years Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious years puns

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

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I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don't have 2020 vision

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My housemates are convinced our house is haunted

I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.

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The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife...

Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!

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I like my women like I like my whiskey.

12 years old and mixed up with coke.

Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.

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When I was 5 years old, I got a coal from Santa...

The next year I decided to make him pay for it and poisoned his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad

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After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years

But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

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Boy: What's a palindrome?


Teacher: racecar

{10 years later}

Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome

Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

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A straight tree and a gay tree lived next to each other for 60 years

The straight tree was always making fun of the gay tree. One evening a storm comes along and lightning hits the straight tree and it shatters into hundreds of pieces. The gay tree bust out laughing and says "look who's a faggot now"

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At age 12, Little Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.



And three years later, that priest went to prison.

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Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

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My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I'm not impressed.

I've had a Canon printer for years.

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I heard my son say his first words to me today...

"where have you been the last 20 years?"

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At age 13, Little Johnny was blessed with an eight inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

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I'll like to brag that after 12 Years of marriage, I still have sex with my wife almost every day!

Almost on Monday

Almost on Tuesday

Almost on Wednesday

Almost on Thursday

Almost on Friday

Almost on Saturday

Almost on Sunday.!

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The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him.

The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.

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Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?

They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

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I Will Never Forget My Son's First Words

Where the fuck have you been for 16 years?

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Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

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The doctor gave me 4 months to live.

So I shot him. Judge gave me 20 years. Problem Solved.

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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.

The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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Alligators can live up to 100 years...

Which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old...

It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two.

Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

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Did you know that the condom was invented by the Turks?

They used the intestines of sheep around their penis when having sex.

And did you know that years later, the Brits were the ones who improved the condom by removing the sheep?

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Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years.

I had no idea he was a barber.

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Virginity is like a car

Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either

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Don't you hate it when you can't sleep because you are reminded of a mistake you made 2 years ago?

I hate it when my kid cries in the middle of the night

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Just found out the local barber has been arrested for selling drugs.

I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.

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I threw a boomerang a few years ago

I now live in constant fear

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An husband comes home to his wife of 20 years

Husband: Darling, I'm home and I brought you some aspirins.

Wife: But I don't have a headache.

Husband: Then let's fuck.

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A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"

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My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs..

I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber

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A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.

With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"

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What are the most funny Years jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Years? Well, here are the best Years dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Years pick up lines to share with friends.

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