Wrote Jokes
136 wrote jokes and hilarious wrote puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wrote that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Wrote Short Jokes
Short wrote jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wrote humour may include short written jokes also.
- I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.
- I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint. He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.
- My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the lord of the rings trilogy. She's Tolkien in her sleep.
- My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
(Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave) - My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham
- My 8-year-old wrote a dinosaur joke What do you get when you cross a T-Rex and a human?
A T-Rex - I asked my North korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea "I can't complain" he wrote back.
- Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook. He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"
I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand. - My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"... But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".
- The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm... Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure...
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Wrote One Liners
Which wrote one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wrote? I can suggest the ones about write and scribbled.
- I wrote a book on penguins once.. Paper probably would've been better!
- I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It's a step by step guide.
- One time, I wrote down so many double entendres... ...I had to rub one out.
- I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph. He just wrote Thanks.
- I wrote an essay on communism Teacher gave me good Marx.
- I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well it's actually more like a wrap.
- I wrote a poem about communism for my English class I had to share it with everyone
- I dreamt that I wrote the Hobbit the other day Turns out I was just Tolkien in my sleep
- Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book? It was Wei Tu Long.
- If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen... Is it a biography or an autobiography?
- Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit. baseball.bat
- I wrote a book about my car It was an auto-biography
- I once wrote a ballad about a tortilla. Actually, it was more of a wrap.
- I wrote a book about famous pianists It covers all the key players
- I wrote a terrible joke about deaf people. I'm just glad they'll never hear it.
Wrote Letter Jokes
Here is a list of funny wrote letter jokes and even better wrote letter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A little boy wrote a letter to Santa stating he wanted a little sister The next day he got a letter from santa saying: Ok send me your mother
- Did you hear about the farmer whose wife left him for a traveling tractor salesman? She wrote him a John Deere letter.
- Letter to Santa: "Please send me a baby brother" Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother"
- Wrote a letter today. Might move on to numbers tomorrow.
- I wrote letters to all the people I hate, and I burned them. Now I don't know what to do with the letters.
- What is a pirate's favorite letter? The one his wife wrote him before the plague stole her away.
- Wrote Santa A letter asking for a baby brother Wrote Santa a letter asking for a baby brother.
Santa wrote back...
"Send me your mother" - I wrote a reference letter while high on cannabis I highly recommended him.
- If you think you wrote a great letter, add a footnote at the end which explains Ohm's Law. Then it'll be your P.S. de resistance.
- A friend and I went to a chiropractor exam and we had to unscramble the letters PEINS He wrote SPINE, he's a chiropractor now and I spend all my time on reddit.
Wrote Poem Jokes
Here is a list of funny wrote poem jokes and even better wrote poem puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wrote a poem. I dig.
You dig.
She digs.
He digs.
They dig.
We dig.
Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep. - I wrote a poem too. I sneeze.
You sneeze.
She sneezes.
He sneezes.
They sneeze.
We sneeze.
Now I know it's not a very original poem, but it's pretty sick. - My dyslexic son came last in the school pottery contest... He wrote a poem.
- I also wrote a poem, too, too I feel.
You feel.
He feels.
She feels.
They feel.
We feel.
I know I'm not a great poet, but I've been told this is very touching. - I wrote a poem about Saturn... it's not very good, but it does have a ring to it.
- I wrote a poem called "Old Age Pensioner's Underwear". Rose's are red
Violet's are blue
Ethel's are green - My chemistry teacher wrote me a heartfelt chemistry poem: Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, Potassium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium.
- I wrote a poem I dig
You dig
She digs
He digs
They dig
We dig
Okay so it's not the best poem, but it's very deep! - I Dig I wrote a poem, hope you like it:
I Dig.
You Dig.
They Dig.
We Dig. - My dyslexic daughter came last in her class pottery contest... She wrote a poem.
Wrote Essay Jokes
Here is a list of funny wrote essay jokes and even better wrote essay puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wrote an essay about American Patriotism Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'
- I wrote a college paper about government agencies slowly encroaching on internet privacy. It's called "NSA: An Essay."
- An essay on cricket match Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!! - I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible. I had to do a lot of cross referencing.
- Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay? He had served his sentence.
- I wrote an essay on whales once, but I got a bad mark. Didn't have the proper cetaceans.
- Airplanes I wrote an essay once. It was about airplanes.
My Teacher asked wheres the answer to the question?
I said It Is In Plane Sight. - I wrote an essay about the Net Neutrality to the FCC but this error comes up when I try to send it...
- To the 20 year old girl who wrote an essay claiming she is too pretty to be allowed to lead a normal life:Same.
Poe Wrote Jokes
Here is a list of funny poe wrote jokes and even better poe wrote puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wrote a silly comment about Poe's Law being named after Edgar Allen Poe but for some reason people thought I was serious.
- Why ares a Raven like a writing desk? Because Poe wrote on both.
- Edgar Allen Poe wrote a story about n**... cars in disguise. The mask of a cunty auto.
Uproarious Wrote Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about wrote you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean letter writing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wrote pranks.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily s**....
My girlfriend insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know
"That's not it."
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
Lunch theif
At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.
A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...
I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!
