Wwii Jokes
93 wwii jokes and hilarious wwii puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wwii that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the unique humor of WWII that was shared by combatants on both sides of the conflict. Uncover rare jokes shared during this traumatic era, and understand why humor was so important to the French during WWII. Learn about the lasting impact of WWII humor on the historical memory of the conflict.
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Funniest Wwii Short Jokes
Short wwii jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wwii humour may include short era jokes also.
- I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France. But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.
- [WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock... Whoops, wrong sub.
- A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet. It was his life savings.
- Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII. Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.
- They say that WWII was won with American steel, British intelligence, and Soviet blood Of course, they wouldn't have gotten very far on Soviet steel, American intelligence, and British blood
- My grandfather was an electrician during WWII. His uniform had a helmet with two thunderbolts on it
- Did you hear about how realistic Call of Duty: WWII is? Sledgehammer Games rented servers from the 1940s to replicate WWII as accurately as possible
- In WWII, what did the German officer say to the clock that ticked? Ve have vays of making you tock...
- How did Germany so easily defeat Poland during WWII? When the Polish threw grenades at the Germans, the Germans pulled the pins and threw them back.
- My grandfather had a buddy named Will who was shot during WWII... His commanding officer said "Fire at Will!" So everyone shot at Will and killed him
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Wwii One Liners
Which wwii one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wwii? I can suggest the ones about warfare and war.
- What is the most common attire during WWII? Casual Tees
- TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.
- What would the French say if they had Twitter during WWII? Retweet! Retweet!
- Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII The Pacific Theatre
- What do Caitlyn Jenner and WWII have in common? The Battle of the Bulge.
- What do you call a time capsule from WWII? A mine.
- What do you call a WWII German airplane factory? A Mother-Fokker
- What do you call a boring violinist whose fascist regime lost WWII? A dull fiddler
- Why was Germany in debt after WWII? The gas bill was too high.
- [AMA Request] WWII Veteran who went kamikaze
- What did the landlocked German eat during WWII? Not sea food.
- There was an Italian man that couldn't speak after WWII His arms were amputated.
- Call of Duty WWII's Servers
- What WWII front line were the Germans attracted to? The Magnet Line.
- Judaism was very popular leading up to WWII It died down a little afterwards
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Wwii Jokes
What funny jokes about wwii you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean soldier jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wwii pranks.
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
When a clock goes forward it's tic-tac, but when Rommel retreats it's tactic.
When a clock goes forward it's tic-tac, but when MacArthur retreats it's tactic.
When a clock goes forward, it's tactic, but when <general> retreats it's tactic.
Old British WWII joke during the War in North Africa.
Back in WWII, the Marine Corps used Navajo speakers as "code talkers"...
The other Marines were always impressed with the enigmatic skills the Navajos had in predicting weather, where to find water, and tracking ability.
One day on a patrol, a Navajo Marine on point came across a footprint ostensibly left by the enemy.
"The man who left this footprint is an Imperial soldier. He stands five-foot-six tall and weighs 120 pounds..."
The Navajo proceeded to recite a litany of information on the man who left the tracks.
Amazed, one of the others remarked: "You got all that from a footprint??"
"No. We got his license."
Something my Grandfather (WWII Vet) used to say.
Old proverb says, "Girl who fly plane upside-down, have crack-up."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.
He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.
He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out and firing in front of me and my buddies. We had to go in defense position and try to outflank them, but they got flight leader. On second approach we shot a few down and dispersed the rest. On third approach I shot two Fokkers down, but another one got me in the rudder. I went into tail spin and had to bail out. Luckily the f**...-"
The principal of the school suddenly interjected, as at this point nearly everyone was laughing. "Now, students, please be respectful of our guest and where he is from. As some of you may know, a Fokker," the principal said slowly, carefully pronouncing the word, "is a type of German fighter plane used in World War II. There is no need to-"
The Finn had to interrupt, "Excuse me Mr. Principal, actually Fokker is Dutch. We were shooting down Messerschmitts."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
WALKS INTO A BAR... MERMAID s**...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
WWII fighter pilot speaks to the class...
When I was in sixth grade, on Veterans' Day, they had an old RAF fighter pilot from WWII come in to speak to the class. He was a sweet little old man with white hair and it was hard to imagine him flying a fighter plane and shooting down enemy aircraft. But when he started to tell his stories his eyes lit up and he became animated, swooping his hand gracefully through the air to simulate the various paths his plane took.
Speaking with a slight Cockney accent he explained, Then I seen this fokker comin' right at me from one o'clock, so I dives and turns right and comes up right behind him. I fired my guns and blew that fokker right out of the air! Then I sees two more of them fokkers comin' up from below, at seven o'clock, so's I….
Just then, the teacher, Mrs. Johnson, interrupts with, I think we should explain to the sixth graders that Fokker was a type of German aircraft.
Oh no Miss. They waz flyin' Messerschmitts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A fighter pilot was shot down over France during WWII...
A fighter pilot is shot down over France during WWII and is captured by the Germans. He's injured, so they have to amputate his leg.
"Hey, next time you guys are b**... England, can you drop it over my base?"
So they do it. The next week they have to cut off his other leg, and he makes the same request. The *next* week they have to cut off his arm, but this time he's denied.
"Nein! Zis ve cannot do anymore!"
"Why not?"
"Because ve zink you are trying to escape!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After WWII, a German soldier...
After WWII, a German soldier left the tenets of n**... behind and decided to change his path in life. He went to school, got a medical degree, and went to work doctoring sick animals. He was a veterinarian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are the n**... who fought in WWII veteran-Aryans?
And can I bring my dog to them for a checkup?
