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Wwii Jokes

95 wwii jokes and hilarious wwii puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wwii that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the unique humor of WWII that was shared by combatants on both sides of the conflict. Uncover rare jokes shared during this traumatic era, and understand why humor was so important to the French during WWII. Learn about the lasting impact of WWII humor on the historical memory of the conflict.

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Popular Wwii Short Jokes

Short wwii jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wwii humour may include short era jokes also.

  1. My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII. Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
  2. I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France. But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.
  3. [WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock... Whoops, wrong sub.
  4. A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet. It was his life savings.
  5. My grandfather downed 50 German fighter planes in WWII. Yep. Worst engineer in the Luftwaffe.
  6. I'm selling a WWII relic.... A beautiful French rifle. It's never been fired and only dropped once.
  7. Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII. Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.
  8. Why was WWI so short? Because they were Russian...
    Why was WWII so long?
    They were Stalin...
  9. They say that WWII was won with American steel, British intelligence, and Soviet blood Of course, they wouldn't have gotten very far on Soviet steel, American intelligence, and British blood
  10. If gay men were allowed in the army back in WWII, Saving Private Ryan would be a lot shorter... Because there is no way it would take 3 hours for a group of gay men to find Matt Damon.

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Wwii One Liners

Which wwii one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wwii? I can suggest the ones about warfare and war.

  1. What is the most common attire during WWII? Casual Tees
  2. TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.
  3. What would the French say if they had Twitter during WWII? Retweet! Retweet!
  4. My grandfather took down 23 planes in WWII He was the worst mechanic of the RAF
  5. My grandfather got his tongue shot off during WWII He never talked about it.
  6. Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII The Pacific Theatre
  7. What do Caitlyn Jenner and WWII have in common? The Battle of the Bulge.
  8. What's the most common outfit in WWII? Casual-tees
  9. Where did the Italians keep the Jews during WWII? In the Spaghettos
  10. What do you call a time capsule from WWII? A mine.
  11. Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray... Now he is a seasoned veteran.
  12. Who was the famous writer, that died in WWII? I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.
  13. What do you call a WWII German airplane factory? A Mother-Fokker
  14. What do you call a boring violinist whose fascist regime lost WWII? A dull fiddler
  15. Why was Germany in debt after WWII? The gas bill was too high.

French Wwii Jokes

Here is a list of funny french wwii jokes and even better french wwii puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • For any collectors out there, I saw an ad in the paper for a WWII French Rifle The ad read in good condition. Never fired. Dropped once.
  • My Grandpa has a French rifle from WWII It was never fired, but it was dropped once.
Wwii joke, My Grandpa has a French rifle from WWII

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about wwii can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of wwii puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Wwii Jokes

What funny jokes about wwii you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean trench jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make wwii prank.

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

When a clock goes forward it's tic-tac, but when Rommel retreats it's tactic.

When a clock goes forward it's tic-tac, but when MacArthur retreats it's tactic.
When a clock goes forward, it's tactic, but when <general> retreats it's tactic.
Old British WWII joke during the War in North Africa.

Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.

What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!

WALKS INTO A BAR... MERMAID s**...

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

A man walks into a bar...

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

WAR BOARDER

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

[AMA Request] WWII Veteran who went kamikaze

Are the n**... who fought in WWII veteran-Aryans?

And can I bring my dog to them for a checkup?

My friend is like a Jew during WWII

In the closet.

What's the name of the WWII Museum in Japan?

Kamikawaii in Hawaii

Judaism was very popular leading up to WWII

It died down a little afterwards

A joke from WWII

A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:
"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"
"Half a million within two days."
"And if we invade with a million troops?"
"We shoot twice and go home."

Why did the Kremlin sacrifice 8.7 million soldiers during WWII?

They were just Stalin for time.

Please don't joke about WWII, my grandpa died in a KZ camp

He fell down from the guard tower.

My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII..

with a brush and shovel..

What did the Japanese WWII veteran say to the American WWII veteran when he got passed the salt?

Sank you.

Forgive me for this one

A German soldier who loves animals can't decide what to do after WWII. His friend says, Otto, it's easy to figure out. You're a Veteran a**....

TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!

Sorry, wrong sub :(

I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA!

He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!

Why do WWII n**... like pets so much?

Because they're veteran Aryans.

