Following is our collection of Year jokes which are very funny. There are some year fortnight jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these year october puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Midlife crisis
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
They were having a mid-life crisis.
Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.
Today's going to be great!
It's my longest running joke of the year.
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year
You can explore year week reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean year decade dad jokes. There are also year puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
Until she checked the freezer.
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
Concrete floors are really hard to crack.
Then he said "you were thinking about the egg weren't you!"
You.
Why I oughta...!
She said no both times.
A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."
My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."
But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
Looks like I'm in store for a wild December
A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a hooker. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."
"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."
My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.
Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"
Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."
Doesn't have a clue why I was laughing so hard.
Not me, I live next to 2 smoking hot 10 year olds
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
When I got mine right after I was born, I couldn't walk for nearly a year
After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...
After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..
"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"
"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.
With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"
Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"
Me: "I dunno, what?"
Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"
I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
But it takes up too much space in my freezer
yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
He was having a mid life crisis
Ireland. It's Dublin every year.
The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
"Are you ok?" I asked her. "Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?"
"No" she sobbed
I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage
5 year old son after reading a story of a king
Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing
Mom : which one will put you to sleep?
Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son
Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?
Son : let them sleep with daddy
Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
That really ruined our 10 year anniversary.
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Until I showed it to her in the freezer.
I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"
He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".
Nephew: Brushing your teeth!
Mom: oh honey that's not a joke.
Nephew: it is if you think that's what I do!
I can just see it now.
So far I've managed to lose £200.
It's getting less funnier each day I tell her.
This is very upsetting as i had no idea i was Japanese.
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.
He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.
One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!
The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?
The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!
He was having a midlife crisis
Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".
My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
Mr. E
* My 9 year old daughter came up with this, so please be kind
First my granny dies, now this?
Turns out her sister had it all along...
Mom He asked Are these my brains
Not yet She replied
Because tomorrow he turns 81!
I just didn't realize it would Zoom.
Happy Mother's Day!
We never went back to Thailand.
That would be admitting that 2021
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does poo come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
One is called a Goodyear, and the other is called a great year.
When we finished, he said, Next time dad, can you use a sponge?
Now they're spreading like wildfire.
Now it's just Ruthless
I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 3:23 pm last year on Wednesday November the 7th.
It's a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?
He caught COVID-19, has massive debt, is about to be evicted from his house and is going to lose his job
You stay here. I'll go on ahead.
Because they're so good at it!
Please don't ban me
Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
1. How to tell this to my wife
2. Where to find a 1 year old baby
We didn't have those fancy hazmat suits you all wear today
to be able to post this in a different sub.
.....other countries and politicians are depending on you.
I saw you.
Guacward
Told to me by my 80 year old mother. Elizabeth and Gladys were stuck in an older folks home and bored to tears. So they decided to have a little fun and excitement. They go into the closet and strip naked. Then they run through the card room were two old fellas are playing cards. Tom saids to Jim why did you see that? Jim says yes... well what did they have on?.... I don't know, but it sure needed ironed
Friends: no way!
Me: yup! Almost on a Monday.. almost on a Tuesday.. almost on a Wednesday.. almost on a Thursday, almost on a Friday, almost on a Saturday and almost on a Sunday!
The 70 year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee." The 80 year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement." The 90 year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, and at eight I crap like a cow." "So what's your problem?" ask the others. "I don't wake up until nine!"
Why was the snow yellow?
Because Elsa let it go!
I am a waiter and I have regular family every week on Monday. I exchange jokes with the youngest boy and he always wins free dessert. This week however he won a free meal for the whole family. I laughed til I made yellow snow
Edit. Did not know it was my cake day! I think this is my first joke post. Just wanted to share.
Because chickens are stupid!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the year 80 year old jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working year a 7 and 4 year olds piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.