The Best 86 Wrote Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Wrote jokes. There are some wrote whiteboard jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these wrote journal puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Wrote Jokes and Puns

My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My girlfriend insists that it says dyslexia but what does she know

"That's not it."

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.

Now he's high on my list of people I never want to see again.

Wrote joke, I wrote the names of everyone I've unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rol

Science Joke

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."

Lunch theif

At work, I constantly found my lunch to be missing from the lunchroom fridge. I decided to get back at this thief, so I began making two lunches; one with a very strong laxative, and the other without. I hid my regular lunch towards the back of the fridge, wrote my name on both of these bags. Needless to say, weight gain and terrible diarrhea are bad ways to discover I have Alzheimer's.


A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg...

I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!

I wrote a book on penguins once..

Paper probably would've been better!

Wrote joke, I wrote a book on penguins once..

A funny joke indeed

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

Middle Earth Dreamer

A man is concerned about his dreams and goes to see a doctor.

"Doctor, I've been having these dreams about Middle Earth every night and when I wake up, I'm convinced that I wrote The Lord of the Rings!"

The doctor tells the man, "Don't worry about it, you're just Tolkien in your sleep."

So I met a Jewish girl at the bar last night...

She asked me for my number so I wrote it on her arm. Haven't heard from her since...

Woof

A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."

You can explore wrote script reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean wrote marker dad jokes. There are also wrote puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I saw Tom Hanks today so I asked him for his autograph.

He just wrote Thanks.

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

My doctor wrote me a prescription for "dailysex"...

But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for "dyslexia".

Last night I dreamt that I wrote 'Lord of the Rings'.

I realized I was just Tolkien in my sleep...

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.

The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

Wrote joke, I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

My little sister's sick burn

She's 7, which makes this so much better.

Her: Hey /u/Teeplaysgames, wanna know why Mom named Noah (our brother) Noah?

Me: Sure, why?

Her: Because the first time she saw him, she yelled "NOO! AHHHH!" and the doctor just wrote that down.

Why God never got a PhD

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.


Potato Patch

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, Fred

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Fred

Not proof-reading ruins lives

A husband wrote the following to his wife: "I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

I wrote a song about a coal digger having sex with a 15 year old.

I call it 'A Miner in a Minor' in A minor.

I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

So I was asked the past tense of 'think' in a English test today

I thought and thought and thought and finally wrote 'thunk'.

My friend wrote a crossover of Dukes of Hazzard and Knight Rider

It was good, General Lee speaking.

I wrote a poem.

I dig.

You dig.

She digs.

He digs.

They dig.

We dig.

Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep.

I Went To The Patent Office.

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle."

She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"A folding carton."

"What do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny

Whose limericks were not worth a penny.

Oh, the rhyme was all right,

And the meter was tight,

But whenever she tried to write any,

She always wrote one line too many!

My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex

But my girlfriend keeps saying it says dyslexia

A little boy wrote a letter to Santa stating he wanted a little sister

The next day he got a letter from santa saying: Ok send me your mother

What does the narcissistic cow say?

"Meeeeee!"

I wrote this.
I'm now a comedy writer.
You are welcome.

Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president.

I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

My 8 year old son wrote this...

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea.

He said: "who wrote this bullshit"

One time, I wrote down so many double entendres...

...I had to rub one out.

Doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex

But the wife insists it says its for Dyslexia

Do you know about the Chinese author who wrote a million page book?

It was Wei Tu Long.

I think i just wrote a joke out of my pathetic love life while fixing supper and here it goes. What does a bachelor eat the most?

Balonely sandwiches.

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister".

Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".

Son: "I got expelled"

Dad: "How?"

Son: "I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."

Dad: "That's pretty dumb but-"

Son: "Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."

Dad: "Ok?"

Son: "And rub 1 out."

On my way for the latest Porsche presentation..

the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
Best regards from Guantanamo.

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."

His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

My friend just wrote "I love my girlfriend <3" on his status

I know he likes them young, but that's just fucking ridiculous

If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen...

Is it a biography or an autobiography?

I asked my North Korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea

"I can't complain" he wrote back.

I almost bought a pen because it wrote underwater, but the biggest selling point for me was...

