Ww2 Jokes

What are some Ww2 jokes?

My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during WW2

He was the shittiest mechanic the luftwaffe had.

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors

If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British



If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German



If they retreat, they're French



If they switch to your side, they're Italian



If they apologize, they're Canadian



If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American

My grandpa destroyed 38 planes in WW2, killed 58 Germans.

Literally the worst mechanic of the Luftwaffe

The Deadliest Job in WW2

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone?

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I was the cook.

Selling a french WW2 rifle

Never fired, only dropped once.

The Polish farmer

During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold

I have a French WW2 rifle for sale

Never been fired, only dropped once.

My grand father fought in WW2. Whenever I bring it up, he says he never wants to talk about it again.

What a sore loser

A women invites 3 military men to her house

During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."

One day Junior brings his Grandfather to school to share his stories as a Franco-American fighter pilot during WW2

His stories are wonderfully delightful and told with a thick French accent, while gesturing wildly using his hands to describe the movement of the airplanes.

Zee fawkers fly like zees. Zen I fly like zees. Then zee fawkers fly back like zees, zen I pull up like zees. I shoots zee fawkers right out of the sky.

The teacher said, I'm sorry to interrupt, sir. I know you kids are giggling but I want to be clear that a Fokker is a type of aircraft.

The Ace said, certainmont, cherie. But zees fawkers were flying Mescherschmits.

What's the difference between Logan Paul and a WW2 US soldier?

One shoots dead Japs and the other shoots Japs dead.

So a French WW2 rifle came up for sale at an auction, the description read...

French rifle, never used, dropped once.

There was three pilots...

Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "Bombing run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".

An English WW2 pilot was...

...talking in the school about his war experience.
"So I'm flying over German land in my plane. I was alone. Out of the blue, a fokker flanks me on the right. Then, I found a fokker on my left wing too. I was panicking, when suddenly 2 more fokkers appeared and surrounded me..."

By now, the children are giggling, so an embaressed teacher intervenes, "Actually, fokker is the name of a German airplane."

"Yeah", interjected the pilot, "But these fokkers were flying in Dorniers."

Why did Germany lose WW2?

Three Reichs and you're out

Why did it take so long for Americans to beat Germany in WW2?

They weren't Russian.

WW2 joke. I read this conversation between two Counter-Strike players ingame...

(I came in mid-conversation and for me it started like this)

Player1: I cant believe your nick is Jewhunter, that's so offensive! My grandparents were in a concentration camp during the war.

Player2: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather died in a concentration camp.

Player1: My god that's awful...

Player2: Yea, he fell down from the guardtower.

Player1 has left the game

The leaders of the Big Three after the conference in Yalta

After WW2 in 1945 the leaders of the Big Three(USA, UK and the Soviet Union) respectively Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin met in Yalta for a conference to decide the fate of the world.

After the conference they wanted to have some fun. They decided to try and make the Persian cat in the residence to eat mustard.

Churchill started first. He took a silver spoon with some mustard and tried his best to feed the cat but failed.

-You british people don't understand, it should be done with democracy - said Roosevelt.

He took some chicken and put some mustard on it. The cat sniffed for a moment but walked away with no interest in the food he offered.

Without any hesitation Stalin took the cat and started to spread mustard on the fluffy tail. The cat started meowing loudly and lickΠ΅d the tail to wash out the mustard. Meowed and licked, meowed and licked... Then Stalin said wisely:

-That's how we do everything in our country, voluntarily and with a song.

WW2

A teacher asks a WW2 pilot to speak to her elementary school class. He tells the children a bit about the army and what day to day life was like. Then he begins to tell them about a dog fight he had been in. He gets very excited as he telling the story and says to the children, "There were Fokkers to the right and Fokkers to the left. There were Fokkers above me and Fokkers below me!" The teacher interrupts to say, "Children, the Fokker is a type of airplane." "Yeah," the pilot says, "except these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"

My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they're German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they're Italian.

If there is a mass wave of infantry and tanks, they're Russian.

If there is a bayonet and sword charge, they're Japanese.

If everything is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly you are in the middle of a massive artillery barrage and air strikes, they are American.

My grandfather was treated very badly by the Germans in WW2.

Passed over for promotion time and time again.

Why didn't the Soviet Union join WW2 until 1941?

They were using Stalin-tactics

What do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine?

A not see you boat.

A yooper WW2 Fighter Pilot visited a school to talk about his service

"In 19 and 42, da situation was really tough. The Germans, dey had a very strong Air Force. I remember dis one day I was protectin' da bombers and suddenly, from outta da clouds, dese fokkers appeared."

*At this point, several of the children giggle*

"I looked up, and right above me was one of da fokkers. I aimed at him and shot dat fokker down. Da fokkers was everywhere, dere was anoder fokker right behind me."

The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' was the name of a German-Dutch aircraft company"

"Ya... ya... dat's true!" says the old pilot, "but dese fokkers was flyin' Messerschmidts."

The Russian winter...

...helped the Russian people defeat Hitler during WW2 and Napoleon before him. This year it invaded the USA on its own.

My grandfather lost his tongue during WW2

He never talks about it.

That Military Documentary series on Japan in WW2 was really good...

...Unfortunately it never survived past the Pilot episode.

There's this British RAF pilot in WW2, and he's been captured by the Germans....

the Krauts have him tied up and they're interrogating him.

"Tell us about your seekret plans, or vee vill cut off your leg!"

The Pilot, dashing and resolute, refuses, but before they cut off his leg, he asks them to please drop it over England on their next bombing raid, so it can rest in peace. The Germans try again, furious at his determination:

"Tell us about your nation's seekret plans, or vee vill cut off your other leg!"

The Pilot again heroically refuses, but once more requests that they drop the amputated limb over England on a bombing raid. The German interrogators are really angry now, and the Officer is apoplectic:

"You vill tell us all of your country's seekret plans, or vee vill beat you, and cut off your arms, miserable English svine!"

The Pilot, as much a stalwart as ever, refuses. "But please", he adds, "For my honour, take my dismembered arms and drop them over England on your next raid".

"NO!" The German replies, "Vee sink you are trying to escape!"

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar.

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar. The topic of WW2 comes up and the Frenchman says to the American, "Dropping two atomic bombs on Japan was a terrible mistake." The Chinese nods. "You should have dropped more than two."

How did Germany raise its GDP pc. during WW2?

Reduce the capita

My grandfather has a French rifle from WW2 for sale on eBay

The description reads "never fired. Dropped once "

How did the Scandinavian countries communicate during WW2?

Norse code

What's Long and Hard and full of seamen?

The Pacific theatre of WW2!

Why WW2 started

Hitler had started WW2 after a breakup with his Polish girlfriend.

She didn't want to see him anymore, so Hitler said,

"Well, I'm Nazi'ing you anymore!"

Hitler was a pretty good leader

He killed a dictator that killed and tortured millions of people that then ended WW2

What does an American ww2 veteran say when you ask him if he wants some tea?

Sherman tanks!

Hitler and the Jew

My grandfather gave me this book when I was younger, It is called The Book of Jewish Humor (or something similar). Here is one of my favorite jokes:
--------------------------------------------------------
During WW2, in Germany, a Jewish man was walking down the street. As ordered by the Nazi's, he was forced to wear a star on his lapel, to signify that he was a Jew.

Meanwhile, Hitler had recently bought a new Mercedes, and was cruising around in his sleek new car. As he went down the street he decided to put his new car through its paces, and pushed the pedal to the floor. He was going faster than any other car on the road, and his protection detail had given up trying to follow him. All of a sudden, his car hit a puddle, and Hitler lost control. As he careened off the road, he narrowly missed hitting the Jewish man, and instead ran into a building.

The Jewish man, seeing the car crash ran to the scene, and quickly freed Hitler, who had been trapped under his car. The instant he saw who it was, he gasped, and took a step back.

Hitler, seeing the man who rescued him quickly went over and said
"Thank you so much for saving my life! I don't care if you are a Jew, you have rescued me and can have anything that you want, just name it!"

The man thought for a little while, and after a long pause said "Please, don't tell anyone..."

Japan was devastated when the US bombed them in WW2

But everything is Okay-nowa

A grandfather tells his grandchild one of his stories from WW2

Grandfather : "Our squad was once captured by the enemy, half of us were raped, the other half got brutally killed."

Grandchild : "Which half were you part of grandpa' ?"

Grandfather : "Pfft, is that even a question ? Obviously the latter !"

TIL That there was a German warship during WW2 that accidentally sunk 34 friendly submarines.

In history class we got to read on a WW2 topic of our choice. I chose the Manhattan Project.

I heard it was the bomb.

An Irish, a British, and American soldiers...

...had just helped each other escape from an Axis prisoner camp in WW2 Germany. As they run through the Bavarian forest, they hear alarms sounding, and soon afterwards, they hear dogs barking and guards yelling to each other.

