X Ray Jokes
70 x ray jokes and hilarious x ray puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about x ray that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest X Ray Short Jokes
Short x ray jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The x ray humour may include short radiation jokes also.
- I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷" - Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of. Me: What?
Doctor: Skeletons - Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your X-Ray." Blonde: "I've never dated anyone by that name."
- My X-ray technician told me she usually doesn't go on dates with her patients... ...but she saw something in me.
- If you can't afford healthcare... Go to an airport. They give free x-rays and mammograms, and if you mention al-Qaeda, they'll throw in a free colonoscopy too!
- With trembling hands, my doctor looked up from my x-ray and stammered, "This is exactly what I was afraid of." Gripping my chest, I rasped, "What?" Eyes wide, he whispered, "Skeletons!"
- A girl I know who works in the X-ray department of a local hospital is dating one of her patients Nobody know what she sees in him
- You have to be an adult to see Theodore, the guy who takes the medical images at the hospital. After all, he's x-ray Ted.
- I'm afraid of being vulnerable in front of X-Ray Technicians. They can see right through me.
- Can you jump 6 times your own body height? Cats can Can you take an x-ray of the inside of your own body? Catscan
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X Ray One Liners
Which x ray one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with x ray? I can suggest the ones about ultrasound and laser.
- What do you call dental X-rays? tooth pics
- Doctor: "Your x-ray showed a broken rib... ... but we fixed it with Photoshop."
- I'm dating an x-ray technician... But I don't know what she sees in me.
- How do you protect yourself from gamma rays and x-rays? You don't bomb pearl harbor.
- My doctor said the X-Ray was negative. I was like, aren't they all?
- X-ray doctors can't climb trees as well as... catscan.
- What do you call the skeleton of a stingray? An X-ray.
- What did the Dentist tell the patient to go take at the X-Ray Department? Tooth Pics....
- What sunglasses can see inside your eyes? X-Ray Bans
- If Ray changes his name.. he would be an x-ray. I bet you saw right through that joke.
- An x-ray of a woman in the middle of giving birth...
- Don't try and lie to an x-ray machine They can see right through you.
- I got pizza grease on my newspaper today And thought I'd developed x-ray vision.
- I send x-rays not n**... Cause it's the inside that matters.
X Ray Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about x ray you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean radar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make x ray pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An extremely obese man with severe stomach pains goes to see a doctor. He can hardly stand, the pain is so bad. After an examination, the doctor is holding the x-rays and asks, "Did you at one time s**... a bullet?" The man answers, "s**... a bullet? Of course not!" The doctor replies, "Well then, I'm afraid you've been shot!"
Two different doctors
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined by his regular doctor within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his regular doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
Women Think Differently
Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
X-ray Parrot
A street vendor claims that his pet parrot can tell the color of the p**... of the women walking by.
Three nuns come by and the parrot yells "yellow, white, green!"
The nuns are impressed.
The next day the parrot says "blue, orange, purple!!" and the nuns can't believe it.
The third day, they decide to throw a curve ball and not wear anything.
The parrot says "s**..., s**..., curly"
From the Hospital...
Husband: Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been conducting examinations and tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot.
Wife: Who is Tina?
A husband sends a text to his wife.
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?
The Way Women Think
Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
While seen my x-ray, my doctor said....
You know, when I was a child my dad use to tell me "A picture is worth a thousand words"
But this one just say "You're s**..."
I broke my fist in a fight...
So when I got it X-rayed the doctor asked how it happened. I told him I'd tripped on a step, but he said he could see through me.
A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....
The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"
When I was little I swallowed a penny
When I was little I swallowed a penny.
The doctor X-rayed me and didn't see any change
Cats and Dogs
Did you know cats are smarter than dogs? Dogs can't take x-rays, but cats can.
A man goes to the doctor...
The doctor says: I have good news and bad news...
The man replies: - Okay start with the bad news.
-See this X-ray here? This is your organs, see this black circles? There are tumours everywhere in your body.
- Oh... and what is the good news?
- I can make it disappear in Photoshop.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was in the emergency room
and while I was waiting for the doctor to come back I overheard a couple nurses at the nurses' station discussing another ER patient's case.
Apparently this dude had come in complaining of r**... pain. They took an X-Ray and found at least 8 toy horses in his colon. It sounded serious, but they described his condition as stable.
A man named Theodore
A man named Theodore works in a hospital and scans people for broken bones. Despite being the only person at the hospital who does this, he has never scanned anyone under the age of 18. He wonders why this is, and suddenly it hits him.
He's x-ray Ted.
I've always been suspicious about X-Rays.
Why is it only ever skeletons that go to get them done?
A blonde teen goes to the doctor complaining of chest pain
Doctor : I guess I need see an x Ray to determine any damage to ribs
Blonde : Promise to delete after seeing
Husband says'' Honey, it's me. I don't want to alarm you but
. . . I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked me over and dome some tests and x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it didn't cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they might have to amputate my right foot.''
Wife : ''Who's Paula?''
I once had a girlfriend who was an X-Ray technician.
I could never lie to her, because she always saw right through me.
Me: "So, any news?
Doctor: "I'm just waiting for your x-ray."
Me:" But I've never dated anyone called Ray."
Doctor: "And we might do a brain scan."
"Hey, Bill, what do you think of this new super-hero comic I'm working on? It's about an ant-size tangent line that has x-ray vision."
"Sounds cool, but isn't that a little derivative?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor : Your X-rays show you swallowed a light bulb.
Me: I guess you could say that I'm..
Doctor: please don't do...
Me: Lit AF
Doctor: get out!
I recently had to go to the doctor, my entire body hurt everywhere
I told the doc
"It hurts when I poke my neck",
"It hurts when I poke my chest",
"It hurts when I poke my leg"
The doc took some x-rays and the results came back:
I had broken my finger
You shouldn't worry about headaches
I mean, it's all in your head.
I needed an X-Ray on my wrist, and I couldn't go to the hospital.
So I went to the Airport.
Hurt my arm this mornin and had to go to hospital for an x-ray, as I was sitting waiting to be seen...
...the lad next to me says," Fair fae yer honest sonsieface! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!" I was like, eh?!?!., I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!" , As I grabbed the next doc walking past I said, "here mate is this the psychiatric ward?" He says," no this is the Burns unit! Happy Rabbie Burns Day
The other day me and my friend were arguing about whether people could have X-ray vision.
We argued for hours until he said that he could see right through my argument.
He'd always been a hypocrite.
Doctor, it hurts...
Says the patient with so much pain.
Patient: It hurts when I touch my head.
Doctor: \*Takes a look at the head\*, \*Does MRI\* Well, what else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my shoulders.
Doctor: \*Takes shoulder x-ray\* Hmmm, is there anything else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my knees too.
Doctor: \*Does that hammer thingy\* I see. I can conclude now.
Patient: What is it?
Doctor: Your finger is broken.
I used to be married to an X-Ray Machine
We got a divorce yesterday so I Guess you can call it my Ex-Ray Machine
My wife has just phoned me from A&E crying.......
.......and very upset so I asked her what was wrong? She said that she had just seen her x-ray, I said don't speak to him just walk away.......
I went in for an X-ray the other day and met a cute radiologist.
I tried to act cool but she saw right through me.