Wrote Letter Jokes
54 wrote letter jokes and hilarious wrote letter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wrote letter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wrote Letter Short Jokes
Short wrote letter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wrote letter humour may include short wrote jokes also.
- A little boy wrote a letter to Santa stating he wanted a little sister The next day he got a letter from santa saying: Ok send me your mother
- Did you hear about the farmer whose wife left him for a traveling tractor salesman? She wrote him a John Deere letter.
- I wrote letters to all the people I hate, and I burned them. Now I don't know what to do with the letters.
- What is a pirate's favorite letter? The one his wife wrote him before the plague stole her away.
- Wrote Santa A letter asking for a baby brother Wrote Santa a letter asking for a baby brother.
Santa wrote back...
"Send me your mother" - If you think you wrote a great letter, add a footnote at the end which explains Ohm's Law. Then it'll be your P.S. de resistance.
- A friend and I went to a chiropractor exam and we had to unscramble the letters PEINS He wrote SPINE, he's a chiropractor now and I spend all my time on reddit.
- The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter.
- I wrote the perfect joke about OCD... as soon as I get the punchline to have the same number of letters as the set-up, I'll post it for you guys.
- I once fell in love with an English Teacher.... ...I wrote her a love letter and she corrected it.
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Wrote Letter One Liners
Which wrote letter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wrote letter? I can suggest the ones about letter writing and wrote essay.
- Letter to Santa: "Please send me a baby brother" Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother"
- Wrote a letter today. Might move on to numbers tomorrow.
- I wrote a reference letter while high on cannabis I highly recommended him.
- Why was the dyslexic kid sad on Christmas Morning? He wrote his letter to Satan
- To Linkin Park I wrote a letter.. but in the end it doesn't even matter.
- your dad wrote a letter to harambe his pen is out for harambe
- I wrote one letter about myself It's I
Giggle-Inducing Wrote Letter Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about wrote letter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wrote poem jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wrote letter pranks.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn't believe him.
So he sent her a picture of his top half.
A week later his grandma wanted a picture but he accidently sent the bottom half.
Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn't think much of it.
A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn't like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big.
John invited his mother over for dinner one evening.
During the meal, she couldn’t help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was.
She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious.
She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye.
Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said, "I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you’re thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly roommates."
A few days later, Judy went to John and said, "You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can’t seem to find it. You don’t think she would have taken it, do you?"
"I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John.
John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter:
"Dear Mom,
While I’m not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you 'didn’t' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing.
Love, Your son."
Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read:
"Dear John,
While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I’m not saying you 'don’t' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed.
Love, Mom."
An old man lived alone in Tasmania.
He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jase,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I wont be able to plant my potato garden this year; Im just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
For heavens sake, dont dig up that garden, thats where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
At 4A.M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. Its the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Jase.
The Tomato Garden
The Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man's house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie
Pastor and the Housekeeper
In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in
the main rectory. That is reserved for the Pastor and
his housekeeper. One day the pastor invited his new
young assistant pastor to have dinner at the rectory.
While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely
and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his
heart he wondered if there was more between the pastor
and the housekeeper.
After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured
the young priest that everything was purely professional...that
she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor
and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came
for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful
silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do
you?" The Pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write
him a letter."
So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying
you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you
did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
it has been missing since you were here for dinner."
The young assistant received the letter and he answered
it as follows: "Dear Father Pastor, I'm not saying that
you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying
that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do
know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you
would find the gravy ladle."
An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country...
He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
John invited his mother over for dinner.
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
All the single ladles
Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious.
Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates."
A week later, Julie came to Joe and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't seem to find the gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it on accident, do you?"
Joe agreed that it was a reasonable possibility, and wrote a letter to his mother inquiring about the ladle. It read, "I'm not saying you 'did' take the ladle, nor am I saying you 'did not' take the ladle,' but the fact is it's been missing since you came to dinner last week."
Several weeks later, a reply came.
"I'm not saying you 'do' sleep with Julie, nor am I saying you 'do not' sleep with Julie. The fact is if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now."
Don't Despair
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair ~ Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper and wrapped the $100 bill in it Then she got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge w**... of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "*Don't Despair* paid 80-to-1!"
A Christmas Wish
Little Johnny wrote a letter to Santa,
Dear Santa Claus
Please send me a sister for Christmas
Santa wrote back,
Dear Little Johnny
Please send me your mother
100 kisses
A miser wrote a letter to his wife saying that he can't send her money this month, so he sends hundred kisses instead.
She replied a month later saying: Thanks for the kisses, dear, because they helped me a lot. Here's how I spent them: 2 kisses for the milkman, 7 for the grocer, the landlord comes everyday and takes a kiss or two, the butcher and the greengrocer weren't satisfied by the kisses and so I gave them other material, and gave the doorman and the plumber about 40 kisses. I still have 35, and I hope it will last me for the month. I will follow this way for the next months, because it solved many problems for me.
Regards, your loving wife .
Potato Patch
An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred
When I was in school I wrote a paper about how letter grades should be ABCDEF instead of ABCDF.
My teacher gave me an E+ on it.
There was once a little boy.
He wrote a letter to Santa asking for Santa to send him a sister to play with. Santa replied, "Okay, but first you have to send me your mother to play with."
Breaking Up
Did you hear about the farm equipment salesman whose wife wrote him a John Deere letter?
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
Love Letters
My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying
Grandpa. She was in her 2os, and the man she was dating
left for war. "We were in love, " she recalled, "and wrote to
each other every week. It was during that time that I
discovered how wonderful your grandfather was."
Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the
war? " I asked.
Oh, I didn't marry the man who wrote the letters. Your
grandfather was the mailman."
Simple economics
A man travelled to the USA in hopes of bettering his life for him and his family. When he arrived he opened up a furniture shop and a lingere shop.
After 6 months he was doing very well and wrote to his wife:
Dear wife,
Please pack up and come to me in the USA. I have sold 100 matresses and 5000 p**... and have made $100,000
Love your husband
Upon receiving the letter his wife writes back:
Dear husband,
Maybe it is better that you come back home. I have made $3,000,000 with 1 mattress and no p**....
Love your wife
A blind girl wrote herself a letter.
I asked, "what did it say?"
She said, "I don't know, I'm blind."
Mattress and p**...
Ahmed was a family man who worked very hard to take care of his family. Eventually he fell on hard times and decided to try his luck in London leaving back his family.
He toiled hard and eventually made some money. One day he decided to write a letter to his wife:
"Dear Wife, I am sorry that you and others have to endure my absence. I made £10,000 selling 100 mattresses and 1000 p**.... Very soon I'll come back and we will live the life we always dreamed of."
The letter gets to Ahmed's father first and his father wrote back:
"Dear Son, Come back now. Your wife has made £100,000 with a single mattress and no p**...."
Now that our children are getting a little bit older, my wife and I decided we needed to use secret "code words" to indicate when we want to have s**..., so our kids will have no idea what we're talking about...
...so, we decided on the words relating to "typewriter."
This morning, I said to my wife that I wanted to, "type a letter" after breakfast.
My wife responded, "You can't type a letter right now, because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
I gave up, went in to the bedroom to use the computer and after about 2 minutes, my wife slunk in and purred, "False alarm, you can type that letter now."
I blushed and sputtered, "I already wrote the letter by hand."
Farmer and Son
A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.
A man received a letter from some kidnappers
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, "If you don't promise to send us
$100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife."
The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my
promise but I hope you
will keep yours."
I joined a Dating website the other day,
they asked me what i was interested in,so i wrote,
'Page 3 girls, I think they're really s**...'.
I wondered why i hadn't had any responses until i realised the letter 'P' on my keyboard wasn't working
I wrote letters to all the people I hate
I wrote letters to all the people I hate and burned them, and now I don't know what to do with the letters.
Both my mother and father had heart attacks and died after winning the lottery...
I was their only child, so I wrote McDonald's a thank-you letter.
A guy is sentenced to 10 years in prison for m**...
A guy is sentenced to 10 years in prison for m**....
Prior to his incarceration, he worked on a farm helping his father dig and prepare the land for plants.
His father wrote to him: Oh, how I miss when you were here to help me prepare the fields. Now I must do everything alone.
His son wrote back saying Dad, Do not dig those fields. That's where I hid the bodies.
The next day a whole barrage of police officers, detectives and swat units swarmed the field, digging up the whole area looking for the the evidence, but left without finding any bodies.
The son wrote one final letter to his father saying: Sorry dad but that's all I can do from here.
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.
Letter from prison
A father sends a letter to his son in prison: "I will not be able to plant potatoes this year. The fields have not been plowed yet, because you are not here to help out."
The son wrote back: "It's just as well, because the money I stole was buried in the fields."
The next day, the police are at the farm and dugged up the entire land, looking for the money, but found nothing.
The son writes to his father again: "Dad you can go ahead and plant the potatos now, that's the best I can do for you from here!"