It wrote thousands of other words!

The other day I got pulled over by a cop. When he walked up, I pulled out my 9mm...

Once he stopped laughing, he wrote me up for indecent exposure...

I recently wrote a book about poltergeists

and I'm pleased to say it is flying off the shelves.

Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases

One kid wrote:

1. HIV, AIDS
2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.

Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook.

He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"

I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.

I wrote a song about a tortilla.

Well it's actually more like a wrap.

Farmer and Son

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank
This year, I can't plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field."
The son wrote back, Papa, don't dare plow the field That is where I hid the money I stole.
The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, Now you can plant your potatoes.

I wrote a book on penguins...

In hindsight, I realize that paper would have been much easier...

SMS

I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."

Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit.

baseball.bat

One guy wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:

"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

I wrote Will you marry me? on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.

I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, and my roommate used it to roll his joint.

He is now high on my list of people I never wanna see again.

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took at a card and wrote Revelations 3:20 on the back of it and stuck it to the door.

When the offering was taken the following Sunday, the pastor found his card had been returned. Along with the verse he had written, he found another cryptic message: Genesis 3:10 .

When he checked his Bible to discover what this could mean, the pastor began to chuckle.

Revelations 3:20 reads behold, I stand at the door and knock . Genesis 3:10 says, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked.

I wrote down the names of everyone I dislike on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.

He is now high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

I dreamt that I wrote the Hobbit the other day

Turns out I was just Tolkien in my sleep

My daughter thinks I don't respect her personal boundaries

Or at least that's what she wrote in her diary

Don't give me excuses, I wrote the book on excuses!

Well, I started to, I mean, Its hard, and I got a lot to do...

I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:

"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."

For fuck's sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

Oldy repurposed

Trump was feeling the pressure of the office and stood before the protraits of our greatest leaders.
Looking at Washington, the Donald said:
"George, you were the first. Can you give me some advise?"
A ghostly voice replied
"Tell the truth"
Trump knew that wouldn't work, so next went to Jefferson.
" Tom, you wrote the constitution. Do you have any words for me?"
Another voice said "Be for the people"
As he had always placed himself before everyone, Trump moved on.
He stood before Lincoln and asked " Abe, you are one of the greatest. Can you advise me?"
A new voice drifted by saying
"Go to the Theater"

My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?

Because he took a leek!

(Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)

A father meets his son's teacher.

« Sir, I'm afraid your son is a cheater », says the teacher.

« What? No ! What makes you say that? » responds the father

« Well, in the last math test, he had the same answers as his neighbour. »

« Yeah, that's a math test, duh. There's only one good answer, right? »

« Indeed, but in one of the questions, your son's neighbour answered "I don't know" .»

« So what ? »

« Well, your dumbass son wrote "yeah, me neither". »

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message…

Β She wrote: If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you. Her husband texted back: I'm on the toilet, please advise.

A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.

He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.

"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.

A wealthy billionaire dies, and his final wish is to be buried with his money.

So, at the funeral reception, the widow is speaking with guests when the matter of the billionaire's last wish comes up. The widow confirms that she honored her late husband's request.

A friend says to the widow, "You really buried him with billions of dollars?!", and the widow replies, "Of course, I wrote him a check."

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:

This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.

My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy.

She's Tolkien in her sleep.

The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"

Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.

The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.

A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.

The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,

"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

The man who wrote the hokie pokie died recently

They had a real hard time trying to fit him into the coffin though.

It all started when they put his right leg in..

I wrote a joke about how crappy the post office is and mailed it to my dad.

He didn't get it.

7 years on reddit and all I got was this joke

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Wow, ty reddit for this lyrical blast, left me smitten with the bot that wrote it to me.

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

I wrote a bot script to get past website security

So far its managed to evade captcha

My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

I met Tom Hanks once. He was so rude

I asked for his autograph and all he wrote was thanks.

I had a speeding ticket dismissed by a judge who knew his physics

The cop wrote down my location, so I told the judge if he knew where I was, he couldn't possibly measure my velocity.

David Benioff and Dan Weiss wrote this joke for the loyal viewers of the Game of Thrones series

Season 8

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the wrote read jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working wrote compose piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes