worthless Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious worthless puns

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

.. and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

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What costs hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless?

2nd place in a presidential election.

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A fresh artist exhibits his work for the first time...

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "*I know*, but tell me anyway."

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ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.


ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

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You are never worthless

Organs go for a lot on the black market.

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You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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Based on a true story

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her. "

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk! " she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her. "

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Homeless man and a Suicidal Woman.

A woman was standing on the edge of a bridge ready to jump, a homeless man approached her and the woman said "NO! NOTHING YOU CAN SAY WILL STOP ME FROM JUMPING, I AM WORTHLESS!!"

The homeless man replied "Okay, fine. But before you do, will you have sex with me? I haven't had sex in 25 years."

The woman replied "No, you're disgusting."

The homeless man turned and began to walk away when the woman said "WAIT! THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ME OUT OF THIS?"

The homeless man turned, smiled and said, "I'm going to the bottom, if I hurry, you'll still be warm."

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My girlfriend told me to go put the toilet seat down...

So I walked in the bathroom, looked at the toilet seat and yelled "you're worthless and no one likes you!"

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An amateur artist was show casing his work for the first time at a public viewing.

and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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Never feel worthless!

Your organs are worth thousands.

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My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.

When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.

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My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.

I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.

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People tell me my pet rock is worthless...

but I think it has sedimental value.

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Girl, are you an ITT Tech degree?

Because you're worthless.

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I don't find self-deprecating humor funny anymore.

I guess my sense of humor is as boring and worthless now as the rest of my personality always has been

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My worthless brother just lives off the government...

I told him not to become mayor

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Never let anyone tell you that you're worthless

Piece by piece, I could make 50,000 dollars off of you on the black market.

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A young artist puts his first exhibit in an art gallery

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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sounds like her

A serious drunk walks into bar and , after staring for some time at the only woman seated seated at the bar, he walks over and kisses her. She jumps up and slaps him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I sorry I thought you were my wife. You look like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, god damn drunk!" She screamed at him... "Funny," he mutters "you even sound like her."

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I would like to thank President Donald Trump on behalf of my wife...

suddenly the thousands I invested into Canadian dating sites wasn't so worthless after all.

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How do you starve a worthless mooch?

By hiding his employment check in his work boots.

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My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will. When I took them to be valued I was told they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius

Sadly, they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.

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A frog walks into a bank...

to get a loan. He waits in line and when the teller calls him he walks up to do his thing.


"Hi, I'm Patty Black, what can I do for you today?" she asks.


He replies, "I'm here to get a loan."


"Well what do you have for collateral?"


"All I have is this antique bronze statuette that I keep on my mantel," he tells her.


She is unsure about what she can do since it seems like a pretty worthless trinket.


"Let me bring that statuette to my manager and see if we can't get you your loan Mr. Frog"


So Patty takes the bronze statuette to her bank manager and tells him the story. There's a frog trying to get a loan and all he has is a seemingly worthless statue.


After hearing her explain the situation the bank manager says without hesitation, "It's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the frog a loan!"

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So an emo teenager went to grocery store.

He went up to the cashier and said, pointing to his scarred arm

"Hey, can you scan this?"

The cashier then scans the arm, only to say,

"I'm sorry sir, but this item is worthless"

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No matter how worthless you may think you are, just remember; ...

...you are always worth something on the black market.

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What are condoms?

Something your worthless fuckup of a father couldn't afford.

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People treat me like showcase #1 on The Price Is Right

A worthless pile of shit with no car.

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If you ever thought that you are worthless because every idea you come up with turns against you

Just realise that England invented football only to get shit frequently every 4 years on World Cup and every 4 years on EURO.

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What do you call a worthless priest?

holy shit.

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If I got 1$ for every geography test I failed

I could finally understand that I live in Europe, where these are worthless

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Which game of thrones character are you?

if you like these quizzes, you're joffrey, you worthless piece of shit

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So I went to see my psychiatrist...

about my paranoia and I said to him, "doctor, you've got to help me! I feel like everybody hates me and thinks I'm a worthless piece of crap, and that I'm dumb and ugly, and everybody wants me to die." The doctor replied, "Well, can you blame them?"

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I was going to go as a worthless piece of garbage for Halloween...

...but then I realized I go as that every day of the year.

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What are the most funny Worthless jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Worthless? Well, here are the best Worthless dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Worthless pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes