The Best 58 Yoga Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Yoga jokes. There are some yoga ghouls jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these yoga meditation puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Yoga Jokes and Puns

two dogs at the vet

A great dane and a poodle are in nearby kennels at a vet's office.

Poodle: "I get overly excited and pee on the floor when my owner comes home. His evil wife is having me put to sleep. What are you in for?"

Dane: "That's too bad. I got way too excited when my owner started doing Bikram yoga. I couldn't help it...I started humping her like crazy."

Poodle: "So is she putting you down too?"

Dane: "Naw, I'm just getting my nails done."

The thing I love most about this fall weather is the UGG boots and yoga pants..

... Though, they do make me look a bit gay.

Have you heard the one about the yoga instructor?

It was quite a stretch.

Yoga joke, Have you heard the one about the yoga instructor?

Yesterday at yoga

Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.

We play GTA because it let's us do things we wouldn't even think about doing in real life...

Like golf, tennis and yoga.


A yoga joke!

What did the yogi say to his friends when they asked him to leave?

"Nah I'ma stay"

A yoga teacher was murdered...

...they're saying it was premeditated.

Yoga joke, A yoga teacher was murdered...

My girlfriend wanted me to go to yoga with her the other day.

I waved her off and said "Nah 'ma stay."

Told my yoga instructor to teach me the splits

She asked "how flexible are you"

I said "Weekdays are out of the question"

My wife claims to be very good at yoga...

but I think she's just a poser.

What is a pirate's favourite yoga pose?

The plank!

You can explore yoga updog reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean yoga thursdays dad jokes. There are also yoga puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants:

1. Weigh less than the animals they represent

2.

3.

The ladies call me "subway"..

..because I lie about being 12 inches and my meat smells like a yoga mat.

A girl asked me if I wanted to join her in yoga at 6 am

I told her, "namaste in bed".

What do you call a Filipino yoga instructor?

A Manila Folder.

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

Yoga joke, How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes.

He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.

Why is it easy to arrange for private yoga classes with a teacher?

They are flexible.

What do you call a fat girl in yoga pants at Walmart?

Cashier


I just signed up for a yoga class....

"How flexible are you" asked the instructor

I said "I can't do Tuesdays"

Three things that never lie.....

Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants

A yoga instructor killed a student before class started

He's being charged with pre-meditation murder.

What did the yoga instructor say when asked if she wanted to leave the party?

Namaste

What did the yoga instructor say to her landlord when he tried to kick her out?

Namaste.

What did the yoga student say to her yoga teacher when he told her to leave?

She said nah-ima-stay

I've been doing yoga for 5 years.

It's been a long stretch

What did the son reply when his mother asked if he needed a drive to his yoga class?

"Nah, ma, stay"

They say the inventor of yoga pants had comfort in mind

But I like to think he had posterior motives.

What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him?

Namaste

There's only three things that tell the truth in the world

Kids, Alcoholics and yoga pants.

Found a news article saying that millions of people die annually from doing yoga.

I think that's a stretch.

Doing the splits

I told my yoga instructor I wanted to be able to do the splits. She asked how flexible I was. I told her I couldn't come on Tuesdays.

I didn't believe my friend who told me yoga would fix my posture

I now stand corrected

Jesus is a regular at my yoga class

Pilates screwed him up real bad but he keeps coming back

What do you call an injury you get at yoga class?

Yoghurt.

A yoga instructor was at a party.

Her friend said "come on let's leave"

The yoga instructor replied "Na I'ma stay"

This morning my wife asked me if I would like to yoga class with her...

Namaste in bed.

I asked my friend if she wanted to do yoga in the park?

"In this heat?" She said, "Namaste at home"

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go do yoga with her.

I said, "Namaste right here."

A man was arrested for stealing yoga dvds

He's now doing a long stretch

I asked a millennial hipster yoga teacher to leave the room...

He said: "Nah a ma stay."

I think my mirror is broken

I said pumpkin spice latte 3 times in front of it and no white girl in yoga pants appeared.

Sunrise Yoga

I'm on vacation with my wife and she asks me do you want to join me for sunrise yoga tomorrow?

I replied 'namaste in bed'

A husband walks into the bedroom and is shocked by what he sees.

"Oh my God Carol, no!"

"But I told you all about us."

"I thought you said you were doing YOGA!"

"Embarrassing this is."

My friend tried to convince me that yoga is a workout...

I told him it's a bit of a stretch

(Thought of this tonight during yoga)

My friend claims yoga is the best possible thing you can do for your body.

Seems like a bit of a stretch.

I had a Yoga teacher when I was younger and he was always drunk and touched me inappropriately,

He put me in an awkward position.

My yoga instructor said I could start her class at 3pm or 4pm.

She was very flexible.

An estimated 70% of women who wear yoga pants don't do yoga.

An estimated 100% of straight men do not care.

My wife asked me to go to yoga class with her

I said Namaste here

I don't like people who do Yoga

They're a bunch of posers if you aske me.

My Yoga instructor was so hot, I didn't want to leave the studio...

She kept telling me it was done but I said "namaste"

I think I thought of a great joke about yoga

But you might need to help me with the punchline, it's a bit of a stretch.

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....

discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"

And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

What do you call a communist doing yoga?

Stretch Marx

My wife asked if these pants make her look fat…

I replied

Definitely not. It's you that makes the pants look fat.

And oh how we both laughed and laughed.

Anyway, I'm single now in case any of you want to hang out.

I'm pretty open most days. Except for Tuesday's when I do yoga.

Jesus is sitting in heaven looking glum, when St Paul says

"You've been down lately, come join me for yoga this afternoon, it'll improve your energy levels and perk you right up, Lord"



Jesus looks up, his expression remaining grim



"I'll pass, I've had bad experiences with Pilates"

What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?

Nothing. They'll find themself.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the yoga tantric jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working yoga pilates piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes