The Best 75 Wwii Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wwii jokes. There are some wwii german jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wwii warfare puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wwii Jokes and Puns

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"

"Of course, my son."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

When a clock goes forward it's tic-tac, but when Rommel retreats it's tactic.

When a clock goes forward it's tic-tac, but when MacArthur retreats it's tactic.

When a clock goes forward, it's tactic, but when <general> retreats it's tactic.

Old British WWII joke during the War in North Africa.

My grandfather got his tongue shot off during WWII

He never talked about it.

Wwii joke, My grandfather got his tongue shot off during WWII

Joke from WWII: The USSR's three greatest generals.

What're the names of the USSR's three greatest generals? December, January, and February!

Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII

The Pacific Theatre


WALKS INTO A BAR... MERMAID SEX

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.

Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.

Wwii joke, Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.

I'm selling a WWII relic....

A beautiful French rifle. It's never been fired and only dropped once.

A man walks into a bar...

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have sex with the mermaid."

"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"

"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have sex, so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."

Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray...

Now he is a seasoned veteran.

WAR BOARDER

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

You can explore wwii era reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wwii nazi dad jokes. There are also wwii puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


[AMA Request] WWII Veteran who went kamikaze

Are the Nazis who fought in WWII veteran-Aryans?

And can I bring my dog to them for a checkup?

TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire.

Whoops, wrong sub.

What's the name of the WWII Museum in Japan?

Kamikawaii in Hawaii

Judaism was very popular leading up to WWII

It died down a little afterwards

Wwii joke, Judaism was very popular leading up to WWII

Why was WWI so short?

Because they were Russian...

Why was WWII so long?

They were Stalin...

What do Caitlyn Jenner and WWII have in common?

The Battle of the Bulge.

A joke from WWII

A German soldier is talking to a Swiss soldier:

"How many soldiers could Switzerland mobilize if we were to invade?"

"Half a million within two days."

"And if we invade with a million troops?"

"We shoot twice and go home."


Why did the Kremlin sacrifice 8.7 million soldiers during WWII?

They were just Stalin for time.

Please don't joke about WWII, my grandpa died in a KZ camp

He fell down from the guard tower.

My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII..

with a brush and shovel..

What did the Japanese WWII veteran say to the American WWII veteran when he got passed the salt?

Sank you.

Forgive me for this one

A German soldier who loves animals can't decide what to do after WWII. His friend says, Otto, it's easy to figure out. You're a Veteran Aryan.

Who was the famous writer, that died in WWII?

I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.

[WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock...

Whoops, wrong sub.

Why was Germany in debt after WWII?

The gas bill was too high.

TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!

Sorry, wrong sub :(

What do you call a WWII German airplane factory?

A Mother-Fokker

I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA!

He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!

Why do WWII nazis like pets so much?

Because they're veteran Aryans.

A recently discovered European WWII era manuscript tells the story of a young Jewish girl who often had liquidy bowel movements.

It's called *"The Diarrhea of Anne Frank."*

Son: Dad I have to write an Essay about Hitler and his Dog Unit in WWII. Do you know what it was called?

Dad: K, Nein

What is the most common attire during WWII?

Casual Tees

What's the most common outfit in WWII?

Casual-tees

How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII?

When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.

Did you know that before WWII, Hitler and Stalin took cooking classes together?

They were learning how to make peas with their enemies.

What would the French say if they had Twitter during WWII?

Retweet! Retweet!

The last joke my Italian grandfather told me before he passed.

Two italian soldiers are sitting on a beach in Normandy during WWII when a German submarine surfaces offshore. One Italian looks at the other and says, "Is thata UBoat?" The other Italian replies, "nope, not mine".

So a group of Nazis walk into a bar....

They each take a few shots from the bar. After the last round, they stumbled into the ground.

And that's how I got this medal.

(Heard this from a WWII vet)

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France.

But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is?

Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible

My grandfather had a buddy named Will who was shot during WWII...

His commanding officer said "Fire at Will!" So everyone shot at Will and killed him

If gay men were allowed in the army back in WWII, Saving Private Ryan would be a lot shorter...

Because there is no way it would take 3 hours for a group of gay men to find Matt Damon.

What colour in the Italian flag represents loyalty in WWII?

Purple. (there's no purple in the Italian flag)

What do you call a time capsule from WWII?

A mine.

Hitler committed genocide and incited WWII but you'll agree with him

not sure on this one BuzzFeed...

Why Germany's invasion of USSR failed during the WWII?

The winter kept Stalin the soilders.

If Germany was the Fatherland and the Soviet Union was the Motherland,

does that make WWII domestic violence?

WWI and its sequel...

WWII bigger better and uncircumcised

What do you call a boring violinist whose fascist regime lost WWII?

A dull fiddler

How many Nazi's are there today compared to WWII?

Hella fewer.

If russia is the motherland and germany is the fatherland

That makes WWII domestic abuse

Ok, I have HAD IT with all these holocaust jokes. My great uncle died in WWII.

He fell from the gaurd tower.

What did the landlocked German eat during WWII?

Not sea food.

Where did the Italians keep the Jews during WWII?

In the Spaghettos

In WWII, what did the German officer say to the clock that ticked?

Ve have vays of making you tock...

A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment

An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.

"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were sexually active?"

"1946," says the veteran.

"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"

The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."

WWII

Why did WWI go by so fast
Because they were Russian

Why did WWII go so slow
Because they were Stalin

My grandfather downed 50 German fighter planes in WWII.

Yep. Worst engineer in the Luftwaffe.

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.

So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?

Grandpa proudly tells stories from WWII to his grand-kids...

Grandpa says: Once, Nazis trapped me and asked me: "Do you want to suck our dicks, or do you want us to kill you?"

Kids were all excited and asked him: "So...? What did you chose?"

Grandpa says: Death....

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII.

Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.

Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"

Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

My grandfather was an electrician during WWII.

His uniform had a helmet with two thunderbolts on it

My grandfather took down 23 planes in WWII

He was the worst mechanic of the RAF

A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet.

It was his life savings.

Did you hear? There's this app that lets you see which of your family members would have been nazis in WWII...

It's called Facebook.

Throughout WWII, my great-grandfather was responsible for 43 German planes going down.

He was the worst mechanic in the Luftwaffe.

If the Nazis had won WWII and set up the Thousand Year Reich, what would they have called their leader?

*The Kaiser Permanente*

A man went to confession (again)

"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."


"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest


"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."


"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."


"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"


"Of course you can."


"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

They say that WWII was won with American steel, British intelligence, and Soviet blood

Of course, they wouldn't have gotten very far on Soviet steel, American intelligence, and British blood

Just after WWII begins the commander of one of African garrisons recieves a telegram:

''The war is declared, immidiately find and arrest all enemies in your area.''

After some time he sends a performance report:

''The order was executed. 4 Germans, 2 French, 1 Belgian, 3 Americans were arrested. Please, immidiately report who are we at war with.''

My grandpa always told us the story about how he made a dozen German troops shit themselves in WWII.

He was probably the worst cook the Reich had.

I Once met a old man who said he took down 23 planes on WWII

he was the worse mechanic i've ever seen

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wwii wehrmacht jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wwii luftwaffe piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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