Year Jokes

166 year jokes and hilarious year puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about year that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your new year hilarious with our collection of hilarious year jokes. With jokes covering ages, months, weeks and Chinese New Year, these jokes will make this new year even more special. Enjoy our selection of year jokes and make this a year to remember.

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Funniest Year Short Jokes

Short year jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The year humour may include short annual jokes also.

  1. Joke from my 12 year old why do you never see elephants hiding in tree? Because they're so good at it!
    Please don't ban me
  2. My housemates are convinced our house is haunted I don't get it. I've lived here for 273 years and not noticed anything strange.
  3. I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above. It's my new year's resolution.
  4. Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
  5. Why do the election results take so long? It's a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?
  6. If this year has taught us anything, it's that donald trump is a regular American citizen He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
  7. I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
    That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
  8. The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
    Happy Mothers' Day!
  9. My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for paramedics to save him As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
  10. I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
    Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke.

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Year One Liners

Which year one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with year? I can suggest the ones about months and ages.

  1. I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years I don't have 2020 vision
  2. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? Midlife crisis
  3. We cannot allow this year to end That would be admitting that 2021
  4. Why was the anti-vaxxer's 3 year old crying? They were having a mid-life crisis.
  5. Today is the last time I will see my 80 year old grandpa Because tomorrow he turns 81!
  6. Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years Lose an election.
  7. I bought a theremin But I haven't touched it in years.
    I'm sorry to anyone who gets it.
  8. This subreddit is 10 years old now. I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
  9. Which country has the fastest growing capitol? Ireland. It's Dublin every year.
  10. Today I celebrated my 365th day sober!! And it only took me 14 years
  11. Virginity is like a car Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either
  12. I threw a boomerang a few years ago I now live in constant fear
  13. 2020 has been brutal this year Now it's just Ruthless
  14. What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? Can't milk a cow for 21 years.
  15. I'm 36 but have the body an 18-year-old The police are pretty upset about it.

New Year New Me Jokes

Here is a list of funny new year new me jokes and even better new year new me puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend claims he can build a gun using his new 3D printer, but I'm not impressed. I've had a Canon printer for years.
  • Did you hear that NYC paid hillary clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
  • This was the year I got all I wanted: a girlfriend, a steady job, and many new friends. All I could want for the next year is... to be able to post this in a different sub.
  • My friend was bragging his new 3D printer can print a gun. I wasn't impressed, I've had a Canon printer for years!
  • My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said wow that's an amazing car. If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year.
  • My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape Maybe I won't stick with this one either.
  • Have you guys seen the new image from James Webb telescope yet? I heard it looks back in time like 13.7 billion years... ...and it still can't see the last time you got laid.
  • I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018 It's my new year's resolution.
  • Knock Knock Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Mary who?
    Mary Christmas!
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Anna who?
    Anna happy new year!
    Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)
  • Chinese New Year, Mardi Gras and Valentines Day are too close... I don’t know what to paint on my nails.

Last Year Jokes

Here is a list of funny last year jokes and even better last year puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I heard my son say his first words to me today... "where have you been the last 20 years?"
  • Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
  • Of all the inventions of the last 100 years... the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
  • My 12 year old just told me a joke He said I've been trying to cut down the amount of video games I play, I'm only playing for 30 minutes before I go to bed. Last night I went to bed 8 times.
  • How do you get an antivaxxer to shut up? I've been here for over fourteen years, it's been all downhill for the last ten.
  • I'm going to this year's Fibonacci convention. It'll be as big as the last two put together.
  • Saw my ex... On my way home from work last year i saw my ex being beaten up by 3 guys, i stopped the car and ran over to help...she didnt stand a chance against 4 of us.
  • Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but... shouldn't that be an even number?
  • I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year... Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too.
  • My resolution this year is the same as last year. 1920x1080
Year joke, My resolution this year is the same as last year.

New Year Jokes

Here is a list of funny new year jokes and even better new year puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
  • I have 11 New Year Resolutions... * Never make resolutions
    * Be accepting of paradoxes
    * Use the binary number system more often
  • I'm starting a new business tomorrow. It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
    I'm calling it, "Resolutions."
  • Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas. Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.
  • I just purchased a new iPhone 7 Plus, and my son dropped it, So i'm giving it away. He's 8 years old, tall and quite thin. Good with pets.
  • My new year's resolution is I'm going to be less condescending. And by the way, condescending means talking down to people.
  • I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what. It's my new year resolution.
  • Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
    Happy new year!
  • My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds Only 13 more to go
  • Im so poor... That my new years resolution is 144p

Year End Jokes

Here is a list of funny year end jokes and even better year end puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
  • The war in Afghanistan ended after 20 years, who won? Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing and Lockheed Martin
  • I had a goal to lose 20 Pounds by the end of the year. 30 pounds to go
  • I just ended a 5 year relationship today. It's okay. It wasn't my relationship.
  • I just ended a 5 years long relationship I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.
  • Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other... They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.
  • What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down, make a tire and call it a Goodyear.
    (Yes, I have been waiting till the end of the year to write this)
  • I just ended a 5 year relationship! I am fine though because it wasn't my relationship.
  • I just ended a 8 year relationship I'm OK though, it wasn't my relationship
  • If Netflix ran the world, a year would only be 6 months... Cause it would end after 2 seasons.