My friend is like a Jew during WWII
In the closet.
What's the name of the WWII Museum in Japan?
Kamikawaii in Hawaii
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was WWI so short?
Because they were Russian...
Why was WWII so long?
They were Stalin...
Why did the Kremlin sacrifice 8.7 million soldiers during WWII?
They were just Stalin for time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII..
with a brush and shovel..
What did the Japanese WWII veteran say to the American WWII veteran when he got passed the salt?
Sank you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Forgive me for this one
A German soldier who loves animals can't decide what to do after WWII. His friend says, Otto, it's easy to figure out. You're a Veteran a**....
Do you know on which side the jews fought in WWII?
The other side,
of the fence
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who was the famous writer, that died in WWII?
I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Imagine if Jim Carrey played a really serious h**... in a WWII film.
It would be Hitlarious!
TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!
Sorry, wrong sub :(
I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA!
He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!
A recently discovered European WWII era manuscript tells the story of a young Jewish girl who often had liquidy bowel movements.
It's called *"The Diarrhea of Anne Frank."*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Son: Dad I have to write an Essay about h**... and his Dog Unit in WWII. Do you know what it was called?
Dad: K, Nein
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that before WWII, h**... and Stalin took cooking classes together?
They were learning how to make peas with their enemies.
The last joke my Italian grandfather told me before he passed.
Two italian soldiers are sitting on a beach in Normandy during WWII when a German submarine surfaces offshore. One Italian looks at the other and says, "Is thata UBoat?" The other Italian replies, "nope, not mine".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a group of n**... walk into a bar....
They each take a few shots from the bar. After the last round, they stumbled into the ground.
And that's how I got this medal.
(Heard this from a WWII vet)
What colour in the Italian flag represents loyalty in WWII?
Purple. (there's no purple in the Italian flag)
I fought in WWII and contracted a disease. The doctors said they could cure me...
but I had gout.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In light of recent discoveries, I made a joke
A conspiracy theorist died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told the conspiracy theorist You may ask me one question, and I will reply honestly.
The conspiracy theorist thought for some time and asked Did h**... escape death in WWII and move to Argentina, where he still resides today?
St. Peter replied no, he committed s**... in Berlin as the Soviet Red Army advanced into the city.
The conspiracy theorist thought to himself wow, this goes even deeper than I thought!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently saw that h**... was playing Call of Duty: WWII.
And I swear, he must be cheating. His K/D is 6 000 000 kills and only 1 death, which happens to be a s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... committed genocide and incited WWII but you'll agree with him
not sure on this one BuzzFeed...
Why Germany's invasion of USSR failed during the WWII?
The winter kept Stalin the soilders.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
WWI and its sequel...
WWII bigger better and uncircumcised
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many n**...'s are there today compared to WWII?
Hella fewer.
If the Japanese are so well mannered that they apologised for a train that departed 20 seconds early...
...why didn't they apologise for WWII?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ok, I have HAD IT with all these holocaust jokes. My great uncle died in WWII.
He fell from the gaurd tower.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where did the Italians keep the Jews during WWII?
In the Spaghettos
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A WWII veteran goes to a doctor's appointment
An old veteran sits down in the doctor's office for his check up. As usual, the doctor goes through the necessary questions.
"Okay," says the doc, "when's the last time you were s**... active?"
"1946," says the veteran.
"Oh. It's been a while, huh?"
The veteran shrugs and checks his watch. "Not really. It's only 2135."
WWII
Why did WWI go by so fast
Because they were Russian
Why did WWII go so slow
Because they were Stalin
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.
So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandpa proudly tells stories from WWII to his grand-kids...
Grandpa says: Once, n**... trapped me and asked me: "Do you want to s**... our d**..., or do you want us to kill you?"
Kids were all excited and asked him: "So...? What did you chose?"
Grandpa says: Death....
Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat
Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.
Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"
Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear? There's this app that lets you see which of your family members would have been n**... in WWII...
It's called Facebook.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If the n**... had won WWII and set up the Thousand Year r**..., what would they have called their leader?
*The Kaiser Permanente*
Just after WWII begins the commander of one of African garrisons recieves a telegram:
''The war is declared, immidiately find and arrest all enemies in your area.''
After some time he sends a performance report:
''The order was executed. 4 Germans, 2 French, 1 Belgian, 3 Americans were arrested. Please, immidiately report who are we at war with.''
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandpa always told us the story about how he made a dozen German troops s**... themselves in WWII.
He was probably the worst cook the r**... had.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Once met a old man who said he took down 23 planes on WWII
he was the worse mechanic i've ever seen
A WWII joke for you guys...
Olaf Scholz, the German chancellor, visits France and is not recognized by the customs guard at the French border.
'Name?', the guard barks out.
'Olaf Scholz', he says.
'Occupation?'
'Oh no,' he says, 'just for a few days.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently my great-grandpa was a controversial figure when he served in WWII
Which is weird, I thought he'd be praised more considering my family tells me he killed h**...
War
A Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a Jewish man in my attic.
Well, answered the Priest, That's not a sin.
But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed. The Dutchman said.
The Priest replied, I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause.
The Dutchman exclaimed Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question.
What is it son? ask the priest.
The Dutchman whispered Do I have to tell him the war is over?
A guy comes back home to his small town from overseas at the end of WWII. The town plans a big parade for him the next day. He remembers that the day before he shipped out three years earlier, he left a pair of dress shoes at the shoemaker's for repair.
He finds the receipt ticket and rushes to the shoemaker's to get them. The shoemaker examines the ticket and disappears into the back for a couple of minutes. When he returns he says, "They'll be ready Thursday."
