Yea Jokes
112 yea jokes and hilarious yea puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about yea that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Yea Short Jokes
Short yea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The yea humour may include short nah jokes also.
- My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I told her, "Oh yea... Just you wait."
- I went to a bar last night and I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
I said "Wow, great legs."
She giggled and said "Really?"
I said "Yea, most tables would've collapsed by now." - Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says, Man that mad cow disease sure is scary isn't it?
The other responds, Yea it is, thank god I'm a helicopter. - I heard a joke about oxygen and potassium. I'd say it was pretty OK. Yea, I also heard that sodium was under assault.
- I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with She said Yea, I was awake with the other ones.
- A man takes his sick wife to a doctor.. The doctor after making initial observations, says - 'Sir, your wife doesn't look so good'. To which the man replies, 'Yea, but she gives great head'.
- Why can't a nose be 12 inches Coz then it would be a foot
Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny - English Professor: "While two negatives can mean a positive, in the English language there are no two positives that connote a negative." From back of class: "Yea. Right!"
- A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
- With only one finger Guy: i can make girls screaming with only one finger
Girl: (sigh) yea yea sure
Guy: (put his finger in the eye of the girl)
Girl: AAAAARGN!
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Yea One Liners
Which yea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with yea? I can suggest the ones about whoa and buddy.
- Did you hear that David Copperfield has aids now? Yea, he was doing Magic.
- Yea gas prices are going up but there's still one thing that goes down every day Yo mama
- Sometimes I talk to myself for no sane reason... Lol yea me too.
- Did you hear about the bear attack on the campers? Yea, it was in tents!
- What's the capital city of Yemen? Yea boi
- Mom: did you see how your grandfather get interviewed by CNN? me: Yea mom that's old news
- Did I tell you guys about my awesome camping trip? Yea, it was in tents
- Yea i may be white but at least I can say.. Hey dad!
&
Thanks for the warning officer! - I asked my grandma if she knew what Fortnight was "Yea," she answered...
Two weeks - Misa:I can't imagine world without Light L:Yea that would be dark
- Yea. You may be a winner... but you'll never be a "deaf guy playing charades" winner.
- Yea, I'm the pickle you've all heard about. I'm a pretty big dill.
- What did the Jamaican say was his favourite country? yea-mon
- Did you hear about that frog that broke a bone? Yea he broke a ribbet
- Did you know its legal to marry objects? yea, everyone knows you can marry women.
Comical Yea Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about yea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nope jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make yea pranks.
What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he's m**...?
His ears.
Oooo! I get to say it! "Front page?! Wow! Thanks y'all!" Oh yea, and "RIP my inbox"
Good times!
h**... is sitting in h**... with Stalin and Satan chatting...
Satan asks them if either of them have any regrets.
h**...: You know, I do.
Stalin + Satan: Really?!?!
h**...: Yea, you know if I could do it all over again, I'd kill 6 million jews and a dog.
Satan: What?
Stalin: Why a dog?
h**...: See! I told you no one gives a s**... about the jews!
You know how Canada got its name right?
It was 3 guys sitting around a table and the first guy goes, "what about a C, eh?" the second guy says "yea what about an N eh?" and the last guy says "what about a D eh?"
I don't know if this has been told here before but it's definitely my goto joke.
A time traveler meets Adolf h**... in a bar
Instead of trying to kill him and mess up the timeline he instead sits down to have a drink with h**....
The time traveler looked at h**... and asked So how are you doing?
Pretty terrible, I just got kicked out of art school.
Well that s**..., you'll probably land on your feet though.
Yea you're right, but you want to know what I hate?
Let me guess, Jews?
Well, now that you mention it…
A man walks into a store and he saw a thermos.
The clerk walks up to him and asks, "May I help you with anything?"
"Yea! What is that?"
"Why that's a thermos!"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"I'll take it"
The next day the man goes to work carrying this thermos. His co-workers ask him, "What's that!"
"It's a thermos"
"What's it do?"
"It keeps things hot and it keeps things cold!"
"So whatcha got in it?"
"Two popsicles and a cup of coffee."
A prison inmate is talking to his new cell mate
A prison inmate is talking to his new cell mate.