The barking and yelling gets louder and louder, and the escapees realize that they'll be caught if they keep on running, and decide to take cover by climbing up separate trees.

The dogs start circling the tree, and jumping up and down around the trunk on the very tree the American has climbed. The guards shout "Come down or we'll shoot!" Thinking quickly, he quickly calls down "who! who!" The German guards say to each other "Das ist eine owl", and call the dogs off.

The dogs follow the trail to the second tree, and the guards call up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Brit calls down "CAW! CAW!!!" The guards say "Ahh. Das ist eine crow".

The guards follow the dogs to the third tree where the Irishman had climbed. Again they called up "Come down or we'll shoot!" The Irishman thought for a moment and then called down "Moo! Moo!"

***NOT MINE: ** Shamelessly stolen from an Irish joke book I had as a kid. Yes, I am Irish.*

What do you call a story about a WW2 shipyard?

A riveting tale.

"Show me your's and I'll show you mine"... She proceed's to take off her clothes...

...I proceed to show her my WW2 cr38 anti-personnel mine.

My great grandfather once worked in a WW2 aircraft factory.

*"Our factory closed down on account of increased B-24 production"*, he said.

*"Why is that?"*, I asked. *"Did the military favor the B-24 over your aircraft?"*

*"The military hated the B-24!"*, he snapped back. *"It always flew above flak and our Focke-Wulfs couldn't hit them either."*

During WW2, oil shortages forced some countries to start using organic fuels.

Mussolini made the trains run on thyme.

French tanks in WW2 have special features

They have side mirrors so they can see the Germans when escaping.

In WW2, what did the Germans have that the Japanese didn't?

Ace pilots.

Take it easy on the anti-semetic jokes.

Take it easy on the jew jokes please. My grandfather died in a concentration camp during WW2.


Apparently he fell off a guard tower during shift change.

Say what you want about WW2

But whoever killed Hitler is my hero.

What would "Jurassic Park" be called if it was filmed during WW2?

Jewrassic Park.

How do you call a german barber during ww2

Herr styler

Apparently nazis have a skewed knowledge of world history

Ask any of them how ww2 went and they say it was all reich.

My grandad accidently bit his own tongue off during WW2

He never talks about it though

Did you know Hitler was a boxer before he started WW2?

He had a mean Reich hook.

What is the highest thing hitler achieved in WW2

His gas bill

We ought to honor all the soldiers who fought in WW2...

Especially the one who killed Hitler.

my grandpa, a ww2 vet, returned from the war with one arm.

we still don't know who's arm this is

In WW2 my granddad broke the enigma code...

machine.

The Outlast Whistleblower DLC actually shares the same plot as WW2

Turn off the gas chamber

What do you call a basketball playing WW2 war veteran

Dunk-Kirk

An old WW2 Joke from Germany

I finally got myself a Hitler portrait. I just don't know if I should hang it or put it against the wall!

Where Did Lieutenant Paul Armstrong Go During The Bomb Strikes In WW2

Everywhere.

What was the German Army's favorite breakfast during WW2?

Luft-waffles.

Latvia in WW2

Latvian man sent to front in Great Patriotic War. No potato, much shooting. Is captured by Germans. Germans send to POW camp. Get own potato as prisoner! But Soviets liberate camp, take all potato. Man dies in Siberia.

A German airman on the air forces during WW2

If you see a white plane, it's American; if it's black it's RAF (Royal Air Force). If you see no planes at all, that's the Luftwaffe.

I was going to buy a new Volkswagen but my Grandpa got angry at me because of what happened to him during WW2. Apparently, during WW2 my Grandpa

had a succession of highly unreliable German cars.

Italy Never Lost WW2

They just switched sides when needed.

During ww2, a wise leader once said

No one actually heared what he said because the shooting sounds were too loud

Interview with WW2 RAF veteran

I(nterviewer): Welcome to the Show, we're here to interview WW2 RAF veteran Johnson about his experience. Tell me, was flying for the RAF difficult?

J(ohnson): Most certainly. I can remember this time I did a reconnaissance and suddenly there's a German fokker behind me, one fokker in front of me and two fokkers to my right!

I: For our viewers who don't know, Fokker was a Dutch aircraft manufacturer which the Germans confiscated.

J: That might be, but those fokkers where flying Heinkels!

How to make Ww2 jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Ww2 to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Ww2? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Ww2 pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes