The Best 85 Yeah Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Yeah jokes. There are some yeah nope jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these yeah duh puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Yeah Jokes and Puns

Dude 1: Hey, bro?

Dude 2: Yeah bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Brochure

Wife was breastfeeding

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."



He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

Yeah joke, I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son,

I got a phone call from my son's school today

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy's music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That's..

Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.

He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.

Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face


Wife: "I shaved down there. You know what that means..."

Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."

An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Yeah joke, An older man walks into a bar...

Cough Medicine

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn decide to go rob a bank.

"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.

"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behing her, the guard comes running out with his pants down.

Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe!

I told my old classmate at our 10-year reunion that I'm a writer. "Oh yeah?" he asks. "Have you sold anything yet?"

I said, "Sure. My house, my car, and all my stuff."

My dad is German and dropped this one on me the other day.

Dad: I never told you this but, my great grandfather died in the holocaust.

Me: Oh, man thats terrible.

Dad: Yeah, he got really drunk one night and fell off of the guard tower.

You can explore yeah hey reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean yeah sympathetically dad jokes. There are also yeah puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Hey, are you -273.15Β°C?

Yeah, I'm 0K thanks.

are you sure I'm drunk?

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."

The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."

A lumberjack applies for a job...

...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"

The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."

The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?' Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"

Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."

An alcoholic walks into a candy store...

The alcoholic looks around and after a while the storekeeper says "Can I help you with anything?"

The alcoholic replies "Yeah, got any liquor?"

"Well, I'm not sure but there is this"

"What is that?"

"It's liquor-ish"

Your mom joke, but clever

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Yeah joke, Your mom joke, but clever

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"

I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.

Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."

Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.

Jesus: A table for 26, please.

Headwaiter: But there's only . . . um, 13 of you.

Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side.

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess.

But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.


I'm kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer

Yeah, I gave 'em my too weak notice

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

Somebody told me my clothes were gay.

I said "Yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

A linguistics professor is lecturing his class

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

A conversation with god about Trump

John (while writing Revelations): "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"

God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."

John: Yeah, trumpets.

God: "Never mind. They'll know."ο»Ώ

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."

"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"

"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."

"How old is your girlfriend?" "She's52"

"Haha, dude, she could be your mom!"

"Yeah, actually it's yours"

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me, miss, but do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."

Wife: "Can you pick up milk?"

Me: *lifts gallon*

"Yeah, it's easy."

Wife: "I mean from the store."

Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"

Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.

I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:

Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making farting engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing

A girl asks a boy "What does your dad do for a living?''

He replies "He's a magician."

She asks "Is he good?"

He says "Yeah, he disappeared 8 years ago."

Husband: Wow, I never thought our son would go that far!

Wife: Yeah, the catapult is amazing! Go get our daughter.

Bumped into my ex today...

Well, the police say it's vehicular manslaughter. So, yeah whatever.

I went to the doctor the other day

He said that I needed to stop masturbating.

I asked "Why? I'm a normal 22 year old man, it shouldn't be an issue".

He said "Yeah but I'm trying to examine you".

Today someone called my clothes 'gay'

"Yeah!" I replied. "They came out of the closet this morning actually!"

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night.

As she got in I asked, *"How much for a blow job?"*

She said, *"Thirty dollars."*

I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*

*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.

I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*

Yeah, it's a math joke

17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?

11: Sure.

17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?

11: I give up.

17: "I can't even."

11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!

2: I don't get it.

Do you work on weekends?

My boss just asked, "Do you think you can come in on Saturday this week? I know you enjoy your weekends, but I need you here."

I replied, "Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as the public transport is bad on weekends."

He said, "Okay, when do you think you'll get here then?"

I said, "Monday."

My girlfriend asked me with how many girls I've slept with

"Only with you babe..." I replied

"Awww, really?"

"...Yeah, with the others I stayed awake."

i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me

like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in

I told a girl, "you look great without glasses"

She said, "but I don't wear glasses."

I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."

Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.

Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?

Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.

Mother: Will he be okay?

Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little cock-eyed.

A man walks into a library...

And he asks "Excuse me, is The Big Book of Turtles in?"

"Hard back?"

"Yeah, with little heads"

Elon Musk: Did you move my car?

Team: Yeah.

Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?

Team: Parking!?

My girlfriend and I broke up today

Her: "I just need time."

Me: "Okay. Yeah, I understand."

Her: "And distance, as well."

Me: "Fine. But can I ask you one last question?"

Her: "Go ahead."

Me: "What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?"

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

Cole's Law

"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."

"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"

"No, what is it?"

"Thinly sliced cabbage."

(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)

Officer: I'm sorry to say this sir, but it looks like your girlfriend has been hit by a truck.

Man: Yeah but she's got a great personality

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Son: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?



Me: I don't know; how many?

Son: Ten tickles.

Me: Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.

Son: Huh?

Me: Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tell if an octopus is a male octopus?

Son: No; how?

Me: Test tickles.

Son: ...

Son: ...that's inappropriate.

"Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...

She said, "My name's Anna."

I said, "Yeah, I know."

My friends told me my clothes were gay...

I replied: "yeah, they came out of the closet this morning!"

This farmer was telling me about how brilliant his sheepdog was at maths,

"Watch this," he said. "Shep, what's seven plus two, "
And the dog barked ten times.
"OK, Shep, what's fifteen plus four. "
And the dog barked twenty times.
"He's very good, " I replied, but he's a little over. "
"Yeah, " answered the farmer, "old habits die hard, he's just rounding them up. "

Two men on a train both have black eyes.

Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"

Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"

Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.

The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Librarian: Can I help you?

Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-

Librarian: Being psychic?

Dave: No...

Librarian: One day that will work.

A son ask his dad to explain the difference between reality and fiction.

