Yearold Jokes

79 yearold jokes and hilarious yearold puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about yearold that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Yearold Short Jokes

Short yearold jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The yearold humour may include short question jokes also.

  1. Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries. Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!
  2. Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'd just Let It Go.
    As told to me by my 5 year-old daughter
  3. What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? barn and no-bulls.
    (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
  4. My 88 year-old grandfather is really good at sleeping. He can do it with his eyes *open*.
    It's been 24 minutes now and he hasn't blinked once.
  5. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? Because his doctor said stakes were bad for his heart.
    source: My 7 year-old.
  6. Oh, jokes from 7 year-olds are cool now? From my son last night: "Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?" Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls ("like bagels, get it Dad?").
  7. Went to a nice restaurant with my 10 year-old and ordered a pricey entree. She asked me how it was, and I said It's just how I make it at home . She said C'mon dad, it can't be that bad
  8. What did Sherlock Holmes say when Dr. Watson asked him what grade an eight year-old was in? Elementary, my dear Watson!
  9. Why did the unvaccinated one year-old try to buy a Corvette? Don't we all do that during a midlife crisis?
  10. Why was the 10 year-old medieval peasant depressed? He was going through his midlife crisis.

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Yearold One Liners

Which yearold one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with yearold? I can suggest the ones about season and older.

  1. From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks? You.
    Why I oughta...!
  2. Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes? Moo
  3. My 8 year-old kept chewing electrical wires… …so I had to ground him.
  4. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year-old child crying? He was having a midlife crisis.
  5. I bought a 400 year-old chair from Italy... ...but as soon as I sat on it, it baroque.
  6. What do you call a 5 year-old with no friends? [offensive] A sandy hook survivor.
  7. My autistic 7 year-old battling cancer told me this joke while adopting a shelter puppy
  8. I have the body of a 25 year-old Supermodel Not sure what to do with it in my basement
  9. What do interested chemists and 12 year-old hackers have in common? Inspect element
  10. Do you want to hear a joke? Decaf...
  11. You are what you eat! I guess that makes me a 2 year-old
  12. I'm 41, but I have a stomach of a 20 year-old. Everything triggers it.
  13. Whats the best thing about twenty eight yearolds? There are twenty of them!
  14. What is something that every 14 year-old should know? Better.
  15. What did the hairy guy say to the skinny 11 year-old? ##Yer a wizard, Harry.

Yearold joke, What did the hairy guy say to the skinny 11 year-old?

Entertaining Yearold Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about yearold you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean felt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make yearold pranks.

How do you get an 80 year-old woman to swear?

How do you get an 80 year-old woman to yell "F*c**..."?
You get another 80 year-old woman next to her to yell "BINGO"

A Loving Grandpa

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; and for fruit, cereal and soda in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Grandad is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay,
William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little t**... is throwing items out of the cart, and Grandad says again in a calm and controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay.

Grandad smiled, and the woman said, William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William.......the little s**...'s name is Kevin."

Tata daddy

One day a father was walking by his sons room and heard him praying. "God bless mommy and daddy and grandma, tata grandpa" he said. The dad was confused but happy to know that his 6 year,old was praying. The next morning he found grandpa dead of a heart attack. That night he listend to his son again. "God bless mommy and daddy tata grandma." As he suspected he found grandma dead of a heart attack. Then that night he listened to his son again."God bless mommy tata daddy" as you can imagine he was freaking out so he went to the docter and came home and found his wife and she said "Thankgoodness your here we found the mailman dead on our porch this morning!"

The boy and the clown

A clown and an 8 year-old boy are walking through a cemetery late at night when the boy becomes frightened and starts crying.
"I don't understand what you're scared and crying about" says the clown. "I'm the one who has to walk back alone..."

Sunday Morning s**...

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having s**... would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the d**...." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

My friend told me this gem the other day

A man walks into a doctor's office with his 8 year-old daughter. Looking at the nurse he asks "Excuse me, miss? I need to see someone about getting my daughter on birth control."
The nurse replies, "My god! Your daughter is s**... active?"
"Nah, she just lays there like her Mom."

Man walks into a pharmacy . . .

. . . and asks the pharmacist for birth control for his twelve-year old daughter. The pharmacist looks shocked and asks incredulously, "Your TWELVE year-old daughter is s**... active?!" The man responds emphatically, "Hmmph, I wish! She mostly just lays there and cries."

What do you call a sextape with a 60 year-old man in it?

Flappy Bird.
^I'll ^excuse ^myself ^now

Tough Kid

An 8 year-old kid is sitting on a swing, eating jelly beans, in a playground in South Philly. This man walks by and says, "Hey kid, you shouldn't eat candy. It's not good for you."
Kid looks up and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 95?"
"Yeah, and? He ate a lot of candy?"
Kid smiles and says, "No. But he knew how to mind his own f**...' business."

A boy is talking to his 100 year-old grandfather...