Inmate #1: so, why are you here?
Inmate #2: I'm in prison for something I didn't do.
Inmate #1: yeah?
Inmate #2: yea, I didn't wipe off the fingerprints from the m**... weapon.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spanish man and a German are watching a juggler
The juggler notices they are having troubles seeing him through the crowd and steps onto a box. He asks can you see me now? They reply
Yea
Oui
Si
Ja
Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday
We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.
"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...
...wasn't the captains fault,
...definitely wasn't my fault,
...it was the asphalt."
The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.
Two guys meet up at a high school reunion
They start talking about people from their past.
"Hey, remember that flat chested girl Sam?"
"Oh yea, how she doing?"
"I just saw her like 15 minutes ago and now she's like this" - He holds his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled in.
"Oh, she got breast e**...?"
"No, she's got severe arthritis"
So an Italian man and a Greek man we're arguing over which of their countries was the better one...
...and they eventually got to the topic of s**.... The Greek, feeling as though had would clearly win with his next point, stated very boldly, "Oh yea? Well, we Greeks invented the art of s**...!"
Without skipping a beat, the Italian replied, "True, but *we* invented s**... with women!"
WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame...
(I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this)
Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war.
Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp.
Player1: My god that's awful...
Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower.
Player1 has left the game
daughter : MOM I JUST GOT $10 FOR CLIMBING A TREE
mom : those boys just wanted to see your p**....
daughter : yea i know. i took off my p**... before climbing
Two Chinese Guys Break Into a Distillery
The o**... looks to his friend and asks: "Is it whiskey?"
His friend replies: "Yea, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."
So i was in the bar the other day.....
When i started hearing voices saying "nice shoes" and "lovely smile", I started wondering who was saying it so i went to the bartender and said "Mate, do you know who keeps saying nice things to me" He replied "Its the peanuts mate" I replied "Peanuts, What do you mean" The bartender replied "Yea they're complementary"
A guy called his Ex
A guy called his Ex and told her "I missed you".
The Ex replied "Oh that's sweet, but it's over".
The guy said "Yea I know, but can you please stand closer to the window so I won't miss you again?"
A guy walks into his kitchen and sees his roommate writing on a piece of paper
Guy: what's up?
Roommate: Im legally changing my name to Dragon Ball Z.
Guy: wait, what, can you even do that?
Roommate: yea, it's a lot of paperwork tho.
This isn't even my final form.
A guy was checking out at a supermarket with an attractive young clerk.
She scanned the frozen dinners, the beer, the ramen noodles and kept giving him eyes in between each scan.
As she scanned the condoms she looks and him and says, "Single huh?"
He replies, "yea, how'd you know?"
She says, "Because you're ugly."
A Pharmacist goes out for lunch
A pharmacist goes out for lunch and leaves his assistant to tend the customers. An hour passes and he returns and sees a man sitting awkwardly. He asks his assistant about the man and his assistant told him the man came in with a bad cough and that he had given him a powerful laxative. The pharmacist yelled "laxatives aren't for coughs!" The assistant replied, oh yea? He hasn't coughed anymore, He's scared to.
Dave and John are playing a round of golf...
Dave is lining up his put on the 8th green when they hear a car coming along the road that runs parallel to the course. Upon seeing a hearse, Dave stands away from his ball, takes his cap off and bows his head until it passes.
"That was very decent of you Dave."
"Yea, she was a good wife."
Trump & Trudeau
Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau were we discussing politics when Donald leans in close and says:
Donald: You know Justin, if the US were a Dictatorship I would be a Dictator.
Justin: Yea, I suppose so Donald.
Donald: And you know if the US were a Monarchy I would be a Monarch.
Justin: That's also true Don, but I hate to break it to you, the US is a Country.
A man tries to get into a classy nightclub
but gets stopped by the bouncer. "You have to have a tie to get in here bro," says the bouncer. Distraught the man goes to his car and searches for a tie but can only find jumper cables. He wraps them around his neck and goes back to the club. "Can I get in now?" he asks. "Yea ok," says the bouncer, "But don't start anything!"
Hey did you guys know South America is getting overpopulated?
Yea, there's like a brazilian people there.