A recently discovered European WWII era manuscript tells the story of a young Jewish girl who often had liquidy bowel movements.

It's called *"The Diarrhea of Anne Frank."*

Son: Dad I have to write an Essay about h**... and his Dog Unit in WWII. Do you know what it was called?

Dad: K, Nein

How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?

When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.

Did you know that before WWII, h**... and Stalin took cooking classes together?

They were learning how to make peas with their enemies.

The last joke my Italian grandfather told me before he passed.

Two italian soldiers are sitting on a beach in Normandy during WWII when a German submarine surfaces offshore. One Italian looks at the other and says, "Is thata UBoat?" The other Italian replies, "nope, not mine".

What WWII front line were the Germans attracted to?

The Magnet Line.

So a group of n**... walk into a bar....

They each take a few shots from the bar. After the last round, they stumbled into the ground.
And that's how I got this medal.
(Heard this from a WWII vet)

Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is?

Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible

My grandfather had a buddy named Will who was shot during WWII...

His commanding officer said "Fire at Will!" So everyone shot at Will and killed him

What colour in the Italian flag represents loyalty in WWII?

Purple. (there's no purple in the Italian flag)

I fought in WWII and contracted a disease. The doctors said they could cure me...

but I had gout.

In light of recent discoveries, I made a joke

A conspiracy theorist died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told the conspiracy theorist You may ask me one question, and I will reply honestly.
The conspiracy theorist thought for some time and asked Did h**... escape death in WWII and move to Argentina, where he still resides today?
St. Peter replied no, he committed s**... in Berlin as the Soviet Red Army advanced into the city.
The conspiracy theorist thought to himself wow, this goes even deeper than I thought!

If Germany was the Fatherland and the Soviet Union was the Motherland,

does that make WWII domestic violence?

WWI and its sequel...

WWII bigger better and uncircumcised

In WWII, what did the German officer say to the clock that ticked?

Ve have vays of making you tock...

A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment

An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.
"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were s**... active?"
"1946," says the veteran.
"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"
The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."

WWII

Why did WWI go by so fast
Because they were Russian
Why did WWII go so slow
Because they were Stalin

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.

So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?

Grandpa proudly tells stories from WWII to his grand-kids...

Grandpa says: Once, n**... trapped me and asked me: "Do you want to s**... our d**..., or do you want us to kill you?"
Kids were all excited and asked him: "So...? What did you chose?"
Grandpa says: Death....

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.
Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"
Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

My grandfather was an electrician during WWII.

His uniform had a helmet with two thunderbolts on it

Did you hear? There's this app that lets you see which of your family members would have been n**... in WWII...

It's called Facebook.

Throughout WWII, my great-grandfather was responsible for 43 German planes going down.

He was the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

If the n**... had won WWII and set up the Thousand Year r**..., what would they have called their leader?

*The Kaiser Permanente*

A man went to confession (again)

"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"
"Of course you can."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

Just after WWII begins the commander of one of African garrisons recieves a telegram:

''The war is declared, immidiately find and arrest all enemies in your area.''
After some time he sends a performance report:
''The order was executed. 4 Germans, 2 French, 1 Belgian, 3 Americans were arrested. Please, immidiately report who are we at war with.''

My grandpa always told us the story about how he made a dozen German troops s**... themselves in WWII.

He was probably the worst cook the r**... had.

I Once met a old man who said he took down 23 planes on WWII

he was the worse mechanic i've ever seen

A WWII joke for you guys...

Olaf Scholz, the German chancellor, visits France and is not recognized by the customs guard at the French border.
'Name?', the guard barks out.
'Olaf Scholz', he says.
'Occupation?'
'Oh no,' he says, 'just for a few days.'

Apparently my great-grandpa was a controversial figure when he served in WWII

Which is weird, I thought he'd be praised more considering my family tells me he killed h**...

War

A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?

A guy comes back home to his small town from overseas at the end of WWII. The town plans a big parade for him the next day. He remembers that the day before he shipped out three years earlier, he left a pair of dress shoes at the shoemaker's for repair.

He finds the receipt ticket and rushes to the shoemaker's to get them. The shoemaker examines the ticket and disappears into the back for a couple of minutes. When he returns he says, "They'll be ready Thursday."

Wwii joke, A guy comes back home to his small town from overseas at the end of WWII. The town plans a big parad

jokes about wwii

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these wwii jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.