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Ya Jokes

110 ya jokes and hilarious ya puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ya that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Ya Short Jokes

Short ya jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ya humour may include short jokes also.

  1. A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees. How do ya know exactly how many? I inquired.
    Easy. I keep a log.
  2. A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit "what'll ya have?" The rabbit replies, "I dunno... I'm just here because of autocorrect."
  3. Testing products on animals Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals
    Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.
    Guy: Ya. But we make hammer.
  4. (My 8 year old just told me this one) Who is the fish's valentine? His Gil-Friend!
    Idc what ya'll say, that was golden! Lol
  5. Looking at my ceiling and ya know, I'm not saying it's the greatest ceiling in the world... But it's up there.
  6. American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
    Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"
  7. How do I say I hate you in a nice way? "You are the Monday of my life".
    Happy Monday ya'll.
  8. 3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts? At two
    .
    .
    If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy!
  9. A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt. The bartender asks, What can I get for ya?
    The man says, A beer for me, and another for the road.
  10. "Your dad cant hold a candle to what my daddy can do." "Oh Ya, what does he do?"
    "Makes gun powder."

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Ya One Liners

Which ya one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ya? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Ya know why there are poptarts but no momtarts? The pastryarchy
  2. I tell ya, my wife is a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count 'em!
  3. Ya know what the difference between broccoli and boogers is? I don't eat broccoli.
  4. Can't believe someone broke into my shed and stole my limbo stick How low can ya go
  5. Ya know, I've never taken an ugly girl to bed... Woke up with a few though.
  6. What did O say to Q? "Pull your pants up will ya?"
  7. What did the snowflake say to the falling snow? "Catch ya later!"
  8. Man, balloons sure are getting expensive… …I guess that's inflation for ya.
  9. I got ketchup on my eyes. Ya know, in Heinzsight, that was a dumb move.
  10. What's the loudest color? YELL-O!
    (Orange ya glad I didn't say red?)
  11. Today I learned all about the orbicularis oculi muscles. Quite the eye opener I tell ya
  12. I asked my brother if he could help me think of a synonym for "pamphlet." "Ya bro sure!"
  13. Just got back from Germany... and let me tell ya, their meat is the Würst.
  14. Did ya hear about the claustrophobic Astronaut? He just needed some space, Mate
  15. I was going to tell a joke about this website….. But I bet ya'll have already Reddit.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about ya can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of ya puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Ya Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about ya you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make ya prank.

Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!

The Voyager probe, flying away from earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.

I told my gf that i had a crush on beyonce!

And she said to me "Whatever floats your boat"
And i said "No that's **Buoyancy**"

I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl

And I gotta say I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.

Boy: What's a palindrome?


Teacher: racecar
{10 years later}
Boy: [bursting out of bank in ski mask] where's the palindrome
Getaway driver: [sitting in kayak]

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.
He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.
An angel looked at God and said "What'd you do that for?" God smiled and said "Who's he going to tell?"

I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a r**... w**... and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.

So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'

I was digging a hole in my backyard when I found a box filled with gold.

I was so excited that I ran inside to tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging the hole in the first place.

I brought my girlfriend home to meet my family.

They criticized everything she did, mocked her heritage and gave her a psychiatric disorder.
I guess I shouldn't have insisted on the royal treatment.

Interviewer: Can you explain these 4 jobless years in your resume? Applicant: That's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Impressive! You are hired!
Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob.

My wife is super upset at our neighbour who happens to enjoy suntanning in her backyard n**...

Personally though, I'm on the fence.

I got my first job as an accountant at 22, right out of college. Suddenly, the week after I turned 30, they fired me.

13 years of loyal service to the company, down the drain.

Some y**... had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.

We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.
We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.

Interviewer: How do you explain the five-year gap on your resume?

Me: Oh, that was when I went to Yale.
Interviwer: Amazing! You're hired.
Me: Yay, I got a yob!

h**... dies and goes in front of a h**... gate...

St. Peter is waiting, judging him.
They stand in silence when h**... breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?"
"h**..., h**...." he responds.
"Ya, ya, Heil h**..., but where am I?".

An American, an Englishman and a Scotsman are eating breakfast with their wives

The American says to his wife: "Please pass me the honey, honey"
Then the Englishman requests: "Please pass me the sugar, sugar," to his wife.
The Scotsman thinks for a second, then bickers "Pass me the milk, ya cow!"

A French guy showed me his yachts.

French guy: This is Un. This is Deux. This is t**.... This is Quatre. This is Six.
Me: Where's the 5th one?
French guy: Cinq.

my wife left me because i'm obssesed with africa

kenya believe it?
and we have two kids together, this divorce is ghana be so hard on them

An old fellow walking down the road and sees a frog sitting in the grass. The frog says...

"Hey there if you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman for ya."
The old man picks up the frog and puts it in his shirt pocket and keeps on down the road. About a mile down the road the frog looks up at him and says "Aren't you going to kiss me?"
The old man says "No I don't think so." The frog says"Dont you want a beautiful woman?"
The old man responds "At my age I would rather have a talking frog."

My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

My next door neighbor with massive b**... keeps walking around the backyard t**....

I wish his wife would do the same.

A German shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died.

