Yelling Jokes
111 yelling jokes and hilarious yelling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about yelling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Yelling Short Jokes
Short yelling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The yelling humour may include short shouting jokes also.
- How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
- My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, "You weren't even listening just now, were you?!" I thought, "Man, what a weird way to start a conversation."
- I just read a list of "100 Things To Do Before You Die". I was pretty surprised that "yell for help" wasn't one of them.
- After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!" - Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".
- Guy runs into a bar, yells "Quick! How tall is a penguin?" Bartender says "Three feet tall."
Guy says "Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!" - A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
- One man in the crowd then yelled Yes, but is it the Catholic god you don't believe in or the Protestant one?
- My wife yelled at me "are you even listening to me" I said "that's a funny way to start a conversation"
- I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"
Then they both ran away
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Yelling One Liners
Which yelling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with yelling? I can suggest the ones about yells and screaming.
- Why don't Ewoks yell inside? Because they use their Endor voices!
- The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool. I was so startled, I almost fell in.
- I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool Scared me so much I almost fell in.
- I went to a psychic… I knocked on her front door
She yelled who is it?
So I left - Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house? They have to use their Endor voices.
- An airplane yells at his rebellious son... .. "Watch that altitude, young man"
- How do you get 4 old ladies to yell "s**...!"? Get a 5th old lady to yell "Bingo!"
- My wife yells at me "are you even listening?!" Strange way to start a conversation.....
- What do kids yell at old people who are just trying to play? GET OFF MY LAN!
- I got caught peeing in a pool today. The lifeguard yelled so loud, I almost fell in!
- Why should you never yell into a colander? You don't want to strain your voice.
- An English bloke's gold ran away.. "A u, get back 'ere!" he yelled.
- I named my dog Syndrome.. So when he's Misbehaving I yell "Down Syndrome"
^^^Stolen - A fish swimming in a river hits into a wall and yells Dam.
- I named my dog Stains You get weird looks when you yell "come stain!" at the park.
Fun-Filled Yelling Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about yelling you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shouts jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make yelling pranks.
A guy walks into a bar
A guy walks into a crowded local bar, holding a p**... in his hand and yelling, I have a 45 caliber p**... here with seven rounds in the barrel plus one in the chamber and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife.
A voice from the other end of the bar called out, You'll need more ammo
I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
Number 12...
A man is walking down the street when he begins to hear yelling. The man notices it's coming from the court yard of a mental hospital. Once he gets closer he notices they are all yelling the number 12. The fence being too high, he peaks through a hole into the fence to see why they are yelling twelve. To his surprise he gets poked in the eye and begins hearing everyone yell 13...13...
Three men are in a waiting room while their wives are giving birth...
The nurse comes out and says to the first man, "Congratulations, you're the father of twins!" "That's funny," he said," I work for Double Tree. Later on the nurse came out again and said to the second father, saying, "Congratulations, you're the father of triplets!" The man responded, "That's funny, I work for 3M. The third man started b**... his head against the wall, yelling. When they asked him what was wrong, he responded, "I work for 7 Up!"
An old man is running through the halls of an old-folks home wearing a cape
and yelling "Super s**...! Super s**...!"
An old lady pokes her head out of her room and says,
"I'll have the soup."
Not sure my son understands Football
I took my six year old son to his first football game over the weekend. On our way out I asked him what he thought of the game.
"It was exciting," my son said. "But I don't understand why they fighting so much over twenty-five cents."
"What do you mean?" I asked my son a little confused myself.
"Well," he started to say, "everyone kept yelling 'get the quarter back!'"
The German Lifeguard
A group of friends were on a boat in Munich when the hull was breached.
They quickly called for the German Life Guard yelling "Help we're sinking!"
The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"
That half man, half horse...
Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was k**... over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.
How I want to die...
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
How can you tell two people are married?
Both are yelling at the same kid.
Two friends are chatting in a bar...
A: I will never understand the way women think.
B: Why do you say that?
A: My wife came home the other day with some revealing l**... and told me "I bought these for you."
B: So?
A: She started yelling at me when I put them on.
How I learned to miknd my own business:
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."
The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.
Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!
A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling...
..."Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"
The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"
The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."
A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, "Doctor! Doctor! I'm getting smaller and smaller and smaller!!!"
His Doctor replies, "Now now, I can't fix things right away, you'll just have to be a little patient."
Kennedy's USSR joke
A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.
When I die
My only wish is that I die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling for help like the passengers in his car.
Argon walks into a bar
The bartender looks up angrily, yelling at him, "Get out! We don't take stuck up snobs like you!"
Argon doesn't react.
A kid was selling newspapers...
A kid was selling newspapers. He was yelling, "Boy cheats 100 fools!" to catch people's attention. A man walking by was interested and bought a newspaper. As he walked away with the newspaper, he heard the boy start yelling, "Boy cheats 101 fools!"
My brother took being sent to prison really badly.
He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.
That was the last time we played monopoly.