Classic Cajun joke my grandpa told me.
So Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are heading to the bayou to check the trot lines. Boudreaux hooks his truck to his boat trailer and connects the trailer lights.
He says, "Thibodeaux, Check to see if my brake lights are working!"
As Boudreaux presses the brakes, Thibodeaux says, "Yea, they workin!"
Boudreaux turns on the right blinker and says, "Alright how about my blinkers?"
Thibodeaux says, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes!"
Ordered some chicken nuggies at McDonalds. Drive through lady says: "Wakanda sauce"
This was right around the time Black Panther had come out so I go "h**... yea I'll try that !"
She gon come back: SIR....... WHAT. KIND. OF. SAUCE.
I asked this lady if I could touch her hair.
She said yea. So I rubbed my finger across her top lip and that's how the fight started, your honor
My 1 year old was eating dinner and his runny nose got on his food.
My wife goes: "uh, yea the snot really makes it"
I replied: "A little sneezoning."
I don't think I've seen her eyes roll so hard.
A guy interviews an elderly couple
During the interview, the old man asks his wife "Sweetheart, could you make me some tea?" The old woman promptly gets up and walks to the kitchen.
The interviewer asks "Wow, after 40 years you still call her sweetheart, that's amazing"
The old man then said "Yea well, don't tell my wife I forgot her name"
Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?
Yea that's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.
Drug use?
A monster was feeling kind of hungry and he knew that they served food at the local bar. He walks into the bar and sees a couple girls sitting at the bar. He walks up and gobbles one of the girls down. The other girl who was a cop, pulls out a badge and says, "You're under arrest for m**... and drug use!" The monster looks at her and says, "Drug use?" The cops says, "Yea! That was a bar b**... you ate!"
The Alabama doctor was doing an exam. He said to the girl, "Big breaths."
She said, "Yea, and I'm only 14."
A Boy and his Father.
A boy and his father were sitting on the front porch of their home one summer evening. The boy had overhead a conversation at the doctors office and had a question for his father. "Dad?" His father replied. "Yea son?". "What's an alcoholic?" the boy asked. "Well son.." searching his mind for an explanation. "You see those 4 trees over there? Well, an alcoholic would see 8 trees." The boy, confused, replied: "But Dad,
there's only 2 trees."
You know that feeling when you want to eat something that's right in front of you, but you can't?
Yea, that's why I quit being a gynaecologist
Im writing my autobiography
"Oh nice!"
"Yea im planning on killing off the main character"
A constant and e^x was walking along the road...
...when they saw a differential operator in the distance. The constant stops and says "I can't go further because the differential operator will make me disappear". e^(x) replies "yea well a differential operator can't affect me". So e^(x) walks forward to the operator and says "Hey I'm e^(x) " to which the operator replies "Hi I'm d/dy".
Dating a nice guy.
Sam: Your boyfriend seems real nice.
Alex: Yea, he's the best!
Sam: He seems a little TOO nice though, can't be all that exciting in the bedroom.
Alex: Not true, what they say about nice guys is true you know.
Sam: What's that?
Alex: Nice guys ALWAYS finish last.
"I heard you really like philosophy."
"Yea I love it so much."
"Really? Even more than s**...?"
"Oh of course not."
"Really? Why?"
"Because that would be putting Descartes before the w**...."
I ran into a one armed fisherman
I asked if he had any luck. He said "yea caught one this big"
This joke works better in person.
Short self made joke, pretty offensive.
Did you hear about the cannibal who is a vegetarian? Yea, he only eats vegetables.
A guy walks into a bar..
.... he notices a monkey sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender, "what's with the monkey?" The bartender walks around, sits next to the monkey, and smacks it upside the head with a pan. The monkey goes down and gives him a bj. The bartender walks back and says "pretty cool eh, you want to give it a try?" The guy thinks for a second and says "yea sure, why not, just don't hit me so hard with that pan"
Two deer walk out of a gay bar
The first deer says to the other
"That place was so expensive"
The second one responds
"Yea, I can't believe I blew 30 bucks in there"
I brought home a bouquet of roses for my wife
She looked at me in disbelief and asked "what did you do wrong"
"What? I just wanted to do something nice for you, buy you a gift, and this is how you act?" I respond
"Yea right, you think I don't know any better, now you want me to lay in bed n**... all week with my legs spread"
"Why" i asked, " you don't have a vase?"
