Wreck Jokes
82 wreck jokes and hilarious wreck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about wreck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're in the mood for some lightheartedness to relieve your stress, then check out this hilarious collection of "wreck" jokes! From car wreck puns to gags about bike crashes and train derailments, this article has it all. You won't want to miss the jokes referencing Wreck-It Ralph and even a few about paramedics and wreckers. So, come laugh it up with these jokes about all sorts of "wrecks"!
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Funniest Wreck Short Jokes
Short wreck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The wreck humour may include short ruin jokes also.
- An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!
I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile. - You hear what happened when the triangle tried to make all its angles 90 degree? Didn't end well, I hear it's a wrecked angle now.
- Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them. Then I wrecked his sandcastle.
- Guy gets into a car wreck with a midget driver Midget steps out of his car, walks over to the other guy with a scowl and states, "I'm not happy."
Guy responds. "So which one are you?" - What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a saturn Ion? An Accordion.
...I'll, uh, see myself out. - What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident? a wrecked angle
(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out) - My wife told me that I should be more in touch with my feminine side… …so I went out and wrecked the car…then I got mad at her for the way she looked at me, 4 years ago.
- What do you get when you cross miley cyrus with an alligator? A caiman like a wrecking ball.
- I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars. It was an auto body experience.
- What do you call it when your shower tiles are cracked and don't repel water the way they should? A wrecked tile dysfunction.
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Wreck One Liners
Which wreck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with wreck? I can suggest the ones about rubble and crash.
- Ohio is stealing my life story A series of train wrecks in an already depressed area
- What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
- Do you know what two words can wreck a man's life? I do.
- What is at the bottom of the Bermuda triangle? A wreck tangle
- What happens when you let dinosaurs drive? You get tyrannosaurus wrecks.
- What's black, and breaks into houses? A wrecking ball
- What do you call it when two Nissan Cubes get into an accident? A wreck-tangle.
- Which dinosaur is the worst driver? T-Wrecks
- Got in a car wreck while reading a church sign today... ...the Son was in my eyes.
- Why did the guy who never crashed his car get pulled over? Wreck-less driving
- What happens when an angle gets itself into a car wreck? The angle becomes a rectangle
- Wreck-it-Ralph is called Pack-it-Stan in India.
- Two squares crashed into each other, it was a wreck-tangle.
- What do an angry parent and a car wreck have on common? They can both be a rear-ender.
- I named my car Your Mom. I wrecked Your Mom last night.
Wreck Ralph Jokes
Here is a list of funny wreck ralph jokes and even better wreck ralph puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Disney are changing the title for Wreck It Ralph 2...
- What's Wreck-It Ralph's favorite meal of the day? WRECKfast
Train Wreck Jokes
Here is a list of funny train wreck jokes and even better train wreck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a situation where a train wreck is happening right in front of your eyes and you can't do anything about it? Donald Trump
- What do you get when you cross a celebration and a train wreck? Someone crashed the party.
Car Wreck Jokes
Here is a list of funny car wreck jokes and even better car wreck puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad told me about a town that had a lot of car wrecks and their population was dwindling quickly.
The people had an issue with pulling out too early. - Did you hear that Robert Plant got in a car wreck? Now he's Robert Vegetable.
- Was that the sound of a head-on collision between two cars? "Co-wrecked."
- I got a new car that tells jokes, but I wrecked it We were crossing this intersection, and the car said, "Stop me if you've heard this one."
- Why is black ice more dangerous than white ice? Because it's harder to see against dark colored pavement and therefore causes more car wrecks.
- What happens to your car insurance if you don't notify them that you've wrecked a car? I don't know, but it's not wreck-amended.
- My friends told me the other day I try too hard at dark jokes. Just kidding, they died three years ago in a car wreck.
- My dad sold his car to a man in a wheelchair The guy wrecked it because he couldn't keep his foot off of the gas.
- Did you hear about the family of squares that had a terrible car accident? When the medics arrived they were nothing but wrecked-angles.
- How do Brits prevent car wrecks? The anti-oxidants in tea!
Comical Wreck Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about wreck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean junk jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make wreck pranks.
In line at Heaven's Gate.
A Lutheran, Muslim, and a Jew die in a car wreck together and end up in line at the Gate to Heaven together.
The Lutheran walks up and Saint Peter asks his religion and then checks his books and says, "Lutherans: room 11, but be very quiet going past room 4."
The Muslim walks up and Saint Peter tells him, "Muslims: room 8, but be very quiet when you pass room 4."
The Jew steps up and is told to go to room 6 and to be quiet passing room 4. Curious, he asked Saint Peter why everyone has to be quiet passing room 4?
Saint Peter says, "Room 4 is Catholics, they think they are the only ones here."
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
I have a German friend named Yosef.
I have a German friend named Yosef. He's a fragile guy, and if you play with him you have to constantly check to make sure he's ok.
You have to check Yosef before you wreck Yosef.
A man, a dog and a pig are in a boat...
Lost at sea, they wreck the boat and swim to a deserted island. Stranded there for months with little to do, the man begins to get urges and becomes oddly attracted to the pig. The man tries to mount the pig one day and out of no where the dog runs up and bites the man. Two days later, the man tries again. Again, the dog bites the man. The dog is not letting this happen. This continues to happen and suddenly, the man hears a cry from the water and sees a woman struggling as her boat is also wrecked and sinking. He quickly swims out to save the woman and brings her ashore. As she collects herself, she says to the man, "Thank you so much for saving my life! If there is anything I can do for you, and I mean anything, it will be done!" The man replies, "Can you take that dog for a walk?"
Two men get into a car wreck...
Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."
