Xpost Jokes
9 xpost jokes and hilarious xpost puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about xpost that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Gather Around for Heartwarming Xpost Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What is a good xpost joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
pessimist vs optimist (x-post from funny)
The pessimist says, 'It can't get any worse!' And the optimist replies, 'Oh yes it can!
Book of Dad Jokes [X-Post with DadJokes]
A father and his son are having drinks at a bar to celebrate the birth of the son's first child.
The dad hands his son a thick, leather bound book and says, "son, this book is a collection of the world's greatest dad jokes. Now that you're a father, it's time that I passed it on to you."
The son gets a little teary and says, "oh, Dad, I'm touched." The father responds, "Nice to meet you Touched, I'm Dad."
a pakistani soldier enlists in the army , ( xpost - india )
A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked, "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Indians. I approached the border, and saw an Indian tank. I put my white flag up, the Indian tank put his white flag up. I said to the Indian soldier, 'Do you want to get a 3 day pass?' So we exchanged tanks!"
(Xpost: LPT) Never interrupt a Jonestown joke.
They literally shot a politician for skipping the punch line.
Optimism is realizing you're only two people short of a t**...
(Xpost from Showerthoughts)
A NUN and A SOLDIER (x-post)
A soldier ran up to a nun.
Out of breath he asked,
"Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed.
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the Military Police ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister You see, I don't want to go to war to Syria. .
The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of b**.......I don't want to go to Syria either!
God's commandments (x-post classic4chan)
God went around the world looking for a nation to give his commandments to.
First he tried the French.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not commit adultery."
"No thank you."
God then tried the Romans.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not steal."
"No thank you."
Then God tried the Germans.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not kill."
"No thank you."
Finally God tried the Jews.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"How much?"
"How much...? Well, eh, technically they're free, but you must maintain-"
"We'll take ten!"
As a guitarist, I play many gigs. (xpost from funny)
Recently I was asked by a f**... director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the f**... guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.
Apparently, I'm still lost…
An old lady was on the elevator when... (X-post from /funny)
...a well-dressed young woman got on, wearing perfume. She looked at the old lady, and said "ROMANCE by Ralph Lauren. $150 an ounce."
At the next floor, another woman got on, wearing even more perfume. "CHANEL #5. $200 an ounce." she announced.
When the doors opened on the next floor, the old lady leaned over, ripped a three octave, sinus-clearing duck call of a f**....
As she walked out the door, she looked back over her shoulder, "BROCCOLI. 49 cents a pound!"
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