wrote Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious wrote puns

My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My girlfriend insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know

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"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

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I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

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I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

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I asked my North Korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea

"I can't complain" he wrote back.

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I wrote the names of everyone I've de-friended onto a piece of paper. But my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint...

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

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Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook.

He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"

I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.

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One guy wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:

"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

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My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"...

But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".

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The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm...

Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure...

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What does the narcissistic cow say?

"Meeeeee!"

I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.

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Doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex

But the wife insists it says its for Dyslexia

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An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

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I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

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My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex

But my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.

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This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

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I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

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Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.

I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

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I wrote a poem.

I dig.

You dig.

She digs.

He digs.

They dig.

We dig.


Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep.

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SMS

I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."

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Son: "I got expelled"

Dad: "How?"

Son: "I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."

Dad: "That's pretty dumb but-"

Son: "Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."

Dad: "Ok?"

Son: "And rub 1 out."

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Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.

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A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister".

Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".

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An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."

His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."

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So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today

I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.

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I wrote a book on penguins...

In hindsight, I realize that paper would have been much easier...

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I wrote a book on penguins once..

Paper probably would've been better!

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I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.

The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

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Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.

He said: "who wrote this bullshit"

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One time, I wrote down so many double entendres...

...I had to rub one out.

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My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex

But my girlfriend keeps saying it says dyslexia

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I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

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I wrote a song about a coal digger having sex with a 15 year old.

I call it 'A Miner in a Minor' in A minor.

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I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph.

He just wrote Thanks.

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Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

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What are the most funny Wrote jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Wrote? Well, here are the best Wrote dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Wrote pick up lines to share with friends.

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