Monkey Business
Cop shows up to a bad car wreck.
Car flipped over, family of four dead.
Cop sees a monkey hopping around trying to get his attention.
He asks the monkey, "Were you in this wreck with the family?"
Monkey shakes his head yes.
Cop asks, "What were the two kids doing at the time?"
Monkey pretends he's fighting with someone.
Cop says, "Ah, kids were fighting. And what was the mother doing?"
Monkey looks over his shoulder pretending to be yelling.
Cop goes, "Ah, yelling at the kids. And what was the father doing?"
Monkey pretends he's drinking.
Cop goes, "I see, he was drinking, hmm."
The cop gets up and is about to walk away, then turns to the monkey and says, "By the way, while all this was going on, what were you doing?"
Monkey pretends he's driving.
Why don't Germans play games with new players?
Because they don't want to wreck Danubes.
Before you wreckyourselfvakia
Czechoslovakia
Did you hear about the ship wreck survivor that rode a dolphin to safety?
He said he did it on porpoise.
What do you get when a short bus gets in a wreck?
Mashed potatoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a really n**... wreck on the way to work this morning...
...wish I had had time to pick her up.
I remember that time I had a wreck in my car...
and married her 6 months later.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Big girls are like mopeds
I'll get drunk and wreck them too.
An old biker....
was riding down the highway and got into a wreck. His ol' lady was on the back and got thrown. He asked her if she was alright, and she says "I have an 8 inch gash"...He says "I know that but, are you hurt"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is in a car wreck and is rushed to the ER.
When he wakes up he tells the doctor: "I can't feel my legs!!!"
The doctor replies: "I know, I cut your arms off."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I came accross a terrible car wreck today
after which I was arrested for m**... in public
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Bill Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky after getting caught?
"I told you to lick my e**..., not wreck my election".
DIY advice from Sean Connery
Check your shelf before you wreck your shelf
What Do You Call a Twitchy Boat at the Bottom of the Sea?
A nervous wreck.
I wrecked my motorcycle on my way to work this morning...
I was just two tired.
So my friend told me he needed some help to recognize speech...
I was furious and said, "Are you insane? Why would you wreck it? Don't you like beaches?"
What do you call a public trash compactor?
A wreck center.
A brunette, a redhead, and a Blonde get ran off the road...
Out on the middle of nowhere. The car takes a few tumbles, but they all come away ok. They all start gathering supplies they could find from the wreck.The brunette finds some water bottles, "We won't get dehydrated!". The redhead finds sunblock, "And we won't get sunburnt!". The blonde picks up the car door that fell off during the wreck and starts dragging it along when her 2 friends ask what she's doing. "If it gets too hot, we can roll down the window!".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Before I commit s**... I'm gonna go visit Prague
So I can Czech myself before I wreck myself
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Republican Party
What a train wreck.
I've been in 7 wrecks this year and still alive , God has a plan for me
Yeah , a plan to kill me !!!
My buddy Jacob is a bad driver
So Jacob got in a bad wreck. His car was totaled. The other car was totaled. He stepped out of his car and went to check on the other driver. He was fine.
Jacob said, "this is a miracle. Look at how bad our cars are and we are totally unscathed. Even still. I have this bottle of wine in my backseat which it still unbroken. This surely is a sign. We should toast"
The other man agreed, it was a sign and a toast was in order. So Jacob popped the cork and the other man took a big swig and passed the bottle back. And my buddy Jacob said, "no thanks. I'll wait for the cops to show up first"
Did you hear about the baseball player who was in that terrible wreck?
It was a hit and run.
I am addicted to smashing up ceramic bathrooms.
I have a wreck tile dysfunction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Air Force One gets caught in a storm in the midwest
And crashes. Because most of the roads are out, it takes emergency responders a long time to reach the wreck. When they get there, they see a farmer.
"Did you see the plane c**...?" asked the EMTs.
"Ayup. Sure did. Buried them all too," answered the farmer.
"None of them survived?"
"Well, the president said he did, but you know what a liar he is."
Two Irishmen get in a car accident late at night
The wreck is bad and both cars are totaled but neither driver is injured. After making sure neither is hurt one of the men goes back to his car and pulls out a bottle of whisky and offers it to the other man saying thank god neither of us were hurt, have a shot to celebrate . The other man gratefully takes a big swig and passes it back. The first man caps the bottle and starts to put it away when the other says aren't you going to have one? He says no, I'm gonna wait for the police to get here .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"My sister went on a c**... diet"
It's probably why she looks like a wreck
A man was filling his car up while drinking beer and later crashed
A forensic scientist, cop, and mechanic head to the wreck to determine the cause.
*"He was poisoned!"* said the scientist.
*"No! This was simply a case of drunk driving."* replied the cop.
*"You're both wrong! He crashed because he filled the gas tank with booze."* exclaimed the mechanic.
Suddenly, a voice echoed from behind them.
*"I'm the gas station owner and you're all half right. That wasted idiot drank pure gasoline while pouring beer into his car."*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know...
An AGM guided missile has an e**... big enough to wreck several decks on a warship?
Anyways, I got dishonorably discharged from the navy
3 jokes instead of 3 layers of cake. Let's go!
What is at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck
Where are all average things made?
The Satisfactory
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats
Enjoy!
Switch Operator
This guy was applying for a job as a switch operator on the railroad. The engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on Track 1?" The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother." The engineer just sat there for a second. "Why on Earth would you call your brother?" "He's never seen a train wreck before."
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit are in a car wreck
They are rushed to the hospital where it becomes clear that the priest and the pastor will need blood to survive. The priest has blood type A, while the pastor has type B. By the grace of God they are saved, as type Os can donate to both.