In heaven they faced God,who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German shepherd said "i believe in discipline, loyalty and training to my master".
"Good" said God. "You may sit on my right side".
The Doberman said "I believe in love,care and protection of my master".
"Aha,you may sit on my left" said God.
Then God looked at the cat and said" and what do you believe in"?
The cat replied " I believe you are sitting in my seat".

Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo this morning?

Apparently they still have 500 million users.

A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.
The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"
The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting p**....

Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?

Everybody's 6 feet away

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"
"To buy groceries," I told him.
"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."
He shrugged and paused.
"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many f**...' security cameras."

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

My wife often compares me to Ryan Gosling.

She'll say "You're nothing like Ryan Gosling."

Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water?

If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes t**... in her yard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy

And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been w**...'

A bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

I told my buddy that Jewish people call god by a different name

He was like, "No way!"
I was like, "Yahweh"

A horse walks into a bar...

"Why the long face?" asks the bartender...
The horse replies, "I can no longer make ends meet based solely on the royalties from s**... in the City."

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

My 7 year old daughter came up with this one (I trained her well). Why did the doctor make an emergency call to the graveyard?

Because all the coffin.

My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.
[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

I should make a monument in my yard dedicated to the guy who killed h**....

Karl Marx is a historically famous figure…

But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter p**....

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"
Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"
Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."
Witness: "No way?!"
Jew: "Yahweh."

Our local pizza guy has been arrested for selling drugs

I have been a loyal customer for years. I honestly had no idea he was selling pizzas

According to ancient Japanese lore, a person's aura takes a particular colour right before they die.

Cyan Aura.

How many Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one... But it takes 4 episodes and Krillin dies...

2 wives go on a girls night out

On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.
The first takes off her p**... and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.
The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:
"No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no p**.... "
The other husband says:
"Thats nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said 'from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. "

I bet you $20 that you won't be able to push the same thing back in my wheelbarrow.

Two workers - one big and strong, the other small and weak - are on a building site.
The small chap says "I bet you $20 that I can push something to the end of the yard in my wheelbarrow and you won't be able to push the same thing back."
"You're on," says the big guy.
"Righto," says the small fellow, "Jump in."

what do you call a gender neutral catgirl/catboy?

nyan-binary!

A guy was nailing his interview

A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said "well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?".
The guy says "oh I went to yale".
The employer: "oh great!! Well you're hired, you start monday"
Guy: "Yay! I got a yob!"

What was Tasha Yars' favorite job?

Data Entry

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"

The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.
Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
Didn't know how fast you could walk".

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls.

But these are just miner details.

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.
"So son, where did you receive your education?"
The man replied "Yale".
The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"
The man replied "Yack Yackson".

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year gap on your resume?

Interviewee: That is because I went to Yale
Job interviewer: Oh, that is impressive! You are hired!
Interviewee: Thanks! I really needed this Yob

science fact - did you know you can find the gender of an ant by putting it in water?

If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats, buoyant.

I told my mate I'd built a model of the Himalayas.

He said "To scale?"
I said "No, just to look at"

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the a**..., and walks in to have a stiff drink.

The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the a**... before coming in? You got s**... all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps with chapped lips?"
"Nah," says the cowboy. "But it keeps me from lickin' 'em"

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives?

The flambuoyants.

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and h**....

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."
"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.

Two doctors, Jenkins and Smith, are treating a man with lung disease.

They're explaining how him smoking w**... led to his condition worsening.
But it's just herbal! the patient protested. How can it be bad?
Dr Jenkins sighed. Apricot stones contain lethal amounts of cyanide. There is a certain plant in my back garden - if you sit under it for just ten minutes, you will die. Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's safe for you!
The man seemed to accept that, and after he and the doctors parted ways, Dr Smith asked, What is that plant that kills you if you sit under it?
A water lily.

My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes n**... in her backyard.

Personally I'm on the fence.

At the job interview

Interviewer: I see here that you had a five-year gap between jobs. Can you please explain it?
Me: Oh that's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer: That is very impressive. You can start tomorrow.
Me: Yay, I got a yob.

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died.

In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German Shepherd said, I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.
Good! said God. Sit at my right side. Then God asked, Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answered, I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.
Aha, said God, you may sit on my left.
Then God looked at the cat and asked, And what do you believe in?
I believe, replied the cat, that you are sitting in my seat.

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.
"Why?" I frowned.
"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"
"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

g**... in the military

If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon.

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.
I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

Why are there poptarts but no momtarts?

Because of the pastryarchy.

Why do retired n**... make good animal doctors?

Because they're all Veteran Aryans.

A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.

"What'll ya have?" he asks.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.
So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.
His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.
"Yuck! It tastes awful, worse than awful!" she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go!" cries the husband. "And you think I am out enjoying myself every night!"

What does Mr. Miyagi do when he gets home from a date?

He wax off

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- No!
- No? Why not?
- Because I *do* have 2 coats

Joke in honor of mole day

Three moles are going through the ground looking for food.
The first mole pops up out of the ground and sniffs around.
He says "hey guys I think were getting close I smell some syrup".
The next mole pops up and says "ya we must be a smell some syrup too".
The last mole pops up and says "I don't know guys all I smell is some molasses"

Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors.

Because they were Veteran Aryans.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these ya jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.