Wrist Watch Jokes
37 wrist watch jokes and hilarious wrist watch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wrist watch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Wrist Watch Short Jokes
Short wrist watch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wrist watch humour may include short wristwatch jokes also.
- I've been watching women's beach volleyball, and just ten minutes into the game there's already a wrist injury. Gonna have to use my other hand.
- I was watching women's volleyball during the Olympics and there was already a wrist injury But don't worry, I should be fine by Monday.
- Call me a luddite, but I feel the need to be vigilant about having too many connected devices. Google accessing biometrics via wrist wear? Not on my watch.
- When I'm bored I love seeing how many different watches I can strap onto my wrists. I have too much time on my hands.
- They make wrist watches, and pocket watches. I finally figured out why they don't make belt buckle watches: It's a waist of time.
- I was enjoying myself at a party when I noticed a few flies wearing wrist watches Time flies when you're having fun
- I want to open a clock shop... The commercials will say:
"I sell some of the finest wrist timepieces around. Don't believe me? Just watch." - I used to be a police officer... A guy came up to me when I was patrolling a street and asked if he could urinate between my wrist and elbow.
I said "Not on my watch." - I heard that they are finally making a movie about why someone made the first wrist watch... ...It's about time!
- "Its a little bit funny, This feeling inside!." Sorry Elton, i forgot to take my wrist watch off.
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Wrist Watch One Liners
Which wrist watch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wrist watch? I can suggest the ones about wrist and pocket watch.
- Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist. I regretted it literally one minute later.
- I asked a police man if I could pee on his wrist. He said Not on my watch
- My friend Craig gave me his watch... I tell people I got it off Craig's wrist.
- What did the guy with no wrists say? Not on MY watch!
- What does a obese person keep on their wrist? A Weight Watch.
- What do you say when someone sits on your wrist? Not on my watch!!
- Why don't cats wear wrist watches? Because for cats...the time is always meow.
- What has two hands and a face but does not speak? The watch on the wrist of a dead mime.
Wrist Watch Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about wrist watch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smart watch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wrist watch pranks.
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not.
Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does.
He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?"
The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits)
The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
I sat next to a man on the park bench.
He had 9 watches on one wrist and 5 in the other. I said man "you sure do have a lot of time on your hands."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"The watch"
My dad just reminded me of this old classic!
Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks "Have you got the time?" Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolitan areas. He hits a few b**... and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more b**... and the same voice said something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all," says Jake. He pushes a few more b**... and a tiny but very hi-resolution, map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains Jake. "View recede ten," Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs, says the inventor. "But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books," though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake. "I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than -" "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not -" "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK," he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute," calls Jake after the stranger, who turns around warily. Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... s**...
Cletus, a seven-year-old h**..., comes up to his dad one day and says, "Daddy, what's s**...?'
The dad says, "Why Cletus! You're all of seven years old, and you don't know what s**... is?"
Cletus drops his eyes and says, "No, I shorely don't."
The dad says, "C'mere, young'n." Takes him by the wrist and into their shack, where the mom is passed out on the couch from drinking corn liquor all morning.
The dad lifts up her threadbare calico dress, points, and says, "See that hole twixt yer mammy's legs?"
"Yes."
"Well, watch this." He drops his pants, gets on, and starts boning the mom.
Cletus is watching, wide-eyed, and his sister, five-year-old Lu Ella, comes in, gasps, and says, "Cletus! What're they doin'?"
"Having s**...."
"What's s**...?"
"Why Lu Ella! You're all of five years old, and you don't know what s**... is?"
Lu Ella drops her eyes and says, "No, I shorely don't."
Cletus says, "See that hole twixt Daddy's legs? Watch this!"
I got tired of wearing my watch on my wrist..
So I tried attaching it to my belt instead.. man, that was a real waist of time.
A man was walking in a park..
when suddenly he noticed his watch wasn't on his wrist. While looking for it, he saw a man stepping on what seemed to be his watch, while simultaneously making fun of a fat kid. So he punched the man square in the face. "No one makes fun of fat kids" he said, "not on my watch".
An owner of a peanut package factory walks in to find a dead body and calls the cops.
The owner nervously watches as the cops arrive, they walk in, stand around the body and whisper quietly. One of the cops points out a small bracelet on the man's wrist and the other cop nods in agreement. The cops begin to leave when the owner speaks up.
What's happening?
It's nothing, just an allergy. This happens all the time, the first cop says.
But someone died, the owner replies.
The second cop retorts Yeah, it's just another nut case.
An American, a Frenchman and a Romanian were flying together
– Now we're in America, said the American proudly. Look, the Statue of Liberty!
After several hours, the Frenchman says:
– Now we're in France! Look, the Eiffel Tower!
After some more couple of hours, the romanian says:
– We are in Romania.
– How did you realize that? It's dark outside.
– My wrist watch has disappeared
Why did the scientist drop a wrist watch into his flask?
He was looking for a timely solution.
I rocked up to a party the other night and was having a great time.
I got a bit tipsy and looked down at my wrist, my watch was missing. So off I go out the front to see if I dropped it. I get out there and I see this drunk guy screaming at his gf, I look down and he's crushing my watch under his foot. I ran straight over and punched him out cold. You don't mistreat your gf, not on my watch.