Yer Jokes
57 yer jokes and hilarious yer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about yer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh along with funny jokes from Yer Da, Yer Ma, and Yer Maw! There's something for everyone , from Fers and Mahs to Aights and other hilarious jokes!
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Funniest Yer Short Jokes
Short yer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The yer humour may include short fer jokes also.
- Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry.
- What doya call an Irishmann with no arms nor leggs hangin from yer ceilin'? Sean DuLier
(Not original content, but aye couldn't fynd it heahr) - What's the most common phrase heard in West Virginia on a Friday night? Get off me daddy, yer crushin' my cigarettes.
- What did the pirate say when he got a steering wheel stuck in his pants Argh! Yer driven me nuts.
- Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds. - When you're neckin' with yer honey
And your nose is kinda runny
You might think it's funny...
But it's not. - Yer man's no chicken anyways... Who's no chicken?
Donald duck. - What does a Pirate say before he plans on having s**... with his wife? [Can I plunder yer b**...?](#s)
- n**... man walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped in Saran Wrap. The doctor says, "Sir, I can clearly see yer nuts."
- What did one l**... say to another? Got yer nose!
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Yer One Liners
Which yer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with yer? I can suggest the ones about and .
- You could be a 1, you could be a 10, but in the restroom... ... yer an eight.
- Why was the number 7 covered in pee? Because 7 said to next number "Yer an 8".
- "Git yer cotton pickin hands off a my gin." -Eli Whitney
- What did Hagrid say to Harry after he was bitten by Lupin? Yer a hairy wizard
- Newfie word of the day: defeat Jesus Murphy mudder shouts, yer shoes go on de feet.
- Yer dads Yer dads the tallest Muslim in Scotland, he's called Mind Jaheed.
- What did the Indian pirate say to the boat Captain? "Argh, gimmie me alla yer Buddha!"
- Yer da gets a chest infection and spits in a bucket Calls himself fleminem
- "Yer the SI unit of power, 'arry"... "I'm a Watt."
- what did Hagrid say to Gandalf? stop playing with hobbits, yer a wizzard!
- It's hard being a middle sibling in the South Yer always gittin' squished
- Guys guess what I did last night Yer mum
- What did the hairy guy say to the skinny 11 year-old? ##Yer a wizard, Harry.
- Yer a wizerd, 'arry im fkin wot m8??/1!
- Life is like a chalk of boxlets... Ya never know what yer gonna ship.
Rib-Tickling Yer Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about yer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make yer pranks.
The Captain's Drink
Captain Hook, Captain Crunch, and Captain America walk into a bar.
Hook says, "Ahoy mates, I'll buy the first round. Just let me go to the bathroom real quick."
The others wait and when Hook comes back Captain America asks, "Hey Hook, how bout those drinks?"
Hook yells, "Shove it up yer stars and stripes, ya flag waving boy scout!"
America turns to Crunch, "Why's he suddenly "irate"?
Crunch says, "Well, that's what happens when you take the P out of a pirate"
Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""
The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a p**...."
"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."
"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.
The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a p**..., Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."
"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"
The Queen hosts a garden party in Scotland.
The Scottish waiter arrives carrying a tray with many cakes on it. Queen asks, Is that a scone, or a meringue?
The waiter replies: Naw, yer quite right, that's a scone.
Two r**... are talking about their s**... lives.
"Ma first time was with ma sister and ma cousin!" Billy Joel Cletus exclaims proudly. "What?! Yer first time was a t**...?" Bobby Floyd-Wilson asks. "Nope," says Billy.
Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..
First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"
Second fella says "A kilt of course!"
First fella "What's the tartin?"
"She's wearing white" says his pal
Politican sees the scottish barber
A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".
A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."
Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!"
A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,
"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer c**... there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."
A Spanish pirate walks into a bar... [OC]
A Spanish pirate walks into a bar, and he appears down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks,
"Aye, what'll ye be havin'?"
"Agua, por favor."
"Hm, whatever floats yer boat, lad."
"...Sí."
Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election
One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."
So two good ol' boys are talking on the porch…
…and one says to the other, "Heard you an' yer wife're havin' a yung'un."
The other says, "Yup."
First one says, "Gonna be boy or girl?"
Other says, "Don' know. Still tryna figger out if I'm a dad or an uncle."
p**... is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and getting dizzy.
He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick". Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?" p**... replies "No I only live round the corner".
Childhood was easy
When I was a kid, I used to love playing pirate. We'd dress up in our hats and eyepatches and run to people on the street yelling 'we're pirates, give us yer money!' Some would play along and some would be a bit intimidated. Apparently this isn't excusable if you're 22.
How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
Mind yer own f**...' business!
Pirate jokes you say?
A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel in his pants and sits down in an empty stool.
"I'll take yer best r**...!" he asks.
The bartender pours him the r**... and places it infront of him. The bartender asks:
"Isn't that wheel uncomfortable sir?"
The pirate responds:
"ARRR it's drivin' me nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel attached to his pants...
He walks up to the bartender and says "Aye matey, give me a bottle of yer finest r**...!"
The bartender looks at the pirate, looks at the wheel and, with a confused look on his face says, "Sure buddy, but you gotta tell me, what's with the steering wheel attached to your c**...?"
The pirate replies "Yarr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Pirate pick-up lines
I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest.
Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.
See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.
Nice p**... deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?
Avast, me pretty! Strike your p**... and prepare to be boarded.
I've hidden b**... all over the Caribbean — but never have I seen one like yours!
That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!
That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there.
My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure.
Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest.
Unfortunate pirate
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. Ye gads, matey, says Morty. What happened to ya?
Sol says, Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.
And yer hand? asks Morty.
When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.
OK, but what's with the eye patch?
I was standin' on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.
But ya don't go blind from no seagull p**....
True, says Sol. But it was me first day with the hook.
Hurt my arm this mornin and had to go to hospital for an x-ray, as I was sitting waiting to be seen...
...the lad next to me says," Fair fae yer honest sonsieface! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!" I was like, eh?!?!., I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!" , As I grabbed the next doc walking past I said, "here mate is this the psychiatric ward?" He says," no this is the Burns unit! Happy Rabbie Burns Day
Two Leprechauns Knock on the Door of a Convent.
The Mother Superior answers.
"Em, 'scuse me, Mother Superior," the first leprechaun says, "but you aren't after having any midget nuns in this convent?"
"Why, no little man" says she, "we have no midget nuns in this convent."
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the south of Ireland?"
"No, little man"
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the north of Ireland?"
"No, little man."
"So, yer tellin' us, Mother Superior, that in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns?"
"Yes, as far as I know in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns." The line of questioning becoming tiresome, the Mother Superior closes the door and goes away.
One leprechaun turns to the other and says, "Ah, well ye see, Seamus, I told you it was a penguin we fooked."