A funny joke indeed
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**...."
Woof
A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."
An Elderly Couple
An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
Last night I dreamt that I wrote 'Lord of the Rings'.
I realized I was just Tolkien in my sleep...
I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.
An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.
The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."
I wanted to major in reverse psychology.
My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their s**... program. They sent me a diploma.
My little sister's sick burn
She's 7, which makes this so much better.
Her: Hey /u/Teeplaysgames, wanna know why Mom named Noah (our brother) Noah?
Me: Sure, why?
Her: Because the first time she saw him, she yelled "NOO! AHHHH!" and the doctor just wrote that down.
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
Not proof-reading ruins lives
A husband wrote the following to his wife: "I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
I wrote a song about a coal digger having s**... with a 15 year old.
I call it 'A Miner in a Minor' in A minor.
I always wanted to tell jokes...
I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.
So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today
I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.
My friend wrote a crossover of Dukes of Hazzard and Knight Rider
It was good, General Lee speaking.
I Went To The Patent Office.
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She s**... and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
Limericks by Jenny
There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex
But my girlfriend keeps saying it says dyslexia
What does the narcissistic cow say?
"Meeeeee!"
I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.
Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.
I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email
My 8 year old son wrote this...
What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?
A poultry-geist.
Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.
He said: "who wrote this b**..."
Doctor wrote me a prescription for daily s**...
But the wife insists it says its for Dyslexia
I think i just wrote a joke out of my pathetic love life while fixing supper and here it goes. What does a bachelor eat the most?
Balonely sandwiches.
A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister".
Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".
Son: "I got expelled"
Dad: "How?"
Son: "I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."
Dad: "That's pretty dumb but-"
Son: "Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."
Dad: "Ok?"
Son: "And rub 1 out."
On my way for the latest Porsche presentation..
the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo.
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.
I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".
I didn't bother leaving a tip.
My friend just wrote "I love my girlfriend <3" on his status
I know he likes them young, but that's just f**... ridiculous
I almost bought a pen because it wrote underwater, but the biggest selling point for me was...
It wrote thousands of other words!
I recently wrote a book about poltergeists
and I'm pleased to say it is flying off the shelves.
Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases
One kid wrote:
1. h**..., AIDS
2. Cancer
3. /
The teacher asked what's '/' ?
Student replied it's a s**....
Farmer and Son
A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.
I wrote a book on penguins...
In hindsight, I realize that paper would have been much easier...
SMS
I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."
o**... wrote on his FB status:
"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"
I wrote Will you marry me? on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.
Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took at a card and wrote Revelations 3:20 on the back of it and stuck it to the door.
When the offering was taken the following Sunday, the pastor found his card had been returned. Along with the verse he had written, he found another cryptic message: Genesis 3:10 .
When he checked his Bible to discover what this could mean, the pastor began to chuckle.
Revelations 3:20 reads behold, I stand at the door and knock . Genesis 3:10 says, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**....
I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He is now high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
My daughter thinks I don't respect her personal boundaries
Or at least that's what she wrote in her diary
Don't give me excuses, I wrote the book on excuses!
Well, I started to, I mean, Its hard, and I got a lot to do...
I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.
Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:
"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."
For f**...'s sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!
Oldy repurposed
Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went to Jefferson.
" Tom, you wrote the constitution. Do you have any words for me?"
Another voice said "Be for the people"
As he had always placed himself before everyone, Trump moved on.
He stood before Lincoln and asked " Abe, you are one of the greatest. Can you advise me?"
A new voice drifted by saying
"Go to the Theater"
A father meets his son's teacher.
« Sir, I'm afraid your son is a cheater », says the teacher.
« What? No ! What makes you say that? » responds the father
« Well, in the last math test, he had the same answers as his neighbour. »
« Yeah, that's a math test, duh. There's only one good answer, right? »
« Indeed, but in one of the questions, your son's neighbour answered "I don't know" .»
« So what ? »
« Well, your d**... son wrote "yeah, me neither". »
A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…
She wrote: If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. Her husband texted back: I'm on the toilet, please advise.
A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.
He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.
"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.
A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.
So, at the f**... reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.
A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "Of course, I wrote him a check."
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,
"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
The man who wrote the hokie pokie died recently
They had a real hard time trying to fit him into the coffin though.
It all started when they put his right leg in..
I met Tom Hanks once. He was so rude
I asked for his autograph and all he wrote was thanks.
A guy died and his three friends all owed him $100 each
1st and 2nd friends both put $100 on his coffin and declared repayment even in death. 3rd guy wrote a check for $300 and took the $200 change.
Letter from prison
A father sends a letter to his son in prison: "I will not be able to plant potatoes this year. The fields have not been plowed yet, because you are not here to help out."
The son wrote back: "It's just as well, because the money I stole was buried in the fields."
The next day, the police are at the farm and dugged up the entire land, looking for the money, but found nothing.
The son writes to his father again: "Dad you can go ahead and plant the potatos now, that's the best I can do for you from here!"
One Christmas, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus saying, Please send me a sister.
Santa Claus wrote him back, OK, please send me your mother.
A blind man goes into a bakery, touches the salt croissant and says...
...WHICH IDIOT WROTE THIS b**... ON IT!?
