Wrench Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Found this joke online thought I'd share it

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.


His second friend says, I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.


Paddy says, I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.


Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.


No, I'm serious, Paddy says. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.

This is Hammer, this is Screwdriver, this is The Wrench...

You know The Drill.

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length."

2 engineers v/s a Blonde

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.

A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

What did the wrench from New York say to the guy who kept interrupting him?

Hey, I'm torque'in over here!

A hammer is introduced to the members of a new toolbox,

The Hammer sees his old friend and the Wrench giving the tour says:


You know the drill but do you know the screwdriver?

Ray and Bob, two government maintenance guys

were standing at the base of a flagpole looking up. A woman walks by and asked what they are doing.

We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole said Bob, But we don't have a ladder.

The woman said, Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox. She loosened a few bolts and then laid the flagpole down.

She then took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement and announced, Eighteen feet and three inches and walked away.

Ray shook his head and laughed, Well ain't that just like a 'Miss-know-it-all' woman? he said, We need the height and she gives us the length!

Ray and Bob are still working for the government. But now they're congressmen.

a sad short wrench walks into a bar

and asks for a beer

the bartender asks why is he so sad.

and the wrench replies "can you leave me alone, i don't want to torque"

I once had sex without having to pay for it.

That's when the pimp broke my hands with a wrench.

I was packing up for vacation

When my wife yelled from down stairs "YOU BETTER NOT BE TAKING EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK". I yelled back "thanks for reminding me i will go get the wrench"

What is the bolt's favorite sauce?

Wrench dressing

When I realised I'd lost my favourite spanner...

It was a real wrench

My local hardware store was closed, so I travelled 2 hours for a wrench

Now I'm reaching new Lowe's.

Bush Senior broke his neck

He was trying to show Jeb Bush how to dodge wrenches, hey Jeb if George can dog a shoe then I can dog wrench!

What did the allen wrench say to the IKEA furniture?

Screw you!

What kind of dressing did the mechanic use on his salad?

Wrench dressing.

What does a wrench and a prostitute have in common? [NSFW]

They both take one nut at a time

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace...

Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass on the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.
One day the mechanic was working on a car in the backyard and dropped his wrench, losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day.
That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked toward the heavens and proclaimed,
"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!

Helping Grandpa

I was working on a Natural Gas pipe in the kitchen when my two granddaughters
came up to see what was going on. The Three year old sat in my lap and her four
year old sister sat on the floor across from us. They marveled as I gave a fine turn
on the gas valve with a large pipe wrench.

As I opened the valve, I explained to the girls I needed to purge the gas line of any
air . They squinted and shyed away from the noise and blast as the gas blew past us.

Grandma looked over the counter and asked Are you girls helping Grandpa?

After a course of yes the three year old explained Grandpa pulled on the pipe and
now it stinks. It smells just like Grandpa when you pull his finger.

What are the funniest wrench jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Wrench? Well, here are the best Wrench puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Wrench pick up lines to share with friends.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Joko Jokes