Two friends were having a conversation...
The first guy says "Man, my neighbors were up yelling and screaming at one in the morning."
"Ouch." says the other guy "Did they wake you up?"
"No. I was already up, playing my bagpipes."
It's show and tell day...
In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot.
"What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks.
"It's a period," replies Johnny.
"What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks.
"I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first asks, "1 beer please!"
The second asks, "1/2 beer please!"
The third asks, "1/4 beer please!"
The fourth asks, "1/8 beer please!"
And so on. Eventually, the bar tender gets very angry, and slams 2 beers on the counter yelling,
"You mathematicians just don't know your limits!"
A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs
The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*
A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
My downstairs neighbor was yelling and b**... on the ceiling until 3 AM
Did that bother you?
Not much. I was up til about the same time practicing my trumpet.
Guy joins the Army...
... but they are out of bayonets and ammo. They tell him to run into battle yelling "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!"
Much to his surprise, enemy soldiers are dropping all around him.
Then, this really big enemy comes over the hill. The guy yells, "Bangitty bangitty bang!!! "Stabbity stabbity stab!", but the enemy keeps advancing and mows him down. As the enemy walks over him, he hears him shout, "Tankitty tankitty tank!"
Little Johnny's Game
Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
Three men are captured by canibals
The canibals say that they will be killed and their skin will be made into a canoe, and that they can choose how they die.
The first one jumps off a rock, the second one cuts his t**....
The third one takes a fork, starts stabing himself and yelling 'NO CANOE FOR YOU!"
A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father
The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.
Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"
The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"
God loves everyone
You know, it's in that book you hold up when you're yelling at gay people.
136 days!
Three guys are celebrating in a bar.
They keep high-fiving each other and yelling, " " " "
They are so excited, the bartender can't stand it any longer.
"Hey," he says, "what are you guys celebrating?"
"We finished a jigsaw puzzle!" says one of them.
"You finished a jigsaw puzzle???" says the bartender. "How come that's so exciting?"
"Well, it said on the box 'Four to six years'!"
Your wife is locked out at the front door yelling at you and your dog is barking at the back door to be let in. Which do you let in first?
Your dog, because it'll stop barking once you let it in.
At a mental hospital, one patient keeps yelling "I am a messenger of God! I am a messenger of God!"
"I didn't send anybody" says someone in the adjacent room.
A little boy walks in on his parents having s**...
Confused he asks his parents what they're doing. Without missing a beat his dad tells him he's making him a little sister and he has to go play in the back yard.
The boy wanders outside and see's the neighbours dogs having s**.... He asks the neighbour what they're doing and the neighbour explains they're making puppies.
The little boy runs back in and bursts into his parents room yelling DAD! Flip her over I'd rather have a puppy!
Why did Mozart kill his chickens?
They were yelling "Bach Bach Bach Bach"
A blonde walks into a bar yelling, "65 days!"
A guy asks her, "What's in 65 days?"
The blonde replies, "I completed the puzzle in 65 days! The box said 2 to 4 years!"
I can't stand pilates because it's too much like s**....
I sweat, muscles hurt, and then there's a woman yelling at me that I'm not doing it right.
So a wife is yelling at her husband to get out of the house...
"I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"
As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
Husband says: "So wait a minute, now you want me to stay?"
I was in a car accident.
I got rear ended the other day, and the driver, who was less than 4 feet tall, started yelling and hollering.
He screamed, "I am NOT HAPPY!", so I yelled back, "WELL WHICH ARE YOU THEN?!"
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
Some guy was yelling at me today, complaining about my driving, saying I shouldn't be allowed on the highway…
I'll play golf wherever I want!
A piece of string walks into a bar...
And the bartender kicks him out while yelling "I don't serve your kind in here, string!" The string really wanted a drink though, so he bent over and rubbed his head on the ground for a bit. Then he ties himself in a bow and walks back inside. The bartender sees him and immediately starts yelling "Aren't you that same string I just kicked out?!" To which the string replies "No sir, I'm a frayed knot".
My parents have been yelling at me that I'm wasting my life doing nothing but playing video games.
Luckily I have three lives left.
A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!"
The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video
Two blondes get stuck in elevator
One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP
The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together
The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER
When I was at the immigration office, I interrupted an officer answering his phone and told him "Ship them back where they came from. They have a tendency to explode". He arrested me for being Islamophobic.
As I was dragged out, I was yelling "I was talking about your Samsung Galaxy Note 7!"
Minesweeper
It's either a computer game or an angry German custodian yelling at kids who stole his broom.
Somebody drove past me on a tractor yelling "the end of the world is nigh!"
I think it was Farmer Geddon
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his f**... on the wall.
I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.
I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it
The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
"But not while standing on the diving board!"
A plane was about to take off when a man burst out of the cockpit n**..., yelling
"this is your captain streaking"
I opened the door for this lady, and she flew right out the door.
Next thing I know, everyone on the plane starts yelling at me.
