year Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious year stories

What are the best year puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Year? Well here is a complete list of the top year jokes:

Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying?

Midlife crisis

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Joke I heard from a 99 year old Holocaust survivor

A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

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I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!



The student has become the teacher.

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Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom

When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"

Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him."

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My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers?

To cover its butt quack.

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I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.


That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1

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The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife...

Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!

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My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him

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Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying?

They were having a mid-life crisis.


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When I was 5 years old, I got a coal from Santa...

The next year I decided to make him pay for it and poisoned his cookies. Somehow, the bastard found out and killed my dad

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Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.

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Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

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Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.

It's my longest running joke of the year.

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My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

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Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

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Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

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My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today

and I couldn't help but admire it. Nice car, I said as he got out. Well, he said, noticing my admiring looks, Work hard, put the hours in, and I'll have an even better one next year. (Credit The Joke Cafe https://thejokecafe.com)

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The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife...

Happy Mother's Day!

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A mormon was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

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I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for and what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit for it!

Still I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

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My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.


They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!

For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

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What does a pregnant fourteen year old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They're both thinking, Shit, my mom is gonna kill me!

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My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.

Until she checked the freezer.

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As I was paying for a 15 year old escort I thought...

...I'm getting a really good deal on this car.

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A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

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Incorrect usage of the word 'Fuckin'

Bob had broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick - How you doing?

Bob - Fine. Hey will you do me a favor... go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are fuckin freezin.

Mick goes up and sees Bob's hot 21 year old twin sisters lying on the bed.

He tells 'em - Your brother sent me up to have sex with both of you.

They say "Prove it."

Mick shouts "Bob... both of them?"

Bob shouts back "Of course!! Whats the point of fuckin one?"

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Two Muslim families move from Afghanistan to the US....

The fathers in each family make a bet to see who could be more Americanized after one year.

They meet a year later and the first father says, "I just took my son to baseball practice, had McDonalds for breakfast and I've racked up more debt than I'll ever be able to pay off."

The second father says, "fuck you, raghead".

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A woman is packing up and leaving her husband...

and tells him she's moving to Las Vegas. The husband asks, "Why Las Vegas?"

She says from what she understands, she can get $100 for every blowjob she gives. Upon telling her husband this he starts packing as well. The wife asks, "Where are you going?"

The husband says, "I'm going to Las Vegas too! I want to see how you can live off $200 a year!"

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My boss pulled up to work today in his brand new Lincoln

As he got out of the car, I said to him "wow, that's a nice car!" He notices my admiration and says "Well, you know what? If you work hard, and put in the hours, I'll have an even better one next year."

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My 93 year old grandfather FTW

We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ''Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee..."

All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him.

"My doctor told me no more heavy lifting."

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My 6 year old son caught me masturbating this
morning...

He said, "What are you doing daddy?"
"It's called wanking," I replied. "You'll be doing this soon."
"Why, daddy?" he asked.
"Because my arm is fucking killing me."

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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What's the difference between my porn stash and Call of Duty?

One is full of screaming 10 year old boys and the other is Call of Duty.

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Sex & Golf

Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.'

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So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

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If I had a $ for every post I've seen today about Net Neutrality...

I'd have enough money to view a post next year about Net Neutrality.

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I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

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What did the left ass cheek say to the right ass cheek?

Together, we can stop this shit!

From my 11 year old son

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My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke.

Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!

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A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...

During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?

It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!

I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?

Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.

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A father tells his 10 year old son...

"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life".

His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186 leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great grandchildren and a 7 foot crater where the crematory used to be.

UPDATE: This blew up. (Pun not intended)

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My nephew is in the 'why' phase of his life as a 6 year old...

and I told him 'Because it feels nice and you're an unreliable witness!'

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2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen

There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.

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Every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children

how do we sleep at night?

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A 75 year old rich man marries a 20-yo beautiful woman...

And a friend of his comes to ask how did he manage to pull that off.

"I told her I was 90".

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Both of them?

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs an get me slippers?

No bother, he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.

Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both.

Fook off you liar! .

I'll prove it, Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, Both of them, Paddy?

Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?

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So a Lecturer tells a joke in the class. . .

. . .and then one of the students raises his hand and says "but sir you told that joke last year" the lecturer replies "if you can repeat things then so can I"

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What do you do with 365 used condoms?

Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.

(Yes, I have been waiting till the end of the year to write this)

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What are the two most important holes on a woman?

The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.

*My 10 year old brother told me this today

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Why is Santa's sack so big?

He only comes once a year

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best year jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about year. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty year gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these year jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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