Prehistoric womens had very strong arms
Yea, we have to remember that they had to wash dishes made out of stone
Two guys sit at a bar...
One says to the other "I've got really bad news."
"What is it?", the friend replies.
"I'm h**... positive".
"Really?!, that's terrible. Is there anything I can do?".
"Yea, can you tell your wife as soon as you get home".
Tom is hanging with John and John's monkey...
...and John asks "Do you want to see something cool?" and Tom says yes. John then smacks his monkey upside the head and the monkey starts s**... John off.
John asks Tom if he wants some of that and Tom says "Yea, just don't s**... me upside the head too hard."
A man asks his neighbour if it's ok to pet his dog
Yea he's a sweetheart, never bit a soul in his life, of course you can! Says the neighbour
The man pats the dog and the dog bites his hand
I thought you said your dog is a sweetheart and doesn't bite! Exclaims the man
The neighbour looks at him shrugging and says
Yes, but that's not my dog
I'm so lazy.
I'm so lazy my mom gets onto me about sleeping all the time, she once asked me "Is sleeping all you're good at?"
I said "Yea, I could do it with my eyes closed."
A Belgian pilot...
A Belgian pilot is landing his plane,
Pilot: wow, what a short runway!
Copilot: yea, but it's sooo wide though!
My friend was a b**... blacksmith
Yea, he had a few kinks, but he ironed them all out.
Gotta love those father-son bondings!
A boy walks in on his dad m**... in front of the computer and asks "Dad, what are you doing?"
The dad replies, "I'm m**.... Don't worry, you will be doing it soon too."
"Really?"
"Yea, because my arm is getting tired"
"Do you like exotic birds? "
Yea, you do look like you've had a c**...-or-two.
Flying lessons
A guy is telling his buddy about his flying lessons and the guy teaching him says he is Eigth degree black belt and a r**... homosexual and if I don't succumb to his s**... advances I have to jump out of the plane. Buddy "Well did you jump?" "Yea a little at first"
An owner of a box manufacturer company goes to his son's school one day...
"Hey kids, I make boxes! Have any questions?"
One kid raised his hand...
"Yea, why does my dad keep talking about filling my mom's box, shouldn't he get his own?"
"Shut up son."
3 old ladies are sitting on a bus
The first one says - it's windy.
Second one says - it's not Wednesday, it's Thursday.
Third one says - yea, I'm thirsty too, we should buy something to drink.
What did the s**... say when asked if he ever had to shoot someone he knew?
"Yea it was a long distance relationship."
I blew a speaker in my car today
yea, he was motivational speaker, it left a bad taste in my mouth but I've been feeling a lot more positive ever since.
Took my guitar to an open mic night at a bar. Yea, it s**... cuz they made me play one less chord.
Guess one of 'em was a minor.
I was bragging that I knew the hex code for every color, but then I forgot the one for blue
Yea, that was a big 0000FF
Lousiana just voted to outlaw s**... with animals
Yea or neigh?
Two men are taking a GED test...
One says to the other, "I wish we could skip this section, I s**... at math."
The other one says, "Yea, that makes three of us."
Interviewer: Do you have any weaknesses?
Me: yea, I like to point out other people's mistakes. By the way, that's a s**... interview question.
Why did h**... commit s**...?
He saw the gas bill
Yea, yea I know....it was almost funny in 1945....I'll see myself out.
Wild adventures
An old man keeps staring at a dude having streaks of blue, red, pink, yellow colored hair while waiting at a bus stop.
The intrigued dude asks "Hey oldie, haven't you done anything wild when you was young?"
To which the old man "Yea. I did a peacock back then, was wondering if you are my son"
Two guys walk into a bar.....
First guy says, "Ouch!"
Second guy says, "Yea I didn't see it there either."
Did you hear about the country band Brooks and Dunn splitting up?
Yea, more than a couple years ago.
You know what they said to each other when they split?
"Hey Brooks, I'm Dunn."