Happy New Year Jokes

Here is a list of funny happy new year jokes and even better happy new year puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Happy new year to everyone Unless you're Australian, in which case ɹɐǝʎ ʍǝu ʎddɐH
  • I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!
  • I know the secret to leaving a casino with a small fortune Walk in with a big fortune.
    Happy new year
  • Happy New Years 2013! Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!
  • Happy new year! -sent from internet explorer
  • How do they say Happy New Years in Australia? sɹɐǝ⅄ ʍǝN ʎddɐH
  • What do being mad at the world and watching the ball drop have in common? Both involve yelling at a big blue ball.
    P.S: Happy New Year! 10 more minutes!
  • Hello everyone. I'm using Internet explorer so I hope this gets out in time. Happy New Year 2006
  • A toast for tonight! 2020 is hindsight!
    Happy New Years!
  • A programmer won a contest.... ... by getting the 0th position. Hip hip Array!!
    (Happy new year everyone!)
Year joke, A programmer won a contest....

Share Hilarious Year Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about year you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean weeks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make year pranks.

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.

Why did Elon Musk choose SpaceX to land on mars?

Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.

Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't.

It's my longest running joke of the year.

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...

I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.

They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old.

Until she checked the freezer.

This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with

I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"

A joke my 4 year old came up with today...

Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"

I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."

If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember...

that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.

A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?'

The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'

4th of July,

The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.

I'm 36, and last night when I was out with my 19 year old girlfriend someone yelled "p**...!"

That really ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Did Santa get you that?

Cop on horse says to little g**... bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

My wife laughed when I said I still have the body of a 25 year old.

Until I showed it to her in the freezer.

My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini.

I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".

What's the first thing you do after waking up and the last thing you do before going to bed?

Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!

The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision

I can just see it now.

On January 1st I joked to my girlfriend we haven't had s**... all year.

It's getting less funnier each day I tell her.

An average Englishman has s**... 2 or 3 times a week. A Japanese man has s**... once or twice a year.

This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two s**... 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have s**... with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Joke I heard from a 109 year old Holocaust survivor

A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

10 years ago today, I married my best friend

My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea

What's a good name for a detective?

Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind

After years of complaining from my wife, I finally found the g**....

Turns out her sister had it all along...

A 3 year old boy examined his t**... in bath

Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied

I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.

I just didn't realize it would Zoom.

The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife

Happy Mother's Day!

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One is called a Goodyear, and the other is called a great year.

Two years ago we'd never heard of gender reveal parties.

Now they're spreading like wildfire.

Did you know too much s**... can cause memory loss

I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 3:23 pm last year on Wednesday November the 7th.

Since this is the first year that I've remembered my cake day, here's my four year old's favorite joke. What did one hat say to the other hat?

You stay here. I'll go on ahead.

I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues:

1. How to tell this to my wife
2. Where to find a 1 year old baby

In 50 years: "You know, kids, back in my day, we had to wear masks everywhere we went at one point."

We didn't have those fancy hazmat suits you all wear today

A joke from my 8 year old......Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

11+11=twenty too

I just f**... on my wallet

Now I have Gas Money!
*Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)

I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.
The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.

His buddies are amazed. "There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old g**... like you. How did you pull it off?"
"It's simple," John says, "I lied to her about my age."
"Did you tell her you were 50?" his friends ask. John shakes his head no.
"There is no way she could believe you were 40". John shakes his head again.
"So how old did you tell her you were exactly??"
John smiles and says "85".

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.

The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.

My 10 year old son made this one up. Why doesn't a snowman wear snow pants?

Because his snow b**... are too big.

Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

My 9 year old son just asked me to pretend I was a police officer arresting him for downloading the entire Wikipedia. Me: Young man, you're under arrest for downloading the entire Wikipedia!

Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)

My 4 year oldest favourit joke, which he very proudly memorized and told all his teachers.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

My 7 year old daughter just told me this one. I'm so proud. What did the duck say when he bought chapstick?

Put it on my bill

Groaned a whole store with this one.

I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:
"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"
To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."
The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.


For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's cards from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
First my gran dies, now this!

My 7 year old organically made this up!

Super Bowl halftime show, watching with my wife and boys, wife says The halftime show is a bunch of rappers from the 80's and 90's, including Eminem, I really like him.
7 year old: Mn'Ms are good, but I like Skittles better
Wife: Not the candies silly, the rapper!
7 year old: Why would you just eat the wrappers!?

Please stop including corny details about your family as a blatant ploy to garner additional upvotes and awards by increasing the emotional impact of your post.

This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says to the vendor...

"Make me one with everything."
So the hotdog vendor makes him a hotdog with every topping, and the Buddhist hands him a twenty. He proceeds to eat the hotdog, but gets no change for his twenty dollar bill. He says, "Hey, where's my change?"
The hotdog vendor replies, "Change comes only from within."
(Courtesy of my fifty year old husband, who cant go five hecking minutes without making a dad joke)

My 4-year-old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please

Which I think is poor for four.

My daughter just asked me to call her iPad….

My 7 year old daughter was getting ready for bed and was looking for her iPad. Dad, can you call my iPad? She asked me. I was ready for this moment. Without hesitation I replied what do you want me to call it? She looked at me blankly. No…call my iPad she protested. I cupped my hand to my mouth and bellowed Emily's iPad over and over. She finally caught on and we shared a laugh. I called her iPad on my phone, it rang in the other room.

My 4 year old was taking her sweet time getting ready for bed and I said to her "quit stallin!"

She said to me, "I'm not stallin"
And I replied, "well, you might be right about that because you're certainly not Russian.'
I got nothing... no laughs, even after I thoroughly explained it to her. My daughter has no sense of humor.

The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife

Thanks, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day!

The whole family are having breakfast together when…

The young Grandson looks over at his 18 year old newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "Your still a charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"

A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb

A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!

Year joke, A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb

jokes about year