The Best 66 Years Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Years jokes. There are some years generations jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these years fourty puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Years Jokes and Puns
Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside
My housemates are convinced our house is haunted
I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife...
Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!
I like my women like I like my whiskey.
12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.
After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years
But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it
65,000,011 years ago
Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."
"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."
Boy: What's a palindrome?
Teacher: racecar
{10 years later}
Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome
Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I'm not impressed.
I've had a Canon printer for years.
I heard my son say his first words to me today...
"where have you been the last 20 years?"
The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him.
The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.
You can explore years yrs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean years month dad jokes. There are also years puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?
They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago.
Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
My girlfriend of 5 years asked me...
My girlfriend of 5 years asked me when was the last time I had sex with someone before her.
I said "back in '09". It sounds much better than saying September.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."
"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
My mom dropped this one on me
Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"
I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.
Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."
A man goes into a job interview
A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.
The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"
The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"
People say to me Jesus was not Jewish
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"
Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
I threw a boomerang a few years ago
I now live in constant fear
Virginity is like a car
Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either
Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years.
I had no idea he was a barber.
Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!
The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
I spent four years at college and didn't learn anything...
It's really my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychology.
Just found out the local barber has been arrested for selling drugs.
I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.
What's the difference between the USA and yogurt?
If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.
Alligators can live up to 100 years...
Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.
Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears...
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?
I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night
I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years
I don't have 2020 vision
I'm a tour guide at a museum, and when I told a group that the fossil they were looking at was 65 million years and 3 weeks old, they asked me where the 3 weeks came from.
I said well it was 65 millions years old when I was hired here, and that was 3 weeks ago.
10 years ago today, I married my best friend
My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
I bought a theremin
But I haven't touched it in years.
I'm sorry to anyone who gets it.
After years of complaining from my wife, I finally found the G-spot.
Turns out her sister had it all along...
Old German joke
An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, The soup is cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
Mom got a sex change operation
After being unhappy for many years my mother came to me and said she was going to get a sex change operation. I didn't fully understand but I was very supportive throughout the whole operation, then he came home.
That's when it all started, all the time all day long horrible dad jokes, terrible puns and all around just awful humor. After a few weeks and being fed up, I realized something and I confronted them.
"Did you seriously just have a sex change operation just for the dad jokes?!" I asked.
He replied, "Oh you could see right through me, I must be so trans-parent."
In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad
I guess it will be 5050
A fortune teller told me I'd suffer awful heart break in 12 years.
To cheer myself up I bought a puppy.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife
Happy Mother's Day!
My mother and father found each other in a gay bar of all places....
24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.
Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
Why are women so bad at parking cars?
Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!
I broke up with my girlfriend after 5 years, after I found she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere
A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.
What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to hell? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."
A man went to the hospital to visit his mother-in-law, who was in serious condition. On the way back the wife, very worried, asks: "So, honey? How's my mom doing?"
He replies: "She looks great! She is in good health! She will still live for many years! Next week she will be released from the hospital and will come and live with us, forever!"
"Wow that's amazing!" - says the wife - "But this is very strange, dear... yesterday she seemed to be on her deathbed, the doctors said she should have a few days to live!"
"Well, I don't know how she was yesterday" - he replied - "But today when I arrived at the hospital, the doctor told me that we should prepare for the worst"
Two years ago we'd never heard of gender reveal parties.
Now they're spreading like wildfire.
A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.
We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.
Bad news: a message in German sent 110 years ago by homing pigeon was just found.
Worse news: it was an acceptance letter to art school.
A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak.
So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.
Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years
Lose an election.
In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point."
We didn't have those fancy hazmat suits you all wear today
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years...
the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she sobbed.
"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it never happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. "Not again...."
An Old Couple Sat Down To Eat Breakfast
Wife: Honey, do you know what today is?
Husband: I believe it is our 50th wedding anniversary.
Wife: Thats right. Do you remember what we were doing right now 50 years ago?
Husband: We were sitting at this very table, eating breakfast naked.
Wife: Thats right. Want to do it again?
Husband: Sure.
*both remove clothes and sit back down*
Wife: Honey, my breasts are as hot as they were 50 years ago.
Husband: Yes they are, one is in your coffee and one is in your oatmeal.
The doctor gave me 2 years to live so I killed him
...the judge gave me 15 years in prison
What do skinny jeans and a cheap hotel have in common?
There's no ballroom.
Friend told me this a couple years ago. I was reminded today, by wearing skinny jeans and tugging at my crotch the entire time.
Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years
That's mean
My life used to centre on math, additions and subtractions until I found a quote that expanded my worldview
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 20 years of his life."
I thought I was funny until I met your parents...
They got together and made a joke years ago yet people are still laughing.
They say that this house is haunted.
That's funny; I've lived here for 245 years, and I haven't noticed anything strange.
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me if I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the years 80 year old jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working years a 7 and 4 year olds piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.