and replies, "Yeah. I had a car like that once."
A man sees a dog mauling a small girl...
...and runs over to help. After the girl gets away, a nearby journalist comes to the man and says "That was incredible! Tomorrow, the headlines will read 'Brave New Yorker Saves Girl'", to which the man replies "But I am not a New Yorker." The journalist then says "Then they will read 'Brave American Saves Girs'", and again the man replies "But I am not an American!" The journalist then asks, "Then where are you from?" The man smiles and says "I am an Afghan!"
The next day, the headlines read "Islamic Extremist Murders Innocent American Dog"
A New Yorker, Texan, and Coloradan find a gene's lamp...
A New Yorker, Texan, and Coloradan find a gene's lamp, so they rub it and a gene pops out. Upon seeing the men the gene says, "I will grant you three wishes, who would like to go first?" The New Yorker raises his hand, "Very well" says the gene, "What is your wish?" The New Yorker answers, "Put all the Texan back in Texas so they can't bother anyone anymore." "Ok it has been done, who is next?" the gene response. "Well I reckon I'll go next." says the Texan. "Since all the texans are back in Texas, take all the non-texans out and put a giant wall around Texas to keep them out!" "It has been done." says the gene, then he turns to the Coloradan and says, "Since you're the only one who hasn't wished the last one goes to you." The Coloradan pause for a moment, "So all the texans are back in Texas and all the non-texans are out and there's a wall around it?" The gene replied, "Yes, not what is your wish?" The Coloradan replies with the first thing that comes to his mind, "Fill it up with water!"
At The Zoo
One day, a man from the Czech Republic came to visit his friend in New York.When asked what he wanted to see, the visitor replied, "I would like to see one of the zoos in America."
To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the Bronx Zoo. They were touring the zoo, and standing in front of the gorilla cage, when one of the gorillas busted out of the cage and swallowed the Czech whole.
Shocked, his friend from New York quickly called over the zoo keeper. He quickly explained the situation and the zoo keeper immediately took steps to save the man's friend. The zoo keeper got an axe and asked the man, "OK, which gorilla did it? Was it the male or the female?"
The New Yorker pointed out the female as the culprit. Quickly, the zoo keeper split the female gorilla open and found nothing of the Czech.
He looked at the man from New York, who shrugged and said, "Guess the Czech is in the male."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Guys Stranded on a Cannibal Island
So one day, a boat carrying many people c**... on a cannibal island. There are three survivors, an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New York-er. They are told by the cannibals that the may kill themselves in any whey they like, and that their skins will be used for canoes. So the Englishman pulls out a gun, says, "For my Queen!", and shoots himself. The cannibals use his skin for a canoe. The Frenchman pulls out a bottle of poison-laced whiskey, says, "For my country!" and takes a swig. The cannibals use his skin for a canoe. The New York-er pulled out a fork, says, "Screw your canoes!" and stabs himself repeatedly with the fork.
A New Yorker, a Nebraskan, a Georgian, and a Floridian were driving to Vegas...
After a few hours in the car, the Nebraskan suddenly rolls down his window, opens his bag, and starts chucking corn out the window.
"What are you doing that for?", the others exclaim.
"Back in Nebraska, everywhere I look I see corn. I'm going on vacation and I don't want to see any corn for a couple weeks."
The Georgian replies, "you know what? You're right; I'm sick of seeing peaches all over Georgia. I don't know why I brought them with me." He opens his window and dumps his bag of peaches out.
The Floridian, feeling inspired, opens the door and kicks the New Yorker out.
A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker ....
A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.
A reporter comes up to them and says,
Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?
The Saudi says, excuse me , what is this word shortage?
The Russian says, excuse me, what's meat?
The North Korean says, excuse me, what's an opinion?
The New Yorker says, excuse me, what's excuse me?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
It's because the light at the tunnel is New Jersey.
Islamic joke I saw somewhere
A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.
A passing Fox News reporter says: You're a hero. Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: 'Brave New Yorker Saves Child.
The man replies: I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia.
That night the news on Fox TV says: Islamic extremist kills New York dog.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know you're a real New Yorker when...
You enter the vestibule of your apartment building, get hit with the stench of u**..., and think to yourself: oh good, today's it's only pee.
What's your opinion on the current meat shortage?
A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City.
He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi man, a Polish man, a North Korean man and a resident New Yorker.
He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Saudi man replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?"
The Polish man said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The North Korean man replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?"
The New Yorker replied, "What is 'excuse me?'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is a New Yorkers favorite drink?
Apple jews.
Texan, Russian and New Yorker walk into a restaurant
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London.
The waiter tells them, "Excuse me -- if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease."
The Texan says, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs
Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you tell the difference between a Canadian and a New Yorker?
New Yorker says: Eh! Get off my car...
Canadian says: Get off my car, eh...
A New Yorker visits a Texan
The Texan shows the New Yorker around his place. "Howd'ya like it?", he asks.
"It's not bad", answers the New Yorker, "but I'll be honest, I expected you Texans to have larger places. The living room's too small, the master bedroom is small too, there is only one bathroom, and there isn't even a balcony."
"Hold your horses!" says the Texan. "We haven't even gotten outta the elevator yet!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are New Yorkers always so distracted?
They can barely afford to pay rent, let alone attention.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are New Yorkers always so grumpy?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are New Yorkers so depressed
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey
