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Yes Jokes

122 yes jokes and hilarious yes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about yes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Yes Short Jokes

Short yes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The yes humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with. She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
  2. Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
  3. I was browsing in a liquor store when an employee asked me Do you need help? I said, Yes, but I'm here to get whiskey instead.
  4. Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"
    Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
    Me: "49"
    Interviewer: "that's not even close"
    me: "yeah, but it was fast"
  5. My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?" I said "Yes, I'm ready."
    He said "I'm sleeping with your wife."
  6. Doctor: You might have a phobia of marriage. Do you think you have the symptoms? Man: Can't say I do.
    Doctor: Yes. That's the main one.
  7. Three logicians walk into a bar. The barkeeper asks: "Do you all want beer?"
    The first one answers: "I don't know."
    The second one answers: "I don't know."
    The third one answers: "Yes!"
  8. Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
  9. I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
  10. Police officer: "I'm here to inform you that your son burned down the school" Parents: "arson?"
    Police officer: "yes, your son"

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Yes One Liners

Which yes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with yes? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. A horse walked into a bar
    Bartender: Hey
    horse: Yes please
  2. "Son you're just not cut out to be a mime." "Is it something I said?"
    "Yes."
  3. "Dad. Are we pyromaniacs?" "Yes, we arson."
  4. Today my son asked me, Dad are we pyromaniacs? I replied: yes, we arson.
  5. is my wife ashamed of my body? a tiny part of me says yes.
  6. My friend asked me if the new star wars was in 3D... ... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.
  7. "Hello, is this anonymous NSA hotline?" "Yes, David, how can we help you?"
  8. First day as a vet Me: What seems to be the problem
    Cat: Meow
    Me: Yes, but where?
  9. Is my girlfriend disappointed in my body? A tiny part of me says 'yes'.
  10. I have to ask myself, is my wife unsatisfied? a tiny part of me says yes
  11. Teacher: what is 4+2? Johnny: 3!
    Teacher: Yes, you are right.
  12. At the liquor store: "Hey, do you need help?"
    "Yes, but I come here instead"
  13. "Do you want to hear a joke about ghost?" "Yes."

    "That's the spirit!"
  14. Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says Yes
  15. Are quantum computers going to change our world? Yes and no.

Yes Sir Jokes

Here is a list of funny yes sir jokes and even better yes sir puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A general walks up to his private "Private!"
    "Yes, sir!"
    "I didn't see you in camouflage tactics training this morning!"
    "Thank you, sir!"
  • What are the options? Air Hostess to passenger:
    "Sir would you like to have dinner?"
    Passenger: "What are the options?"
    Air Hostess: "Yes and No."
  • "Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"
    "Yes, but not from the diving board."
  • A flight attendant asks a man: -Sir, do you want something to drink?
    -What are my options?
    -Yes and No
  • Sergeant Miller! Yes sir?
    I didn't see you at the camouflage training yesterday!
    Thank you sir!
  • A guy goes to a cake shop and says: - Can you please make me a cake that says "you are the only one for me"?
    - Yes sir.
    - Well, I'll order five of those.
  • Waiter! These potatoes taste powdery. Yes sir. We use only the finest ingredients.
  • The driver & Police Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"

    Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."
  • Yes Sir, Officer. I saw the stop sign. I just didn't see you.
  • Sergeant: I didn't see you at camouflage practice this morning Private! Private: Yes Sir! Thank you sir!

Obvious Yes Jokes

Here is a list of funny obvious yes jokes and even better obvious yes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Any agoraphobes in the house tonight? (Obviously yes.)
  • A wife dragged her husband to their marriage counselor appointment with his fishing net. "Do you see what I have to put up with," the wife says.
    "Yes," said the counselor. "He's obviously in seine."

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about yes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of yes puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Yes Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about yes you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make yes prank.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said

Y'know, one would have been enough.

h**...


A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:
"Cheeseburgers: $5
Fries: $3
h**...: $10."
He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the h**...?"
"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.
"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"

He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"

As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back.

And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."

At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It's bec..."

Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before.

I replied, "Yes just once."
The doctor asked, "What was it like?"
I said, "It was dark, then suddenly very bright."

What did Kim Jong-Un say yesterday before he died?

My Korea is over

two h**... trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud? .
God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232 .
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought .

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...

But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle

[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?

Inmate: It's bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Son, I found a c**... in your room.


Gee thanks, Grandpa!
Why are you calling me Grandpa?
Because I couldn't find it yesterday.

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?
Yes, how can I help you?
Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling
Oh, hi
Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!
Really? Wow! That's..
Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

My wife asked me whether I experimented with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.

I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.

A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.

He raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

A boy and his dad are talking.

"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion yesterday in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school karate classes came in useful.

Yesterday I froze myself to -273.15°

And you know what?
I was 0K :)

I can cut down a tree just by looking at it

It's true, I saw it with my own eyes

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you.

Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they'll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.

Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice t**..., where you want me to hang the blinds?

Yesterday I had a nightmare that my tiktok account was deleted.

For a second, I was really scared that I had a tiktok account.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?
God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, the o**... turns to the other and whispers, This goes higher up than we thought.

Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!

**

My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."

"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."
"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had s**... with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."
"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."

You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

A farmer goes to the market to sell his horse for $2000, and a man buys it from him.

The farmer says he'll deliver it to to man in 1 week's time, but halfway through the week the horse dies.
The farmer offers to refund the man's money, but the man chooses to buy it anyway.
The next week the farmer sees and asks the man what he did with the dead horse.
The man says 'Oh I held a lucky draw, $50 for a chance to win a horse. 100 people entered, and I collected $5000.
The farmer, shocked, asks 'But wasn't anyone upset with the horse?' The man replies
'Oh yes, only the winner, but I refunded him his $50.'