The grandfather says, "You know, when I was not so much older than you are now, I lived in Sydney, Australia. In fact, I earned a bit of spare change helping on the construction of the ol' Harbour Bridge."
The boy says, "Wow! That sounds fascinating! Was it exciting?"
The grandfather, shaking his head, says, "It was just riveting work."

So, the 7 year-old daughter is talking with her mom...

"Mom, today at school during break, Jason and I played doctor!" she says excitedly.
"Oh dear" the mother answers, fearing the worst "what did you two do?"
"Oh, not much, he made me wait forty-five minutes and then double billed the insurance company."

Chuck Norris and Superman

Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
(Submitted at the request of my 10 year-old son.)

They say you're only as old as you feel.

Yet they'll arrest you for trying to feel a 12 year-old.

In 2016, Democrats will have to choose between a 70 year-old socialist...

...and Bernie Sanders.

My grandpa flirting with a 91 year-old lady at his senior home.

"You look young enough to be my daughter."

A 40 year-old man is walking into some dark woods with an 8 year-old girl...

...the girl says, "These woods are scary!"
The man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out all by myself!"

What's the difference between an 18 year-old girl and a washing machine?

When you dump a load in the washer, it will not follow you around for two months.

My 5 year-old son caught me having s**... with my wife.

He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"
"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.
"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."

When it comes to age, women are a lot like wine.

I mean, who doesn't love 16 year-old wine.

I only eat cheese with mold, drive a car without a roof and drink year-old beverages

Crisis times...

Why is death rate among 20-25 year-old Chinese people rapidly increasing?

It's just youth in asia.

I got three kids: a 7 year-old, a 5 year-old, and a 2 year-old.

Memorizing their names would be so much easier

Morris went to doctor for a physical

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied: "Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said: "I didn't say that. I said, You've got a heart murmur - be careful."

Finally, I am no longer a 21 year-old v**...

As of today I am a 22 year-old one!

How do you find a v**... in West Virginia?

Find a girl who can still run faster than her 12 year-old brother.

A 15 year-old wants to go to a party.

"Will you drink any alcohol?" Asks his dad.
"No, dad."
"Will you use any drugs?"
"No, dad"
"Will you have s**...?"
"No, dad"
"Then why would you even go?"

An Arkansas man takes his 12 year-old daughter to the doctor to get her on birth control

The doctor then asks the man, Your 12 year-old daughter is s**... active!?
The man replies, No, she's like her mother. She just lays there.

My 6 year-old son returns home with a sad expression on his face after getting a bad grade on Math that day

My wife agrees that I should stop helping him with his homework.

Why did the woman bring toilet paper tot he gala?

She was a party p**...!
Told by my 7 year-old

A 95 year-old male says to his doctor, I want to lower my s**... drive.

The doctor exclaims, You're 95! Why would you want to lower your s**... drive?! The patient replies, Well, right now all of my s**... drive is up in my brain, and obviously I want it to move lower.

My two year-old son told his first joke today. Afterwards, he burst out laughing for about 5 minutes straight saying 'I'm so funny' over and over again.

The joke.
Son comes in carrying a soft toy, a cow.
Son: "Mummy Mummy cow is being noisy!"
Mummy: "How is cow being nois---"
Son: "Moooooooo!!!!"
Then bursts into loud laughter.
Love this kid!

A Danish family are having lunch.

The youngest person, a 3 year-old, eats all his food and then says "I am finish!", as he couldn't talk properly.

His mum replies >!How dare you! We are Danish, not Finnish!!<

My 19 year-old son made a wish on his birthday...

The doctor told us it doesn't work like that anymore.

A 100 year-old man goes to the doctor and says I need my s**... drive lowered!

The doctor replies I think it's all in your head.
The old mans exclaims That's the problem, I need it LOWER!

The difference between a 21 year-old American and European

An American on their 21st birthday: Wow! I can finally drink!
A European on their 21st birthday: Wo-w-wow! I really ought to cut back on my drinking!

The secret to a long life.

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:
The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret.
I've been married for 75 years. Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers.
I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!
Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?
The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets:

The old man said: I'll tell you you a secret. I've been married for 75 years.
Promised my wife when we got married that when two people quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometers. I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years!
Everyone asked again: But how come your wife's very healthy as well?
The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers!

An old Jew is on his deathbed.

A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."
He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."
And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"

The funniest thing my grandpa ever said

I was visiting my grandparents a couple years back and my grandma brought up that the PA at the local clinic, an attractive 30-something year-old woman, was moving out of town. My grandpa piped up with "Yeah, I'm gonna miss her. Do you know how hard it is for a man my age to get a 33 year old woman to put her finger up my b**...?"
He passed away this morning. I love you grandpa.

From my 6 year-old: Why shouldn't you f**... in an elevator?

Because it's wrong on so many levels.

A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical.

A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."

3 year-old daughter following in my footsteps: "What shoes do poos wear?"

What a disgusting creature I've raised *beams with pride*

Yearold joke, Why was the 10 year-old medieval peasant depressed?