Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Year? Well here is a complete list of the top year jokes:
Midlife crisis
👍🏼A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".
👍🏼Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"
Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him."
To cover its butt quack.
👍🏼
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
👍🏼They were having a mid-life crisis.
The next year I decided to make him pay for it and poisoned his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad
👍🏼Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.
👍🏼Today's going to be great!
👍🏼It's my longest running joke of the year.
👍🏼I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
👍🏼Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year
Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
👍🏼and I couldn't help but admire it. Nice car, I said as he got out. Well, he said, noticing my admiring looks, Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year. (Credit The Joke Cafe https://thejokecafe.com)
👍🏼Happy Mother's Day!
👍🏼"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
👍🏼Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.
👍🏼
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
They're both thinking, Shit, my mom is gonna kill me!
👍🏼Until she checked the freezer.
👍🏼...I'm getting a really good deal on this car.
👍🏼"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
👍🏼Bob had broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick - How you doing?
Bob - Fine. Hey will you do me a favor... go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are fuckin freezin.
Mick goes up and sees Bob's hot 21 year old twin sisters lying on the bed.
He tells 'em - Your brother sent me up to have sex with both of you.
They say "Prove it."
Mick shouts "Bob... both of them?"
Bob shouts back "Of course!! Whats the point of fuckin one?"
The fathers in each family make a bet to see who could be more Americanized after one year.
They meet a year later and the first father says, "I just took my son to baseball practice, had McDonalds for breakfast and I've racked up more debt than I'll ever be able to pay off."
The second father says, "fuck you, raghead".
and tells him she's moving to Las Vegas. The husband asks, "Why Las Vegas?"
She says from what she understands, she can get $100 for every blowjob she gives. Upon telling her husband this he starts packing as well. The wife asks, "Where are you going?"
The husband says, "I'm going to Las Vegas too! I want to see how you can live off $200 a year!"
As he got out of the car, I said to him "wow, that's a nice car!" He notices my admiration and says "Well, you know what? If you work hard, and put in the hours, I'll have an even better one next year."
👍🏼We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ''Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee..."
All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him.
"My doctor told me no more heavy lifting."
He said, "What are you doing daddy?"
"It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why, daddy?" he asked.
"Because my arm is fucking killing me."
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
One is full of screaming 10 year old boys and the other is Call of Duty.
👍🏼Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.'
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
👍🏼I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.
👍🏼...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
Together, we can stop this shit!
From my 11 year old son
Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!
👍🏼During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?
It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!
I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?
Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life".
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186 leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great grandchildren and a 7 foot crater where the crematory used to be.
UPDATE: This blew up. (Pun not intended)
and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'
👍🏼There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.
👍🏼how do we sleep at night?
👍🏼And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.
"I told her I was 90".
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs an get me slippers?
No bother, he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.
Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both.
Fook off you liar! .
I'll prove it, Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, Both of them, Paddy?
Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?
. . .and then one of the students raises his hand and says "but sir you told that joke last year" the lecturer replies "if you can repeat things then so can I"
👍🏼Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.
(Yes, I have been waiting till the end of the year to write this)
The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.
*My 10 year old brother told me this today
He only comes once a year
👍🏼You've red some of the best year jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about year. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty year gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !
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