That awkward moment when you're having s**... with a German girl and she keeps yelling "Nine!"
Like, are you just yelling your age or are ten of us too many?
Every day, my neighbor gets on his tractor, and starts yelling, The end is near!
I hate living next to Farmer Geddon.
My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he'll fire the employee with the worst posture...
I have a hunch it might be me...
My fiancee keeps yelling at me because Alexa is interrupting her game on the Kindle.
I can't help it. My voice turns her on.
My grandfather knew before the titanic sank that it was going to happen.
He kept yelling and telling peope over and over but no one listened. They then threw him out of the theater, he's not allowed back.
A man is yelling "People, listen to me! I am the son of Satan!" out of the window of a mental asylum.
Another one sticks his head out and yells:
"Don't listen to him, he's a maniac! I don't have a son!"
p**... and Mary decide to try a 69
p**...'s never done it before so Mary says she'll show him.
She tells him to lay on the floor and squats over him.
As she's lowering herself down she farts. Apologizing, she tries again and farts again.
p**... jumps up and storms out, yelling "I'll be fooked if I'm hanging around for 67 more of em!"
I went through this list of "100 things to do before you die"
Surprisingly, yelling for help is not one of them.
When my time comes, I want to pass away quietly in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not yelling and screaming like everyone else in the car.
5 gangsters calmly walk into a bar.
Immediately, a Karen rushes up to them and starts yelling at them to get out.
"What are you doing!?" yells the bartender. "They haven't even been here for two minutes!"
"Well," the Karen retorts. "I've heard that 5G's are bad for the environment!"
I know my wife loves me and all, but I don't think she needs to tell everybody.
Just yesterday, when the mailman arrived at our house, she rushed downstairs yelling, "My husband is home! My husband is home!"
therapist: describe this picture
me: that's my father yelling at me
therapist: and this one
me: you having s**... with my wife
therapist: and this one
me: aren't these normally ink blots
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV: Don't go in there! Don't go in the church, you m**...."
She was watching our wedding video again.
RIP uncle
My great uncle passed away last year when we couldn't remember his blood type in time for him to get a blood transfusion that would save his life.
As he was dying he kept yelling 'Be positive! Be positive!' but it's so hard without him.
An African man visits his friend in the US
I just flew in yesterday the African man says And boy are my arms tired!
You know, that's kind of an old joke here in America replied his friend.
Joke? The African man said. I've been holding my hands in the air yelling 'don't shoot' ever since I got to this d**... country .
Pregnant Wife
My wife has been so moody since she became pregnant. I asked her to push harder and she began yelling and calling me names.
I said, "Let me know if you have a better way to get the car out of the mud."
"push push...harder.. you can do it.. little more!!" I was yelling at my pregnant wife..
But despite her best efforts,the car didn't start.
A guy is waiting for the bus in front of a mental institution
There is a tall wooden fence surrounding it. The man starts hearing a group of people on the other side of the fence yelling "14, 14, 14!" So he walks over and finds a small hole. When he ducks down to peek through, all of a sudden he gets poked in the eye.
The people on the other side of the fence start yelling "15, 15, 15!"
A man was late for work and panicking he suddenly hears...
Someone yelling "STOP" the man stopped, not knowing what else to do and just a few seconds later a car c**... occurred missing the man by a few inches.
The man, very confused thinks nothing of it and since people came to help, he ran his way because he was really late.
Then just a minute later he hears someone yelling "STOP" and he stopped, just a few seconds later a stray tire crashed into a shop missing the man by mere inches again.
The man now fully frustrated yells back "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING MARRIED!?".
My wife was in the garden.
She started yelling to me.
Her: There are two spiders here, "is that a mummy longlegs
under the daddy longlegs.?
Me: No don't be silly there are no mummy longlegs only daddy longlegs. "I felt pretty proud of myself with my answer.
Until she stomps on both spiders, "Well we are not having any of that gay s**... in our garden.
A patient runs into a doctor's surgery yelling out: I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking! What should I do?
The doctor replies: you are just going to have to be a little patient.
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, Don't go to church you s**... b**..., I said what are you watching?
She said, Our wedding video.
My wife asked me why I was yelling at the p**... of water on the stove.
I said, water boils ~~faster~~ hotter under pressure.
If you donate one kidney everyone praises you!
But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling and you lose your job as a surgeon.
Sheesh!
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"
The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my mother in law did!"
Lottery winner
Man comes home from work yelling honey honey I just won the lottery pack your bags.
Wife yells down what am I packing for the beach, the mountains, a cruise.
He yells back up. I don't care just get the h**... out
My upstairs neighbor was yelling so loudly at her daughter...
...that I cleaned my room too and put on my pajamas.
Went to a diner with a couple I know. They started arguing.
Normally, I'm not one to take sides, but they were so distracted by yelling at each other that I stole her fries and his cole slaw...
A prisoner spent a month digging an escape tunnel and finally came out in the playground of a preschool.
He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big b**... deal, I'm four".
