Worthless Jokes

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.


ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

You are never worthless

Organs go for a lot on the black market.

You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.

A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"

The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have sex with me? I haven't had sex in 25 years."

The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."

The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"

The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."

My girlfriend told me to go put the toilet seat down...

So I walked in the bathroom, looked at the toilet seat and yelled "you're worthless and no one likes you!"

Never feel worthless!

Your organs are worth thousands.

My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.

When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.ο»Ώ

My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.

I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.

People tell me my pet rock is worthless...

but I think it has sedimental value.

I don't find self-deprecating humor funny anymore.

I guess my sense of humor is as boring and worthless now as the rest of my personality always has been

Girl, are you an ITT Tech degree?

Because you're worthless.

My worthless brother just lives off the government...

I told him not to become mayor

Why is a degree like a condom?

It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.

An artist takes his work to a gallery for the first time.

A well-known art critic happens to be there and spots the painting. He walks over to the young artist.

"Excuse me, would you like my opinion of your painting?"

"Sure," replied the artist.

"Frankly, it's completely worthless."

"I know, but tell it to me anyway."

Never let anyone tell you that you're worthless

Piece by piece, I could make 50,000 dollars off of you on the black market.

I would like to thank President Donald Trump on behalf of my wife...

suddenly the thousands I invested into Canadian dating sites wasn't so worthless after all.

How do you starve a worthless mooch?

By hiding his employment check in his work boots.

A frog walks into a bank...

to get a loan. He waits in line and when the teller calls him he walks up to do his thing.


"Hi, I'm Patty Black, what can I do for you today?" she asks.


He replies, "I'm here to get a loan."


"Well what do you have for collateral?"


"All I have is this antique bronze statuette that I keep on my mantel," he tells her.


She is unsure about what she can do since it seems like a pretty worthless trinket.


"Let me bring that statuette to my manager and see if we can't get you your loan Mr. Frog"


So Patty takes the bronze statuette to her bank manager and tells him the story. There's a frog trying to get a loan and all he has is a seemingly worthless statue.


After hearing her explain the situation the bank manager says without hesitation, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"

I saw my sister sobbing in her room, worried that her Philosophy degree might be worthless in today's job market.

I said, Are you having an existential cry, sis?

So an emo teenager went to grocery store.

He went up to the cashier and said, pointing to his scarred arm

"Hey, can you scan this?"

The cashier then scans the arm, only to say,

"I'm sorry sir, but this item is worthless"

Being an adult, I now realize how wise and correct my father really was...

I am worthless and will never amount to anything.

No matter how worthless you may think you are, just remember; ...

...you are always worth something on the black market.

What are condoms?

Something your worthless fuckup of a father couldn't afford.

If I got 1$ for every geography test I failed

I could finally understand that I live in Europe, where these are worthless

I was going to go as a worthless piece of garbage for Halloween...

...but then I realized I go as that every day of the year.

[new euphemism]: "As worthless as the last sheet on a roll of paper towels"

Worthless

When you know suicide is a sin so you just live every day hoping to get hit by a bus

getting into an argument on the internet is kind of like participating in the special olympics

i could never win either one because i'm a worthless loser

if I had a yen for every time I was racist

I'd be as worthless as an Asian guy.

A couple weeks ago I was feeling really depressed and worthless, but I've really turned it around...

Now I feel worthless and depressed

If you ever feeling worthless,

just remember that Gotham City has a police department.

Floccinaucinihilipilification... easier done than said.

Floccinaucinihilipilification: giving something a value of nothing, and easier done than said...
well that joke was worthless.

I have a violin and a painting made by Stradivarius and Rembrandt, the dealer said they were worthless...

Unfortunately Rembrandt made poor violins, and Stradivarius was no painter.

A man walks up to a taxi

-How much would it cost to drive me to the center?

-5 bucks

-What if my wife comes as well?

-Still 5 bucks.

-Do you see now honey. You ARE worthless.

At an art exhibition a critic approaches the artist

(Critic) Would you like my opinion on this painting? It is worthless.
(Artist) I know. But please share it anyway.

Growing up, my teachers told me I was worthless and would never amount to anything in life.

Being homeschooled sucks.

You know you are worthless when even death rejects you

People who survive fatal accidents are rejected even by the University of Death which has the highest acceptance rate of all Universities.

Only the most worthless people in the world give drugs to kids.

Without eventually molesting them.

At the spelling bee

Spelling bee judge: "Your word is worthless."

Me: "Can you use it in a sentence?"

Spelling bee judge: "I don't know, can you keep a promise for once?"

I put my dog down this morning

I said Benson, you're worthless and will never amount to anything in life. Then I went to work.

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Joko Jokes