Dad: It's complicated but let me try to explain. Honey, would you sleep with the neighbor for 100,000$?

Mom: Yes of course because I know we need the money.

Dad: Very good. Alright now Tasha, would you have sex with the neighbor's son for 200,000$?

Daughter: Yeah sure!

Dad: Perfect. So you see son, right now we would have 300,000 fictional dollars but in reality we have two whores in this house.

If two redheads have a child, it's ginger-bred.

Yeah I reposted this for the 6th time in six years on this sub

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it's rare.

I invented a new type of car...

Me: "I invented a new car. It's powered by silence!"

My friend: "Wow, this is going to revolutionize the industry!"

Me: "Yeah, it goes without saying."

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Two burglars are robbing a liquor store.

One turns to the other and asks, "Is this whiskey?"

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank."

A man murdered his wife and was sentenced to death.

There was a crowd waiting around the gallows to watch. As the hangman put the noose around his neck, he was asked, Do you have any last words?

The murderer said, Yeah, I have a joke that I came up with while I was waiting.

So, I hadn't showered for a week by the day I killed my wife. I tied her up and told her that I'd cut her apart while she was still alive, and she told me, 'At least cut my nose off first.'

Everyone there burst out laughing. The hangman said, That joke was about something terrible! Why was it so funny?

Well, I believe you can make a joke about any topic funny, said the murderer. After all, good comedy is all about execution.

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"

A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"

God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."

"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, like a penny to you is a million dollars for us?"

"Um, yeah, kinda. Something like that...." God says

"Well, in that case, can I just have a penny, God?" The man shoots his shot

"Sure" God agrees, much to the surprise of the man. "Just gimme a second to find it...."

A guy says to his wife: "Thanks to that new scale you bought, I always know how much I poop!"

Wife: "So you step on the scale before you poop, go to the toilet, step on the scale again and the difference is the weight of your poop?

He: Oh, yeah, I guess you could also do it that way...

Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic.

AAA: This is AAA, not AA.

Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake.

A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. Dad, what music did you like growing up?

I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, the father replies.

Who? the son asks.

Yeah, the dad responds, I liked them too.

This is a really dumb joke but here it is. What do you call a person with no body and no nose

Nobody knows


Yeah this a really dumb joke plus I'm not that funny IK

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license.

.
The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it."

"Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over.

The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?"

I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."

Are you Blonde?

A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for her drivers license. The blond starts looking through her car then asks, "Uhh, what are they again?"

The blond cop replies, "Ugh. It's the thing in your purse with your picture on it." "Oh yeah," says the blond who reaches in her purse, pulls out a compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look inside, hands it back, and says, "I'm sorry ma'am. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus, but did you know TUBA is also an acronym? Yeah really. It stands for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

Compliments of Hank Green

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."

Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"

Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"

Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.

I said yeah

He said, today is special.

I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.

The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.





**EDIT**

Thank you for the awards!!

So a guy and a girl are on a blind date.

The girl says to the guy, So, Gerry, what do you do for a living?

Gerry immediately bends down to pick something up from under the table. He pulls out a stuffed gopher, and shows it to the girl. Oh, yeah, he says, I'm a taxidermist.

The girl replies with Oh, that's cool.

Then the gopher says, And a ventriloquist.

A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, and begins to cry

The bar tender takes notice and asks "hey, what's wrong"

"I've been caught sleeping with my patients, I'm going to loose my license."

"You're crying because of that? My cousin sleeps with his patients all the time, you have nothing to fear."

"Oh yeah? Is your cousin a veterinarian?"

Me and the Devil

I was in church one Sunday when suddenly there was a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and the stench of sulphur. When the smoke cleared, there was the Devil standing in our midst. Everyone ran for the doors, but I just stayed in my seat.

The Devil said, "You know who I am, boy?"

"Yeah, i know you by your stink "

"Then why aren't you afraid of me?

I said, "Shit, i been married to you sister for 30 years."

Do you know any maths jokes?

Yeah |ly|

When I was learning trigonometry my teacher explained the trig functions by referencing the unit circle. And when I asked about the unit circle she referred me to the functions.

I said miss this seems like circular reasoning to me

A man walks into a bar with a talking dog

He tells the bartender my dog can talk!

The bartender says Oh yeah? Let's hear him!

He asks the dog what is on top of a house?

The dog says roof!

The bartender is not buying it, so the guy says what is the outer covering of a tree called?

The dog says bark!

The bartender gets really mad and kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar.

Sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the guy and says what was that all about?

Oldie but goodie

During a job interview, the interviewer asked me if I had any impressive qualities? I said, "Yes, I'm very fast with math!" Suspicious he asked me to prove it. He told me to solve 327x49. I said 34,567! He pulled out his calculator and put it in. With a confused look on his face he says, "That's not even close!" I said, "Yeah, but it was fast though!"

No idea where the original came from but this one gets me every time.

A golf pro...

...is sitting at the clubhouse bar, when the bartender says:

"Long day?"

"Yeah, spent all morning dealing with these know-it-all's from--"

All of a sudden a man runs in screaming:

"My wife! She's allergic to bees, she got stung between the 1st and 2nd hole!"

The golf pro shakes his head and says: "I **told** her, her stance was too wide."

A man is working in the shoe factory

A man is working in the shoe factory, talking with his supervisor from across the line. As he works on the incomplete shoe, he strikes up a conversation with his boss. "Anything new in your world Bob?" he asks. "Yeah, actually! I just finished my degree and am starting a 2nd job as a therapist!", he responds. The man, moving on to the bottom of the shoe is shocked. "Wow, that's great! You know, I've actually been having trouble getting over Jess-" he starts, before Bob interrupts "Let it go man. It's time to heel".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the yeah ohh jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working yeah alrighty piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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