Hey Eugene, do you shower after s**...?

Well yes Bob, I do.
Great, can you please get laid more often?

An African man visits his friend in the US

I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .

My girlfriend looked at me with her s**... eyes and said, "I want you to make me scream with your two fingers baby"

.... so I poked her in the eyes.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.

The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks Can you see me? and they respond
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja

An old Jew is on his deathbed.

A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."
He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."
And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"

I went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me i lost 20% of my sight

Sigh...

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer

The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

I took an epileptic girl to a rave

I jokingly told her, "I hear this place has rave reviews", but she just rolled her eyes at me.

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates
My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?"

God said yes.
The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?"
God said yes.
The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just a second."

China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons.

One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .

The son of a b**...

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself...
"2+5, the son of a b**... is 7"
"3+6, the son of a b**... is 9"
His mother heard this & asked, " Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?"
"Oh Mom. Don't disturb. I am doing my maths homework"
Mom: "Is this how your teacher taught you?"
"Yes mom "
Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:
"Are you teaching maths to children by saying... 2+2, the son of a b**... is 4?"
There was silence for a moment
Then the teacher started laughing :
"What I taught them was... 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4."
***

The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.

The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?
Six, replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
She also stole a can of peas!

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she sobbed.
"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it never happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. "Not again...."

Two Jews are arguing before the Rabbi

J1: "Black is a color!"
J2: "NO! it is not!"
J1: "It is a color!"
J2: "Rabbi, is black a color?"
Rabbi: "Well, sure..."
J1: "See, I told you. And so is white!"
J2: "White is not a color!"
J1: "Rabbi?"
Rabbi: "Well, yes, white is a color"
J1: "See, I told you Moishe, I sold you a *color* TV"

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."

To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday

Can you please stop calling my new phone?

I am a proud anti-vaccine Father of 3.

Edit- Two Now
2nd Edit- One Now
3rd Edit- Nevermind
4th Edit- WOW this really blew up. I would like to dedicate all these wonderful awards to my 3 children Byeson, Dieanne, and Ammunity. They would have been so proud. RIP

Sir, your son was smoking m**... at school during the class!

Says the teacher to a student's parent at a school gathering.
-- Did he say where he got it?
-- Yes! His best friend gave it to him.
The father, cleaning his tears:
-- Did he really say that?

A dying husband in a hospital bed asks his wife, "Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?"

His wife, crying uncontrollably answers, "Yes."
He asks, "Whose is it?"
His wife replies, "Yours!"

The police came to my house tonight holding a picture of my wife.

They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, "Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."

A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife

"We need a 4th for poker"
"I'll be right over" says the doctor.
"Is it serious?" His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat.
"Oh yes.. there are 3 other doctors there already."

Speaking of a big fat b**...!

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.
"My cat is very fat, she says.
"Alright," says the vet. "I will look at him."
The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. Then into its ears.
Finally, she turns to the girl and says, I'm very sorry. I'm going to have to put your cat down."
"Oh no! Because he's so fat?"
"Yes, says the doctor. My arms are very tired."

My brother was murdered today

cop: do you mind identifying the body \[puts hand on my shoulder\] I have to warn you the body was hacked up.
me: \[tearing up\] yes that's my brother Reese.
cop: you're sure?
me: \[nodding\] those are Reese's Pieces.

After my wife had given birth to our baby, the nurse asked me, "Do you have a name yet?" I said, "Yes. Steve." She giggled, "Awww! That's a lovely name!" I replied, "Thanks."

"But what do you think we should call the baby?"

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I've regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.
You don't need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didn't know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.
Oh thank God! said Lois. I can't tell you what a weight that is off my chest.
Glad we cleared that up, said Clark.
So I guess this means you were Batman too.

I tried having my mother's phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad's name, he'd have to be the one to put in the request.....

The fact that he'd been dead for 40 years didn't sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?
Well, yes, she said reluctantly. But that would ruin his credit.

Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and i**... aliens?
 
The clerk said, Kiss my a**...… get out… and stay out!
 
The man said, Yes, that's the one.  Do you have it in paperback?

An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car.

He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him.
He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die?"
The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday."

R.I.P. dad

My dad passed away yesterday (this is true). He was 87 and had a good innings. We've done the bulk of our grieving and all is good. My brother sent me this message this morning:
"I reckon dad has already told Eddie Van Halen to turn the volume down."
___________________

Russian prime minister Medvedev comes to Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones.

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff. Remember when that Polish plane crashed with their president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!!"

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great bike?

The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".

Two Jews, Moishe and Abram, are arguing.

Moishe: Black is a color
Abram: No it is not.
Moishe: I'm telling you, black is a color.
Abram: No, it's not.
They go to the rabbi.
Moishe: Rebbe, is black a color?
Rabbi: Yes, Moshe, black is indeed a color.
Moshe: See, Abram, I told you.
Abram: Okay, but white is not a color,
Moishe: Yes it is.
Abram: No, it is not.
Moishe: Rebbe, is white a color?
Rabbi: Yes, Moishe, white is indeed a color.
Moishe: See, I told you I sold you a color TV.

A man in my town was shot yesterday with a starter's p**....

Police suspect that the crime is race related.

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have c**... balloons :D

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, Surely, it's not going to rain today?

And she replied, Yes it is, and don't call me Shirley.
That was when I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode.

A new law

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?

Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these yes jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.